Think aloud
I know that the way we treat someone is more important than what we say, but have you ever thought about what is actually the worst thing a husband can say to his wife?
A lot of marriages nowadays end up in divorce and there are a host of reasons for that, ranging from cheating to lying, to disrespecting your significant other.
It’s been said that actions speak louder than words and I agree with that. But words hurt as well, and if someone tries to prove you wrong, just take a dictionary and hit them with it (just kidding, of course – violence is never an option).
We all know that in order to have a healthy marriage, we need to have healthy communication with our partners. Sometimes, it’s not easy to stay calm and rationally think about whether our actions and words will hurt the person we love.
Especially when conflicts arise. In those moments, if we let our emotions take over, we can say hurtful words that are capable of ruining years of marriage.
All healthy relationships are based on respecting your partner’s feelings and communicating when things go wrong. So, what are the most common things husbands say to their wives that can easily ruin a successful marriage? Let’s find out.
What’s the worst thing a husband can say to his wife?
It’s normal that relationships have ups and downs, and it’s reasonable that we sometimes say things we don’t actually mean. Of course, everyone hopes to have that proverbial “happy marriage” people talk about all the time.
So, what does it take to accomplish that? How do you take care of your happiness? Will marriage counseling always help? Truth to be told, I don’t know. I think that some of us agreed to terms and conditions without going through them properly.
Therefore, I want to emphasize that every romantic relationship and marriage is unique and what may be a big deal for one couple, is a minor thing to the other.
There are a lot of hurtful things a man can say to his wife in the heat of the moment. But here are some of them that a husband shouldn’t even think about.
1. “I don’t love you (anymore)”
I shudder just at the thought that my husband may say something like this. This is, inevitably, the worst thing a husband can say to his wife. How long does it take for one person to change their emotions?
We’re all aware that there are moments when we’re not so lovable. So if the person we love tells us something that will make us doubt their love, our insecurities rise to the surface. In those moments, our self-esteem is compromised.
This being said, avoid sentences that even remotely make her think you don’t love her anymore. She’ll be unbearably hurt, and you may lose your best friend.
In other words, scrap sentences like “I’m with you just because of the kids,” “I used to love you more,” “I was never in love with you,” “I wish I married my high school sweetheart,” or “I’m in love with someone else.”
Most of these will not only leave her aching, but you’ll end up having a very upset ex-wife.
2. “You’re overreacting”
It’s really painful when someone you love and care about tells you that you’re overreacting or that you’re being irrational. It can affect our mental health, because the person we thought so highly of, doesn’t value our feelings or opinions.
Granted, girls can sometimes get cranky because PMS is hitting hard, but that’s no excuse for a husband to say things like “Ah, one of those days again,” “Chill, you’re not the first woman having PMS,” or “Calm down, we’ll talk in a week.” This will only add fuel to the fire.
No matter the circumstances, you should never tell your wife she’s losing it. You have to realize that she wouldn’t react this way if what you said didn’t hurt her. There had to be a certain trigger unless she’s the ultimate drama queen.
So try to avoid sentences like “You’re making a fuss out of it,” “Take it easy, it’s not a big deal,” or “You’re being dramatic.” The reply to any of these may end up being divorce.
If you’re not being playful and you’re using “you’re crazy” during an argument, she’ll prove to you that she is crazy… For being married to you.
3. “Shut up!”
No matter how fiercely you two are fighting, never tell her to shut her mouth. This can and will make her feel neglected. That’s when she’ll be the loudest because you’ve hurt her feelings, and eventually, she’ll stop talking with you altogether.
Honestly, this is the worst thing a husband can say to his wife. Not only it’s disrespectful, but it hurts like hell.
Maybe it’s okay when you’re being playful and saying it in a different tone, but using it casually can make it sound like a normal thing to say to your partner during an intense argument, which is not okay at all.
By telling your wife to shut up, you are insinuating that you refuse to hear what she has to say. What she hears in those two words is that her feelings and opinions are invalid, and she’ll flee.
4. “I don’t care”
Whatever you do, never tell your wife you don’t care about something. Whether it’s one of her hobbies or her opinion about something, try to avoid sentences like “I don’t care about your hobby/opinion/feelings.”
Saying this will slowly kill your relationship and it’s surely one of the worst things a husband can say to his wife.
When you say that you don’t care, it will make her feel unappreciated and she will, without a doubt, be hurt. You’re only showing her how selfish and disrespectful her husband is. Do you think she’ll want to stay with a man like that?
Don’t bet on it.
Everyone aspires to be loved and valued in any of their relationships, especially romantic ones. Her favorite person not caring about what she enjoys doing or how she feels about a certain problem will only make her emotionless.
