Think aloud
Now you see him, now you don’t… Maybe you like magic tricks, but when a guy disappears and then comes back, it’s frustrating, not entertaining.
Even though this guy is not a magician, he’s not just going to reveal his secret behind disappearing and reappearing…
We’ll do it for him though, and you’ll learn all the common reasons a guy just vanishes and shows up again.
Maybe you’re already assuming that he’s simply a player, and you might be right. Unfortunately, he could be, and it’s the primary reason a guy acts so weird.
Maybe he’s considering his options or has already started seeing someone else. Dating is not so simple though, so the explanation doesn’t have to be so simple either.
You might have wondered why a man would do something like that to a woman but men and women are wired differently.
When it comes to relationships, nothing is quite black and white, and sometimes things don’t even make sense.
It often defies logic when a guy disappears and then comes back, especially when there’s no explanation.
Even if he gives you a reason, it doesn’t have to be the truth, and it doesn’t have to make sense.
As if that’s not bad enough, he might not even bother to give you any explanation whatsoever.
A guy could suddenly disappear from your life for no apparent reason. You’d wonder about it and analyze whether you did something wrong…
Eventually, you’d come to the conclusion that he ghosted you. It would hurt, but you’d find a way to make peace with it…
Just when you do, there he is again. He shows up at your door and acts as if nothing happened.
Ghosted you? Why would you think that?
He only makes you even more confused because he seems like he doesn’t understand what the big deal is.
Well, what were you supposed to think while you didn’t see him or hear from him in a while?
Naturally, the scenario doesn’t have to happen exactly as I described. He probably won’t literally show up on your doorstep.
Maybe he’ll just start contacting you again after bailing on you.
Everything seemed to be going well before, but how do you react now, after getting hurt?
How should you react when a guy disappears and then comes back?
Is he even aware that he’s toying with your emotions? Does he know how confused and hurt you were before he decided to confuse you even more?
Should you forget him or forgive him?
I’ll tell you what you can do when a guy disappears and then comes back.
I’m assuming that you want to figure out the reason he pulled this awful trick in the first place though.
Here are the most common reasons a guy would vanish from your life and reappear again:
1. Something happened in his life that he had to take care of
I wanted to start with something we often don’t even think about.
When a guy just bails on us, we get so focused on analyzing things that we don’t even think about a reasonable explanation.
This is only natural, since most of the time, a guy’s disappearance has something to do with the relationship.
Let’s not completely ignore the possibility that something actually happened though.
Something might have happened in his life that has nothing to do with you.
Maybe a close family member found out they have a serious illness and he had to travel to visit them.
Perhaps he was so incredibly busy that he could just manage to work, eat, and sleep.
You shouldn’t give yourself false hope and rely on this reason, but it’s worth mentioning.
The problem with it is that he could have simply sent you a text to explain that he had to take care of something…
Instead, he just disappeared, so how could that be okay? Well, the amount of time he wasn’t present is very important.
Clearly, there’s a huge difference between when a guy disappears for a few days and for a month.
If the guy disappeared for only a couple of days, everything might be fine and this is especially true if he explained what happened afterward.
On the other hand, maybe you haven’t heard from him in weeks. It’s very unlikely that he couldn’t have contacted you for such a long time.
Even if something happened, if you haven’t heard from him in such a long time, it’s probably not the real reason.
2. When a guy disappears and then comes back, maybe he’s just stringing you along
Some guys can be wickedly good with words and keep you around without committing to you.
You’re not single anymore, but you’re not in a relationship with him either. Somehow, he keeps you in limbo.
He makes you believe that the two of you have a true, deep connection.
He’ll give you a lot of attention and act nice to you while you’re alone together.
He will never refer to you as his girlfriend, though. You’ll never meet his family and friends.
Maybe he’ll tell you that he’s into you but isn’t ready for a relationship yet. Don’t believe that he’ll ever be ready because he’s probably just using you.
He’ll just be with you when he wants to, without calling it a relationship, even though you’ll hope he will someday.
When a guy disappears and then comes back to string you along some more, show him the door.
Don’t tolerate men who want to walk in and out of your life as they please. If he’s ‘not ready’ for a relationship, there’s plenty of those who are.
He just doesn’t want to be in a real relationship and wants you to keep hoping that he one day will.
That way, he’ll get to string you along for as long as he wants to… or for as long as you keep hoping.
3. He wants to slow things down a little
Yes, men can be jerks and terrified of commitment but we have to admit that sometimes we go a little crazy when we fall in love with a guy.
