The people you love can cause real emotional pain, and that kind of heartbreak you feel afterward is tough to explain.
When someone you love hurts you, it can take quite a bit of time for you to heal properly and forgive them.
Emotional pain can turn into a physical one, especially if they don’t take responsibility for their actions.
It can cause you to develop a lot of negative feelings toward them.
It’s difficult to think clearly when you’re in such a state, but I believe this article will help you because I will focus on how to respond and how to cope with those feelings of being hurt.
Sometimes when someone you love hurts you, it’s because they’re acting without thinking straight.
Their mind is blurred by the immense emotional and physical pain they are experiencing in that particular moment.
Everyone has experienced such pain. I certainly have.
After the breakup, I was so disappointed in life that I couldn’t think about anything else for a couple of months.
I had to keep myself occupied because my mind was racing to find reasons why the person who loved me hurt me so badly.
The breakup was excruciating, and I couldn’t forgive the other person for the pain she inflicted on me.
But as time passed, I learned that pain is there to teach us a lesson we thought we never needed.
It helped me to become the person that I am today, and I am grateful for that.
However, if you were hurt in the past, it doesn’t mean you won’t be hurt in the present.
Sometimes, people have this tendency not to think, or they don’t realize they’ve hurt you.
When someone you love hurts you, it makes you feel awful and sometimes even scared about the future.
You feel like it’s drained you of all the positive energy and you won’t ever recover from it.
Why would someone you love hurt you?
There are various reasons for things happening the way they do. Let’s get into some of them now.
Sometimes the people you love hurt you without a clue that they caused you pain.
We constantly forget that we as individuals differ from each other. As such, our sensitivities are different as well.
You might think that some of your loved one’s actions weren’t okay, and he hurt you, but he might not have even been aware of it.
For him, it was completely acceptable behavior, and he has no clue what he did wrong.
Some people have a distinct set of rules they think are appropriate, and they don’t worry how you feel afterward.
For example, if your partner doesn’t respond to your text message about meeting up for lunch, you might think he doesn’t care about you or he forgets things that are important to you.
When someone you love hurts you and your feelings, certain things pop into your mind.
You might think he ditched you or doesn’t respect your feelings at all.
However, he has no intention of hurting you at all. He doesn’t have a clue about how his actions impact you.
The other reason someone you love may hurt you is because they misread you or don’t how to respond when you confront them.
So, you’re feeling hurt and disappointed because your partner did not read your facial expression correctly or do the thing you asked him to do like a million times.
Naturally, you feel this way because it appears that he isn’t listening to what you have to say. You assume he doesn’t care.
And when you confront them about your feelings, he just cracks a joke or stares back blankly at you.
Maybe he behaves that way because he fears that he’s disappointed you.
He shuts down as a way to protect himself.
He might not know how to respond properly just because he hasn’t learned it yet – it’s not that he doesn’t care.
Sometimes we get hurt because we underestimate how little we know about others and ourselves.
Every single one of us has our own internal emotional world, one that’s hidden from the eyes of others.
That’s why every emotional and physical pain that we experience is just another lesson for us.
Through pain and suffering, we’re learning about ourselves (whether we like it or not).
What to do when someone you love hurts you?
Now that I’ve covered the main reasons for your loved one causing you pain, you’re probably wondering how you should respond and what you can do to prevent it from happening in the future.
1. Focus on loving yourself
When someone you love hurts you, you bottle up all those negative emotions – sadness, sorrow, anger. Those feelings simply overtake you.
You feel anger and resentment toward the person who hurt you because you let them do that to you. Also, you become angry at yourself.
But hating the person who hurt you won’t do any good for your mental or emotional health.
Don’t allow hate and anger to linger because you’ll poison your mind and make yourself suffer even more.
A great way to respond is to let it heal. Give yourself time and just heal.
Let positivity and love into your life.
Let the hurtful emotions go – they won’t do you any good.
You won’t have the energy to get up and focus on your goals because you’re swimming in anger and resentment all the time.
If you want to have a positive outlook on life and want to achieve your goals, you have to love yourself more.
Don’t waste your time and energy dwelling in hurt. Focus on loving yourself and find the happiness that you had before being hurt by your loved one.
