Think aloud
“My husband turns everything around on me and I don’t think that I can take it anymore. Why does he keep acting this way?”
It’s a question many women want to find out the answer to. Once your healthy relationship turns into a blame game in which you’re always the one who’s losing, you start to wonder what’s going on.
It’s obvious that your husband has changed for the worse, but you still can’t understand why. He used to be your best friend, your partner in crime, the one you confided in.
Now, the tables have turned and you can’t even recognize him anymore. He doesn’t seem anything like the man you used to know.
No matter what happens, he keeps shifting the blame onto you. You’ve reached the point where you’ve become responsible for every single issue you two go through. Suddenly, it’s all your fault.
At first, you didn’t see this as a big deal and tried to find an explanation for his behavior. Maybe he was having a bad day at work or he was upset about something else and then took his frustration out on you.
But right now, you’re at the point where there are no more logical excuses for your partner’s actions. Honestly, one more “accident” and his behavior will turn into emotional abuse.
Why does this keep happening and what can you do to prevent it? If you keep reading, you’ll be able to find the answers you’re looking for.
Why does your husband turn everything around on you?
You’re running out of patience and can’t tolerate your partner’s behavior anymore. It’s all starts to feel a bit more serious than you initially thought.
“Have I found my way into an abusive relationship? Has he been a narcissist in disguise this whole time? Is he actually gaslighting me and creating his own version of reality for me?”
These are some of the questions you keep thinking about. You no longer feel capable of tolerating your partner’s behavior – it’s all affecting you too much.
“My husband turns everything around on me. He blames me for everything even though I’m not the one responsible. Am I married to a controlling person and should I be worried?”
If you’re currently in a similar position, then you’re probably dealing with the same thoughts. You want to find out what’s going on and if there’s a way to help yourself and your significant other before it’s too late.
When your once loving relationship turns into a battlefield, it’s understandable to want to know the cause. Well, here are some of the reasons why your husband turns everything around on you and uses blame-shifting so much.
1. He can’t take criticism
If your husband can’t take criticism, then that could easily be the reason he turns everything around on you. Even if you were to point out something trivial, he would immediately feel bad for himself.
And honestly, he can’t accept going through that. He can’t accept that he was the one who did something wrong.
​That’s why he shifts the blame onto you. Even though he knows he isn’t right, his inability to take criticism makes him accuse you of his mistakes.
It’s obvious that he doesn’t care about your well-being in that he pays more attention to his feelings at the expense of yours.
2. He’s insecure
Have you noticed any of the warning signs of an insecure partner? Have you realized he has self-esteem issues that he always tries to hide?
Well, this could be why he blame-shifts so much. By making you feel like you’re not good enough, he actually feeds his own ego.
He puts you into a bad mood and acts like he’s better than you. He probably knows his behavior is wrong but as long as that makes him feel good about himself, he won’t care about how you feel.
It’s obvious that his happiness comes first to him, and no matter how much he hurts you, he won’t be able to change the habit easily.
3. He lacks empathy
When you’re married to a man who lacks empathy, your relationship can start to deteriorate easily. Your partner will never understand what you’re going through and he won’t have a problem hurting you.
If your husband has the same issue then he doesn’t think of his behavior as hurtful. He doesn’t think he’s doing you harm every time he points fingers at you when he knows it’s not your fault.
From his point of view, you should be fine and you should simply accept that you’re the cause of the issues. Beware of a man like that because he doesn’t mind seeing you suffer.
4. He loves to see other suffer
While on the topic of suffering, the reason your husband may be turning everything around on you is that he doesn’t mind seeing you in pain in the first place. Generally, he doesn’t feel triggered by people’s suffering.
The cause of this behavior could be a result of all of the neglect he’s been through. If he was surrounded by people who didn’t care about him, that could explain why he acts the same way around others.
He’s deflecting the blame from himself to you and making you responsible for all of his mistakes. At the same time, he feels great about himself since he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong.
5. He’s a control freak
Last year, you considered your husband the most caring man you ever met. Right now, you’ve come to realize that his behavior seems more like controlling than caring.
He always must feel like he’s the one who’s holding the wheel. No matter the situation, he must be the one who steers it.
Maybe you liked that your husband was capable of taking things into his own hands. But right now you see you were wrong in so many ways.
His goal was never to protect you and take care of you. He simply wants to feel like he’s the one holding all of the cards.
By pinning the blame on you, he simply shows you that he’s in control of your life. He’s the one who’ll plan the rest of it, like it or not.
So, you better do something before you become a victim of domestic violence. His behavior is close to that, even if you don’t want to see it as such.