Once you show your wife she’s not someone you care about anymore, rest assured she’ll pack her bags and leave. No matter how much she loves you, your behavior will push her away.
5. “Stop bothering me”
Ouch, this one hurts. Is she disturbing you with her problems and feelings so you told her not to bother you? Does she care too much? Once you dismiss her and tell her not to bother you, I guarantee you she’ll listen. She’ll leave.
Every woman knows to recognize an environment she’s not welcomed in, and if given the choice, she’ll definitely leave. Especially when she’s well aware that there are so many options out there.
Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they feel like they’re a burden. We all gravitate towards relationships where we feel respected and snug as a bug in a rug. Don’t you want that too?
So, you can safely put this phrase among the list of the worst things a husband can say to his wife. You may speak different love languages, but in the end, we all want the same thing.
Someone who appreciates the care and love we provide. Someone who helps us in tough times and has our back. In relationships where this is not possible, we either switch into I-don’t-care mode or we simply move on.
6. “I can’t believe we’re still together”
If you want to win the worst husband of the year award, this sentence said out loud is sure to help you out. Why would you doubt your marriage? This sentence will cause a storm that won’t pass easily.
You know how they say there’s a grain of truth in every joke? So, what do you want your wife to think? Do you want her to think that you stopped loving her, that you cheated, or that you actually never thought you could function together?
Did you just tell her how one of your family members said that you shouldn’t have married her? C’mon now, one of the worst things a husband can say to his wife is that his family doesn’t approve of her – it may very well be top on the list.
Are you saying this statement because she changed her appearance or you’ve noticed she’s outgrown some things? Maybe she doesn’t want to spend as much time playing video games with you as she used to?
Whatever the reason, this is one of the worst things a husband can say to his wife and it will only get you one step closer to divorce. So, if you’re ready to answer a question like “What do you mean by that?” and risk losing her, then be my guest.
7. “I’m the one paying the bills”
Do I really have to tell you why this one is a no-no? Why on earth are you minimizing her worth and underestimating her work? Why don’t you value her?
Okay, yes, she may be a stay-at-home-mom, but you have no right, no matter the circumstances, to tell her you’re the one providing for the family. Newsflash, mister: You wouldn’t have that family if she wasn’t there.
So, no matter how angry or frustrated you are never, let this be one slip of the tongue. There’s no taking it back and she’s going to be offended for sure. If we’re being entirely honest, just because you are the only one working, or you’re earning more than her, does not give you the right to say anything like this.
If she weren’t taking care of your household and your family’s overall well-being, you’d be crying out for help.
8. “If you really love me…”
I cannot make it more obvious: If you give her an ultimatum, forget she ever existed. No woman likes to be controlled and this can easily be seen as emotional abuse. Do you truly want to do that to your wife? I hope not!
“If you really love me, you would let me go on a trip with guys,” “If you really love me, you’d stop talking to one of your friends,” or “If you really love me, you wouldn’t work and you’d stay at home.”
What the heck? In what universe does this sound okay? In this one, I hope not.
You cannot forbid your wife to do something, to hang out with someone, or tell her to be a housewife just because you feel like she should listen to you. Maybe she’ll listen the first time, but once she realizes that this is downright manipulation, you can forget about her.
Trying to make his wife do what he wants her to, under specific conditions, is among the worst things a husband can say to or expect of his wife. Let’s put it this way: If you really love her, you’ll never do this to her.
9. “No wonder your ex left you”
Another BIG ouch.
As serious as it is to compare your wife with another woman, calling her out for her past is also one of the worst things a husband can do. Especially since she confided in you and shared a lot of details about her life before you showed up.
If she made a mistake marrying or dating a certain guy before you, trust me, she’s aware of it. She doesn’t need you to remind her all over again. Did you just tell her how one of your family members said that you shouldn’t have married her?
When you say something like “No wonder your ex left you,” or “Now I see why your ex bolted,” you’re killing your relationship. You’re breaking the bond that you two created and you’re ruining the safe place she had.
She’ll hardly be able to trust you again, no matter how small the thing is. Also, keep in mind that she left once and grew stronger, what do you think will happen if she decides to leave you too?!
10. “You’ve changed”
“You used to be more like *insert comparison here*,” “You’ve let yourself go,” or “You are not as adventurous as you used to be.” These are just some of the sentences used to emphasize that she’s changed.
Of course, she did! People change and outgrow some things. If she’s become more serious, it’s because life keeps throwing her curves, and apparently, you’re not helping. She has to take care of you, the house, the kids, and everything else married life brings to the table.
Plus, she’s still working and pursuing her career. Do you think it’s easy?
