Think aloud
“Should I unblock my ex? He’s been on my block list for a while but right now, I feel like the time has come for me to finally hit the ‘unblock’ button.”
It’s probably been some time since you broke up, and you may be thinking about unblocking your ex. If that’s true, it’s completely understandable that you’re Googling for an answer. To begin with, it’s important to look at your reasons for blocking him in the first place.
After that, you’ll be able to figure out if it’s time for your ex to leave the “blocked people” page.
Why did you block your ex in the first place?
Breakups aren’t easy to handle. You spent a lot of time with this specific person, and it’s normal to feel an attachment even after he’s gone.
So, separating from your ex has a significant impact on your emotional well-being. Especially if you’ve had a painful breakup, turmoil may stop you from thinking rationally. That’s why you were wondering if you should cut off contact with him forever.
In this state of mind, it was necessary for you to block him and never hear from him again. It could be that he hurt your feelings or even worse, was abusive or manipulative in any sort of way.
On the other side, it also could be that things were going well, but the two of you just didn’t manage to make it work. You just wanted to move on but you knew that was impossible if he was still present on your social media feed.
So, before you figure out if you should unblock your ex, it’s important to take into consideration the reasons you cut him off completely. Only then can you look into the good and the bad sides of taking this step.
6 reasons it’s good idea to unblock your ex
1. You want to get back together
If you think that you and your ex were a really good match and your relationship had a bright future, you may want to rekindle your love.
Of course, there were some problems you couldn’t solve then. But now, you matured and learned from your mistakes. There are many couples that have issues, then at a later stage manage to get back together and have a better relationship.
So, if you’ve realized that you don’t want to lose your ex forever, and want to contact him, now’s the good time to do so. Otherwise, you’ll be sorry you didn’t try your luck once again.
Now you’re probably asking yourself “Should I unblock my ex?” and in this case, the answer is YES! It’s worth a shot.
Try to explain to him the reasons for the step you took. Tell him why you are contacting him again and be honest about your wants and needs.
However, be aware that he might not be emotionally available to you anymore. You will need to prepare yourself for a possible rejection because there’s a chance that he’s completely moved on and doesn’t want anything with you.
2. You had a clean breakup and want to stay friends with him
He’s generally a good person and he treated you very well while you were together. Listening to you, being there for you – he genuinely showed his dedication.
You even had a respectful talk about your breakup. It could be that one of you was looking to commit and the other one not. Maybe you realized that you weren’t a match and it felt better to end things right away than to play with each other’s feelings.
The bottom line is that you were honest with each other and were on the same wave to end things. Back then, you were okay with the breakup and your stance hasn’t changed.
Being mad at one another didn’t make any sense. Both of you were to some extent emotionally invested in the relationship and had to take some time alone to process it.
Blocking him was something you couldn’t avoid until things returned to normal. Seeing reminders on social media such as photos or statuses didn’t do you any good.
So if you’re asking yourself the question “Should I unblock my ex if I really want to stay friends with him?” it’s fine to do so. Realize that there were some differences you couldn’t overlook, and the two of you had to separate. But it doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t be friends with you now.
Maybe you two weren’t serious about your relationship, but there were no hard feelings. You saw that you simply weren’t compatible as a couple.
Above everything, you appreciate this experience and both of you share fond memories. Because of that, you would be so happy and grateful to have him as a friend.
3. You’re completely over him
After a breakup, our egos can really take over us. When that happens, blocking always comes around.
These moments are so hurtful, indeed. You might be feeling as if you’ve lost a huge piece of your puzzle. But, at the same time, you’re happy that your relationship came to an end.
Nevertheless, it’ll take you a whole lot of time to really move on. You still may be talking about him to your friends. Even they will notice that you are not truly over him.
You’ve probably been checking on his social media profiles to see what’s going on in his life. Has he found someone new? Is she better than you?
These questions can really do a number on your self-esteem. There’s nothing worse than comparing yourself with another woman!
Don’t do that to yourself. You’re a woman worthy of all the love in this world, don’t you forget it. Remember to always appreciate who you are, and men will respect you too.
This anxious behavior was a good reason to block him in the first place. But if you realize that you’re over him and no longer romantically invested, then it could be a good time to unblock him.
If you’re 100% sure that it won’t bother you if he contacts you, then you’re ready to take the step and press the button. This way you’ll prove to yourself, and to him, that you have the strength to move on with your life.
It’s time for a fresh start without holding any grudges from the past!
4. You want closure
When we’re deeply in love, we truly believe it will last forever. We don’t think that it takes just a moment for everything to disappear.
