Think aloud
The hierarchical existence of a narcissist is something that everyone is trying to understand. Their need for power is immense, and the fact that nothing seems to be able to come before it is baffling.
We all know about narcissism at this point. These people love to be the center of attention, they love to receive all possible compliments, and they love to feel superior to others.
However, being at the top of the food chain seems a bit like a stretch, doesn’t it? Wouldn’t that be more appropriate for people in higher ranks in business?
Well, the truth is that a vast number of narcissists aim for those positions, and they’re trying to acquire that amount of power from anyone and everyone. They want to be at the top in their friend groups, at their workplace, and in relationships.
A narcissist doesn’t understand how anyone could undermine them, and why anyone would even want to. They’re confused as to why someone would question their greatness. This type of behavior is what makes a narcissist even more power-hungry.
There are so many ways that a narcissist seeks power and recognition. You probably wouldn’t understand this if you hadn’t experienced it firsthand. So, you’ll probably be able to understand where I’m coming from once you’re able to combine their way of seeking power in a relationship with the strange behavior they’ve been exhibiting while they’ve been with you.
5 ways a narcissist demands power
1. Selective relationships and environment
You’ll never see a narcissist in an environment where there are people better than them. It’s just like with an alpha male. If there’s another alpha, then he won’t even come close to the tribe.
If his self-confidence is much higher, then he may try to challenge those social norms, but he wouldn’t go out of his way to become friends or partners with people who obviously have an established leader who’s much better than him.
He wants to know that he has the possibility of challenging that authority. Otherwise, he doesn’t see a place for himself there. He wants to be admired, so the moment he feels undermined, he’ll start to lose his cool.
They do this to avoid any type of vulnerable and intimate situations. That’s why a narcissist will do his best to always be in group settings, or at least in public places. He doesn’t want to be confined to a space where he won’t get the attention he’s seeking.
Also, an intimate space only makes it harder for him to control the situation. He believes that in a group setting, people won’t feel as comfortable confronting him.
2. Evaluation of status
For a narcissist, evaluating status is crucial for their hierarchical existence. This means that a narcissist will constantly assess where he is on the food chain. He’ll evaluate the people around him and their importance for his next steps.
He’ll observe what his “enemies” are doing and try to see how their misery or success could influence his plans. This is because he’s evaluating every single thing that people are doing or saying, as they only want to ensure that they can benefit from it.
This is extremely toxic because they’ll also do this in a relationship, just as much as in a professional setting. A narcissist will always ask himself if you’re gaining too much control in the relationship and how he can act on that. He doesn’t want to show you these thoughts, but you’ll be able to see when he gets to that point.
It’ll be obvious because, depending on the internal analysis he’s conducting, he’ll start acting differently. If he sees that you’re completely submitting to him, he’ll give you a little more freedom to make you believe he’s a good person.
However, if he feels like you’ve got too much freedom, he’ll find a way to put you down and make you compliant again. This is a vicious cycle, and the evaluations will never stop.
3. Becoming everyone’s best friend
One thing you’ve probably noticed is that everyone loves the narcissist in your life. In the eyes of others, he’s an example of what a good human being should be like. He’s someone who receives a lot of attention, so he’ll gladly give his attention to everyone around him.
It doesn’t take him long to become everyone’s best friend. If someone doesn’t end up liking him as much, then he blames that person and tries to manipulate everyone into believing that something is wrong with them. For that exact reason, it’s quite hard to convince others that something is bothering you about a narcissist.
He already thought about the possibility that someone could blow his cover, so he became everyone’s friend just in case something like this happened. That’s why he’s always kind to everyone except you. He makes sure that people will think that you’re the crazy one if you ever choose to come clean about the things that have been happening in your relationship.
It’s even fascinating to watch the way people are smitten with him even though they don’t know his true self, and they’ll probably never meet that part of him unless they try to take him off his throne.
4. Hypervigilance
Hypervigilance is an elevated state of assessing potential threats around you. While most people do this because of their traumatic past and as a PTSD response, narcissists are so adept at this that they’ve become masters of understanding the events around them.
Their need for power is evident because of this. A narcissist will make a detailed assessment of the people around him. Is there a threat to his position? It doesn’t matter if that threat is connected to his romantic partner or his place of employment. He needs to know if there’s someone who could pose an issue.
He must be aware of this because he’s not going to relinquish his position in the hierarchy. A narcissist believes that he fully deserves his spot, so he won’t give anyone else a chance.
5. Intimidating behavior
When a narcissist isn’t able to create a hierarchy and find the power and title he’s searching for, he’ll resort to the next tactic: intimidation.
He doesn’t even try to hide it from the person he’s talking to, considering that he could be in a lot of trouble for the things he’s saying and the way he’s behaving. He knows that he can intimidate someone simply because of his dominating behavior.
A narcissist will find out something about you and use it against you. He’s a master manipulator and an excellent gaslighter. He ensures that he has grounds to behave the way he does and will use more tactics to get you or someone else to comply with what he’s asking for.
He wants to be at the top of the food chain. Hierarchical existence and power are the most important things to a man like this. So, you’re probably able to piece things together and finally explain his behavior.
The way he’s been seeking power isn’t normal; it’s just another way to control everyone and ensure that people adore him even more than he actually deserves. It’s scary, but it’s true.