You have to give yourself a chance to feel joy again, and you’ll do that by loving yourself more and focusing on yourself, not on the person who hurt you.
2. Try to notice how the other party is feeling
Chances are that the ones who hurt you are suffering themselves.
When someone you love hurts you, you’re defensive toward them. And if both parties are hurting, then both will take that stance.
It is important to be aware of the unstable ground. You can’t work things out if there’s no trust and love between the two of you.
But the moment of reconciliation and communication might never come on its own.
If the other person doesn’t see that he was wrong, then chances for patching things up are slim.
He believes that he did nothing wrong and as a consequence, the two of you may never heal together.
Your relationship with that particular person will crumble and you’ll grow apart from each other.
Finding common ground can bring back the happiness you once had.
It is only possible to move forward together when there is love and understanding.
You should never settle for someone who is not ready to accept their wrongs and put in effort to make things right again.
A resolution won’t come if one person is not fully aware of their wrongdoings and doesn’t engage in brutally open communication.
3. Recognize and apologize for anything you have done
Be careful when you want to say sorry to someone you love when that someone has hurt you. It shouldn’t be for the wrong reasons.
It shouldn’t be because you’re feeling unwarranted guilt – guilt brought on by past situations.
Every painful experience is another opportunity to learn about yourself.
Your past does not give you the right to avoid your own responsibility for your actions.
Be aware of the things you have done to contribute to the situation.
Badly treating someone can lead to you being hurt. But blaming it on someone else besides yourself is the wrong thing to do.
Let go of the past. Don’t blame someone else just because you have experienced abuse in your past.
Everyone has the right to be heard and understood, no matter what. Try to see things from their perspective before jumping to any conclusions.
Maybe you (intentionally or unintentionally) hurt this person. You never know if you don’t do some reflecting and also communicate.
You have to see things for what they are and not for what you need them to be.
I know someone has hurt you and you feel vulnerable. It’s hard to admit that you might have something to do with that.
You are entitled to your pain, but don’t be the person who throws the first stone. Calm down and try to see the complete picture instead of just a piece.
4. Don’t rush things
Now that your initial reaction is over, you have to give yourself a chance to evaluate what actually happened.
Give yourself time to figure out the cause of the situation.
Always stop for a second before doing anything or responding to the other person.
You might end up saying something that you’ll regret later on, and you even if say it was in the heat of the moment, the other person might not accept your apology.
You have to regain control of the situation. It might give you a fresh perspective, and sometimes it can be a real eye-opener.
You only contribute to the fighting and hurting if you blindly react.
Maybe a past experience has triggered certain emotions in you and you’re acting from the place.
Sometimes the other person isn’t even aware of these emotions, only you are.
So stop for a second, and when you calm down and see things for what they are, then respond.
You can always share your feelings with the other person.
Sometimes you’re just adding fuel to the fire by saying the first thing that pops into your head. Often a person doesn’t think clearly in those situations.
Help them understand how this is making you feel and where the possible causes of such feelings come from.
5. Try to be open-minded
I know that it’s silly to say this, especially when you’re hurting, but it’s important to stop for a second and evaluate the situation.
Was it intentional or unintentional? Was it just a misunderstanding or did the other person really want to hurt you?
You have to learn how to listen even when someone you love hurts you.
I know that is tough to hear, but it’s the truth.
Sometimes it is better to listen to your gut reaction. But be aware – as I said before, you have to differentiate between an old feeling and a new one.
If the anger and resentment you’re feeling right now are caused by previous unpleasant experiences, then it’s best to pause for a second and take a bit of a breather.
Don’t react instinctively. Rather choose to respond intentionally.
6. Talk to other people
When someone you love hurts you, our first thoughts are to respond defensively and attack them.
But often the best thing to do is to take a break, try to talk to other people about it, and see what they have to say.
It’s hard to think straight in situations when we’re feeling depressed and hurt.
Maybe it was something that happened at a get-together with friends and you want to go and directly speak to that person.
My advice to you would then be to chat with someone else outside of that social circle.
A different and fresh perspective might hold the solution to your problems.
Find someone who you can trust and feel safe with.
