In today’s dating world, it’s almost impossible to find a man who’s ready for a serious relationship. Most of them aren’t even able to stay with you for a couple of months. So, why do guys want casual relationships anyway?
Even though they’re not that different from women, many men stay away from romantic relationships and instead, take the easier route – casual dating.
It’s easier for women to commit, though, because girls are more emotional than guys. Women put more emphasis on their partner’s feelings and don’t prioritize looks over substance. On the other hand, guys generally look for physical attraction first, and then when they see that a girl fits their criteria, that’s when they try to open up a bit and consider committing fully.
Therefore, don’t be pessimistic if all this time you’ve been disappointed by men. It’s not your fault that they’re only looking for a casual relationship.
Committing to a person scares the majority of men. That fear usually originates from the way they’ve been raised. Most guys are taught to show little to no emotions to anyone because if they do, they’d be seen as incompetent or less manly.
Consequently, women began to mirror their behavior, so this type of relationship is very widespread nowadays.
What does a casual relationship mean?
Most people confuse casual relationships with friends with benefits, but they’re not the same. While an FWB arrangement implies that you have some sort of emotional connection with the other person, that isn’t the case when you’re in a casual relationship.
If you opt for this kind of setup, then you have no obligation to feel anything toward your “partner,” only meeting when you want to sleep with each other. It’s basically hookups on steroids.
A casual relationship is a good starting point since it’s clear, simple, and allows you to define your boundaries that fit your own needs and wants, which may or may not develop into a committed relationship.
But even this kind of relationship is built on mutually-agreed expectations and guidelines. They’re often easier than some other types of arrangements because the people involved don’t prioritize the relationship.
It doesn’t require the maintenance or time that serious relationships do. That said, communication is just as important as in other types of connections. It’s healthy to talk about the relationship or what’s going on in each other’s lives, even though you aren’t in love and don’t want to spend the rest of your lives together.
Is a casual relationship worth it?
If you’re comfortable and you know that this is something you want and need, then any relationship experience is worth it.
A lot of time, we think that our relationship has to lead to us getting married or being with the other person for an extended period of time, but that’s not true at all. You can be a serial casual dater and still feel fulfilled both emotionally as well as physically. One doesn’t exclude the other.
If you want to keep things casual and you know you can’t dedicate enough of your time to a new relationship, then casual hookups are the right thing for you. It’s not for you if you’re holding onto hope for something more serious or for someone who wants to be in a long-term relationship.
Why do guys want casual relationships?
Starting a new relationship can be tricky since you’re always walking on ice, waiting for him to make the first move. Not only are you trying to display the best version of yourself whenever you two see each other, but you’re also trying to figure out whether or not he’s invested long term.
But after a couple of months of dating, you’re certain that you want to take your relationship to the next level and you’re ready to have the “talk” with him. You were ready – until he said that he enjoys spending time with you but only considers you his casual partner.
When you hear something like this, it’s normal to feel confused and frustrated. Your thoughts are all over the place and you don’t know what he expects from you. Does he want to keep you around until someone better comes along? Is he letting you down gently? Or is he seeing other people?
All these scenarios are very real possibilities, but the fact is that casual relationships can mean different things to different guys. You just really can’t wrap your head around is why this guy wants a casual relationship in the first place.
He wants a no-strings-attached kind of relationship
It could be that your man just got out of a serious relationship or isn’t ready yet to settle down, that’s why he suggested keeping things as simple as possible. Perhaps the guy wants to satisfy his physical needs without having to commit to just one woman.
Whatever the reason might be, the truth is that he doesn’t want you to be his actual girlfriend.
If you’re happy with an NSA relationship, then this might be the perfect arrangement for you. On the other hand, if you’re looking for something deeper and more meaningful, then run for the hills because you’re guaranteed to get hurt.
It’s very common to be confused and disappointed when the man you thought you had a future with suggests a casual relationship. After all, you’ve had everything planned out with him, so why isn’t that reciprocated on his end?
The fact is that many men desire to have a friends-with-benefits type of relationship because they’re getting the best of both worlds. Not only are they receiving physical pleasure on a regular basis, but they’re also able to hang out with a beautiful girl that they love spending time with.
And all that comes with no commitment whatsoever.
