Think aloud
The first time you saw your man, you knew he was the one for you – brilliant, intelligent, charming, and good-looking. But there’s one thing that really bugs you: He wants to take it slow.
What does it mean to take things slow? Does it mean that he’s not quite sure how he’s feeling about you? Or could it be that he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself and that’s why he wants the two of you to take your time?
Those are all valid questions to ask since women and men interpret taking it slow in different ways.
Generally, when a man says that he wants to slow down a bit, the woman instantly assumes that it’s because he’s lost interest in the relationship and is looking to date other women. Some women even go to the extremes and see it as a red flag that the guy will break up with them soon and he’s craving a whirlwind romance.
In reality, though, his intentions may be quite different from her perception.
The beginning of every relationship is great, that’s why it’s called the honeymoon phase. You get to learn so much about your partner, you experience new and exciting things with him, and it seems that there’s no end to your happiness.
But going through those early relationship stages too fast and a bit too soon can cause your relationship to get stale real fast.
That’s why guys who want to take things slow in their relationships may be onto something.
12 possible reasons he wants to take it slow
Keep in mind that not every guy is the same, so when he says that he wants to take it slow, it usually indicates a desire for the pace at which emotional connection and emotional intimacy are being put on the top of the priority list.
That’s why there’s no universal answer as to what it means when a man says he wants to take it slow. It can mean different things to different people, and similarly, pumping the brakes will differ depending on the person.
1. He’s only respecting your boundaries
Some guys are quite self-aware that they come across as demanding to a lady and that could be why your guy wants to take it slow.
He’s slowing the pace of your relationship to remind himself to be patient and not to rush into anything, as he may scare you away if he does.
A man like that knows that this action will let the relationship grow naturally, without forcing anything. And it won’t lead to heartbreak.
Slow means the girl will see he’s respecting her boundaries, so she’ll open up to him as she becomes more comfortable around him. Perhaps he wants to take things slow to maintain the harmony and peace that you two share.
Going slow doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It doesn’t mean that your man is afraid of commitment and he’s just another guy who can’t give his heart to his new partner.
It’s actually a good sign and reveals how willing he is to make things work.
2. He’s afraid he can’t make you happy
While some guys don’t put too much emphasis on their partner’s needs, others are super determined to do whatever it takes to make their significant other and best friend happy.
Guys like that feel incompetent and awful if they don’t succeed in their goal, and so they take a step back to reevaluate their strategy.
He says he’d like to take it slow because he thinks he can’t make you happy and fulfill your every desire at the moment. He’s afraid that your relationship will suffer if he doesn’t put the brakes on and think about ways to make you happy.
He prioritizes your emotions and needs above his. Therefore, he’ll try to slow down the pace in order to step up his game so that you feel satisfied and fulfilled in the relationship.
3. You haven’t sparked his hero instinct yet
One of the obvious reasons a man will take it slow is because you’ve yet to trigger his hero instinct.
This is a relatively new concept in relationship psychology that can be connected to a man’s fear of commitment.
Many women struggle to give their man that much-needed push so that he commits to them, but it all happens because they haven’t triggered the hero instinct in him.
So, you’re probably asking how to do it, right?
Well, it’s quite simple actually. Sometimes it can be sparked by asking for his help. Men don’t like to feel useless around the house and in the relationship. They need to prove themselves not just to you but to themselves too.
You can awaken his hero instinct by asking him to help you fix something around the house, or going to him when you have a problem and need some advice.
Afterward, it’s important that you show your appreciation and tell him how much it meant to you. Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to feel appreciated as you do.
4. He’s afraid of letting his guard down
The damage previous relationships left on him can prevent him from opening up to you or moving on. If he was hurt by his ex, then he may think that every girl will do the same thing, so he’ll prefer to keep his emotions hidden.
Your partner might simply want to take things slow because he’s afraid to show his vulnerable side to you. If you can see that he’s not letting you in and has walls built up around him, then your best bet is to give him space and wait for him to open up to you in his own time.
The worst mistake you can make is to pressure him into something that he doesn’t want to do. It’ll only push him further away from you and the little bit of trust he had in you will go flying out the window.
