Think aloud
Is he losing interest in me? When he pulls away, should I do the same?
Is it already over between us? Did I do something to deserve this?
If you are bothered by these questions and can’t stop thinking about your man, something’s changed between the two of you and you don’t know where you stand with him anymore.
Whether it happens during dating or during a relationship, it hurts when a man pulls away, especially when you don’t know why.
When he pulls away, should I do the same by pulling away too?
I’ve asked myself that as well, so I know how you feel.
You just want the man you fell for to come back and it’s normal. Still, you can’t risk pushing him away even further by begging him to come back.
The first thing you need to know is that just because he pulled away, it’s doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s over. But you also need to know that you shouldn’t chase him and pressure him to come back.
All relationships have their ups and down and men often deal with emotions by retreating. It’s in that part of their nature that drives us crazy.
Don’t blame yourself for what happened and take comfort knowing that we’ve all been there. Try not to obsess about it either.
And whatever you do, don’t start analyzing every single thing he said, you said, he did, you did… You will find all the answers you need here, but you have to relax.
Men really detest it when we create drama, even when we have a good reason for it.
We’re just experiencing and expressing strong emotions, right? Well, guys have never really been into feelings because they learned to suppress and control them.
They also keep quiet about what’s bothering them. But stick around and you’ll find all the answers he can’t give you…
After you do so, try your best not to think about it too much.
You have every right to feel the way you do, but overthinking things could actually just make things worse.
I know that you tried ignoring it and justifying it, but it’s breaking you that he’s pulling away.
So when he pulls away, should you do the same? Many women ask themselves that, even though they already know the answer.
They can’t help it though, because they don’t want the relationship to end. Out of fear of losing their man, they make the mistake of chasing him.
Even if he’s physically there, you feel like he’s not there emotionally… He seems emotionally closed off and withdrawn but refuses to talk about it…
Maybe he even tells you that you’re overreacting and that everything is fine. Is it?
That kind of response only makes you even more upset. You just want the relationship to work, and who could blame you?
Does he want the same? Just the thought of it is enough to make your heart go into full-blown panic mode.
What did I do and is there a way to fix things? Why is he acting this way in the first place?
Well, it might not have anything to do with you. He might be having a hard time at work, problems with his family or finances, or even health issues.
If he is stressed out about something and emotionally off-balance, he’ll choose to deal with it alone. Most men are like that.
He’s probably not going to explain himself to you because he wants to deal with his issues on his own.
On the other hand, maybe you did do something that made him pull away. Granted, he shouldn’t have, but if you didn’t give him any space, it might have pushed him away.
If you’ve been acting too needy or insecure, maybe he just needed to take a step back and let you deal with it on your own too.
Maybe you were rude to someone dear to him? Still, he shouldn’t act passive-aggressive about it.
The answer you’re most afraid of might be the reason for his behavior. He might be unsure about the relationship.
If he’s been gradually pulling away more and more for a while now, it might be the case.
If he’s pulling away because he’s having doubts about the relationship, should you do the same? Well, are you having doubts about it too?
What kind of relationship do the two of you have? Let me tell you what you can do depending on whether the relationship is serious or casual.
When he pulls away, should I do the same if we’re in a relationship?
1. Don’t overthink things and know that stressing about it won’t help
You shouldn’t do anything that could harm your self-esteem and doom the relationship.
You’re worried and scared, and it’s normal, but don’t panic. Overthinking things could just make the stressful feelings more overwhelming.
Don’t do anything that could make things worse, but try to stay calm. You are trying to find a solution to a problem that you haven’t yet identified.
Don’t forget that when a man pulls away, it’s most often not related to his love life. It’s simply the way he deals with difficulties and stress.
He’s not going to turn to you for support and might not even be willing to talk about it… But you can let him know that you’re there for him and ask him to let you in on anything that’s bothering him.
Be prepared that most men have a need to appear as if they have it all together. Your man might want you to see him as a strong guy who has everything under control.
Showing his vulnerable side to you might not be easy for him. He might retreat even more if you pressure him to open up.
Communication is important in a relationship though, so you should at least reassure him that he can talk to you about anything that worries him.