While he’s interested in something serious but still trying to get to know you better, you already love him…
He’s thinking about taking you to a wedding as his plus-one and you’re thinking about your wedding with him as the groom.
It happens to all of us, but not being on the same page from the start can create problems.
He wants to take things step by step, while you run ahead and want him to catch up with.
Naturally, sometimes it can be the other way around, but most often, girls develop feelings faster.
When a guy disappears and then comes back, he might just want things to slow down.
Things might have been moving too fast for him so he felt overwhelmed or even trapped.
If you think this is what’s going on in your case, let him breathe, give him some space and slow down.
He might want the same things you do, he just can’t get there as fast. Try to follow his pace and build the relationship brick by brick.
Skipping steps can often cause problems anyway. If he disappears on you again though, let him have his time and space, but for good.
As long as you’ve made an effort to slow things down, you shouldn’t tolerate this behavior.
4. When a guy disappears and then comes back, he might be in a bad place at the time
I already mentioned that something could have happened, but in that case, he took care of it.
What if he’s going through something that he can’t quite deal with?
Maybe he has some health issues or family problems which means he can’t function normally.
He’s too focused on something that’s bothering him to focus on you.
Sometimes, a guy can have a hectic lifestyle and not make you a priority.
In that case, he could still give you an explanation and try to make time to at least send you a text.
But what if he’s simply in a bad place? Maybe he’s having trouble letting anyone get close because he’s depressed or under a lot of stress.
I know you’d want to help him feel better, but if he doesn’t let you, you really can’t do anything.
Guys often lie about not being ready for a relationship, but a person can truly not be ready for one.
If he truly needs to deal with something alone, he won’t be ready until he deals with it, and you’ll just have to let him.
Don’t wait for him forever though, because he may never be.
5. He’s not dating only you
Unfortunately, when a guy disappears and then comes back, it could mean that he was with another woman.
If you’re just dating, he could be dating more people at once. Maybe you’re in a relationship instead, and he’s been seeing someone else.
I used the words ‘seeing someone’ and not ‘cheating on you’ for a reason.
Yes, he could be cheating, but he could also be spending time with another girl and what I mean by that is that he might not have actually cheated.
Maybe he spent time with someone interesting and considered getting involved with them.
For instance, his ex might have reached out to him and he considered going back to her.
Technically, this doesn’t count as cheating, but still hurts, doesn’t it? You should think twice before letting it slide.
6. He had a bad experience in the past
When a guy disappears and then comes back, it might be all about his trust issues.
We often assume that all girls are saints while all guys are devils, but that’s not quite true.
His ex-girlfriend might have hurt him so badly that it left serious consequences.
He might not be able to have a healthy relationship with you because of his trust issues.
If you know that he had a bad experience in a past relationship, it might be the reason he can’t let you in.
I’m sure that you can relate and understand, but you still shouldn’t let him treat you this way.
Have a heart-to-heart conversation with him and let him know that you understand what he’s been through.
Make it clear that you shouldn’t have to pay for the mistakes his ex made though.
If he doesn’t work on it and just bails again, unfortunately, you just have to let him go.
7. When a guy disappears and then comes back, it can be because he’s afraid of commitment
It’s unbelievable how many men are terrified of commitment. Most often, they’re actually scared of getting trapped and losing their freedom.
They assume that they won’t be able to have a life outside of the relationship.
It might be because they’re just immature, but they may have had some experiences that made them think that.
In some cases, they just don’t want to be devoted to only one woman or have any responsibilities.
Whatever reason he’s afraid of commitment, there’s not much you can do.
When a guy disappears and then comes back because of a fear of commitment, he’ll disappear again.
You can try talking to him after the first time and help him understand that he won’t lose his freedom. If he disappears again though, just let him go.
8. He realized that you’re not compatible
People can love each other and still not be able to make the relationship work. Sometimes, it’s no one’s fault and you just don’t belong together.
Maybe you’re too blinded by love to see it, but he managed to.
Try to see your relationship and potential future together without letting your emotions cloud your judgment.
Maybe he’s seen that it can’t work out and that you’d both be better off with someone else.
But he came back because he still cares about you and is afraid that he gave up too soon.
Has he really? Make sure that he wasn’t in fact just aware of the painful truth.
9. He needs to figure out how he really feels about you
Maybe he’s not sure about his feelings for you and needs time to think. You know, he could like you but not be sure that he loves you.
If you’ve just been dating and thinking about having a serious relationship, he might need to think about it.