One thing that you need to keep in mind is that it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t see you as his potential girlfriend. There is plenty of other fish in the sea and one day you’ll find someone who’ll want to spend the rest of his life with you and you only.
He’s afraid to introduce you to his family
Why do guys want casual relationships? Well, some of them might want to keep dating you casually because they’re anxious about introducing you to their family.
The truth is, some men may not be able to deal with it, and instead of telling you that, they just keep you in the dark and continue as normal.
It could be that your man has a difficult relationship with his parents, or that you might change your opinion about him after meeting the people closest to him. By keeping your relationship casual, he simply doesn’t feel obligated to invite you to any family gatherings such as weddings or birthdays.
Introducing his significant other to his family is a huge step for a guy. Men take this matter very seriously as they’re very protective of the people in their inner circle.
They’ll only invite you to be their plus one when they know they’re ready to commit for the long haul. So, if you see that he’s reluctant to introduce you to his family, it’s crucial to find out the reason behind his decision.
There might be a simple explanation like a family feud or sibling rivalry. On the other hand, there’s also the possibility that he simply doesn’t want to take that step.
If that’s the case, then it might be time to put an end to the relationship and move on to someone who’s proud to have you by his side. Someone who won’t hesitate to show you off to the people he loves.
He has commitment issues
Casual dating means that you have no pressure to commit to a person and that is one of the advantages of such a relationship.
The sad reality is that most guys will avoid a real, committed relationship if they can. And there could be a number of different factors that can cause a man to have commitment issues.
Some have been cheated on in the past, or don’t trust themselves to be faithful to their partner. The bottom line is that these negative experiences, feelings, or thoughts will prevent a man from becoming emotionally invested in a relationship.
It could be that your man is reluctant to make any plans for the future or doesn’t make you a priority. All these are common signs of a fear of commitment. On top of that, if he’s playing the hot and cold game with you or doesn’t treat you with respect.
That’s another reason to have a discussion about how he’s feeling. He could be upfront and suggest a casual relationship because he’s afraid of being hurt again, or because he doesn’t want to have any distractions at that moment and only wants to focus on his job.
The only thing you can do to ease his concerns and calm your mind at the same time is to tell him that a casual relationship isn’t the way forward and that it won’t allow the two of you to be better together.
After all, some people might use this as an excuse for their fear of commitment.
He’s dating other people
It’s very common for a man to avoid a romantic relationship if he feels as if he hasn’t explored his physical interests enough. In that case, he’ll try to date as much as possible to learn more about himself and his preferences.
So, guys often want casual relationships because it gives them the freedom to try non-monogamy.
By keeping things casual, he’s actually protecting you from experiencing hurtful breakup emotions because he knows he wouldn’t be faithful if the two of you became exclusive.
If you feel the same way about him and enjoy spending time with him, then the idea of a casual relationship might suit you best. That way, you’ll always have someone who’s one phone call away whenever you desire a bit of companionship. Also, it can prevent you from jumping into a relationship with a person who isn’t right for you.
But, if you have any romantic feelings for this person, then you’ll definitely be depressed and betrayed by the fact that he wants to see other people. You might even wonder why you’re not good enough for him.
If this is something you can relate to, then you need to take a step back and shift the focus on yourself. After all, your mental health and value shouldn’t depend on some random guy who doesn’t take your relationship seriously.
Go your separate ways and try to find your happiness elsewhere, or even better, try to improve the relationship you have with yourself.
He’s only physically attracted to you
Guys will want a casual relationship if they’re only physically attracted to you and nothing more. While this might be tough to hear, it’s normal for guys to seek a short-term relationship if they’re aware of the fact that you can’t have a future together.
Maybe your man is keeping you around because he knows that your personalities don’t quite click, but your physical needs align completely.
Many women will refer to these types of guys as players or manipulators, but those same women usually don’t notice the signs a man isn’t ready to commit to them.
However, there’s a possibility that you feel the same way about him. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who has those emotions – this type of relationship just suits your needs.
7 rules to survive a casual relationship
Now that you know why guys want casual relationships, you may be wondering what’s the best way to pull off this kind of arrangement.
The trick is you have to watch out not to catch any real feelings for a guy when starting a casual relationship. Otherwise, you could end up hurt if he ever decides to call it quits.
