Even though men’s emotions are distinct from women’s, one thing is certain – there are signs he is hurting after the breakup.
Some might be pronounced, while others subtle and tricky to spot. Nevertheless, they’re clear signals that your ex-boyfriend is in great pain and needs time to recover.
And granted, dumpers don’t have the same emotional pain as the dumpees. But they still experience heartbreak and pain in different forms.
It’s something that’s difficult to comprehend if you’re the one who got dumped.
The amount of pain that you experience once your loved one leaves you can cause great emotional turmoil in you. Your brain goes into survival mode trying to figure out ways how to mend those broken pieces of your heart.
But, don’t assume that your ex-boyfriend isn’t hurting after the breakup. He’s just using another coping mechanism. Remember, men are different than women regarding their emotions.
Your ex regrets leaving you, he just needs time to cope with his own feelings first before telling you about them.
Some guys get up pretty quickly and start a new relationship with another girl while they still have a broken heart.
But that’s just their way of coping with the post-breakup sadness they’re experiencing. Those out-of-the-blue affairs are rebounds, nothing more.
So, if your ex finds a new girl to date, don’t immediately believe him if he says that he’s over you. He’s probably not. He’s looking just for a hookup to dull the pain and fill the emptiness in his heart.
Luckily for you, you don’t have to drive yourself crazy wondering if he’s hurting nearly as much as you are.
Signs he’s hurting after the breakup
A man usually hides any signs he’s hurting after the breakup from the public eye. Why? Because he doesn’t want to show weakness.
From a young age, men are taught to “act like men” – to be tough and fierce, and not to cry like girls. It’s dumb, I know.
But that’s just their outside shell – rigid and resilient. Deep down, they’re not much different from girls.
They aren’t really that much stronger than women. They use different support mechanisms.
It’s just that women force themselves to openly communicate their feelings, while men tend to hold things inside.
Instead, what happens is that those negative emotions bottle up.
Eventually, they can’t endure all that pain, stress, and anxiety, and they erupt like a geyser. It affects their emotional health as well as self-esteem.
However, that definitely depends on the man’s upbringing, maturity, and emotional strength.
Most guys will bury themselves in work and avoid openly talking about their emotions or the breakup.
Their post-breakup process and coping mechanisms are different from those of women. They keep everything hidden away from others.
So, if you’re wondering if your ex regrets breaking up with you, pay attention to the little things.
They’ll tell you more about his feelings than he ever could with his words.
Keep an eye on the way he behaves toward you and try to make sense of it.
If you recognize most of these signs after the breakup, then he’s hurting for sure.
1. He’s quieter than usual
It’s pretty common for two people who recently broke up to reduce their communication, but you’ll notice that he’s quieter than usual.
The reason for that is he’s hurting after the breakup but doesn’t want to show it.
He’ll talk less and less, and not just with you but with your mutual friends as well.
His friends will also notice how differently he’s behaving and how he chooses all topics under the sun just to not talk about you.
Don’t think that he put a pause on his social life. He didn’t.
He’ll simply try to act as if he’s having a good time with some of his friends, even though his heart is aching right now.
He’s having a hard time without you, so he’s trying hard to fake his happiness.
You’ll see this manifest even after a couple of days after you two broke up.
You’ll see how differently he behaves around you – nonchalant and as if nothing’s wrong whatsoever.
But you need to remember: Guys are excellent actors. They might act all happy and smile, but just know it’s the exact opposite of that.
Your ex is actually suppressing his feelings and putting on a show in public so that others won’t see how badly he’s hurt after the breakup.
If you look closely, you’ll notice that his smiles aren’t genuine and laughs aren’t what they used to be.
They’re not real!
Even if you confront him about it, he’ll find an excuse and tell you that he didn’t sleep well the night before, just so that you don’t suspect his heart is aching.
He’s way too afraid to admit it.
The guilt and regret are stopping him from truly enjoying himself.
So, you’re scrolling through your social media profile and suddenly you see that your ex deleted you.
What does that mean? Well, it means he is hurting after the breakup.
You’re baffled that he had the courage to even do that.
You spent so much time together, you shared so many beautiful memories, and yet he nonchalantly deleted you from his online world.
Well, there’s a reason why he did that and it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with his emotions because he’s trying to avoid them.
Men are always taught to be tough and to deal with pain by sweeping it under the rug and moving on with their lives.
That’s why, to make it easier on himself, he deleted you from his social media. He doesn’t want to see or feel your presence in his online life.