Breakups happen. The person who used to be your favorite human being is no longer in your life. He left, despite you loving him with everything in you. You gave your best but your relationship wasn’t made to last.
What’s the worst of all, you were left with a bunch of questions you couldn’t answer on your own. You just weren’t able to see what you did wrong. You started blaming yourself and feeling guilty, even for things that weren’t your fault.
What’s wrong with me? Why did he leave? You just can’t take these persistent thoughts anymore.
It’s normal to feel the need to talk to him again, and to ask him for closure. I understand this is something you simply have to do.
If you’re asking yourself, “Should I unblock my ex to finally find closure?” the answer is “Go for it.”
Before you do so, though, please know that he might not be happy that you’re reaching out to him. I know he’s the only person who can answer these questions, but it doesn’t mean that he’ll be willing to talk with you.
I mean, he left you without giving you closure so don’t expect much from him. This isn’t something mature men do.
It’s not uncommon to end up with more trouble than before when seeking closure from such a person. He might not answer your calls and texts, and that’s okay. You’re perfectly able to give yourself the closure you need.
If you don’t manage to get answers from him, accept it and try to focus on yourself. Your ex obviously wasn’t the one for you and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
5. You feel guilty for blocking him in the first place
If you had a clean breakup and resolved your issues peacefully, maybe there wasn’t an actual need to block him.
You just didn’t want his name popping up to remind you of a failed relationship. At that point, you felt like you didn’t want any ghosts from the past haunting you.
On the other hand, it might be that your breakup was a bit more intense. If there was some or other misunderstanding, and one of you reacted impulsively, you simply felt like you had to block your ex.
But now that the dust has settled, you realized your move wasn’t a good idea. You’re aware that things could’ve been solved differently – with a bit more empathy and tact.
Now, you feel guilty because of it. If you think you should unblock your ex to come to terms with this issue, my opinion is that you have every right to do so.
Guilt is a powerful and unpleasant emotion. It’s necessary to deal with a breakup in a healthy way in order to move on completely.
6. He genuinely apologized to you
If he was always shifting the blame on you for his wrongdoings or acting as if nothing was wrong, then your ex probably wasn’t the best guy in the world. He was probably a passive-aggressive man who didn’t care about your feelings.
Don’t expect a guy like this to apologize to you. And even if he does, you can’t be sure that he’s doing it for the right reasons.
On the other hand, there are men who will be so worried if they hurt you in any sort of way. When you tell them they did something wrong, they want to fix it right away. They apologize sincerely because the last thing they want is to cause you pain.
If your ex realizes he hurt you and apologizes genuinely, you could give him another chance to smooth things out. In that case, you could even unblock him because he showed you he’s truly sorry for his faults.
6 reasons NOT to unblock your ex
1. You’re still not over him
After a breakup, it’s easy to enter into a spiral of behavior that’s not good for you. This may include things like stalking him online or trying to “accidentally” bump into him at the places you used to hang out together. Not to mention trying to get your mutual friends to serve as mediators when trying to resolve the previous issues.
You’ll do these things just so you can get a reaction from him. Maybe you didn’t get your closure, and now you’re trying somehow to get in touch with him.
Now, it looks like you’ve entered into a state of desperation. This behavior is taking all of your energy. Obviously, you forgot how to live a life without your ex so you’re frantically trying to make up with him.
That’s why you’re doing all of this. Your ego isn’t letting you accept things as they are now, and you have an enormous need to show him that he’s the reason behind your breakup. You want to point a finger at him and tell him “It’s your fault!”
At the same time, you also want the two of you to get back together and you’ll do whatever it takes for that to happen. Any information about the life he’s currently leading is valuable.
You need to know what he’s doing, where he’s going, and with whom. And you can’t know all this unless you unblock him.
If you opt for this step, you’ll be making a huge mistake. Especially if he’s already told you multiple times that he doesn’t want anything to do with you.
In that case, unblocking your ex is the wrong step and can only lead to your downfall. When your relationship was toxic to begin with and you’re still desperately trying to get in touch with him, you can be sure that you’ll only end up hurting.
So, you better stop thinking about your ex and finally realize that the two of you aren’t good for each other. Allow yourself to heal properly and only then consider unblocking him.
2. Your relationship was toxic from the start
When we fall in love with someone, we are prone to idealizing this person.
To you, he was your Prince Charming. He always knew how to make you feel good, and he seemed to be the best man in the world. You thought he wouldn’t do any harm to you, or anyone else. To have him in your life was a blessing.