2. Don’t be overbearing, just let him know that you’re there if he wants to talk
I mentioned that it’s important to talk about things, but you should definitely not pester him to do it. Threatening him, pleading, begging, or nagging will more often than not just push him away even further.
No matter how curious you are to know what’s going on in that head of his, you need to let him be.
Just let him know you’ve noticed that he seems off lately and you’d be glad to hear him out if he wants to discuss it with you.
Let him know that you’d help him in any way you can if he needed your help. Remind him that you’re a couple by showing affection.
Do these things only once and then let him be. He will get the point and know where to find you if he needs your help.
Don’t get bitter or angry. Just give it some time.
3. Respect his privacy and give him the space he needs
All couples sometimes need some time apart. You need to give him some space to do his own thing, and you should do yours too.
Use this time to focus on yourself and try to make yourself happy.
Improve the things you don’t like about yourself to grow as a person. It can’t happen overnight, so work on anything that might bring out the best in you.
Couples often lose themselves in a relationship. Instead of becoming a team, it’s like they become one person, which leaves them no space to just be themselves.
Remind yourself of the person you were before you met him. Bring back the things you liked about yourself before.
Pursue anything that made you feel fulfilled before and remember what it’s like to be alone for a bit. If you neglected some aspects of your life before getting into a relationship, try giving them more attention now.
When he pulls away, maybe you could do the same – within reason, of course.
I know you’ve shed many tears because of him pulling away like this. I know that you’re afraid of losing him, but why do you think your life would be over if he wasn’t in it?
Because you love him of course. But life doesn’t end when love ends.
If he’s even thinking about leaving, you shouldn’t be thinking that you can’t survive it.
Strong women know how to make themselves happy and they’re fine on their own. It’s not easy to become a strong woman, but this is your chance to work on being more independent and confident.
As a matter of fact, it might just get him back!
When he pulls away, should I do the same if we’re just dating?
When a guy pulls away while you’re only casually dating, it can still feel pretty devastating. He never really committed to you, so you can’t help but think it’s the end of the relationship before it had a chance to become something serious.
Unfortunately, a lot of people get ghosted instead of broken up with, so you might fear that this is the case.
Hours, days, and weeks pass by and he’s not there. Even if he is, his mind seems to be elsewhere and you don’t feel like he’ll stick around for much longer.
All that uncertainty on its own is enough to mess with your mind and drive you insane. You might even start questioning yourself and thinking that you’re not good enough.
Please, don’t. Even if this is the end of something potentially wonderful, don’t torture yourself.
If he’s bailing before even giving you a proper chance, you’re better of without him anyway.
Maybe you want to let your despair and anger overwhelm you, and say a lot of things to him. But don’t. Instead, heed the following advice.
1. Don’t jump to conclusions
Take a minute to really think about what’s going on because it might not be about you.
The guy wants to impress you when you first start dating and he might just be his normal self now.
In the beginning, he brought his A-game to win your heart. He constantly texted you, set up new dates, and seemed available and attentive.
Since the two of you became an item, however, he thinks he doesn’t have to put so much effort into keeping you around.
Being so available and attentive all the time simply isn’t even possible – he has his own life, job, friends and family, and now you. At first, he focused on you, but now he has to put energy into other aspects of his life too.
Many women interpret this behavior as a lack of interest. They think that the man is pulling away just because he’s not the same as he was in the beginning.
In reality, maybe he just feels more comfortable around you. He thinks that he can now relax and take things slow.
Women often think differently and I’m no exception. When a guy I was dating didn’t respond, all I wanted to do was call him repeatedly just to hear his voice.
I hadn’t seen him in a day after seeing each other every day, and I created this drama in my head. He’s not into me, I’ll never see him again. If he’s pulling away, should I do the same? How did we get here?
I constantly replayed our last few dates in my head to see if I said or did something wrong. Was it so wrong that I simply wanted to be with the man I fell for?
Well, seems so because he texted me while I was grieving the loss of our love… Everything was perfectly fine, he just had other things to do…
I’m sure a lot of women could relate to that drama that went on in my mind for no reason. That’s what guys don’t like about us: We tend to create unnecessary drama.
The point is that you need to wait for a while. Don’t jump to conclusions and think it’s all over just because he’s pulled away.
Stay cool and patient, even if it’s extremely difficult. Try to figure out what the problem is before trying to fix it or crying over it.