6. He gets easily offended
If your husband easily takes offense, then that could be why he turns everything around on you. The thing is, he can’t stand feeling he’s the one who’s wrong. He takes the blame personally and feels terrible knowing he’s made a mistake.
For those reasons, he always looks for an explanation that shifts the blame over to you. Even if it’s some little thing that’s not connected with the behavior you’re accusing him of, he’ll still find a way to make it count. That way, he makes you the one in the wrong and ignores everything you have to say about it.
7. He’s trying to hide his own mistakes
Blame-shifting is a great distraction technique. It easily allows your husband to make you responsible for something that wasn’t even your fault.
He doesn’t feel comfortable taking responsibility for his mistakes and he also doesn’t want to be seen as the cause of them. So, by attacking you, he makes you react and defend yourself while ignoring the mistakes he’s made.
The question is: Do you really want to live a life like this, waiting for him to blow up every time he needs to hide his mistakes?
The fact that he’s name-calling you has nothing to do with you. You’re not the liable one and you sure don’t deserve that kind of behavior, no matter what he says.
So, stop listening to him since he’s obviously doing whatever he can only to hide his wrongdoings.
8. He doesn’t feel appreciated in the relationship
The reason your husband turns everything around on you could be that he doesn’t feel like you value him. He doesn’t feel like you appreciate him for everything he does, which results in his rude behavior.
I’m not saying that he’s allowed to gaslight you and blame-shift. I’m just stating that it’s best to have a talk with him and figure out the cause of his behavior.
If it turns out that he simply needs your validation to feel like he’s doing fine, then the problem can be easily fixed. However, if he’s been feeling inferior his whole life, then there’s not much you can do to help him.
The only right step would be for him to seek professional help and work on these deeply rooted emotions.
9. He believes he’s always right
A husband who believes he’s always right won’t feel bad for turning everything around on you. From his point of view, he hasn’t made any mistakes.
No matter how hard you try to point out his errors or poor behavior, the chances are that he’ll keep ignoring your words. He doesn’t care about whatever you’re telling him because he doesn’t think he’s part of the problem.
He genuinely doesn’t believe that he’s the one to blame. So, stop wasting your time trying to make him see the truth. He’ll probably never own up to his mistakes.
10. He’s opinionated
An opinionated person is someone who’ll happily involve themselves in every possible argument. Even when he’s not right, he’ll find a way to prove his point and shift any blame to someone else.
Is your husband like this? Is he the type of man who always has a ready argument up his sleeve that supports his opinion?
Proving to others he’s right is his way of being in control. It allows him to feed his ego and boost his self-confidence.
However, that’s no excuse for blaming you for something that’s not your fault. Even if he tells you that he’s the kind of guy who has an opinion about everything, there’s still no reason for him to unnecessarily point fingers at you.
11. He’s self-absorbed
A self-absorbed husband will naturally turn everything around on you. He thinks highly of himself and can’t admit that he’s part of the problem.
The first time you try to convince him that his opinion is wrong, he’ll get angry for attacking his beliefs. He’s a man of integrity and knows he’s right – at least, that’s how he sees himself.
In reality, he’s just a man who has low self-esteem and is trying to be the center of attention at all costs. He doesn’t care if his manipulative behavior hurts you in any way since his happiness is the only thing that matters.
Even if you and all of his friends and family members tell him he’s wrong, his ego still won’t allow him to own up. He’ll again find a way to make someone else responsible for his mistakes.
12. He’s emotionally immature
An emotionally immature man doesn’t care about the feelings of others. Actually, he doesn’t even understand the harm he inflicts on you.
He doesn’t feel responsible for his actions and can’t admit when he’s at fault. Even if you put all of the facts in front of him, he’ll still deny them.
He’s never been the type of man who stands behind his actions and acknowledges them. Instead, he’s always found a way to blame others because he’s unable to deal with the responsibility.
If your husband is an emotionally immature man who turns everything around on you, then marriage counseling is probably your only option. He needs to work on his issues. And he won’t be able to do that until a professional points them out to him.
13. He’s extremely vulnerable
Vulnerable people feel weak on the inside. They know that their actions have caused them pain on multiple occasions. That’s why these people feel the need to be in control and put themselves above others.
If your husband is often insecure and has a vulnerable side that he tries to hide, he may easily turn everything around on you. He wants to put you down and feel like a winner, no matter how harmful his words or actions may be.
At this point, he doesn’t even care. As long as he can keep himself from feeling vulnerable, he’ll continue to use these manipulative tactics.
