Think aloud
When the guy you’re dating is emotionally unavailable, it doesn’t mean he’s a jerk or he’s manipulative.
It’s hard to know what to say to an emotionally unavailable man because he could still be a nice guy and he could even be your best friend.
Sometimes it might seem like you’re dating a brick wall and not an actual person.
You know you’re putting in the effort and you’re giving pieces of yourself to the other person, but it seems like it’s all for nothing.
However, an emotionally unavailable partner can overcome whatever it is that’s wrong with him. Scientists agree there are two types of unavailability: temporary and chronic.
Chronic unavailability is caused by some trauma from the past or by a mental illness.
Temporary unavailability means they’re afraid of falling in love and getting hurt again, and they have a hard time prioritizing things.
Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between chronic and temporary unavailability.
That said, it’s frustrating being in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man.
Even if you want to connect on a deeper level with such a guy, you’ll likely fail.
The main reason for such behavior is that they’re just afraid to show their emotions.
If you’re wondering whether or not your man is emotionally unavailable, some signs could help you.
An emotionally unavailable man will never label the status of your relationship.
He’ll try to avoid having ‘the talk’ because he’s afraid of the two of you being exclusive.
You can try to ask him, but at the same time, you’ll have to be cautious not to scare him.
Also, an emotionally unavailable man will avoid any type of physical closeness.
He won’t even hold your hand in public. He’ll do anything he can so that other people around you think you’re just friends and nothing else.
In most cases, there will be no affection between the two of you.
Why? Because he’s afraid of getting hurt again.
He doesn’t trust you and he’s more comfortable when he distances himself from you.
An emotionally unavailable guy will always strive for perfection.
Does your partner always try to find flaws in you, even when you make an effort to satisfy him?
Well, if this is the case, then you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man.
He’ll always try to find an imperfection in you, no matter what you do, because he needs to justify his unacceptable behavior, and that’s why he’s always seeking perfection.
An emotionally unavailable partner will communicate inconsistently.
Not everyone can or should be available at all times for a super-quick text message, but if this problem persists over a long period, the chances are he’s emotionally unavailable.
When someone is into you and wants to be there for you, they’ll find time to talk to you and they’ll make the effort, no matter what.
If a guy doesn’t want to talk to you about his past, it’s another sign that he might be emotionally unavailable.
Being emotionally unavailable means being unable to talk about past happenings.
For a relationship to work out, both partners need to be honest and trust each other. It’s the foundation of every strong relationship.
However, an emotionally unavailable partner might hardly ever open up to you.
So, what can you say to an emotionally unavailable man? It’s important to recognize the following signs because they’ll affect what to say to him.
1.”I know that this has nothing to do with me, but I’m here for you.”
If you decide to stay with your partner even though he’s emotionally unavailable, the chances are you want him to open up to you.
Well, this is the first step to achieving that.
Realize that his emotional barriers have little to do with you. Those feelings that he has were there long before you.
It’s important to understand that your man isn’t rejecting you. He wants to play it safe and doesn’t want to risk being hurt again.
2. “I understand you’re suffering and I want you to get better.”
Your partner has probably built up a wall, and he’s hiding his emotions behind it. If you want him to open up to you, you have to understand that.
Be patient and don’t expect an instant change from him. The key is to listen to what he has to say and encourage him to take down his wall.
And you can achieve that by making him feel comfortable and secure around you.
3. “Do you think you can talk about your past?”
Sometimes the best thing you can do is be direct and honest.
For him to get better and to finally open up to you, your partner needs to acknowledge the problem.
But be careful, as this can backfire on you. Don’t push him and don’t try to change him.
Encourage him to notice that he has a problem and to be willing to work on it.
On the other hand, he might see you as a threat and potentially sabotage your relationship.
4. “Your behavior is affecting my mental and emotional health.”
It can be really difficult and draining to remain in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man.
You’re the one who does all the work, and it’s just exhausting. Over time, depression might hit you if things don’t start to change.
This is because your partner doesn’t reciprocate in the same manner as you.
You put so much energy into your relationship that it outweighs your partner’s contribution.
Eventually, it’ll take a toll on your mental and emotional health, and you might even start to replicate your partner’s behavior.
5. “I’ll give you time and space to think about it.”
There are so many things you can do to help your partner open up to you, but eventually, you have to give him space to do so.
Don’t make him do anything he doesn’t feel like doing.
Make it clear to him what it is that you expect from your relationship and then back off so that he realizes you’re serious about it.
You have to stop spending so much of your own energy on the relationship and let him figure it out.
You’ve done your part and now it’s up to him to show you how much he loves you.
That said, you have to be sure that this is something you want to do. Don’t force yourself into anything because it’s not worth it.
It might work, but at the same time, be prepared for the worst.
Yes, I know it’s terrifying, and there’s a possibility he might hurt your feelings, but you can always try and ignore him.
Just remember, you are enough just as you are. And if he’s not the one for you, there are other fish in the sea.
