Being the “other woman,” even though you honestly love him and he loves you, is depressing and sad. No matter how you justify or spin it, you’ll never be truly accepted by him. So, why is breaking up with a married man so difficult?
In most cases, women who get in involved with a married man fail to break free and end things mostly because they’re afraid to be alone. By dating a married guy, they get this feeling of being loved by someone.
To them, it doesn’t matter that the man has a wife waiting for him at home. The only thing that matters is that he loves her and that she’s not completely alone with her thoughts.
Also, it could be that the woman is afraid she won’t find anybody better than their current married companion. She can’t break up with him because she fails to realize there are other fish in the sea.
Or there’s also the possibility that she isn’t strong enough to deal with the post-breakup pain and is afraid she’d fall into depression. That’s why she’s having a physical and emotional affair in the first place.
But what those women don’t realize is that they’re already alone. They’re already in pain and depressed and there’s no upside to dating a married man at all.
In the end, if he’s capable of cheating on his wife, who can guarantee you that he won’t cheat on you should he ever leave his wife for you?
So, keep reading as I’m going to mention why breaking up with a married man is your best option, as well as how to stop dating your married boyfriend.
Why you should break up with a married man
For many reasons, married people get involved with others outside of their marriage. Whether that be because they’re unhappy, lonely, or unsatisfied, it doesn’t matter.
For whatever reason, they decide that their “soulmate” isn’t enough and they should look for their happiness elsewhere.
So, why should you break up with a married man?
1. Your entire life will be put on hold
When you get involved with a married man, your entire life will cease to move forward and you’ll have a difficult time finding meaning in anything.
Your old self will be gone and you’ll convince yourself that him cheating on his wife is justifiable.
But let’s just stop for a moment and try to think about the time you start dating someone. You’re eager to find out as much as possible about the other person, hoping that the dating will turn into a real relationship and talking about your dreams for the future.
Eventually, you commit to being exclusive and you hope that one day his “I love you” will really mean something to you. Soon, one of you suggests that you move in together and perhaps you make the big step and get married.
Those are all natural events that can and will occur once you meet your true love. If you get the chance to experience this, you’ll know that you’re in a healthy relationship where both of you are making an effort to stay happy and faithful to each other.
But what happens when you get involved with a married man? All those events cease to happen and everything is different. Yes, you have fun and the level of attraction is high. But that’s about it.
Eventually, you’ll be just another woman with a broken heart who a married guy used to satisfy his needs and left like nothing ever happened.
You’ll never be able to talk about moving in with him or having kids. Any conversations about the future will be meaningless and you won’t feel worthy of love.
2. He’ll never leave his spouse!
Last year my best friend told me that she caught feelings for a married man and couldn’t resist getting involved with him. At first, they exchanged harmless text messages and agreed to meet on lunch breaks because they found out they shared the same interests.
Keep in mind that he had a wife and a kid at home. Unfortunately, those lunch breaks soon evolved and they began hanging out a lot more than they should.
Their connection was easy and natural. She always had a tough time finding a man who suits her criteria, but for some unknown reason, he made her happy.
And within weeks, they started seeing each other late at night at her house and were professing their love for each other. It wasn’t long before he promised her that he’d leave his wife for her.
She was beyond thrilled to hear that and thought that she’d finally found the love of her life.
Months passed and she was still waiting for him to fulfill his promise.
She really did love him, but there were some sketchy excuses as to why he couldn’t file for divorce. His kid got sick or the holidays were approaching – it was always something.
But what you need to keep in mind is that an affair partner would never do something to hurt his child or to disappoint his family. So a result, a man like that will never leave.
He’s gotten what he wants from you, so he has no reason to give up his family.
It’s normal for married couples to hit a rough patch sometimes, but they’ll work it out eventually if they want to stay together.
3. Loneliness will become your best friend
Dating a single man is great because you don’t have the pressure of keeping your relationship a secret and you can invite him to be your plus one at your friend’s weddings, birthdays, or family gatherings.
But what happens when you date a married guy? Do you really believe that you can ask him to be your date when a family member invites you to dinner? What will you tell them, that he’s just an ordinary man who is in a romantic relationship with you?
Ask yourself this: Are you ready to lie to your parents, friends, and everyone who asks about him? Probably not.