If this behavior was his way of luring you in, then his mask probably fell off after some time. He most certainly became cold to you. No kind words were left for you, but only devaluing ones. You never expected him to set conditions where he’d control every situation, but he did.
Besides, his jealousy became something you couldn’t handle anymore. He was manipulative and toxic from the start but simply covered it all up like a pro.
This is why your breakup was probably very painful. Such a man will always blame you.
Every time you try to raise these issues with him, he’ll probably defend himself. He probably only resorted to apologizing when he saw that you weren’t about to step back.
To sum up, if this was your case, you probably did block him. Don’t be surprised if he tries to contact you again somehow, maybe through your mutual friends. The only way to avoid letting him ruin your life one more time is to keep him blocked forever.
3. He cheated on you
If his infidelity is one of the reasons you broke up, then you had the full right to block him. There’s no pain you can compare to that which his betrayal put you through.
If you’re wondering whether you should unblock your ex after experiencing this disgusting situation, I warmly advise you to never, ever do so. This is a person you don’t want anywhere near you.
The fact that he cheated on you tells you what he’s actually like. To him, you weren’t someone worthy of the effort. You were just a passing station and nothing more. Above all, he probably doesn’t even feel bad for acting that way.
Cheaters rarely feel as if what they’re doing is wrong. They are selfish and self-centered and use cheating as an ego boost… Asking for forgiveness will barely even be an option for them.
I know it’s hard for you to accept this, but it’s just reality. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you’ll be able to move on.
So, should you unblock your ex if he cheated on you? The answer is a resounding NO! Don’t even think about it!
4. You’ve already been through this
You might find yourself in a relationship filled with physical attraction. You feel so drawn to him and you believe that you can’t live without him.
But, your relationship has been all over the place. Breaking up and getting back together has become a toxic routine.
Your friends no longer ask you about him. They already know that you’ll make up again at some point.
There’s something that draws you back to him. His presence gives you these goosebumps you don’t feel with other men. And even though both of you are quite good people when separate, together, you’re a match made in hell.
It’s actually astonishing how you manage to always go in circles. Like a never-ending game where someone always gets hurt. But it’s like you’re addicted to him and you simply can’t get rid of him.
However, there was a point you just couldn’t handle it anymore. It was taking its toll on your mental health, and you had to block him. Then you unblocked him, only to block him again.
Please, for your own sake, stop this toxic behavior once for all. You need to firmly decide to leave him blocked and not unblock him under any circumstance.
5. You want to play with his mind
“Should I unblock my ex? I want to mess with his mind since he hurt me like no one else ever did.”
You may want to unblock him this time, so when he searches for your social media profiles, he’s able to find you. You want him to see you’re doing great without him and that you’re living your best life.
When breakups happen, it’s not uncommon to feel the urge to compete with your ex. You’re trying to see who cares less and you’re sure that his social media will allow you to figure that out.
But all of this seems so pointless in the end. This behavior simply perpetuates all the toxicity while you were together. It’s a constant competition to see who can move on faster.
The ultimate goal of separation is to stop those meaningless fights. Let go of your ex and allow yourself to experience inner peace. As long as you are trying to play with your ex’s mind, you’ll be reliving this bad relationship all over again.
So, you could be asking yourself if you should unblock your ex just to play with him, but I don’t think that’s a good idea at all. In the long run, it will only prolong your healing time and make you suffer even more.
6. You’re desperate
Many times, women find themselves in a relationship where things aren’t going as good as they planned. But they continue to suffer through it. They have this gut feeling that something’s just not right, but they choose to ignore it.
You want true love and you keep pretending that you found it.
But a time comes when you just can’t pretend anymore, so you break up. After everything you’ve been through, you block your ex and decide to seek other options in love. You’re enthusiastic that you no longer need him and can do better without him.
Then, a few days later, you wake up with the nagging feeling that you’ve made a mistake. You want to continue your previous relationship because it feels familiar.
Your ex is the person you spent so much time with. You shared your innermost thoughts and feelings with him. You already know what he likes, how he thinks, what he wants. And you convince yourself that he feels the same way about you.
Not being in a relationship feels awkward to you, and you can’t stand being alone. Or on the other side, you feel you’ve invested too much into the relationship for nothing. In these moments, you wish to contact him again.
It’s obvious that you’re desperate and that’s why you feel like you’re a wreck without him. You believe that you won’t ever find someone who’ll love you the same way he did. But the truth is that this isn’t a good enough reason to unblock him.
The only thing you should desperately try to do is to fall in love with yourself. After all, you owe it to yourself as an independent, and strong woman – who will never again need a man!