Avoid talking with a mutual friend about the problem because it will create unnecessary triangles that can cause more damage than good.
7. Remember to forgive
It’s easy to forget how important the other person is to us in the heat of the argument. Remember, saying “I’m sorry” goes a long way.
Always try to build bridges, not burn them. That means not to take a defensive stance and not to build walls around you.
Love, forgiveness, and acceptance will bring so much joy and relief.
I know it’s sometimes hard to forgive someone you love. But do you want to spend months feeling angry and bitter at someone who hurt you?
Building bridges with someone who hurt you doesn’t mean the feeling will disappear, but it is a massive step toward forgiveness.
It’s easier to deal with difficult situations when you have an open heart and not a hostile attitude.
Consciously practicing a positive attitude will bring you peace and tranquility.
If you want to find a way out of your darkness, then this is something to try.
You don’t have to forgive them immediately if you don’t feel ready.
Your response means that you are deciding to act calmly, and it will bring you only peace instead of sorrow.
How do you maintain a relationship with your romantic partner if they hurt you?
It adds a certain weight if your romantic partner is the one who hurt you.
You have to decide whether or not he is worth fighting for, even after all that’s been said and done.
But here’s what I think you can do:
Be patient with your partner and yourself
Eventually, your partner will realize the amount of hurt he inflicted on you and try to change.
The change includes not just acting differently, but much more.
It may take time for him to realize it, but you have to be patient if you think he is capable of doing so.
You can always ask for help from your friends or family.
It’s also important to remember that you have to allow not only time for your partner to realize the error of his ways and fix it, but time for yourself time to heal.
It’s a natural process that cannot be rushed.
Another thing is to help your partner realize he needs to prove to you that he has changed.
Change comes gradually, but they need to happen. He needs to be aware of his past attitude toward you, and have the strength and will to change.
Whatever the case might be, it has to be about you and not the other way around. Give him time to change and exercise patience.
Assess your boundaries
You have to assess your boundaries – it’s the first step in forgiving someone for a mistake or series of mistakes.
- Does anything have to change for you to feel happy and safe again in the relationship?
- Do you need some time apart from each other?
- Are certain topics off the table?
- Do you need to address the way he behaves toward you when you’re talking about a certain thing?
If you think that your partner may physically harm you, then my best advice for you is to immediately move away from him and ask for help if you need to.
As you give yourself and your romantic partner time to heal and grow, respect and trust will come back little by little.
Eventually, you won’t have to force it, it will be a natural process.
As you open up again toward your partner, you’ll be able to experience new things.
You’ll be able to talk openly again because your guardedness and healing process will have ended.
Once more, you will be vulnerable and open toward him, and you won’t be afraid to do so.
How to not get hurt going forward?
There’s always the possibility that you may get hurt. So how can you prevent it, you may ask?
You have to stop thinking you’re the victim. Stop blaming the other person.
Even if they did some terrible things to you through no fault of your own, it doesn’t mean you should just sit there and feel bad for yourself.
It doesn’t give you the right to blame other people either – that will only hold you back.
You can’t feel good or happy if you use this as fuel to achieve whatever it is you plan on achieving.
Take responsibility for your actions and move forward.
You may not be responsible for what happened to you in the past, but you surely are responsible for your attitude now.
Focus on the things that bring you joy in the present moment. You don’t have to let go of the pain forever, you just have to make room for joy right now.
Ask yourself, “What is something that brings me joy in this moment?”
Maybe going to the gym will bring you happiness. Or start drawing. Focus on now and give yourself a little peace.
You can also share your joy with others. When we’re hurt, we tend to isolate ourselves because we’re afraid to be vulnerable again.
But you don’t have to be vulnerable all the time. You can allow yourself time with others without telling them your painful stories.
Go grab a movie with them and give yourself a break from all the sadness and anger you’re feeling.
You don’t have to carry it with you through every moment of your day.
After enduring such pain, you have the right to choose who you let in your life and who to reject.
And you’ll find that as you give others a chance to make you happy, those pockets of sadness and anger will disappear.
You have been hurt, but you have the strength and courage to move forward. People come and go.
Just remember, every pain brings a new lesson.