1. Both of you have to be on the same page
Some people date casually because they emphasize quantity of relationships and don’t want to commit to anyone. It’s okay if you’re one of those people, but it’s important that the person you’re dating shares the same idea.
Your casual relationship can only work if you make it clear to him from the very beginning that you’ve no interest in tying the knot and you won’t be in a committed relationship.
Then you have to give him some time and space to think about it. Eventually, when he gathers all the information that he needs, he’ll call you to express his opinion and let you know whether or not he wants to casually date you.
The worst mistake you could make is to string him along and not give him a chance to voice his thoughts.
You don’t have to make a big fuss about it or confess that you’re not into him that much the first time you hang out. However, as you get to spend more time together, you’ll have to decide if you’re going to take your dating to the next level or not.
2. You still need to respect each other
Just like with any relationship, if you want your casual relationship to work, you have to have respect for each other. Even if this wasn’t something you could predict will happen to you, you can’t disrespect him in any way. The same rule applies to him as well.
Treat him with kindness the same way you would treat any other human being. Just because he’s not willing to commit to you, doesn’t mean he deserves worse treatment.
You always have the choice of walking away, don’t forget that. If you see that he’s mistreating you, then feel free to leave him and find someone else.
3. Do whatever you please
A healthy relationship means that you’ll have to sacrifice some “me” time and dedicate it to your SO so that he doesn’t feel unsatisfied or unfulfilled. In a romantic relationship, you’ll always have to make some sort of compromise with your partner.
You give all your attention to your significant other and you trust that they’ll do the same for you. You have to check in often, do things that you might not want to for the sake of his happiness.
On the other hand, one of the advantages of a friends-with-benefits relationship or casual relationship is that you don’t need to do any of that. You can come and go as you please without feeling obligated to do anything for your “partner.”
If you don’t feel like going on a date with him, then just don’t go. Or perhaps he suggests that you be his plus one at his family’s dinner and you don’t want that kind of stress in your life, then you have the freedom to say “no.”
The beauty of such a relationship is that you do whatever you please. You have complete control over your life and you make your own decisions.
4. Keep your options open
Keep in mind that you’re not restricted to any conventional relationship rules and neither is he. One of the perks of being in a casual relationship is that you can flirt as much as you want and date multiple people if you feel like it.
Keep your options open, as you never know when he’s going to move on to another woman. You shouldn’t have any expectations from him, but always take one step at a time.
And if he decides to end things between you and him, don’t be mad or upset. Instead, accept that it’s over and be thankful for all the lessons he taught you.
5. Don’t be possessive
It’s normal to be a bit possessive and jealous of your partner when you’re in a traditional romantic relationship, but this type of arrangement is a bit different.
That’s why if you happen to notice on social media that your casual partner is dating other people, you need to be okay with it. And that goes both ways.
It’s unacceptable to be possessive in a casual relationship because you know that what you have won’t last for too long. And if you see any signs of manipulation on his end, shut it down real quick.
6. Don’t plan anything too in advance with him
If you want to watch a movie with him on a Sunday night, then it’s okay to suggest it a day or two in advance. Anything more than that is getting into more serious relationship territory.
Try to be present in the moment and don’t sweat too much about what will happen next. Knowing that the moment may be all you two have will help you learn more about yourself and how to live your life to the fullest.
Remember, that he’s also keeping his options open and you never know when you’ll see him next. He may find someone new before you get a chance to go out with him again.
On top of that, you don’t want to be tied to any future plans you suddenly realize you don’t want to keep.
7. Focus on yourself
Another benefit of casually dating someone is that you get to spend all of your mental energy on something you find more useful than a relationship.
You could try to work on yourself more or dedicate your time to the project you’ve been working on for months. Don’t limit yourself in any way as you can do whatever you want.
8. End it like an adult
If you’re no longer into him, or if he’s no longer into you, then you only have two options – you can either hope that something will change (which is unlikely to happen), or you could pull up your grownup socks and tell him you’re just not feeling it anymore.
Keep in mind that “honesty is the best policy” and by doing so, you’re protecting his feelings and yours as well. Don’t try to ghost him and expect that he’ll take the hint. Instead, say what’s on your mind and wish him all the best.