“My husband finds fault with everything I do and I’m not really sure how long I can tolerate this. Am I really that bad of a person or is he exaggerating?”
Many women out there feel unhappy in their marriages. As soon as they say “I do,” their partners change and they realize that they haven’t married the person they fell in love with.
As long as you can communicate with each other and solve disagreements, you at least know that your relationship is going somewhere. However, when you marry a man who keeps blaming you for everything and anything, you start to feel like you’re losing it.
The constant nagging has made you question your reality. You no longer know what’s right or what’s wrong. And the more you start to reconsider your actions, the worse you feel.
“Am I a terrible person? Is my husband right? Is it possible that I’m the cause of the problem?”
These may be some of the questions that are running through your head right now. You can’t comprehend what’s going on and why is your husband acting the way he is. If only you knew that, it would be easier to look for a solution.
So, let us help you figure out the reality of your situation.
“My husband finds fault with everything you do”: Why is that so?
No matter what or how you do it, your husband seems to be unhappy about it. From little things like cooking a meal to huge life decisions – you always seem to be the one to blame. And at this point, you’re tired of it.
Why is your husband doing this to you? Why does he make you feel like you’re incapable of doing anything? Well, here are some answers.
1. He radiates toxic masculinity
Men who are obsessed with toxic masculinity tend to think that they’re always in charge. So, they treat women as if they’re a weaker gender and as if they don’t know how to live a life without them.
If your husband is one of those guys then he may blame you for everything simply because he’s looking for an ego boost. For some weird reason, he feels better when he accuses you of something.
In reality, he’s deeply insecure and has a low self-esteem. He doesn’t want anyone to know that so he acts all tough with you, blaming you for every little thing you do.
2. He’s a jealous person
Maybe you’re married to a jealous man who doesn’t know how to deal with all those emotions hiding inside of him. He doesn’t want to admit his jealousy so he’s doing everything he can to tear your confidence apart. By doing so, he wants to make sure you won’t leave him for someone else.
Trust me, this isn’t exaggerating. A man who feels threatened by other guys will resort to sneaky ways if he knows that they will make you feel insecure. That’s his way of trying to protect you from other men around you.
This may sound crazy but guys who have jealousy issues think this way. They’re obsessed with the idea that a woman will cheat on them so they do everything to prevent that. Even though their jealousy is unjustified.
3. He’s emotionally immature
An emotionally immature man may face difficulties explaining how he feels. When something bothers him, he may not know how to express his emotions so he resorts to the only thing he knows how to do – finding fault in your actions.
If this is the reason why your husband acts the way he does, then you may have a hard time pointing it out to him. The thing is that he doesn’t want to admit that he’s emotionally immature since it’s so much easier to nag others instead of working on himself.
4. He’s shifting the blame on you
Does it feel like your husband is blaming you for certain things because he’s the one responsible for them? Could it be that he’s simply shifting the blame on you because he doesn’t want to admit that he’s wrong?
Honestly, this is a well-known scenario to many women out there who are married or in relationships with men who can’t admit when they’re wrong. Their ego is too big to say “It’s my fault” so they make others feel guilty for their own actions.
A guy who cheated on you will keep blaming you that you cheated on him. It’s a defense mechanism he uses to deal with his guilty conscience.
In the same manner, he’ll use this tactic with every mistake he makes. He’ll shift the blame on you and pretend like he never did any of the things he’s accusing you of.
5. He wants to get a divorce but doesn’t want to be the first one to leave
Men are weird. Sometimes, when they feel unhappy in their marriage, they won’t say it out loud and ask you to sign divorce papers. Instead, they will push you to the limits until you’re the first one to leave. There’s a chance that your husband is doing exactly that.
He doesn’t want to be the first one to bring this conversation up because he doesn’t want to be the one to blame for a divorce. So, he’ll do everything he can to break you and make you leave him first.
That way, he’ll feel better about himself that he wasn’t the one to call it quits.
6. He’s stressed out
Another possibility could be that your husband is stressed out and has a lot going on. Maybe he’s having issues at work or he’s worried about how you’re going to pay the mortgage. It could be that he’s trying to deal with all these things on his own since he doesn’t want to bother you with them.
In the end, he snaps at you easily and starts finding fault with everything you do. He’s probably aware that’s not okay and that he should apologize, but he’s so stressed that he doesn’t know how to think straight.
All the pressure has made him reach his boiling point which is why he’s acting so weird.
What to do when you find yourself in a situation such as this one?
Okay, so you now know what could be the potential cause of your husband’s behavior. But the real question is how to solve this issue. How to make him realize that he’s not acting right and that he has to change something?
1. Be honest with yourself
First of all, you have to be honest with yourself. You don’t want to end up doing the same thing you’re trying to prevent your husband from doing. That’s why it would be best to have an honest chat with yourself.
Have you really done something wrong? Did he try to point out your actual mistake or is he being irrational? Is his criticism logical or is he over-reacting?
These are some of the questions you have to answer before you move to the next step. If you realize that you’ve made certain mistakes, you have to accept your part of the blame.
If you, on the other hand, realize that he’s not thinking straight and that his accusations aren’t valid, then it’s time for the next step.
2. Have a conversation with him
After you figure out what’s going on, it’s time to have a conversation with him. Don’t instantly go into the “fight” mode and instead try to explain to him how his behavior makes you feel. Try to make him understand how his actions are affecting you.
This may be a difficult task, especially if you’re dealing with a man who doesn’t like to admit when he’s wrong. But you have to give him a chance. Let him speak and see what he has to say about this whole situation.
If he admits his mistakes and tells you how he’s been under a lot of stress recently, you’ll at least know that he never meant to hurt you. But if you realize that something more cruel was the main cause of his nagging, then you’ll have to carefully think about what you want to do next.
Is your marriage worth working on when he was sabotaging you on purpose? That’s something you have to consider.
3. Set clear boundaries
Your husband may promise that he’ll change. He may tell you that he’ll never treat you the way he did, but to trust his words, you should set some boundaries. If he successfully follows them then you’ll know that he’s being honest with you.
So, the next time he’s feeling snappy, remind him that he has to talk to you respectfully. No matter how upset he is, you still deserve to be kindly treated.
4. Seek professional help
If you truly believe that the two of you can make this marriage work, you may ask for professional help. Find a therapist who’ll listen to both of you carefully and help you resolve the issues you’ve been facing.
However, if you realize that he’s not committed to the task then try to figure out if it’s worth the effort. If you’re going to be the only one fighting for this marriage then something must be off. It may be hard to accept that but it’s a bitter truth that you should be aware of.