Think aloud
When you find yourself on the dating scene, you want to meet guys who are worth your time and energy. You want to make sure to stay away from any man who looks like a player who’s going to break your heart.
Besides players, I for sure know that you don’t want to find yourself on a date with a narcissist either. You know how manipulative and toxic they are and you want to avoid them at all costs.
However, it can be hard to know from the start that you’re dealing with a narcissistic person, especially today, in the world of online dating where most of us meet our potential boyfriends.
I mean, how can you tell over a text that the other person is a narcissistic, toxic man who can break your heart into pieces? It sounds almost impossible.
But what if I told you that you can easily uncover the mask he’s wearing on the very first date? Would you believe me?
Narcissists have their own patterns of behavior. They’re self-centered, manipulative, and proud of themselves. And even if they want to impress you and win you over, their real face can’t stay hidden for a long time.
So, even though we’re talking about the first date, the chances are that he’ll give himself away with his actions.
Let’s see what you’re supposed to look out for if you want to spot a narcissist on the very first date with him.
1. He planned your date to the last detail
Maybe you feel like you’re being spoiled. I mean, look at the way your date is going.
He took you to a fancy restaurant, recommended what you were supposed to order, planned what you’d be doing after dinner, and then he walked you home.
It truly feels like he gave his best to impress you and make you feel special for the night.
But is there something behind his actions? What makes him act like a great potential boyfriend? Does he want something in return?
The thing with narcissists is that they love being in control. He can’t let you choose the location or even a drink if he has it all planned in his head.
To let you take control would be a sign that he has failed, even if it’s about something small such as what to eat. He would feel like someone has power over him, and we all know that narcissists hate that feeling.
He needs to be the one who makes the decisions and you have to be the one who follows them. The second this changes, he might show you his real face.
2. He love-bombs you
You’ve just arrived and haven’t even got to the main course when the obvious love-bombing starts.
He tells you that he knew you were the right one for him from the moment you started talking. He compliments you and makes you feel truly special.
It goes so far that he might even tell you that he can imagine the two of you walking down the aisle, saying, “I do,” in front of the whole world.
Romantic or too excessive for the very first date? You decide!
I just want to warn you that narcissists use love bombing as a way of winning you over. Their words are far from the truth but they know that they sound good.
He looks like a sweet, romantic guy who believes in love at first sight. But deep down, he’s just a manipulator who wants to have things the way he planned them.
3. He brags about himself throughout the whole night
Listen closely. Does your conversation sound something like this? “Me. I. Monologue.”
He’s the smartest one, the kindest one, he loves to help others, and he’s the most emotional guy you’re ever going to meet. In one sentence, he’s a dream come true and everything you’re looking for.
He’ll openly tell you about how good he is, but he’ll also know how to slip in his boasts in a less obvious way so you don’t get the feeling that he’s been talking about himself the entire night.
But later, when you think about your conversations, you’ll realize that the spotlight was on him and he was the one onstage all night.
4. He’s rude to others around you
Have you noticed how arrogant your date has been toward everyone he met?
The woman who walked you to your table couldn’t even get a thank you from him. He just looked at her from above and sighed when she told you to enjoy your night.
When the waiter came, he never let him suggest the chef’s specialty but made sure to show that he was educated enough about the restaurant’s food to know what he was getting.
His rudeness was obvious and you felt ashamed for him because of the way he treated others. But guess what? He didn’t seem to care and acted the same way throughout the whole night.
Red flag! Obnoxious narcissist on the radar.
5. He preys on your insecurities but hides his own
He looks you directly in the eyes and waits to grab onto any insecurities that you may have.
He’ll let you tell him about the things that scare you and the things that you’re shy about but he’ll never be an active participant in those conversations. Instead, he’ll sit on the side and laugh at you on the inside.
This makes a narcissist feel stronger. It gives him power and makes him feel like he’s the one who’s in control.
If he told you his secrets, he would feel vulnerable and that’s not something that he could take.
That’s why you’re the one he’ll prey on until he finds out every little insecurity about you that he can use against you later. He feeds his ego on it.
6. He demands attention
No, no, no – don’t look around to appreciate the beauty of the restaurant, don’t try to chat with the waiter out of politeness, and most importantly, don’t even try talking about yourself because he hasn’t gone there for that.
Your narcissistic date wants your full attention; he’s the one who’s talking and you’re the one who’s listening. I mean, in his eyes, the rules are simple and it’s not hard to follow them.
You’ll know that you’re dealing with a narcissistic attention seeker when he even verbally attacks a waiter for not giving him a table in the middle of the room.
A narcissist loves to be seen and in the center of attention and that’s exactly what you’re supposed to give him – the spotlight. He hates being ignored and he’s going to show you that.
7. He criticizes everything
His job sucks, his co-workers are even worse, and his family doesn’t respect him, even though he gives them money so they can live better. Plus every woman he’s been with has tried to play with his feelings.
When your food arrives, the chances are that he’ll comment on how bad it tastes or how it’s not as warm as it should be. Then, he’ll tell you how rude the waiter is and how he should get fired.
And he himself is a humble, kind-hearted guy, a victim, and he can’t say anything bad about himself.
If you notice any of this behavior, it’s likely that you’re on a date with a narcissistic man. And it’s better to leave before you get hurt.