Think aloud
Who would’ve thought relationship deal breakers would be such a controversial topic to cover? More often than not, people are either passionate proponents of relationship non-negotiables or consider them completely damaging to happy and healthy relationships. What’s your stance on the matter?
Sure, when we mention the term “deal breaker,” your mind might go to poor grammar or the silly sounds your potential partner makes when you’re out on a date. Still, that’s not what we’re referring to. “Real” relationship deal breakers are the big, bold boundaries we set to protect our peace.
What do we mean by that? Well, you wouldn’t want to start a relationship with someone who wants to have children when you can’t stand the thought of going through pregnancy, birth, and everything that comes with caring for another being, right? Why be with someone who doesn’t agree with you?
So, before you decide to define your relationship and commit to your potential partner, you might want to take a step back and figure out whether they’re right for you. While your list of “must-haves” or “can’t-haves” might be a little sparse, we’re here to provide you with our top 14 relationship deal breakers.
Scroll down to find out whether the two of you are meant to last forever – or if you’re meant to break up ASAP.
Our top 14 relationship deal breakers to watch out for
1. You can’t seem to agree on anything
Want to know what the “real” relationship deal breakers are? Observe the way you and your partner talk about the future, arrange friendly get-togethers with your friends and family, or even plan weekend getaways.
If the two of you can’t agree on anything, you might want to reconsider your relationship status. Over time, you’re guaranteed to start resenting each other over the smallest of things because you’re tired of never agreeing on anything.
2. You fight with your partner every day
Conflict might be a natural part of a relationship, but that doesn’t mean that the two of you are meant to spend every moment of every day arguing.
You’re not always going to agree with your partner on everything, but you should be able to communicate with one another without starting an argument. You should be able to solve your problems without screaming at each other, waking up the neighbors, or (God forbid) throwing plates at each other.
3. Your partner abuses you verbally or physically
Any sort of abuse should be an automatic relationship deal-breaker, right? Whether you’re scared of your partner physically attacking you or tired of getting yelled at for every little thing, you need to remove yourself from that relationship ASAP.
You’re supposed to feel safe and secure around your partner at all times. You’re supposed to be happy when they’re around. Your partner should be your person, your BFF, and someone you turn to when you’re going through a tough time – not someone you fear.
4. You don’t trust your partner
Relationships are all about trust. When you’re unable to trust your partner because they lied to you or cheated on you, you can’t expect your relationship to grow.
We suggest you arrange a conversation with your partner and figure out a way to get over whatever damaged your relationship – or consider breaking up. While that might sound extreme, there’s a reason why you don’t trust your partner, and you shouldn’t turn a blind eye to your gut feelings.
When you find yourself trying to figure out whether your partner is lying to you or not, you might want to consider the possibility that the two of you aren’t right for each other.
5. Your partner doesn’t care to address your relationship problems
Regardless of how long the two of you have been together, one of the most important things in a relationship is addressing relationship problems. Relationships hit rough patches all the time, and you have nothing to worry about if you and your partner find yourselves dealing with relationship problems.
But, if you’ve found yourself in a predicament where your partner makes you feel silly for bringing something up, dismisses you, or laughs in your face, you’re looking at a relationship deal breaker that’s a fair reason to break up with your partner.
6. You don’t have the same core values
One of the biggest relationship deal breakers might be having drastically different core values that affect your everyday life.
Relationships are meant to open you up to compromise and conversation about different topics, but when you and your partner don’t agree on some of the most serious matters, you’re not right for each other. Relationships, romantic or otherwise, are directly tied to your core values and beliefs.
When your and your partner’s beliefs don’t align with one another, you’re guaranteed to fight about that down the line.
7. You have different views on having children
Now, the “Do you want to have children one day?” conversation might not be appropriate for the first date. However, you shouldn’t waste your time planning a future with your partner before you address your concerns regarding your future family.
Before you commit to a life-long relationship with your partner, you might want to make sure you’re on the same page about having children, raising children, or even different ways of becoming parents.
8. Your religious, political, or ethical views conflict with each other
You don’t need to agree on everything with your partner. You’re allowed to be different people with different beliefs, lifestyles, and priorities. However, certain belief systems – like religious, spiritual, or political views, for example – can make or break your entire relationship.
You don’t want to spend your life fighting with your partner about something you’re passionate about. You don’t want to dread the election year or stop going to church because you don’t want to step on your partner’s toes.
9. You lead very different lifestyles
Maybe you’re passionate about sustaining a vegan lifestyle and your partner laughs at you every time you try to find a restaurant that offers vegan alternatives. Maybe you live in the city and your partner insists on you moving to the countryside.
When partners have different preferences for how they want to live their lives, it’s clear that they’re not heading in the same direction.
10. You’re not your authentic self around your partner
When you’re around your partner, you’re constantly overthinking everything you do. You feel like you can’t let your guard down and be yourself. You feel like your partner will make fun of you or misconstrue everything you say.
When the two of you are talking about a specific topic, for example, you spend all your energy censoring yourself and concealing your true thoughts.
If something is holding you back, it might be a subtle sign that there’s something wrong with your relationship. It might be the right time to explore the deeper issues of your relationship.
11. You don’t connect physically
Relationships consist of a myriad of components, all of which are important for making a relationship happy and healthy.
Connecting physically with your partner might not be a top priority for you right now, but you’re worried that the two of you aren’t attracted to each other or aren’t comfortable with each other.
Rather than talking things through, you feel like you’re always tiptoeing around the topic of physical intimacy with your partner because you’re not even comfortable with expressing your wants and needs. Relationship deal breakers are sometimes tough to grasp.
12. Your partner cheats on you
One of the most common relationship deal breakers might be infidelity, considering that couples decide to end things due to infidelity every single day. Some couples manage to mend the relationship regardless of the loss of trust, but most couples struggle to stay together afterward.
Infidelity is a deal breaker for most couples because you can’t come back after you betray someone’s trust. Infidelity shows a lack of respect for the other partner, too. If your partner cheats on you, you need to consider the possibility of the two of you going your separate ways.
13. Your partner doesn’t appreciate you
In order for a relationship to succeed in the long run, you need to be able to show your affection and appreciation every step of the way. If you feel like your partner doesn’t appreciate what you do for your relationship and takes you for granted, you need to take a step back.
If your partner doesn’t take the time of day to show up for you, prioritize spending time with you, and show gratitude for everything you do, you need to remove yourself from your relationship. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you and appreciates all that you have to offer.
14. Your partner requires you to sacrifice your life goals and beliefs
Maybe your partner wants you to put a pause on your career to care for your family. Maybe your partner wants you to move to a different city and change your lifestyle drastically.
Relationship deal breakers can take on many different forms, and that’s why you need to understand what you are and aren’t comfortable with. When your partner wants you to choose between your relationship and your passions, goals, and aspirations, you might need to go your separate ways.