People who talk behind your back have become a part of reality. They’ve become something you can’t avoid, even if you try your best to do so.
No matter whether it’s an acquaintance or a good friend, at some point, they’ll start spreading rumors about you. You’ll become the source of their gossip and they’ll often stick their nose into your business.
Even if they don’t know you personally, they’ll seem to know everything about your life. They’ll focus on every step you take, trying to figure out your story.
Such a person will never approach you directly and tell you what bothers them about you. They won’t face you and ask you for an explanation of your actions.
Instead, they’ll go from person to person and discuss your life with them, without having the guts to tell you the same. As far as they’re concerned, they already have a whole story made up and they simply need to share it with the rest of the world.
But why do people choose to act this way? Why do they opt to gossip instead of simply asking you directly?
You’re about to find out the answer to these questions and then, I’ll try to explain to you how you should deal with those who use every opportunity to trash-talk you whenever you’re not around.
Why do people talk behind your back?
It’s uncomfortable to hear rumors about yourself. Listening to words that make no sense but still, the rest of the world thinks of them as true.
At this point, you don’t know what to do next. You want to defend yourself and raise your voice, letting everyone know that what they heard about you are lies – ugly, manipulative lies that someone’s let out into the world.
But before you figure out how to react, you should first understand what triggers people who talk about you behind your back. Why do they keep spreading hearsay about you and how can they fall asleep at night knowing they’ve done something like that?
Well, here are your answers.
1. They’re jealous of you
Once they see you going through life with a smile on your face, fighting for yourself, and making things happen, people get jealous. They become envious of all of your achievements and then look for a way to bring you down.
This behavior is deeply rooted in the human mind. Once we can’t have the same life as someone else does, we may immediately do our best to put this person down.
This is one of the worst habits people tend to nurture. Instead of being happy for someone’s success, we often choose to do the exact opposite. We get jealous and look for ways to feel better about ourselves.
So, every time you do something worthy of praise, people will start talking behind your back. Since they’re envious of your success, they’ll come up with all these scenarios about how you got yourself into your current position. They’ll ignore all of the efforts you put in to be where you are and start talking badly about you.
Unfortunately, that’s their way of trying to feel above you and acting as if they’re better than you but no matter what they say, you’ll always know the real story. You’ll know how you got yourself here and that’s something they can’t ever take away from you.
2. Their own life doesn’t excite them
A person who talks behind your back usually doesn’t feel satisfied with their life. They feel unhappy and their confidence is at such a low level that you start to worry about them.
Once they realize that they lead an average life that doesn’t excite them, they focus their attention on someone else. Someone like you. Someone who knows what they want from life and who’s trying their best to get there.
That’s when they start to gossip about you, acting as if they have every right to comment on your life. As they sit in their home looking at others making their dreams come true, the only thing they know how to do properly is make negative comments.
This is them hitting rock bottom in life. Instead of getting up out of their chair and doing things that make them happy, someone who talks behind your back chooses to focus on you and the life you lead.
They waste their energy digging through your past and present when there are so many better things they could be doing for themselves. But unfortunately, they don’t feel confident enough to change their own life. That’s why they focus on yours and look for flaws in it.
3. They’re incapable of being direct
A person who talks behind your back usually feels weak or vulnerable. If you were to be in their company, you would realize that they don’t know how to directly express their opinions.
They don’t know how to raise their voice and say what’s bothering them, as from their point of view, this seems impossible to do. So, instead of telling you the issue they have with you, they’d rather go and talk behind your back.
They’ll pretend to be your friend while stabbing you in the back the moment you’re out of the room. Even if you were to confront them and ask them about the lies they’ve been spreading about you, they wouldn’t have the guts to stand behind their actions. They would rather lie to you while looking you in the eye than admit to anything.
4. You’re way ahead of them
Someone will talk behind your back when they realize that you’re way ahead of them. You’re everything they want to be but they don’t know how to get there.
To them, you represent the person they want to become. You’ve achieved everything on your own, without anyone’s help, and you lead a life that makes you happy.
That’s exactly the kind of life they want to lead. They want to feel like they’re enjoying every second of their days but unfortunately, they’re far from that.
However, instead of working on their dreams and trying to be more like you, they choose to talk trash behind your back. They choose to downplay your success because they don’t think they could ever achieve the same things as you have.