That’s why you’ll spend most of those big events such as your birthdays alone and sad. Perhaps he’ll remember that it’s your special day, so he may send you a bouquet of flowers, but chances are he won’t deliver them in person.
He’ll avoid being caught at all costs.
Christmas morning will be lonely and awful because you won’t have the chance to spend it with him. During the weekends, you’ll wait for him to hit you up via a social media app.
So, when you’re considering embarking on an affair with a married man, keep in mind that loneliness will be your best friend. You’ll always have to wait for him to lie to his wife and kid so he can spend some time with you.
4. Your self-esteem will take a knock
A romance with a married man may seem exciting at first, but you have to remember that it’s sure to have an impact on your self-esteem and overall well-being.
You’ll have a tough time sorting your life out and it won’t be long before you start developing feelings of resentment toward yourself.
Your work will suffer, and you may even lose touch with your loved ones because you’ll use every opportunity to be with him. Depression and loneliness will be your constant companions and you’ll struggle to find a way out of that dark place.
Furthermore, you’ll detest yourself because of the fact that you can’t leave him for good. And what’s worse, as time passes, you’ll find out that his promises are empty.
Every time he storms off to pick up his kid in the middle of your date, you’ll feel more lonely and angry and the self-hatred will eat at you.
I understand that breaking up with a married man is difficult and you can’t say goodbye that easily, but you need to if you want to keep your sanity.
If you don’t, you’ll eventually lose the person you were before you started seeing him. Your self-confidence will plummet and it will take a lot of growth on your end to emotionally heal from the entire situation.
5. Every affair is doomed from the start
You need to ask yourself: What constitutes a healthy relationship? Is it communication and trust? Or is it lies and empty promises?
While you may think that you can have good communication with your affair partner, that’s far from true because you don’t get to talk about the important things.
Obviously, when you’re involved in an affair, trust is nonexistent and you can’t expect to believe anything he says. And why would you when, at any second, it’s possible that his wife finds out about you and all hell breaks loose?
That’s why every relationship like this is doomed to fail from the start. You can’t expect to experience true love when he won’t leave his spouse, ever. Your entire relationship is set up to fail.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you need to get back to real life and realize that you have no future with a man who’s cheating on his wife.
Asking yourself why you should never be involved with a married man is a great way to keep yourself from experiencing heartbreak. I understand that your head is in the clouds now and that your married person seems perfect to you, but he’ll be the worst mistake you’ll ever make.
6. You’ll be living in an illusion
Whatever you think of your “relationship” right now, sooner or later, he’ll go back home to his wife and you’ll be home alone crying yourself to sleep.
It may seem perfect to you now how he takes care of you and how he attentively listens to everything you have to say, but all those things will eventually disappear.
After those “beautiful moments,” you’ll be hit with the harsh reality of negative emotions and guilt, and it’ll be hard to pick yourself up and mend your broken heart.
If you continue seeing him, you’ll only be extending your agony as, deep down, you know you’ll never be truly happy with him. You’ll live in this imaginary world that you created just for the two of you, but someday, that world will vanish and he won’t be there to give you the support you’ll need.
Follow these 6 steps when breaking up with a married man
Even if breaking up with your married man seems impossible to you right now, it’s actually quite doable. You only need to stay persistent and resilient, as he’s bound to be back.
He’ll use his sweet words and charm to lure you back into his trap and use you again for his selfish needs. But you have to remain strong!
Remember that you want more. You need a man who’ll always be there for you and during the nights when you can’t sleep, he’ll hold you tight and tell you that you’re the only one for him.
You deserve much more than a guy who feeds his wife lies – who tells her how he loves her but then sneaks out and comes to you saying the same exact thing.
So, if you want to break free from a man like that and start a new life, then you need to follow the following steps.
1. Be honest with yourself and your loved ones
Having an affair with a married man isn’t something you should be proud of. You’re probably lying to everyone to hide your relationship up until now. Or it could be that you told them half-truths, how you’ve met an awesome guy and that’s it.
Bottom line, you’re keeping them in the dark because you’re ashamed and afraid that they’ll judge you. You have a guilty conscience about the whole thing, but you can’t help it.
You’re madly in love with him.
But your first step toward redeeming yourself is to tell your close friends and family what’s really happening in your life.