He doesn’t want to wake up and see your gorgeous face on his screen reminding him how big of a mistake he made when he dumped you.
It’s a pretty obvious sign he is hurting after the breakup if he deletes you from his Instagram, Snapchat – everywhere – just to prove to himself he’s over you.
Simply put, it hurts to keep seeing your face.
3. He does everything he can to avoid you
One of the obvious signs he’s hurting after breaking up with you is when he does everything in his power to dodge you.
He’ll try to avoid you like the plague because he doesn’t want to see you face-to-face.
Your ex is having a hard time coping with his emotional turmoil, so the last thing he wants is for you to see him broken.
He wants to maintain that manly, “macho guy” image of himself when you know he’s in pain.
He simply doesn’t know how to act around you anymore.
His emotions have caused him to be anxious and angry at himself because he was the one who dumped you.
Now he doesn’t feel calm, “normal,” or stress-free around you anymore and that’s why he’ll avoid you at all costs.
And if he sees you on the other side of the street, he’ll completely ignore you and pretend that everything is absolutely fine, when you know it’s not.
4. He texts you for no reason
Most men don’t think about the damage they’ve done after they break up with their girlfriend.
So they’ll try to call or text her for no reason because they’re feeling guilty.
He knows he’s the one responsible for your breakup.
When his conscience starts to kick in, he’ll regret his decision, but he also has to make sure there’s no bad blood between the two of you and no guilt baggage.
That’s why he’ll call you and text you often.
Most times, there won’t be any valid reason why he does that other than the fact that he needs emotional support from you.
If he’s doing this, then it’s a clear sign he is hurting after the breakup. It’s now up to you to decide whether or not you want your ex back.
If you want to rekindle your old flame, then go ahead and answer him.
On the other hand, if you don’t want him in your life anymore, then you can use the no contact rule to make it clear to him that you don’t want him back.
5. He checks in on you
Even after you two have broken up, your ex might call or text you, or ask you to meet up with him so he can see how you’re doing.
The guilt caused by your breakup pushes him to check up on you more than usual. He has to know that you’re okay.
He might not ask you directly how you’re doing if it’s only been a couple of days after the breakup, but he’ll certainly ask your best friend or your mutual friends.
His behavior might confuse you a bit, but the thing is, he still cares about you, he just doesn’t want to say it directly to you.
So, if you’re wondering whether or not he is hurting after the breakup, you have your answer right here.
The guilt he feels has made him realize that he made a huge mistake with you and regrets leaving you in the first place.
He also wants to know how you’re coping with the situation.
6. He’s an emotional wreck
While some people see a breakup as the end of a life chapter, others have a difficult time realizing that it’s not the end of the world.
On top of that, if you two shared a deep and strong emotional connection, chances are that he’ll feel out of sorts.
He’ll come to the point when he’ll reminisce on your old memories and it will make him feel empty and regretful. It’s a sure sign that he’s hurting after the breakup.
To help avoid this pain that you’ll both feel after breaking up a romantic relationship, you can decide to keep it amicable and try to be friends afterward.
7. He’s being mean
Your ex has deleted you on social media, avoids you in any way he can, doesn’t want to see your face or hear your name, and now he’s being unpleasant to you. What does that mean?
Well, it shouldn’t take you long to figure out that only a man who is deeply hurting would shut you out like that.
It’s his way of dealing with the emotional mess inside of him after you two broke up.
He doesn’t want to see any of your pictures on any social media. He doesn’t want to talk about you with his friends.
Despite doing everything he can to look fine to others and prove to them everything’s okay, not being able to see your face or hear your name means that he is hurting badly after the breakup.
Being mean to you is his way of showing you how he truly feels about you. It should bring you comfort knowing that it’s not easy for him either.
8. He “accidentally” bumps into you
Sometimes, guys don’t even bother hiding their true feelings for you.
They become so transparent and obvious that it’s hard to miss that he’s hurting after the breakup.
If you seem to accidentally bump into him quite frequently at your favorite coffee shop (the one he never visited before ), it’s a blatant sign that he’s not over you and he’s hurting.
He’ll be there, sitting and sipping his coffee, and then act all surprised when he sees you walking into the coffee shop.
It’s like he already knew that you were going to your favorite place after work to meet up with friends.
You might think that it’s a coincidence, meanwhile, it’s actually all planned in advance.
You see, he can’t get you out of his head, so he desperately needs to at least see you and be near to you.
He has everything figured out. He’ll “bump” into you and strike up a small chit-chat with you to see you and get his fix.