It’s hard, I know, but see things from a guy’s point of view. If you freak out about it, nothing will get solved anyway.
On the other hand, if you haven’t heard from him in days and his answers are short and cold when you reach out, it’s a red flag.
2. Leave him alone and don’t get in touch with him
One effective strategy is to not text him just so that he remembers to talk to you. He knows where he can find you.
Don’t call him or show up at the places he frequently visits just to “run into him.” If he’s not reaching out, it’s because he simply doesn’t want that right now.
He will only pull away further if he senses your desperation. Don’t send him funny texts to remind him that you’re awesome, or angry texts to make him see what a jerk he is.
Sending something charming and sweet won’t work either. It will just make him see that you want to talk to him more than he wants to talk to you.
If you happen to send any type of message and you don’t get a response from him, stop getting in touch.
Don’t let him see that he got to you because he probably isn’t worth it.
3. Find a way to make yourself happy
Instead of focusing on him, focus on yourself. This is something I always recommend because it’s definitely the right choice, no matter what the outcome of him pulling away is.
Stop worrying about him and work on yourself. If you were too needy, try to find out why and how you can avoid acting that way in the future.
Maybe you just acted like yourself and in that case, he simply isn’t the right man for you.
I know that it hurt your self-esteem when he pulled away, but don’t focus on negative feelings. If you do, they will only create problems for your future relationships.
Rediscover all your good qualities and learn how to be a high-value woman when he pulls away. Remind yourself of everything that makes you a true catch, and know that there are men who’ll give anything to catch a woman like you.
You can be a great partner to someone, maybe you just haven’t yet found your match.
4. Test the waters
Once you feel like yourself again, feel free to reach to him, but not with just about anything.
If he hasn’t reached out in a week, you can send him a text… But don’t send something that’ll reveal you still want him.
When he pulls away, do nothing until enough time has passed. Then, go ahead and say something like “I saw a funny meme just now and it reminded me of you.”
Wait for his response and if he doesn’t respond well or at all, you know where you stand with him.
If his answers are cold and short, he’s not that into you. Maybe he doesn’t mind answering your questions, but he doesn’t ask any because he doesn’t want to engage in the conversation.
If you instead have a great chat and he seems eager to talk to you, you might get back together!
When that happens, don’t hold onto the anger and resentment his pulling away caused you. Try not to bring it up at all and he might surprise you by telling you the reason himself.
Maybe he won’t tell you the real reason, but if he gives you one, he sure feels bad about bailing on you.
If he does the same thing again though, he’s definitely not as interested as you’d like him to be.
When he pulls away, what will happen next?
If you follow my above advice, you’ll see one of three outcomes.
1. He’ll come back
Maybe he’ll just work through his issues on his own and come back to you. This is probably the ideal result you’re hoping for and it is possible.
Maybe he does need a little space and time to clear his head, then he’ll be right back! Afterward, he might turn out to be even better to you than he was before.
2. He’ll discuss the issue with you
Not all men have a problem with talking about problems. Some of them want to share these things with their partners.
You will have to be compassionate and let him have his space though. Don’t force him to open up, but let him do it in a way he feels comfortable with.
Do your thing and give him space to do his. He will then feel much safer to open up to you and discuss his issues.
If he does, be supportive and don’t try to solve his problems, just listen to him.
3. He’ll keep pulling away until he ends the relationship or disappears
Unfortunately, your fears might be justified.
If the two of you are in a committed relationship, he’ll probably break up with you after pulling further and further away.
But why do guys pull away before they commit? If you were casually dating, maybe he’ll be ready for a committed relationship after some time.
You might get ghosted though, and you need to be ready for it so that you don’t get too heartbroken should it happen.
So, until you get a sign from him that this is just a phase, don’t get your hopes up… For your own good.
Unfortunately, these days people get ghosted all too often.
Sometimes, the way you respond to him pulling away can determine the outcome.
So, when he pulls away, should you do the same? In a way, yes, just follow the advice you’ve read so far.
If he doesn’t react and just keeps pulling away, leave him alone.
Don’t ever forget that there are guys out there who’d give anything for a chance with a girl like you. So, don’t let any guy string you along or wait forever for him to make up his mind about you.
Stay strong!