14. He’s a perfectionist
Because your husband’s a perfectionist, he also sees himself as perfect. He puts a lot of time and effort into everything he does, which is a great trait in itself.
But when he thinks of his actions as flawless, that’s when the issue happens. He simply can’t admit that he’s the one who caused the problem.
So, unconsciously, he shifts the blame onto you and makes you feel like you’re responsible for the current situation. The perfectionist in him makes him feel like he did all of the necessary steps, so he couldn’t possibly be the one at fault.
The worst part is that you can’t really prove him wrong. He’s so fixated on the idea that he did all that was necessary, that it automatically makes you responsible for his mistakes.
15. He’s a troublemaker
Have you noticed that your husband loves to play with other people’s feelings? He simply has this need to cause drama and trouble, and then see what happens from there.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that he has bad intentions or that he deliberately wants to hurt you. He simply enjoys the thrill of playing with people and watching them as they solve the issues he’s created.
Some would call this narcissism. Others would say it’s egoism. The bottom line is he needs to work on it if he doesn’t want to lose you, as there’s no way you can tolerate it forever.
16. He feels entitled to have things his way
A sense of entitlement is capable of tearing many relationships apart. Throughout life, your partner has gotten used to always being right. That’s why he’ll project those expectations in his relationship with you as well.
He’ll always assume that you’re the one at fault since he can’t accept he’s a part of the problem. From his point of view, he’s a perfect husband who always does his best, while you’re the one who causes the issues.
The last time I checked, this wasn’t normal behavior, especially if we’re talking about a full-grown man who should be responsible for his actions. Shifting the blame onto you can potentially ruin your marriage, so talk to him if you don’t want that to happen.
17. He’s hyper-sensitive
Hyper-sensitive people always feel attacked by others. They’re delicate and easily hurt, which always puts them in defense mode.
The moment your husband makes a mistake, he’ll turn everything around on you because his natural instinct is to protect himself. At the time, he forgets all logic and does everything he can to make whatever mistake seem like your fault.
18. He’s arrogant
An arrogant man doesn’t care about the feelings of others. He doesn’t care if he’s accusing them of something that isn’t their fault.
The only thing that matters to him is that he feels like he’s the one who’s in control. That could be the exact reason your husband turns everything around on you.
He has no issue blaming you for things that have nothing to do with you, as it makes him feel powerful. It allows him to hold the wheel and feel like he has control over you.
19. He lives in denial
When someone lives in denial that they’re always right, it’s virtually impossible to prove them wrong. All of your efforts end up in vain because he truly thinks that you’re the one to blame.
This behavior comes as a result of everything your partner has been through before. As a consequence, he’s become an egomaniac who genuinely doesn’t care what you have to say.
The only thing that matters to him is his opinion about himself. And right now, he doesn’t feel like he’s the one to blame.
20. He’s a toxic person
A toxic person doesn’t care about the feelings of others. They’re manipulative and don’t mind hurting those around them.
There’s a chance that your husband is exactly like that but he simply kept his real face hidden all these past years. Right now, when he feels like he has you for himself, he finally shows you his true colors.
He’ll play with your self-esteem and shift all of the blame onto you by projecting and gaslighting. And the worst part is that he won’t care what he’s doing to you. Not even the slightest.
21. He’s trying not to appear inferior
Deep down, your husband may be feeling weak and less-than. So, to hide these traits from you, he acts all tough and macho.
While pursuing that, he’ll do whatever he can not to feel inferior. And in some cases, that means moving all of the blame onto you.
He’s trying to get an ego boost by dominating you. Even though he knows he’s making a mistake, he can’t admit that he’s the one to blame since that would ruin his self-esteem.
So, he plays it cool and pretends everything’s your fault, as he believes that’s one of the best ways to overpower you.
22. He’s simply looking for a way out of the relationship
The final reason your husband turns everything around on you could be that he’s looking for a way out of your relationship. Maybe this marriage no longer makes him happy and he wants to end things for good.
At the same time, he doesn’t feel strong enough to initiate the conversation. That’s why he’s trying to provoke you to the point where you’ll end up being the one to leave.
This behavior is highly immature but it’s still a possibility. If you’re married to a man who’s never known how to express his opinion freely, then this blame-shifting behavior explains everything.
He doesn’t know how to let you know what he wants, so he would rather play with your mind until you can’t take it anymore. And that’s when you’ll have no other option but to leave.
So, if “my husband turns everything around on me” has become your daily question, then it’s clear that something needs to be done about it. Sticking through behavior like this will take an immeasurable toll on you.
You better take things into your hands before it’s too late.
