Think aloud
You’ve probably already heard a lot about the no contact rule, but does it work? More importantly, does it work for you and how can you know?
Naturally, the most obvious and positive sign that no contact is working is if your ex contacts you, but it’s not the only one.
The first thing you need to know is that you shouldn’t expect this to happen right away, so try to be patient.
Another thing is that if your ex doesn’t reach out to you, it doesn’t mean that this technique hasn’t worked.
When you cut all contact with your ex, you won’t be aware of what’s going on with them. You should trust the process while staying out of touch with them.
I know that you’d like to know what they’re experiencing emotionally and whether they’re happy or sad without you but it’s best to not contact them.
I’ll tell you what this period of no contact makes them experience, but let me say something else first…
One of the purposes of no contact is for you to focus on yourself. You can’t control your ex’s decisions, but you can control your actions and thoughts.
Those who use the no contact rule for thirty days but don’t hear from their ex afterward tend to make a big mistake. They contact their ex because they expected them to reach out and are only focused on that.
This is a very bad idea that can ruin everything you’ve been trying to accomplish with no contact. Unfortunately, a magical solution or a specific amount of time your ex needs to reach out again doesn’t exist.
After the breakup, you need to go no contact and not break the rule no matter what.
Does the no contact rule work? Yes.
Does it work magic? No, but it’s simply the best option you have and the closest thing to actual magic.
When someone breaks up with you, they don’t want to talk to you. The person who did the breaking up wants to disconnect, while the person who was broken up with wants to reconnect.
This is something that we know for sure and it goes for every relationship, regardless of the specific situation.
As a person who was broken up with, you want to plead and beg just to get another chance. This makes you chase your ex without even thinking about whether it’s a good idea for either of you.
You know what people do when they’re being chased even though they clearly don’t want to be? They run even faster to get further away from the person chasing them.
After the breakup, your ex needs time and space. They need to process their feelings and so do you.
While the two of you are both affected by the breakup, you can’t make rational decisions so easily.
Your ex needs time away from you so that they can let go of the negative feelings toward you that caused them to end things.
At the same time, you need time to let go of your reaction to the breakup that increases your need to be with them.
Does the no contact rule work when you want to make your ex come back? Yes, but it’s only the best option you have to achieve that and not a love potion.
It’s not just meant to get your ex to come back to you, though. Instead of casting a spell on your ex, with no contact, you’re allowing yourself to release yourself from a certain spell too.
You need to be away from them to realize whether you’d even want them back if they reached out. Instead of begging them for a second chance, you’re actually considering whether YOU should give THEM one.
You’re influencing them to want to ask for a second chance, while giving yourself time to not ask for it yourself.
When you were in a relationship, you were blinded by love. Now that you have broken up, you just want to put those rose-colored glasses back on again because you’re in pain without them.
When your ex broke up with you, they essentially asked for space. Even if you don’t agree with their decision, you have to respect it and give them what they asked for.
By acting desperate or insecure, or even begging your ex to stay, you’ll just drive them further away. Unfortunately, the only card you have up your sleeve is the no contact rule.
Does the no contact rule work and how does it make your ex feel? You want them to let go of their negative feelings, so don’t do something that could give them a reason to feel that way about you.
If you appear weak and chase, plead, or beg, you’ll just appear less attractive and less desirable.
When you instead leave them alone, they gain the space and time to start thinking about you differently. They then start missing you.
The longer you stay patient and silent, the more they forget the negative things about you. Rather, they remember all the good times and your good qualities they forgot about during the breakup.
When they experience challenging situations, they remember the support you used to give them.
During this time, you prevent yourself from making terrible post-breakup mistakes, and by not chasing or begging, your self-respect increases.
Inevitably, your ex starts respecting you more and starts to wonder about you, how you are, whether you’ve forgotten about them, and if they could have you back if they wanted.
Whenever you wonder, “Does the no contact rule work?” remember that your ex will surely have those questions on their mind.
By using the no contact rule, you regain power in that relationship. You show your ex that you love yourself more than you love them and don’t really need them.
Ironically, that makes them want you more, and that’s why the no contact rule works both ways.
The person who did the breaking up feels relief afterward, while the person left feels pain. These things make them think differently than they normally would.
After the no contact period, though, the person who did the breaking up finally feels sad that the relationship ended.