Your goal is to create a safe environment for him so that he feels comfortable and secure in your new relationship.
Eventually, when he realizes that the connection you two share isn’t even close to his past relationships, then he’ll warm up to you, let down his guard, and let you in.
5. You remind him of his ex
If you remind him in any way, shape, or form of his ex, that could be another plausible reason he wants to slam the brakes and slow things down.
Perhaps things weren’t good with her and they had a bad breakup. That type of thing can cause a man to slow down the pace and rethink whether or not your intentions are genuine.
Even if he’s head over heels for you, he wants to make sure your relationship is different from his previous one. He wants to have a committed relationship where you get to know each other on a deeper level, rather than to get carried away in the excitement of a fresh relationship.
That’s why he puts that much focus on compatibility and seeing eye to eye on important life matters.
He doesn’t want your relationship to end as his past relationship did. Instead, he wants to turn a new page in his life and create something special with you.
6. It helps him distinguish between feelings and infatuation
You don’t have to be a relationship expert to know that there’s a major difference between being attracted to someone and loving them.
Although those two terms often go hand-in-hand, infatuation can make it tricky to distinguish between having genuine feelings for someone and simply wanting them because of their physical appearance.
In fact, infatuation has more to do with being attracted to someone even though you haven’t gotten to know them yet. And as a result, those types of relationships usually move relatively quickly.
So, how do you know that you’re in love with someone? Well, love is different from infatuation. It requires you to spend a lot more time with the other person to get to know each other better.
Also, loving someone means knowing their personality and how they think. It’s not just based on physical attraction.
7. He wants to make every date exciting
Rushing into something and not thinking it through thoroughly can certainly kill the excitement of a new relationship. I know you want to see your partner as often as you can, but you should also take some time for yourself.
If you do things together far too regularly, they may become routines that both of you will soon start taking for granted. Because of that, he may suggest that the two of you slow down the pace to keep your dates exciting and fresh.
A man like that will plan your nights out like it’s your first date so that you don’t lose that spark you share. It also means that you’ll never know what he’s got in store for you and you’ll always be excited to see each other.
8. He wants to build the relationship first
Some guys take their time to form a solid emotional connection with a woman before taking things to another level. Only when he reaches a certain milestone can he be sure that he wants to start a serious relationship with you.
That’s another reason why your man may suggest to you to take things slow.
He made this decision because he wants to be sure that you won’t back down and leave him when tough times come. If the connection between you two isn’t firm, your relationship may not last as long as expected.
He’s been through a lot and learned that establishing the right foundations is key to a healthy relationship.
9. He’s trying not to let you down
In an attempt to prove to you that he’s a real man, he may think that taking things slow is the best option. Perhaps he thinks that the excitement can damage your bond and that’s why he wants to hit the breaks.
This is all because he wants to meet your desires and fulfill your needs.
If he isn’t ready to take your potential relationship to another level, then he’ll take it easy because he doesn’t want to let you down with his inefficiencies. His goal is to grow stronger together with you, not to break the two of you apart.
10. He needs space to himself
Men are usually afraid to commit to a woman because they think they’ll lose all of their freedom once they start a romantic relationship. And even if they are in a relationship, they may ask you to take it slow because they unconsciously need space.
It’s a natural reaction that usually occurs when they think they’re losing control of their own life.
So, when a man says that he needs to take things slowly, women often perceive it wrongly. They automatically think that the guy doesn’t want to have a long-term relationship with them and that a breakup is inevitable.
They assume the worst, when in fact, the situation may be far from terrible.
There’s always the possibility that he wants to slow down the pace because he needs to clear his mind and evaluate his feelings for you.
Don’t think of this as something negative, because it could bring him closer to you than ever before. Therefore, don’t worry too much when your partner asks for a little space.
11. He’s busy with other commitments
You need to remember that your boyfriend has a life outside of your relationship and that his entire world doesn’t revolve around you.
I understand that it’s quite easy to get lost in our fantasies when we’re at the beginning of a relationship. We want them to always think about us, but in most cases, we’re making the wrong moves to achieve that.
