Think aloud
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re ranting to your friend over the phone and yelling these words, “My boyfriend accuses me of everything and I can’t take it anymore! Why does this keep happening?”
Day after day, your partner keeps accusing you of the things you have done but also of the ones you have nothing to do with. It’s all got to the point where you feel exhausted.
You know that a healthy relationship shouldn’t feel like a struggle and that’s exactly how yours feels right now. You’re far from being happy because your significant other keeps giving you a hard time, no matter how many times you confront him.
What hurts you even more is the fact that he makes all of these false accusations that keep bringing down your self-esteem. Even when you know that you haven’t done anything wrong, he keeps interrogating you and blaming you for everything that comes to his mind.
In his eyes, you look like a cheater, a liar, a manipulator, or any other negative trait that he can think of. You’re aware that for a long time, there hasn’t been a day when he hasn’t tried to accuse you of something.
Some days, you’re accused of minor, not-so-important things, and other days, it’s cheating and manipulation. One more accusation, and you’ll genuinely start to think that breaking up is the only thing that can save you.
My boyfriend accuses me of everything! Why does he do that?
You’re aware that relationships require a lot of work and effort and you don’t expect to be in one where you and your partner never fight. You simply know that things don’t work that way.
But when your boyfriend keeps accusing you of everything, you constantly feel under attack. Instead of being happy and relaxed because of the relationship you have with your partner, you feel like a target for pointing fingers.
As things get out of control, you start to wonder whether you’re going through emotional abuse. Maybe you’re stuck in a toxic relationship but you haven’t been able to admit that to yourself yet.
The possibilities seem to be endless and you still have no idea what your next step should be.
However, before you even try to look for a solution, you want to know the reason why your boyfriend accuses you of everything. You want to figure that out before making the next move in your relationship.
Believe it or not, there are many possible reasons why your significant other may be acting that way. Some of them will be obvious, while others may surprise you.
1. He’s chronically jealous
If your boyfriend accuses you of everything, it could be because he’s jealous and this is especially accurate if he keeps questioning your loyalty to him.
Maybe you’ve been hanging out with a male friend more than usual. Perhaps you liked someone’s picture on social media or maybe it has nothing to do with you and he’s simply jealous of every guy who finds himself in your company.
It makes no difference whether it’s your best friend or a co-worker.
The fact that he’s a guy instantly irritates your boyfriend and because he doesn’t know how to control his jealousy or admit to you everything that’s going through his mind, he keeps accusing you of things that you haven’t even done.
The first time he accused you, you didn’t pay a lot of attention to it. Maybe you even found it cute that he wants you to be his one and only.
But right now, things have gotten out of control. If most of your conversations with your best friend have turned into sessions where you keep repeating, “My boyfriend accuses me of everything,” then you should know that your relationship isn’t going well.
2. He has trust issues
If your boyfriend accuses you of everything, it could be because he has trust issues.
Maybe he’s been in a few serious relationships in the past and all of them ended badly or perhaps his ex-girlfriends cheated on him and as a result, he no longer trusts anyone.
No matter how you treat him, guided by his previous experiences, he’ll always find a reason why he should blame you.
Even when there’s nothing to accuse you of, he’ll try to play a game with you, thinking that you may confess something he doesn’t know of.
You know that this whole mess isn’t good for your well-being, as you no longer know what to do to help either yourself or your partner. You don’t want to lose him but you also can’t stand the constant accusations you’re faced with.
Your partner is unable to figure out his own feelings or sort out his personal issues so he keeps accusing you of whatever comes to mind, not thinking that he’s doing anything wrong.
But little does he know that with each false accusation, he’s pushing you away from himself.
3. He’s insecure
We don’t often think it but many guys have issues with insecurity. They try hard to cover it up but sooner or later, it all comes to the surface and they can no longer hide it.
If your boyfriend is deeply insecure then it could be one of the reasons why he keeps accusing you of everything that crosses his mind.
Whenever you confront him and explain to him that he needs to work on himself, as his insecurity is having a serious impact on your relationship, he brushes it off, stating that it’s not a big deal and that he doesn’t see a problem with it.
But last week, he kept convincing you that you’d been messaging other guys. Yesterday, he put his heart and soul into trying to make you admit that you met up with some guy, even though you were home the whole time.
Who knows what he’ll be thinking in a week’s time? So, you can either walk away from this relationship or you can try to have an honest talk with him and try to prove to him that he has nothing to worry about.
Dating an insecure guy can be a challenge, as you always feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Any of the words you say can end up triggering his self-doubt.
4. He’s cheating on you
As human beings, projecting is one of the things we keep doing whenever we feel like we’ve something wrong. You don’t want to listen to a lecture so you simply put the blame on the other person’s shoulders.
So, if your boyfriend accuses you of cheating, there’s a good chance that he was the one who cheated on you, especially if you see him being too intense with his false accusations.
He knows that he did the wrong thing and he may even feel guilty because of it but he can’t be the one to admit his actions, especially because he doesn’t know what your reaction will be.
He thinks that he stands a chance if he projects his mistakes onto you and acts like he’s done nothing wrong.
If you notice your boyfriend’s acting like this then take his behavior as a red flag and a sign that he cheated on you or that he’s still doing it.
5. He wants to break up with you
“My boyfriend accuses me of everything. No matter what I do or how I treat him, he always finds something to nag about.”
If this sounds like a conversation you had with your best friend last night then it may be that your boyfriend’s doing it because he wants to break up with you.
Often, a guy has no idea how to explain to his girlfriend that he wants to end the relationship so instead of being honest, he looks for another way out.
At the same time, he doesn’t want to be the one to blame for its ending. He would feel much better if you ended up being responsible for the break-up.
So, he starts accusing you of everything. He looks for flaws in your actions and tries to make matter worse than they are.