He’ll resort to these measures because he clearly misses you, but at the same time, he’s too much of a “macho” to send you a text and say that he’s hurting after the breakup.
9. He distorts the truth about your breakup
When you ask a couple how they met, chances are you’ll get two different answers. The same applies to a breakup.
When a partner can’t deal with the consequences of splitting up, they create their own version of the truth in their mind.
It’s one of the ways a person copes with the aftermath of not being with their loved one.
The person who is more hurt tends to twist the truth to soothe their mind and to look better in other people’s eyes.
Suddenly, you might hear stories about your breakup that aren’t even close to what actually took place.
That’s an obvious sign your ex is hurting after the breakup.
He might create stories of how you were the one to blame for your breakup, how you suffocated him or went behind his back.
And whatever he’s telling people, it’s all plain lies and nothing else.
He’s doing this because he feels betrayed by your breakup.
He wants to portray himself as the better person in your relationship so that other people see him as the victim and not you.
10. He falls back into his old habits
Another sign he is hurting after the breakup is if your ex goes back to his old life – the way he behaved when before he had you by his side.
He may stop going to the gym and start eating unhealthy junk food, drink too much, or whatever else he used to do as a single guy before you two got together.
Instead of moving forward with his life and taking his time to work on himself, he regressed and slipped back into his comfort zone.
It’s pretty common for men to behave like this.
Rather than working on themselves and their inner happiness, they shift their attention to external factors such as dating, partying, finding a new girlfriend, and other stuff that can’t give them long-term happiness.
They can’t get a grip on themselves because they don’t want to face their real-life emotions. So, they decide to live in an illusion.
Eventually, all those things become old, and before long, they start regretting the mistakes they’ve made.
11. He tries to make you jealous
Guys don’t think clearly when they’re hurt. Sometimes you can tell that a guy is trying to make you jealous.
Maybe he swings by with his new girlfriend by the bar that you usually visit with your friends just so you’d be jealous of him.
Or maybe he posts pictures of partying with his buddies because he wants you to see that he’s having a great time without you.
Those are all obvious signs he’s hurting after the breakup.
He tries to make you jealous in the hopes that you’d make the first move and ask him back.
But you should avoid that because any guy who tries to pass a message by making you jealous is not worth your time or effort.
It’s for the better that he stays a mistake and a part of your past.
It could also simply be his narcissistic attempt for you to notice him or his new girlfriend.
12. He apologizes to you
A guy who’s aware of his emotions and knows he hurt you will apologize to you.
He will openly come up to you and say that he’s sorry and that he’s hurting after the breakup.
Men like that might take their time to figure out their emotions, but eventually, their apology will be sincere and genuine.
You’ll be able to see that he acknowledges the fact that he made a mistake and that he hurt you.
He’ll ask you for forgiveness because it’s important to him that you accept his apology so he can move on with his life.
Also, he might say that his life has been a mess since you left and that he feels empty without you.
There’s no clearer sign that he’s hurting after the breakup than him actually owning up to his mistakes.
Now that you know the signs he is hurting after the breakup, are you wondering why insecure guys move on so quickly?
Well, as I mentioned, guys have a really hard time facing their emotions. Instead, they cover up their insecurities by finding someone else immediately after the breakup.
They believe that someone new will make them feel alive and happy again.
On top of that, if you think that your ex might be an insecure guy, it’s for the best to cut all ties with him.
You’ll never keep him interested in you, no matter how hard you try. That’s why it’s for the best to move on and focus on yourself.
Guys who are insecure can hardly maintain a successful long-term relationship because they don’t cope with their own emotions and they haven’t figured out why their previous relationship/s failed.
Once they learn to feel secure and embrace their vulnerable side, they can break free from this cycle and learn how to effectively overcome the heartache of a breakup.
Even though you’re not together with him and he’s hurting after the breakup, you still need closure. So, how do you find it?
Well, your best solution is to accept the fact that what happened in the past stays in the past.
You must realize that most of his problems have nothing to do with you.
If he unfollows you on social media, that means it’s too painful for him to see your face every day.
As you can see, that decision is his to make – you didn’t force him to do it.
Or if he jumps into a relationship just a couple of weeks after you two have broken up, it means that he’s not over you.
Remember that guys process their emotions differently than women.
A true gentleman would never do that to you. He would never jump from one relationship to another.
Despite that, those are obvious signs he is hurting after the breakup. You have to let him process his emotions by himself and focus on yourself!