Think aloud
Does an emotionally unavailable man miss you after the breakup? The shortest answer is yes. But…
Don’t tell me that you didn’t expect “but” in the answer. As you may know by now, emotionally unavailable men will have a hard time falling in love, but once they do, you have them for life. Well, most of them.
Even though he won’t show his love in ways or the amount you will express it, and you may be confused most of the time, emotionally unavailable men are capable of love. And when they love, they love wholeheartedly.
It’s the same when it comes to telling you how much he misses you. He’s going to do it in a sometimes weird way, he’ll send you gifs or opt for other multimedia items, but you won’t hear those words from him. At least not as soon as you expect to.
Breakups are hard for everyone and even though he never planned to include his emotions in the equation, accidents happen. Before we tackle the signs that an emotionally unavailable man misses you, we’ll shortly explain how can you know your ex is a part of this tribe.
Who is an emotionally unavailable man?
So, before we dive deeper into this topic, we’ll define an emotionally unavailable guy, since probably, each one of us has a different definition. He’s not the typical guy next door that will always help you take up your grocery bags and smile at you politely.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s a gentleman and he’ll surely give you a hand, but you won’t feel like he enjoys that, rather he’s doing it out of courtesy. He’s not going to be interested in having a serious relationship and you may even label him as a womanizer.
You won’t be able to read him like an open book and that may make you lose your mind. Because he’s veiled in mystery, he’ll attract you instantly and keep you hooked for a pretty long time. But why do we characterize him as “emotionally unavailable”?
1. He has commitment issues
Once you start talking with him about his life and sharing some things from the past, you’ll notice that the list of his exes is pretty long. However, all those relationships lasted shortly or they were casual. He may tell you that some of them are not even worth mentioning.
Here’s our first sign that he’s emotionally unavailable. It’s obvious that he has commitment issues. Who knows what’s the reason behind it? Maybe he’ll open up one day and tell you about his childhood trauma or past relationship experience that changed him completely.
2. He often withdraws and gets defensive
If you ever started talking with him about his memories and emotions that go hand in hand with them, you’ve probably noticed how he was withdrawing. At a certain moment, he even got defensive. You felt like you were crossing a line that you didn’t know exists.
Try talking about his childhood and relationship with his parents – he’ll change the topic. Ask him how he felt the moment he moved out to college, and he’ll avoid giving you an emotional answer. If you confront him about something silly he did, he’ll get his defenses up. Weird, isn’t it?
3. He’s confused about his feelings for you
When you first met him, he was cold towards you, but you could feel something in the way he looked at you. You knew he was faking it when he said that he asked you on a second date because he was bored. He’ll play games with you, but most of the time it will be completely unintentional.
Emotions are something he doesn’t understand and he’s not sure how to express them. If he’s falling in love with you, that’s going to confuse him completely. Can you remember how did you feel the first time you fell head over heels for someone?
It’s true that we’re all confused at the beginning, you’ve been through that as well, but confusion is his constant state when he’s with you. He wants to open up to you, and at the same time, he’s afraid to be vulnerable.
4. He’s trying hard NOT to connect with you
As we’ve mentioned previously, he’ll do anything in his power NOT to connect with you. An emotionally unavailable guy will never admit he misses you or craves your presence, simply because it’s not in his DNA.
He’ll avoid talking about personal things for as long as that’s possible. But don’t be fooled, he’ll ask you a bunch of questions and keep the conversation going. He simply can’t resist the urge to spend more time with you, even though he’s clearly trying to show he’s not interested in you.
5. He doesn’t know that he’s emotionally unavailable
The saddest part of all, he probably doesn’t know that he’s emotionally unavailable. You may ask how is that even possible? Well, he clearly sees something’s off, but he may think that he’s rather reserved and needs a bit more time to open up.
He found a bunch of reasons why neither woman he dated was good enough for him, but none of them state himself as a problem. If he went through a traumatic experience in his past, he may not be aware of it, or he suppressed it deep down that he even forgot about it.
15 signs an emotionally unavailable man misses you
After “defining” an emotionally unavailable man, it’s time to list all the signs he misses you after a separation. Some of these may be obvious, others, not so much. Even if he didn’t show his emotions during your relationship, you probably felt he loves you.
You did create a strong bond, even though he was resisting in the beginning, but for some reason, you parted ways. Do you miss him? If you do and you’d like to get back together with him, here are the signs he misses you even though he’s not saying it out loud.
1. He offers his help
It doesn’t matter if you guys broke up two days ago or a couple of months ago, he’ll always offer his help. He’ll show up in times when you need him and he’ll be there to support you. Even though you don’t need help with changing the light bulb, for example, he’ll gladly give you a hand.
If you’re having an important exam and he knows a thing or two about the topic, he may offer to show you how to solve some tasks. Let’s say you’ve bought a new shelf and it has to be built from scratch, you don’t have to ask him twice.
No matter if it’s something minor that you can do by yourself or something that you truly need help with, he’ll be there. If you’re sick, he’ll be the first person to bring you warm soup and a bunch of fruit so you could feel better soon. He’ll do little things for you, just to remind you that he still cares.