On the other hand, the person who was left moves on and can decide whether the relationship is even worth rekindling.
Does the no contact rule work in your case? Here are all the signs:
1. Your ex is active on your social media
After a breakup, your ex will probably avoid you and remove you from their social media accounts.
This could make you want to reach out to them and increase your need to beg.
Instead, you need to stay silent and remind yourself that your ex will check your social media.
They will not want to reach out directly, but won’t be able to resist checking what’s going on with you.
By staying silent, you’re practically forcing them to do that.
Rest assured that they’ll look at your social media profiles, but will you be able to notice it?
If they want to get your attention, maybe they’ll start commenting on your posts or liking them.
This is a clear sign that just being a quiet observer of your life isn’t enough for them.
Don’t reach out to your ex when you notice any of their activity on your social media that could make you want to.
Stick to the no contact rule until they call or text you.
2. You’re focused on yourself
You need time and space to just focus on yourself. The breakup was hard for you and you had to go through certain phases.
You know about anger, denial, bargaining, and depression that people in pain go through before gaining acceptance?
Well, this happens even after a breakup too.
If you’re finally at the point where your priority and prime focus is your own happiness and well-being, it worked!
You indulged in self-love, committed to caring for yourself and improving yourself, which is even more important than getting your ex back at any cost (especially if they used to harm your well-being).
3. Your ex reaches out to you
No contact works both ways. Either it will help you move on entirely or make your ex come back.
If your ex contacts you directly, it’s the clearest sign the no contact worked.
They might send an email or a message, call you, or even talk to you in person.
Unless they contact you with the clear intention of discussing the relationship or the breakup, though, keep it short.
Your ex is not someone you want to engage in small talk so keep the contact to a minimum.
Don’t be the first one to bring up the relationship or the breakup. Play it cool and don’t rush to reply.
Your ex probably doesn’t want to contact you to talk about the relationship or the breakup at first.
They’ll just want to satisfy their curiosity and see how you’re doing.
In reality, they started questioning their decision and missing you but that’s not why they’ll call.
Keep it brief, sound like you’re doing fine, and don’t mention getting back together.
It needs to be their idea if you’ll meet to talk or discuss rekindling the flame.
4. Your ex is more responsive
When your ex starts being more responsive, it’s clear that the no contact rule is working.
This means that they’ll start making repeated attempts to get in touch with you.
They’ll keep initiating contact and respond to your activity on social media.
You may be under the impression that no contact works only when your ex becomes more responsive during it.
Does the no contact rule work if they do? Yes, but it’s even better when your ex becomes more responsive after the thirty days without contact.
This will prove that they genuinely miss you a lot and don’t want to risk losing touch with you again.
If this happens, they’ll be even more responsive than ever before.
You don’t need me to explain how good this will be for your relationship if you do get back together.
5. You think about your ex less
How often do you think about them? After a breakup, we think about our ex almost 24/7 and can’t think clearly.
You might even feel like you won’t be able to move on and that things will never be the way they were.
It’s not all about romantic feelings when it comes to a breakup. When the relationship is over, it’s a big change in your life.
Most people don’t react well to change and just want things to stay the same.
We don’t even understand changes well enough to be aware that they often happen gradually.
You feel like what you’re going through right now will never change. After a breakup, there are a lot of changes that happen that need time to unfold.
At first, you might not notice any difference. Every day you wake up without your ex, that realization makes you not want to get out of bed.
The days seem so long that you don’t realize how little time has passed since the breakup.
It feels like forever to you and you assume it will be the same forever.
After a couple of weeks, though, you notice something that surprises you…
You realize that you woke up and didn’t even think about your ex and you went about your day and they never even popped into your mind until you went to bed.
Fast forward to the near future and you think about your ex only a few times a month.
However, if you begged or chased them, this process would last a lot longer.
Does the no contact rule work? Even just by giving you enough time to deal with a change, it already worked.
6. Your ex asks your mutual friends about you
Do you still have mutual friends after the breakup? If so, they’re very likely to hear from your ex, who wants to find out how you’ve been doing.
Your ex surely thinks about you and wonders how you are.
They might be scared to contact you directly, but they’ll probably try to find out what’s going on with you.
If a mutual friend told you that your ex asked them about you, it’s a great sign. The no contact rule is surely working!
7. You’re not hurting all the time and can enjoy things
Thinking about your ex all the time can be confusing and painful. As I already said, you need time to be able to think about them less often.