Telling her she’s changed will only hurt her feelings and she may start overthinking everything she does in the future. However, if she’s smart enough, she’s going to hit the road and never turn back.
11. “It’s who I am, you knew it from the start”
Trying to hide your toxicity behind the “It’s just who I am” or “You knew what you signed up for”? Big no-go.
Yes, she knew who she was marrying and she chose you exactly the way you are. Her expressing what’s bothering her, or stating some things that she doesn’t like, is just a sign that she’s trying to have a normal, healthy relationship.
“I can’t change” is another thing a husband can say to his wife that can ruin the marriage. Everybody changes – or as I like to say, we’re periodically upgrading ourselves.
Sometimes the update has bugs in it, but hey, you’re the programmer of your life and you are the only one who can change that code.
So the next time you contemplate telling her something like this, hold your tongue.
12. Don’t compare her with other women
No woman likes to be compared with another, least of which your own wife. Under no circumstances should you compare her to your mom, her mom, your ex-girlfriend, or even some random woman you came across on social media.
The worst thing a husband can say to his wife is something like “Brad’s wife lets him do whatever he wants,” “My ex did *insert something* better”, or “You’re exactly like my/your mother.” It’s going to drive her crazy.
It doesn’t even matter if she likes or dislikes the person you’re comparing her to. You should never compare your wife with someone else because she’s a unique person and you chose her. You love her for who she is, not because she reminds you of someone.
It’s going to be an arduous journey trying to fix this and you may have to visit a marriage counselor. Do whatever you two think will stabilize your relationship. And make sure you don’t repeat the same mistake.
13. Stay quiet
Communication problems – something most couples face in a relationship. Especially nowadays, in a world of social networking, where you can connect with people all over the world, but you kind of get disconnected from those you share your life with.
Are you scrolling Twitter when you hear some background noise that you assume is your beautiful wife complaining about something for the third time this week? Yet, you keep the phone in your hands and stay silent.
Is she upset about something you told her, but you decided to stay quiet and not share your opinion any longer? Do you think that’s fair?
One of the worst things a husband can say to his wife is to say nothing at all. Sometimes, silence hurts more than words ever could.
And the list goes on…
1. “I regret marrying you.”
2. “I hate the day I met you.”
3. “You’d be nothing without me.”
4. “Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?”
5. “You’re my worst nightmare.”
6. “I’m happier when you’re not around.”
7. “I don’t trust you.”
8. “You’re better with kids and cooking. You should stay at home and give up your career.”
9. “You don’t know how to cook.”
10. “I don’t want to be seen with you.”
11. “I’ll never apologize.”
12. “I did nothing wrong.”
13. “I’m not guilty of how you interpret things.”
14. “I’m not going to couples therapy.”
15. “Don’t you ever think?”
16. “You’re useless.”
17. “You’re not worthy.”
18. “Nothing good can come out of this marriage.”
19. “I’m done with you.”
20. “You tricked me into marrying you.”
21. “It’s not something you need to know. I have my own secrets.”
22. “You’re not capable of fixing things, leave that to me.”
23. “I don’t want anyone to know we’re married. Why should I share a photo with you on social media?”
24. “That’s your problem. Stop asking me to help you all the time.”
25. “Just get over it already, it happened last year.”
26. “I’m sorry you felt that way.”
27. “Are you really going to eat all of that?”
28. “When I need your opinion, I’ll ask you for it.”
29. “I only married you because you were pregnant.”
30. “You wouldn’t get it.”
31. “You’re so ugly.”
32. “I can’t stand you.”
33. “You drive me crazy with your whining.”
34. “You’re a nobody.”
35. “I made you.”
36. “You’re the problem.”
37. “You’re not my favorite person in the world right now.”
38. “I don’t think we have to talk about it.” (Oh, yes you do!)
Is it possible to fix things?
It’s not unusual that we all went through a couple of bad situations in life. Even though we love our partner endlessly, sometimes we say things we’d rather not. So, is it possible to fix things?
Yes, of course. Depending on how bad the argument was, it will require effort, a lot of compromising, and a bucketful of understanding. Spice it up with plenty of “I love you”s and you’re ready to settle your differences.
In the moments your wife is vulnerable, you have to show her respect and acknowledge her feelings. That way, she’ll be understood, and she’ll know you’re actually listening to her.
If you’re not sure what went wrong and why she’s hurt, ask her. There’s nothing bad in doing that, rather she’ll appreciate it immensely. A good husband will always strive to understand his wife completely.
Last but not least, apologize and take responsibility for what you did. The couples with a strong bond and the healthiest marriages are those who communicate their feelings openly with each other.
They know it’s them vs. the problem, and they’ll overcome any obstacle they encounter – together.
