Did someone mention infidelity? Do you think your wife is feeling bad for doing something behind your back? What are the signs she cheated and feels guilty?
Of course, a lot of marriages have problems. Some couples have more, some less, but what really matters, in the end, is how you deal with all the obstacles on the way. So, what would you do if your wife cheated? Would you act upon it?
Would you talk with the guy and try to solve things with him or do you think it should stay between your four walls? If you’d find out she cheated and feels guilty about it, would you stay and fight for your marriage? Or maybe that’s something you can’t disregard?
Would her infidelity define your marriage, or would it simply be a removable stain? It’s up to you to decide. No couple is the same and no one has the same definition of cheating. If you suspect your wife is cheating, you must do what you think is the best.
Truth be told, it’s going to be a difficult period in your life, but you’ll endure it. Just be patient and have faith that things will develop in the right way. In the next part of this article, we’ll go through some signs she cheated and feels guilty. Are you ready to clear things up?
17 not-so-obvious signs she cheated and feels guilty
First of all, you don’t have to react to the first sign if you’re not absolutely sure your wife has been unfaithful. Why am I saying this? If you accuse her of something she didn’t do (and maybe never thought about doing) you’ll shake up your relationship. And that’s not what you want, right?
I’m not saying that issues you’ve noticed are not relevant and that you shouldn’t communicate about them. Simply avoid blaming her for things she didn’t do unless you have bulletproof evidence.
So, how will you know if you can put your wife and infidelity in one sentence? Look for these 17 signs she cheated and feels guilty.
1. She’s overly-affective
She’s always been buying you gifts and doing small acts of service, but this time, it seems like she’s doing it a bit too often. Perhaps she’s even buying you things you’ve mentioned a long time ago and all of a sudden she remembered you’d like to have them.
She’ll take care of you, and she’ll be more attentive than before. This way, she’ll make you feel loved, and at the same time, she’ll soothe her guilt. Or at least, she’ll try to.
This sign solely doesn’t mean that she’s necessarily cheating on you, but it definitely means that something’s happening. She may be preparing you for a bigger surprise, or she knows something you don’t. Including the affair, unfortunately.
2. She’s not complaining as much as she used to
Do you remember how she used to pinpoint every flaw you have and how she’d complain for hours about you not leaving things in their place? If she stopped doing that recently, it’s one of the signs she cheated and feels guilty about it.
She’s not going to complain because you didn’t soak the dishes; she’ll do it without hesitation. You don’t have to worry if it wasn’t her day to pick up the kids from school. Family is her priority and she’ll take a shorter break at work to drive those angels home.
However, this also is not a clear-cut sign that she’s cheating, so you should pay attention to other things from this list. If a couple of these are describing your current situation with your wife, she may have cheated and now the guilt has been eating her up.
3. She’s encouraging you to spend time without her
Do you feel like she’s almost forcing you to go out with your friends and have fun? If she never did this before, you’re right – something’s fishy about it. I mean, she maybe wants time for herself, but what are the chances that she’s asking for it now and in that manner?
She may convince you to take up a new hobby or encourage you to go to business meetings and different seminars to expand your network. Okay, who the hell is this, and what did she do with your wife? If she’s saying things that are not typical for her, pay closer attention.
The guilt she feels is probably making her feel like she’s the one responsible for your happiness and she wants you to have fun. She thinks that this way, it will be easier for both to go through this infidelity part and it makes her feel less blameworthy. Because well, you’re happy on your own too.
4. She’s talking a lot and justifying herself
Okay, we both know that women usually talk a lot more than men. But lately, she’s been talking a lot about her day and she’s giving you so many details that it’s hard to catch them all. She’s explaining why she went for a coffee right after work, or why she brought takeout for lunch today.
She’s talking a lot and she’s justifying herself – one of the telltale signs she cheated and feels guilty about it, especially if it’s combined with something else from this list.
Why would you care if she had three business meetings from 10 am until 2 pm, then had lunch at the first restaurant on the right when you exit the office or vice versa? Not so long ago, she’d simply tell you that it was a busy day and casually mentioned what she was eating.
Try asking her (after a while) to repeat something if you suspect that she may be lying. If she repeats the same story in detail, with breaks at almost the same parts, she has been rehearsing to tell you that and unfortunately, she’s not being completely honest with you.
5. She’s complimenting you a lot and giving you a fake self-esteem boost
There’s nothing wrong in complimenting your spouse and saying words of affirmation often, especially if that’s your love language. But if it’s not her normal behavior then, she’s giving you a fake self-esteem boost.