Right now, your emotions are wrapped around the breakup and you feel hurt all the time.
After letting no contact do its magic, you’ll start experiencing joy again.
A breakup is something painful that you can’t get over so fast. At first, you just wallow around in self-pity and feel miserable every day.
Eventually, you start experiencing more and more moments when you feel at peace and happy during the day.
You don’t obsess as much about the breakup and enjoy other things that are going on in your life.
With time, you are less and less upset about the breakup and gain energy to focus on something else.
During no contact, try not to just wait for it to be over. Go out with your friends, engage in fun activities, and try to find happiness on your own.
You might not believe this right now, but you’ll notice something after some time.
Besides thinking about your ex less often, you’ll see that you can think about them without getting upset.
While thinking about the breakup used to make you cry at first, now you’ll be able to think about it without it affecting you so much.
Maybe you’ll even start noticing the positive things that can come out of it.
The point is, life has a lot to offer, and it didn’t stop with the breakup.
You’ll be able to live your life again, you just need time to regain that thirst for life after feeling like you’re drowning.
8. Your ex gives you your things back
We often assume that a person won’t give us our stuff back after a breakup if they still care about us.
Somehow, we think that as long our things are at their place, we’ll be there again someday.
Because of this, it might terrify you if your ex contacts you just to return your things.
Imagine hoping that the no contact period will get your ex to reach out to you and they do.
Your heart starts racing, but they just say they want to give you your things back.
This could get you to start begging and forget about the no contact rule and its purpose.
You’ll just end up where you were before no contact and ruin what you achieved with it so far.
That’s not the end because you’ll be able to start over, but it’s better to be prepared.
Know that your ex might reach out during this period just to give you your things back or to ask for theirs.
Don’t let this affect you, because it doesn’t have to mean anything. They might even be using it simply to get in touch with you.
It might even be one of the signs your ex misses you during the no contact period.
They don’t want to miss you so they want to remove all reminders of you.
You know why that is? Because they’re going through a breakup too, even though they initiated it.
You were in a relationship so they surely had feelings for you. Those feelings didn’t just go away because they ended the relationship.
The memories of you and your time together hurt them because they’re not happy it’s over either.
9. You’re able to flirt with others and don’t feel weird about starting to date again
If you focus on yourself, you’ll glow differently. The sense of awareness and confidence you’ll glow with will attract people.
You’ll start noticing that there are plenty of fish in the sea and some of them will even swim right to you.
Someone will eventually flirt with you and you’ll be able to flirt with them.
Eventually, you won’t feel weird about starting to date again.
People often make the mistake of getting involved with someone new right after a breakup. This never turns out well, so it’s a big mistake.
The no contact rule gives you a chance to put your love life on hold.
You give your ex time to come back, but you also give yourself time to be ready for someone new.
Dating again too soon won’t help you move on faster. It will just be unfair to the person you’re dating, your ex, and you.
The emotional commitment you have to your ex doesn’t end when the relationship ends.
You’re not ready to move on right away even if you want to.
In addition, the emotional attachment you have to your ex will influence your choice of a new partner.
You need to get your ex out of your system to be able to build a healthy relationship with someone else.
The no contact rule allows you the time you need to do that and heal naturally.
After the no contact period, you’ll even look forward to dating again. If you start dating again now, you might feel like you’re cheating on your ex.
This way, you give your ex enough time to get back together with you without anyone ‘cheating’.
If they don’t do that, you’ll be aware that you can truly love again.
10. Your ex tries to get back together with you
Naturally, the ultimate sign is if your ex tries to get back together with you, but ‘tries’ is very important here.
It means that they’ll truly put effort into winning you back and getting another chance.
Even if they broke up with you because of something you did, they hurt you by doing so. You were willing to fight for the relationship and they weren’t.
Now they need to show you that you can trust them again. They need to earn a second chance after bailing on you.
What if my ex doesn’t contact me during no contact? They might get in touch afterward, so be patient but don’t put your life on hold.
Your goal is to move on, and, if they decide to come back, not to just welcome them back with arms wide open.
Do you even want them back? Give yourself time to be able to answer that.
If you’re going to get back together, it needs to work this time. After all, if it’s just going to end once more, why go through all that pain all over again?
Learn more about the no contact rule and let it help you in even more ways.
