Think aloud
You never start a relationship with someone with the clear intention of leaving them at some point. That’s just not how love works. But there comes a moment when you have to sit down with yourself and be honest about the way you’re feeling. Has the time come for you to move on?
When you fall in love with someone, you start to imagine your life with that person. You have this vision of what the future is going to bring to you. And the more time you spend together, the tighter the bond between the two of you gets.
But what happens when you realize that you’re not living the life you wanted? What happens when you open your eyes and face the harsh reality?
Even though it’s hard to accept the truth, sometimes love isn’t the only thing that keeps a relationship working. I’m not saying that love isn’t important; I’m just trying to point out that things can’t work out if there are all these other aspects missing in your relationship. Which is exactly what happened to us…
We loved each other, that’s a fact. To be honest, I still love you, probably more than I’ll ever be able to love someone else.
My thoughts still roam about the color of your eyes and the way you look away for a second every time you’re about to say something important. I still remember the sound of your morning voice and the way you hugged me like no one else ever could.
I didn’t forget you and honestly, I probably won’t ever be able to do that. But at the end of the day, I had to walk away from you. I had to do one thing right and call it quits even though my heart was in pain because of that decision.
A part of me will keep on loving you till the last day of my life, but I guess that I’ll have to learn to live without you. I’ll try to explain to myself that I had to walk away and move on because there was no other choice. That was the only thing I could do if I wanted to be truly happy.
Even though it sounds weird, I always knew we weren’t good for each other. I knew that the thing we had was solely based on passion. Or maybe we were too similar, which is why we thought that we could work as a couple.
But what we didn’t want to accept was the fact that we only made each other’s lives more complicated. You were bad for me the same way I was bad for you. It’s just that we tried to ignore those issues, thinking that the love we felt would be enough to get us through everything.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough, and I believe that we knew that from the start. We were just pretending that we didn’t see all the problems. We were trying to live in a bubble where we wouldn’t have to think about the real world that was waiting for us on the outside.
You knew very well that I couldn’t give you the life you wanted, the same way I knew that you were toxic to me. Still, we tried to make it work, thinking that love would suffice for everything.
But the truth is that you can’t base a relationship solely on love when there’s a lack of trust, communication, and commitment. We were just too naive to think that we would be different.
Still, we had to face the truth and realize that our feelings couldn’t compensate for the fact that we didn’t know how to have a proper conversation with each other. Love isn’t an excuse for a relationship that’s not moving forward. And that’s what we had to realize.
Honestly, I felt stuck in our relationship. As I observed my friends and their partners, I realized how much they were growing together. They had all these plans for the future, and they were working to achieve them.
You and I, on the other hand, were standing in the same spot, unable to move forward. If anything, we were only going backward.
For each issue we solved, we then had to face two more. And that’s what happens when you keep sweeping things under the rug. At one point, you stumble on your own problems, as no one can live a life pretending that everything’s okay when that’s far from the truth.
I guess that’s why I felt stuck. I knew there were so many things we had to face and deal with, but we ignored them all. We solely focused on the fact that we loved each other, thinking that would make matters easier.
That’s exactly why we didn’t have any plans for the future. We were just existing in the present, hoping that the universe would take us someplace better. Of course, that day would never come because if we wanted something to change, we had to take action. But we weren’t capable of doing so, which is why we’re here right now.
I was losing myself in our relationship, and even though I was aware of it, I still didn’t know what to do with that realization. I didn’t know how to react and how to solve the issue at hand.
That’s why I did something we were both good at. I ignored my own feelings and pretended that I was happy. Deep down, I was feeling devastated, but I didn’t want anyone to see that.
Now I realize that ignorance is never a solution. It may feel like an easy way out, but in the end, it causes you more harm than you can imagine. It tears you down and makes it even harder to pick yourself up and heal.
But I can only blame myself for feeling that way because I was well aware of my actions. I just didn’t want to say it out loud because that would make the whole situation feel real.
However, after all the sleepless nights, I had to be honest with myself. I had to accept the fact that the love we feel for each other isn’t enough. Our relationship could never thrive because we never made an effort.
We were just pretending to fight for it while we were too busy chasing our own demons and trying to fix ourselves. In that situation, it was too much for us to also fix the issues we were having as a couple.
I know that you never expected me to leave. You truly thought that we would stay together forever even though you were aware that we would never be truly happy. But I guess that you hoped that we got used to each other, and we all know how hard it is to break a habit.
But I had to leave for myself. I had to walk away even though I still loved you. Deep down, I knew it was the only right decision for me.
I didn’t want us to start hating or blaming each other for the issues we were facing. I didn’t want us to start sleeping in separate rooms because we couldn’t stand looking at each other.
Even if that happened, I knew that we couldn’t do anything to change that. We were too weak, and we relied solely on love. But love isn’t enough when you miss the foundations. Love is like a roof to the house. It covers everything up and keeps you safe and warm. But it can’t exist when there are all these other parts missing.
So, if you still think about me from time to time, know that you’re also on my mind. Know that a part of me will probably always love you, and maybe that’s the main reason why I had to move on. I just didn’t want to prolong our suffering because I cared about you. (I still do, but it will never be enough.)