Trust me, most people will understand because they know that you don’t get to choose who you love. The heart wants what it wants.
You’re blinded by love and as a result, are unable to do the right thing and leave him for good. That’s why breaking up with a married man is so difficult.
But your close friends and family will be your voice of reason and give you enough strength to call it off.
So, the first step is to be honest with yourself and your loved ones, and tell them the truth. If they genuinely love you, they won’t judge you for it; instead, they’ll help you get out of this situationship.
2. Pull yourself back to reality
It’s futile to continue being in an almost relationship with a married man when deep down you know it’s going to end soon. And now that you’ve had your fun, pinch yourself and get back to reality.
Sure, the attention he gives you is nice and all in the beginning, but when you think about if you two have genuine feelings for each other, what’s your final answer?
Well, it’s about time to use your head and not listen to your heart. Accept that what you’re doing is wrong.
That’s a must when wanting to break up with a married man. Otherwise, you’ll end up in a vicious circle where you’re going back to him over and over again, which can wreck your chances of ever finding real love.
You’ve given him enough time to make a decision, so what are you waiting for? Do you really think that he’s going to file for divorce because of you or anyone else? I don’t think so, and now that you know you two have no future together, it’s time to put an end to it.
3. Make a list
If it’s really tough for you to leave him and if you need a bit more convincing, then go ahead and make a list. Write down all the downsides of being with a married man and don’t hold anything back.
Be true to yourself and face the facts.
Write down how you’ll never going to introduce him to your friends or family. And that you won’t ever get the opportunity to meet his family either.
Write down how you’ll never marry or have kids together. Be honest and accept that he’ll have to hide your relationship from everyone.
Also, your loneliness and anger will be your constant companion and you’ll never receive the support you need from a partner in the relationship.
Here I’ve mentioned only a few downsides, but there are so many others. While you may know all of this deep inside your heart, it can help you if you visualize them on a piece of paper.
Read them whenever you find yourself doubting your decision to leave him. And if you don’t believe me, then do the opposite and write down all the pros of dating a married man. You’ll see that it won’t be nearly as long as this one, that I promise you.
4. Get ready for the big moment
Even though you know your relationship has no future, he may not be as concerned as you are. Chances are he doesn’t think anything is wrong with your relationship.
In most cases, when you finally face up to your affair partner, it comes out of the blue for him. Perhaps you didn’t give him any signs that you aren’t feeling good about yourself or he failed to recognize them.
Either way, you need to get ready to confront him and tell him what’s been bothering you this whole time.
Don’t be surprised if he tries to convince you to stay. Because why wouldn’t he? He’s a married man who has a girl on the side. Why would he want that to end?
But you need to gather enough strength to resist his manipulative games. Planning it all out in your head beforehand is an excellent way to help you keep your focus on the end goal.
He may even tell you that he loves you and starts begging you to stay. Remember, you’re not his only choice.
5. Confront him
The hardest part when breaking up with a married man is confronting him about his infidelity. But you’ve given yourself enough time to think about what you’re going to say and now you’re ready to sit down and have the talk.
There are a couple of things to keep in mind. First, suggest that you meet somewhere where you can talk privately, but not at his home or yours. Make it a public place, a restaurant or the park, in case the breakup doesn’t end well.
Also, keep your composure and don’t let your emotions govern your actions. If you do that, you’ll lose control of the entire situation.
On top of that, keep the focus on yourself and explain to him why you need to do this for yourself. Don’t make it about him because he already has someone in his life. The best way to achieve this is to use “I” statements.
As I mentioned earlier, he’ll almost certainly try to get you back, so that’s why you need to stay firm in your decision. Leave no room for argument.
Remember, this is about you. You’re ending the relationship because you’re sick and tired of being the third wheel.
6. Use the no-contact rule
The final step when breaking up with a married man (or any man, for that matter) is to cut off all contact. Now that you’ve said everything that’s been bothering you, it is time to walk away and never look back.
That means you need to block him on every social media app and delete his number, so you don’t get tempted to contact him again. Use the no-contact rule and focus on rebuilding your life and finding true love.
If you find yourself lacking the willpower to ignore him, just keep reminding yourself why you ended your situationship in the first place.
You were never really in love with him. It was just infatuation.