Deep down, they feel that you’re better than them and that’s why they don’t even bother trying to be more like you. They don’t have the confidence to fight for their dreams the way you do. So it feels easier to bring you down as a way of lifting themselves up.
5. They don’t like you
A person can decide to talk behind your back simply because they don’t like you. Maybe you once ended up in an argument and after that, they started to resent you.
Instead of telling you how they felt about you, they chose to spread rumors instead. They didn’t have the courage to face you and solve the disagreement between you but ended up talking behind your back.
This way of behaving clearly shows that they’re still immature and way below you. They don’t know how to express their feelings and would rather choose to spread gossip about you, which doesn’t seem like decent human behavior.
6. They’re ignoring their own issues
Sometimes, we all feel like our head is going to explode from all of the issues we’re facing. We don’t feel that we have enough energy to tackle them and it all starts to feel like a mission impossible.
But normally, a person will start working their way through their problems. Step by step, they look for solutions and try to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Those who don’t think of themselves as capable won’t act the same way, however. Instead of focusing on their problems, they’ll choose to talk behind your back.
You serve them as a distraction from their own life. By spreading rumors about you, they forget about their own issues and waste their energy another way.
But they won’t ever benefit from this behavior. When you focus on digging through the life of someone else, you only end up wasting your time and energy. Instead of moving through life, such a person will keep falling deeper and deeper into the quicksand that’s pulling them down.
At some point, they’ll simply realize that they’ve wasted their time gossiping when there were many other things they should’ve done instead. But once this realization hits them, it’ll already be too late to make a change.
7. They have low self-esteem
Low self-esteem can be your worst enemy. It’s the reason why many people fritter away their time doing nothing beneficial as they don’t believe that they deserve anything more than that.
Someone who talks behind your back doesn’t usually have enough confidence to stick up for themselves. They don’t know how to work their way up through life, so they simply spend their time meddling in other people’s lives.
They don’t think that they deserve to be happy, so they try to make others unhappy as well. Instead of spending their time working on themselves, such a person will focus all of their energy on looking for flaws in your life.
No matter what you do, they’ll find something to comment on. Bringing you down is the therapy they use to feel better about themselves.
By this point, they don’t even realize the harm they’re doing to themselves. They don’t recognize that they’re wasting their time getting involved in your affairs when there are many other beneficial things they could be doing.
But I guess that you need to let them learn their lesson. You have to let them understand all of the mistakes they’ve made as that’s the only way they can change for the better (if that’s even possible).
8. They’re following the lead of others
Talking behind people’s backs has become the new black. Everywhere you go, people are spreading rumors about each other, trying to lift themselves up by gossiping about the lives of others.
Apparently, it’s something you must do if you don’t want to be seen as an outcast, so many people will choose to talk behind your back simply because they don’t know what else to do in order to fit in.
They feel the need to become a part of the group and that’s usually done by following the lead of others. So, when all of the people around you start sharing rumors and gossip, you naturally feel the need to do the same as them.
That’s why you may have many friends who’ll talk behind your back only because they don’t know how else to connect with others. Talking about your life seems like a great idea since everyone else has something interesting to say about the lives of other people.
Sadly, this kind of friend will betray your trust in order to conform. They’ll forget about all those times you had their back as their natural instincts are telling them to do the same as others.
So, when others decide to gossip, a person will feel the need to copy them. That’s their ticket to getting closer to them and feeling like a part of the community.
How to deal with people who talk behind your back?
Now that you know many of the reasons why people talk behind your back, you probably want to figure out how to deal with them. Do you simply face them and call them out on their behavior? Do you prove to others that the words they’ve heard about you are only lies?
Keep reading to find out what options you have and what you can do when dealing with those who feed on gossiping.
1. Don’t say anything
This world will always be filled with people who talk behind your back. No matter how many times you face them, you’ll never succeed at being free from them.
So, the best choice may then be to not say anything. Don’t comment on the lies someone’s spreading around since you’d only be wasting your time.
Maybe you’ll succeed at making one person stop gossiping about you but a new one will always emerge out of nowhere. If you were to waste your energy on all those who have nothing other to do than trash-talk you, you’d need much more than twenty-four hours in a day.