2. He’s being vulnerable with you
Is he still sharing his thoughts with you? Are you the only person he openly talks with and he told you that multiple times? If he’s being vulnerable with you even though your relationship ended, it’s a clear-cut sign that an emotionally unavailable man misses you.
He’ll be comfortable sharing personal things with you, even his emotions. You may be surprised, especially if he wasn’t a fan of emotional connection in the first place. That means that he trusts you and feels comfortable in your company.
I guess he realized how important the relationship you two shared was for him, and he’s still not ready to give up on it. He’ll try to show you that in his unique way, you just have to learn how to read the signs.
3. He’s contacting you often
He’s reaching out to you through social media, or via text. Maybe he opts for calls from time to time or asks you to video-call him. He’ll check up on you often, only to see how things are going and if you’re doing good.
Trust me, he won’t try to explain the reason why is he doing that, solely because he’s not aware of it either. He can say it’s out of habit, but don’t buy it. We both know that he’s not a man of routine and that he eagerly accepts the change.
Okay, okay, maybe he’ll stick to the same restaurant or pub, but hey, a man has standards and he knows what he wants. In this particular case, he wants you back. If he’s contacting you often, rest assured that he’s actually missing you.
4. He tries to win your trust back
What’s one of the most important aspects of any relationship? Yup, it’s trust. If he misses you, he’ll go out of his way to win your trust back. He’s going to show up for you whenever you need him and let you know that you can confide in him.
By now he learned that he has to give something in order to receive it, so he’ll share some secrets with you (like back in the days when you were together), or ask you for advice. This actually helps him do become more emotionally available and ready for a serious relationship.
He’ll tell you some little secrets, while eventually revealing something bigger. Maybe you won’t be comfortable in the beginning, because it’ll be strange to talk about personal things with your ex. But, he simply wants to know if you miss him, and engaging in deep conversation will give him proof.
5. He’s jealous
You’ll notice the way he looks at you when you’re out, and at those men who are approaching you. It may be easy for him to control his emotions, but his body language and facial expressions will tell you everything you need to know.
If an emotionally unavailable man misses you, he’ll be jealous. He’s well aware of your worth, and even though you broke up, he’s not ready to lose you. Especially when he sees you out there while a bunch of men are flirting with you, and he has to stay distant.
He’s not going to make some jealous scenes, you can be sure about that, but it will eat him up. He’ll reach out to you as soon as possible and maybe even warn someone to stay away from you. This may be a lot of new emotions for him, but it will definitely make it clear that he still cares – with his actions.
6. He wants to fix things between you two
Your relationship ended for whatever reason, but he’s trying hard to approach you again. If you didn’t end it on good terms, he’ll want to fix things between you two and he’ll make sure you’re aware of it. That’s why he’ll do most of the things mentioned on this list.
He’ll reach out to you, offer his help, and even ask to take you out. Don’t freak out, that simply means that, even though he’s one of the emotionally unavailable guys, he misses you a lot. If you want to get back to him, try to balance the mixed signals that he’s sending and give him time to figure things out.
7. He stalks you on social media
Do you notice his activity on your profiles on social media? He’s constantly liking every photo you publish, he comments on interesting articles you share and it feels like he’s just waiting for you to publish a story so he could be the first one to see it.
Talking about active followers, he may also follow those profiles you’re following, or he may double-check (and even follow!) those people who engage in your content. This may be a little scary and you may actually feel like he’s stalking you, but don’t worry, he’s not Joe Goldberg, right?
8. He wants to take you out
When an emotionally unavailable man misses you and wants you back in his life, he’ll be more attentive. He’s going to politely ask you out, and if you accept, he’ll treat you like a princess. He’ll pull out the chair so you can sit, and do his best to convince you that chivalry is not dead.
You get to pick out the restaurant and there is no arguing about the bill. He’ll compliment you all the time and he’ll even notice that you’ve put some eye shadow this time. He’ll order you drinks and start the conversation. It’s going to be easy to keep it going because you’ve always had a lot of topics to discuss.
He’s going to use this opportunity to learn new things about your life and he may try to convince you to get back together. The question is, do you want to?
9. He acknowledges his mistakes
You’re well aware that his ego and self-esteem should not be hurt or even compromised, and it’s not his normal behavior, but he acknowledges his mistakes.
If he’s ready to cross his boundaries for you and do things he never did before, this is a clear-cut sign an emotionally unavailable man misses you. Perhaps he finally realized that the last time he told you that you were overthinking came out too harsh.
He didn’t mean to offend you, and now he’ll genuinely apologize for that. Being able to accept his mistakes and take responsibility for them, shows that he truly has grown as a person and it may be possible that he actually changed.
Take some time to consider and inspect his intentions and if you find out they are absolutely pure, check within yourself if you’re ready to go back with him. If you suspect that he may be faking it, don’t even double-check his words. Leave him for good because he proved that the breakup was a good decision.
10. He’s reaching out to you when he’s at his lowest
Whenever he feels bad, he knows that he can count on you. That’s why he’ll call you when he’s at his lowest. You understand him when no one else does, and he feels safe in your company. He’ll seek your support in times of need.