The best way to go about it is to let things happen naturally and enjoy the ride. In the end, you can’t force someone to love you if they don’t have genuine feelings for you.
Admittedly, it’s a bit disappointing to realize that your man cannot devote all his time to you, even though you’re worth every second of it. But he wants to take it slow because he needs to make sure that his commitments don’t interfere with your growing relationship.
12. He’s going through some stuff on his own
I get it. You want to know everything there is about him. But there are some things that he may want to keep to himself.
He may not let you see every single side of him. Perhaps that’s why he’s been so reserved lately.
Providing for someone else in a relationship means that you’re investing everything you’ve got into it. And when you’re going through some rough stuff in life, it can be difficult to provide for your partner so that they don’t feel neglected.
So, if you see that he’s a bit distant and lost, then the best thing you can do for him is to give him some space and agree to his request to take things slowly.
6 signs he’s interested in you, even if he wants to take it slow
In a world where everyone seems in a rush, there are guys out there who deliberately choose a more leisurely pace because they want to get to know you first before giving you their heart.
It’s understandable that you’re confused about his feelings for you if he said that he wants to take it slow, but believe me, it’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel something for you.
So, if you’re eager to find out whether or not he’s ready to take your relationship to another level, then look for some of these clues.
1. He asks you a lot of questions
A man who’s curious about you and wants to know everything there is – the good and the bad – will ask you as many questions as possible. Curiosity is a huge sign that a man has serious feelings for you.
His curiosity doesn’t extend only to the big questions but to small ones as well. He could be asking you about your favorite toy when you were a child or your most memorable movie.
But in the end, that’s a great way to see if the two of you are even compatible.
On the other hand, if a guy isn’t keen on taking your relationship to the next level, regardless of pace, then he won’t ask you a lot of questions about yourself. If that’s the case, you need to rethink the entire situation and decide if he’s worth your time.
2. He’s not hiding you from his friends
Men are rather protective when it comes to those closest to them. They won’t easily let you into their inner circle unless they see that you’re worth it.
Also, they won’t introduce you to their parents and friends if they don’t think you two have a future together.
So, it’s definitely a sign he’s seriously into you if he’s willing to bring you around the people who are important to him. That means he sees potential in the relationship and may even believe that you’re his soulmate.
He may not have moved things to the next level or expressed how essential you are to him, but he’s not keeping your relationship a secret either.
3. He contacts you every day
Tell me, are you getting those surprise messages or calls throughout the day where he says how much he misses you and tells you that he’s thinking of you? If so, then you can be sure that he’s being serious about you despite wanting to take it slow.
Not only are you in his mind, but he also wants to keep up regular contact with you. This is a sign that only you have his attention.
A man who doesn’t call or text you isn’t thinking about starting a relationship with you. A man like that will only call you whenever it suits him, which is one of the main traits of narcissistic men and players.
4. He confides in you
Men generally don’t like to share their secrets with anyone or let any person see their vulnerable side. Instead, they play it pretty cool and don’t let their guards down.
Unless he’s certain he has a future with you. His vulnerability is reserved exclusively for the important woman in his life.
So if you see that your man confides in you even if he wants to take it slow, you can be sure that he’s being serious about you.
5. He talks about the future
This doesn’t necessarily refer to the big stuff, but to little things as well. Perhaps he makes a booking for the two of you at his favorite restaurant a month in advance, or asks you to join him at a family gathering he’s going to attend in a few weeks.
All those things are obvious clues that despite wanting to take it slow, he has an interest in you. He enjoys spending time with you, so that’s why he includes you in his future plans.
6. He always offers to help you
As I mentioned in the beginning, men want to feel needed in their lives. This puts him in a position to prove himself to you and show you that you’re important to him.
So, if he shows up at your house whenever you need something, it’s probably because he has serious feelings for you.
Don’t believe him if he says that he’s a fan of home improvement, because that’s definitely not the whole story. He came to see you.
This will definitely increase your chances of taking your relationship to the next level as it triggers his hero instinct. It’s one of those essential elements when it comes to forging a passionate and deep romantic relationship with any man.