She may tell you things like “You’re the best husband in the world”, “I’m so lucky to have you”, or even compliment herself (in a way) by saying how “You have the best wife” or how “A lot of men would love her by their side”.
If she’s going out of her way to make you feel good about yourself, and you can actually notice that it’s not genuine, write it down on the list of the signs she cheated and feels guilty.
6. She’s beating around the bush when you ask her where she was
Let’s set up a scene. She’s late from work, like really late. After calling her for hours and leaving a bunch of messages when her phone secretary gave you the sign, you gave up. You’ve had dinner with the kids and you’ve tucked them in, so they can finally rest a bit.
It was your turn to get ready for bed when you heard the door opening. She comes in and starts saying that she’s sorry, but when she has to give you the exact answer where she was this whole time – she’s beating around the bush.
You’ve found out a million little things about her day and sales in the mall, but she never said why she didn’t answer your calls. Suspicious, isn’t it?
7. She’s asking a lot of hypothetical questions
Think about it for a second. Is she asking a lot of hypothetical and what-ifs questions? If she asks you something like “Would your feelings change if you’d find out something bad about me?”, or “What would you do if I cheated?”, I hope these ring a bell for you.
These are clearly signs she cheated and feels guilty for doing so, therefore she’s trying to figure out how would you behave in the situation that already happened. This way, she’ll be able to estimate if she’s going to be completely honest with you or not.
If your wife is not curious as much and she never bothered with those situations that are hard to happen, this is your sign to check up on your marriage and try to fix things if possible (and only if you want to).
8. She’s accusing you of cheating
If you ever tried confronting her or even teased her that she may be cheating and she threw you a curve ball back – she may be cheating and she’s definitely feeling guilty for it. She’s going to accuse you of things that bother her and she’ll turn the defensive mode on.
Perhaps, she’ll call you out for coming home late or going on team buildings. She may even complain about how you’re spending too much time outside the house and how you don’t care about her feelings. Don’t fall for this, it’s obvious she’s guilt-tripping you.
It’s her way of changing the subject to prevent being discovered for infidelity which, unfortunately, is going to continue if you don’t do something about it.
9. She’s gaslighting you
Is she trying to convince you of things that you’re sure she never mentioned? Maybe she said that she was going to work late on Wednesday, just to show up late on Tuesday night. When you asked her what happened, she’s going to tease you about how silly you are and how she never mentioned Wednesday.
Gaslighting is going to be her weapon of choice if she doesn’t want you to find out she’s been unfaithful. You’ll start slowly losing touch with reality and it will be easier for her to cover up evidence. She’s going to convince you to believe in things you normally wouldn’t.
This technique of mental abuse is used to manipulate your significant other. The abuser will try to gain power and control over the victim and it’s not going to be easy to run away from it, simply because self-doubt and confusion will be present.
10. She’s defensive when you notice a change in her appearance
Did she cut her hair or dyed it? Perhaps she bought a new figure-hugging dress and she decided to wear it at work today? If she’s trying a bit harder when she’s getting ready to go out with her friends, or colleagues, you are allowed to think that something is not right.
Don’t automatically assume that she cheated because it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. But she’s definitely feeling guilty if she’s saying things like “I have to look nice”, “You never take me out, I have to put some effort when I’m going out with girls”, or something similar.
Your wife is going to be defensive whenever you notice even the slightest change in her appearance. She’ll make sure to change the subject back to you if you mention it one more time.
11. She’s emotionally distancing herself
If she stopped sharing her thoughts, ideas, and goals with you, or she simply decided to go silent on you, something is happening. She’s emotionally distancing herself for a reason and you have to inspect it thoroughly.
There are a couple of reasons why she’s going to distance herself, one of them being cheating. I’m sure your gut feeling will tell you if this is the case, try not to ignore it. Also, if you notice more signs from this list, talk with her.
If she’s avoiding having a conversation with you, it’s one of the signs she cheated and feels guilty. She won’t be comfortable talking about her feelings. She’s well aware that you know her the best and that she won’t be able to hide anything.
12. She has constant mood swings
At one moment everything will be perfect; in the other, she’ll burst into tears. She’s going to have extreme and constant mood swings. The celebration of your personal success may be interrupted by complaining about something completely irrelevant, room temperature for example.
She’s going to pick up little details and criticize you for them, but not because you actually did something wrong. The reason is that she’s aware of how much you provide to the family and she feels guilty for cheating on you.