Maybe he’ll even call you after he drinks a bit more than he should. Don’t blame him. We all look for our safe harbor when we’re in the most vulnerable state. Apparently, you’re his.
He’s going through a tough time because he never felt something so strong for another woman before, and the breakup was devastating. He’s struggling with a lot of emotions that are not familiar to him, so he craves your presence because it all made sense when you were there.
11. He’s asking your mutual friends about your life
If you’ve been in a relationship long enough to have some mutual friends, don’t be surprised when he asks them about your life, because he sure will. Maybe he won’t directly ask you how things are going, but he will definitely approach them.
He’ll ask about your job, your family and especially about your love life. Trust me, if an emotionally unavailable man misses you, he’ll want to know everything about you. However, rest assured that he’ll get the information in the most subtle way possible.
When he reaches out to your (and his) friends, he’ll ask them not to tell you anything and chances are that they won’t, but you’ll notice that they are hiding something. They know he genuinely cares about you because they never saw him this way.
Believe me, if he misses you he won’t be able to continue his life without knowing if you’re good.
12. He’s still your loudest cheerleader
Even though you two broke up, he’s still your loudest cheerleader. He’s the one who pushes you to reach your goals. Yup, he’ll always be there, whether you like it or not. If an emotionally unavailable man misses you, he’ll make sure you know it, but don’t expect him to vocalize it.
Being by your side constantly means that he’s on your mind all the time and you don’t get a chance to forget him. He’ll definitely be the first person you’ll hear rooting for you. Trust me on this one, if he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t bother staying in your life at all.
13. He brings up memories from your relationship
Do you remember how you used to spend summer holidays together for those couple of years that you’ve been together? If you don’t, he’s going to remind you. He’ll bring up memories from your relationship and he won’t give up until you’re playing his game as well.
Maybe I shouldn’t call this a game, should I? He doesn’t mean anything bad with this, rather he’s trying to express his emotions for you. When an emotionally unavailable man misses you and his feelings towards you are genuine, he’ll behave this way.
He’s going to use every opportunity to mention your road trips and adventures, your wrong turns, and those who led you to pieces of paradise here on Earth. There won’t be a single good thing that he’ll forget to mention.
You may be surprised by the number of memories he collected, considering the fact that he was always the one who didn’t care. Bringing up memories from your relationship will make you believe in the opposite.
You’ll be mindblown when he tells you every little detail of your last anniversary together or that camping trip you went on just a couple of days before your split.
14. He’s trying to show you that he has changed
There’s no doubt about it, he’ll try to show you that he has changed. This is not going to be an easy task for him, but he won’t give up. He’ll go out and about just to prove to you that he’s another person.
Persuading you to trust him again will be one of the toughest jobs in his career, but if an emotionally unavailable man misses you, he won’t give up. He realized your worth and he became aware of everything he had while you were by his side. He’s ready to do whatever it takes, just to have you back.
You’d be surprised at how many ways he’ll try to approach you and show you that he’s really serious this time. It’s going to be difficult for you to believe that you should give him another chance, but if you truly care about him, you should do it.
He became the man you need by your side and he decided to change because of you. Please, don’t minimize his efforts. However, if you notice that he’s faking it, don’t ever turn back. Your heart has been broken one too many times, there’s no need to let that happen again.
15. He asks for another chance
When an emotionally unavailable man misses you, he’ll openly ask for another chance. Honestly speaking, yes, this will be his last attempt to save whatever has been left of your relationship.
He’s not playing this card unless he played all others and they didn’t work out the way he hoped. Don’t be surprised if he asks for another chance. After all, you’ve realized that he knows what he’s lost. He was sending you mixed signals while you were in a relationship, and it’s possible he’s doing the same now.
Okay, it’s a bit clearer now that he wants you by his side since he’ll (finally!) open up about his feelings for you. Don’t think that this was a piece of cake for him, on the contrary. Who the hell knows how he managed to vocalize everything? Well, he surely doesn’t.
Are emotionally unavailable men worth it?
There’s no universal answer to this question, so I won’t be able to give you a simple yes or no answer. You’re the one who makes a decision. Is your emotionally unavailable ex worth all of the problems you may encounter down the road?
If your answer is no, then you know what you have to do. Dismiss every attempt he has towards winning you back and live your own life without him in it. Don’t give him another chance and simply walk away from him.
This may make him chase you a bit more, but if you truly show him that you don’t want to have anything with him, I’m sure he’ll understand. After all, his ego is one of his greatest assets, he’s not going to compromise it because of you, right?
On the other hand, if your answer is yes, I guess you have a couple of choices. First of all, you can wait a bit more before you accept his offer and get back together. You can use that opportunity to estimate if he really changed, or he’s pretending.
The second thing that you can do is actually accept his offer as soon as he proposes it. If you still deeply care about him, there’s no force strong enough to keep you apart. Your love will be able to conquer all, only if you both agree to work on your relationship.
In the end, if you’ve noticed most of these signs that your emotionally unavailable ex is missing you, take some time to think about your next move and analyze your emotions before you make a final choice. Good luck girl!