Not all guys want to take advantage of you or string you along. Some actually do want to find the one, just like we do.
We often think that you just know when you’ve found the one, but it’s not always that simple.
Feelings can be confusing and sometimes, taking a step back helps understand them.
We tend to freak out when a guy says he needs time to think and assume that it’s over.
When a guy disappears and then comes back without even saying it, it can be even worse.
If he just needed some time to think, however, try to play it cool.
Maybe this was something he needed in order to make up his mind about you, and he has.
If that’s the case, don’t make a big fuss about it after the first time but if it happens again, don’t tolerate it.
It’s okay to think things through, but it’s not okay to keep changing your mind. You’re actually being very understanding for even tolerating it once.
10. He started having deep feelings for you and got scared
Maybe you could never understand why would a guy reject you if he likes you.
It’s strange when a guy seems to have started having feelings for you and then disappears.
The truth is, maybe he entered the relationship with no clear goal or idea where it could lead.
You got to know each other better and he opened up, let you in, and developed feelings for you.
This made him vulnerable so he got scared and freaked out about it so much that he left.
He acted stupidly and it might be because of some fears, issues, or insecurities.
If that’s all there is to it, you should definitely consider giving him a second chance.
Whatever his reasons were though, you might be wondering what the best way to react to this is.
Here’s what you can do when a guy disappears and then comes back:
1. Find out the reason
Surely there’s a reason for why he abruptly lost touch with you but there’s a reason he came back as well.
If he gave you no explanation, you should definitely ask for one.
Don’t attack him, though. If he sees that you’re angry, he might not be honest with you.
Be calm and collected, and play it cool, not because of him, but because of you. Once he tells you his reason, don’t react right away.
Consider his reasoning and whether it’s logical. Be aware of what your gut is telling you regarding whether it’s the truth.
Paying attention to his body language could help you determine his level of honesty.
2. Consider giving him a second chance but set your boundaries
Since I don’t know your situation, I can’t tell you whether you should give him a second chance or not.
Nevertheless, I can tell you that you should consider it, depending on his explanation.
People make mistakes, and if this is the first time and the only way he has hurt you, he might be a nice guy.
If you think he is, you can give him a chance to redeem himself.
Set your boundaries either way. One of them could be not to give this guy a third chance if he does this again.
3. Let him know how it felt and don’t pretend it didn’t hurt you
After he explains himself, tell him your side of the story. Let him know how you felt, which will give you the relief you need.
If you want to have a healthy relationship with him, this is important but even if you don’t, it will help you process it and feel better.
Don’t pretend it didn’t hurt you. He needs to be perfectly aware that what he did wasn’t okay.
If you give him another chance, this can’t happen again. He needs to understand that and realize why if he doesn’t.
4. Be aware that it might happen again and take precautions
Keeping your guard up will be a good idea if you give him a second chance.
Whatever his reason was, he gave you a reason to doubt both him and his intentions, so you have every right to.
He might seem like a nice guy, have a good explanation, and promise it won’t happen again.
It all might actually be true but it can also only seem that way as well.
In any case, he hurt you and you have to protect yourself from getting hurt again.
5. Consider giving him a taste of his own medicine
You might feel a need to teach him a lesson, and that’s okay.
Depending on the situation, it might be a good idea to give him a taste of his own medicine.
You can make yourself unavailable more often than you would or ignore him.
When he reaches out to you after vanishing, you have every right not to respond.
If you’re hurt and don’t want to listen to his excuses, feel free to ignore him.
You can limit your interactions instead. Respond to him and stay friendly, but refuse to meet him.
When you do reply, use only simple and short responses.
If he doesn’t have a good reason for disappearing, it might be best not to let him come back so easily.
Heart-to-heart conversations are important, but sometimes people just don’t get it that way.
If you calmly let him know how it hurt you and go back to the way things were right away, it might give him the wrong idea.
He could think that he’s off the hook and can do whatever he wants.
It depends on the guy and the reason, but some of them simply have to be taught a lesson.
6. Consider letting him go completely
Whatever his reason was, you’re not obligated to forgive him.
Maybe he’s just a toxic guy who’ll never treat you the way you deserve, so consider letting him go and moving on to someone who will.
Regardless of the reason for his decision to disappear, some guys wouldn’t even do that in the first place.
Don’t forget that he could have said something, no matter how good his reason is.
Most importantly, don’t blame yourself and learn more about what should you do when a guy stops talking to you suddenly.
You need a man, not a ghost.