Even though it’s hard for you to believe it, she’s actually suffering deep inside and that’s the reason for her baffling behavior. She’d like to solve everything, but she’s afraid to lose you and your little family for a fling.
13. She developed insomnia
She’s constantly turning in bed, changing positions, and breathing heavily and it kind of drives you crazy, isn’t it? You’ve heard a bunch of excuses why she can’t fall asleep, the first one being that the tap won’t stop dripping, or the clock ticking simply annoys her.
But you’ve never thought about shame getting the best of her, have you? Your wife actually developed insomnia and that is one of the signs she cheated and feels guilty. Her consciousness won’t let her sleep at night even though she may, somehow, turn it off during the day.
Let’s be clear, there are a lot of reasons why she has problems sleeping, but cheating ranks as one of the highest on the list.
14. She gets nervous when someone mentions infidelity
You were having a chill time with your long-time friends, and one of them mentioned infidelity. Did you notice your wife suddenly getting nervous and agitated? She started stuttering, her palms started sweating and she was persistent in changing the subject.
What happened? She never had such a reaction, and last time you checked, that was not a taboo topic, at least not for you two. It wasn’t something that you’d avoid talking about, and you even defined boundaries for your marriage.
If she’s being restless when you’re around, and she’s being inattentive when you want to discuss some important topics, it’s crystal clear she cheated and she feels guilty right now. Therefore, every time someone mentions betrayal or affairs, her behavior may change drastically.
15. She may avoid saying “I love you”
Did you hear those three words often during your marriage but lately it’s like she forgot how to pronounce them? She’s not even using some phrases that may imply that she loves you, nor does she answer “I love you too”. What’s going on?
I’m sorry that I have to be the one telling you this, but the reason why she’s not vocal about her feelings anymore is that she cheated and feels guilty because of it. When a woman doesn’t want to talk about her emotions, she’s either afraid of them or doesn’t want to lie.
Therefore, choosing to stay quiet is her way of not lying to you. She may politely smile every time you tell her those beautiful words, but she won’t do anything else. Her mind is racing because she has to hide something for you and that’s a difficult task.
She knows very well how much it’s going to hurt when she finally finds the courage to tell you what happened and that every “I love you too” will later feel like rubbing salt into the wound. Trust me, she doesn’t want to hurt you more and that’s why she’s not expressing her love anymore.
16. “Just a friend” knows a bit too much about your personal life
Does she have a male friend she occasionally goes out for a coffee with? You know the guy and he seemed okay until you started talking with him a bit more. This man who is “just a friend” knows a bit too much about your personal life, does he?
It seems like he’s familiar with your private problems as a couple, and he analyzes the details about your work offers with you. That’s something you’ve shared with your wife only, so how can he know?
Her other friends are behaving differently and it feels like, most of the time, when you enter the room they stop talking. Do you feel like they’re keeping a secret? Women always have something to talk about, but if they are constantly stopping the conversation when you show up…
If you’ve noticed that she’s mentioning that one specific guy often, your wife probably did something wrong. She may not be brave enough right now to tell you what exactly happened. However, these are all signs she cheated and feels guilty about it.
She’s probably discussing with her friends and trying to find the optimal solution to the problem she has caused without inducing more damage. It’s not going to be easy, but she’s aware that she has to do it.
17. You just feel something’s off
Okay, let’s be real. You’re the one who differentiates her every emotion and facial expression and you’ve googled this because you’ve noticed she changed, am I right? Are you noticing signs she cheated and feels guilty? Most likely.
Did she start spending less time with you and she’s constantly checking her phone? Her privacy became really important and you feel like she’s hiding things from you. Don’t second guess your instinct, it’s usually right.
If you feel like your wife became distant lately, it’s possible that she made a wrong turn somewhere. Most people say that women follow their hearts in every relationship, even if we’re talking about infidelity.
Do you think something’s off with your marriage? Could it be that she misses something and she tried to find it outside of your unity? If you want to fight for what you two share, the first step you have to take is to confront her about it.
She may tell you everything right away and if she’s ready to work on your relationship as well, you can consult a relationship expert to help you out. Cheating is destructive for most relationships and marriages, but it doesn’t have to be for yours if you really want to nurture it.
Otherwise, forget her and get a divorce. You deserve so much more than someone who’s not ready to fight for you and everything you’ve shared so far. If she shows no remorse for infidelity, try to move on with your life without her in it.