Plus every time you react, you give them a reason to keep talking about you. You show them that you’re bothered by their words so they only keep coming out with more of them. But when they get nothing from you, they realize that they can’t hurt you and they simply move on to the next victim.
2. Call them out
If you’re the type of person who can’t deal with injustice, then you can always choose to call them out. But if you do so, make sure to do it privately so you don’t give them a reason to keep gossiping about you.
Don’t make any threats. Just let them know you’re aware of what they’re talking about behind your back.
Tell them that it’s obvious that they have no courage to face you and tell you what they think about you. Instead, they sneak around and spread lies about you even though they know they aren’t true.
They should be aware that you don’t feel the need to justify yourself in front of others as you’re the only one who knows the truth. And those around you can choose to trust whomever they want. The decision is always theirs.
3. Keep going through life with a smile on your face
People who talk behind your back want to see you suffering. They want to know that they’re the reason why you’ve lost your confidence.
But if you give them the exact opposite, they won’t have any idea what’s going on. All of the lies they told were supposed to bring you down but there you are, still smiling like nothing ever happened.
Even if you feel the need to protect and defend yourself, you should simply keep living your life as normal. Don’t lose your confidence and always wear a smile on your face.
This is the main way to help you overcome the rumors and prove to others that you don’t care about the lies people tell about you. As long as you’re happy with yourself, that’s all that matters.
4. Keep in mind that those who talk behind your back aren’t your real friends
When you hear your own friends talk behind your back, you’ll instantly feel hurt. These people were supposed to support you but it turns out that you could easily call them your biggest enemies.
And even though you feel hurt by their actions, you should always keep in mind that they were never your real friends to begin with. They never had honest intentions and only hung out with you because you were of use to them.
So, maybe it’s better for you that they finally showed you their true colors. At least you’ll no longer be wasting your time on them when it’s obvious that they don’t care about you in the slightest.
5. Don’t take it personally
A person who talks behind your back probably does the same to many other people too. That’s why you shouldn’t take their behavior personally.
The chances are that they don’t have anything against you. They don’t actually see you as the bad person they portray you to be. Instead, they’re probably envious of you and that’s why they feel this need to trash-talk you.
They think that it’d help them feel better about themselves, even though it wouldn’t. And the moment your life gets boring by their standards, they’ll simply find another victim. They’ll talk behind someone else’s back just to lift themselves up.
Just bear in mind that gossiping says more about them than about you and don’t take their actions personally. It’s obvious they’re in desperate need of attention and that’s why they choose to act this way.
This is your chance to be the bigger person. Let the world see who the good guy is and who the bad guy is.
6. Set some boundaries when it comes to spending time with them
If the person who talks behind your back is, for example, your work colleague and you have to spend time with them, then it’s important to set some boundaries. Keep your relationship strictly professional and don’t even bother trying to get closer to them.
No matter how nice you are to them, they’ll still choose to spread rumors about you. It’s a part of their personality and you can’t really help them change. When someone’s toxic but doesn’t want to admit it, there’s nothing you can do to prove to them that what they’re doing is wrong.
7. Focus your energy on your real friends
Some people will always talk behind your back, no matter what you do to try and change that, so focusing your energy on them is simply a waste of time.
Even if you don’t feel comfortable listening to all these lies about you, there’s not much you can do. Your best move would be to surround yourself with those who bring a smile to your face.
Spend time with your best friends and close family, with those you can trust the most. Remind yourself of your worth and stop thinking about those whose only goal is to hurt you.
They can keep filling their life with toxicity but you won’t be someone to fall for that. You’ll no longer focus your energy on them since that would just be a waste of time.
8. Remember that you’re better than them
When you feel blue after hearing about all these lies others are telling about you, you should remind yourself that you’re better than them.
It’s obvious that they chose to talk about you because they’re aware of your worth. They know how much you can do and honestly, they’re probably afraid of the power you carry within yourself. That’s something you must keep in mind all the time.
Don’t let these people bring you down as there are many goals you haven’t achieved yet. There are numerous other things you have to finish for the sake of your happiness.
They can say whatever they want but you’ll always be way above them. The maximum they can give is only your minimum, which is why they keep trying to tear you down. But as long as you’re aware of your value, they won’t be able to succeed.