He knows that this could allow him to simply leave you and act as if you did something that hurt him or you’ll get tired of the accusations and leave him.
Either way, he’ll get what he wants and think that you can’t blame him for ending the relationship, as he puts things into the perspective that you’re the problem.
6. You give him reasons to accuse you
When you call your friend and tell her, “My boyfriend accuses me of everything,” you first need to be honest with yourself and admit whether there’s a reason for his accusations.
Have you been acting suspiciously these last few months? It doesn’t mean that you’ve actually done something wrong but maybe you changed your behavior, which made your boyfriend think that something’s going on.
Perhaps you deleted some of the text messages from your phone or maybe you’ve been coming home late all the time, with the excuse that you’ve been visiting some of your family members.
No matter what it is, if it’s a change from your usual pattern of behavior, your boyfriend may suspect that you’re doing something behind his back, which is why he may start accusing you.
You won’t have any idea why he’s been doing that because you didn’t realize that you’d been doing anything differently.
If he has nothing to worry about then simply sit down with him and have a talk. Explain what’s been going on in your life and I’m sure that he’ll understand.
This could be the last time you’ll hear any more false accusations, if they’ve come from him misunderstanding you.
7. He’s oversensitive
Oversensitive people tend to analyze situations to the smallest detail and also feel that the people around them do things on purpose, just to hurt them.
If your boyfriend is anything like this, he may start accusing you of everything that comes to his mind.
If you tell him that he should pick something up for you, he’ll accuse you of being controlling. Ask him to change something about himself because it’s making your life harder and he’ll accuse you of being manipulative.
Whatever you do or say can be a trigger for oversensitive people.
It seems like they don’t know how to help themselves but instead of looking for a way out, they keep suppressing their fear and pain by accusing other people of things that often make no sense.
Being in a relationship with an oversensitive person isn’t easy. Unless you find a mutual language that works for both of you, you won’t be able to see any progress and your love life will definitely suffer.
8. He’s emotionally imprisoning
If your boyfriend accuses you of everything, it could be because he’s trying to emotionally imprison you. This often happens if you’re dating a narcissist who always feels the need to be in control.
You’ll face false accusations on a daily basis and at some point, you won’t even know what’s going on. You’ll feel like you can’t defend yourself and that there must be a reason why your boyfriend keeps blaming you for things.
However, if you fall into the hands of a narcissistic man, then it doesn’t have to mean that he’s the one who’s right. Instead, he’s only trying to make you feel that way because he wants to have power over you.
Even when you truly believe that you’ve done nothing wrong, your partner may try convincing you otherwise. By this point, you may give up completely and let him be the one who has control.
If he so desperately keeps accusing you of something then you can start to believe that it may be that you actually did make a mistake.
This is exactly how a narcissist wants you to feel. He wants you to think that you’re the one to blame and that you shouldn’t confront him about anything as it’s always all your fault.
If you don’t pull yourself out of his controlling hands and set boundaries for yourself, his narcissism may destroy you.
You’ll start doubting your future decisions and once that happens, you’ll lose all of your chances to escape from your obviously toxic relationship.
9. He doesn’t know how to cope with his feelings
Maybe your boyfriend feels guilty about something he did. Perhaps he regrets something that he missed out on or he even feels anger over a certain way you made him feel.
If this is the case, the chances are that he’ll start accusing you of everything that happens, which is his coping mechanism, his way to deal with all of the emotions he feels right now.
It could be that last year, you said something that hurt him, and apparently, he forgave you. But from that point on, he’s been accusing you of anything and everything.
It looks like now, every word you say hurts him and this keeps happening because he’s having a hard time letting go of his past feelings. He’s angry about something you did in the past but he doesn’t know how to let it go.
It may be even that he has some form of personality disorder that prevents him from dealing with his emotions rationally.
You could try and talk to him and try to get to the bottom of the issue but know that it won’t be an easy journey, as it takes a lot of time and effort to cope with someone like this.
10. He’s abusive
“My boyfriend accuses me of everything,” is a statement that can have many underlying issues behind it. But have you thought about the option that your boyfriend may be an abuser?
Maybe this whole time, you’ve been in an abusive relationship without even realizing it.
A lot of the time, we fail to recognize patterns of abuse but just because he isn’t violent with you or his behavior isn’t classified as physical abuse, it doesn’t mean that it’s healthy or that you should tolerate it.
So, if your boyfriend keeps accusing you of everything you do, he may be gaslighting you. And we all know that gaslighting is emotional abuse.
He’ll keep blaming you for the things you haven’t done and whenever you confront him, he’ll make sure to convince your that you’re wrong. This game will keep playing out in front of your eyes but you’ll have no idea how to escape it.
It’ll get to the point where you no longer trust your decisions and you’ll have a hard time figuring out right from wrong. All of the put-downs and false accusations will help him get power over you.
And all of a sudden, your relationship, the one you thought to be the best thing that ever happened to you, will turn into the mistake of your life.
11. He carries the burdens of your relationship
If your boyfriend accuses you of everything, it could be because he feels like the burdens of your relationship are on his shoulders.
Maybe he feels that he’s been the one to fight for you this whole time.
He sacrificed his own life and set it aside just so the two of you could have a healthy and stable relationship and right now, he feels like you don’t care much about that.
That’s why he keeps accusing you because he doesn’t see a better way to show you that you’re not doing anything for the two of you. But if you sit down and have a talk about it, you’ll realize that this problem can be easily solved.
Communication solves everything and it’s always better to have a chat about an issue than to keep holding a grudge against each other.
My boyfriend accuses me of everything! What can I do about it?
Everything you do or say has become a reason for your boyfriend to accuse you of something. Sometimes, you don’t even have to do anything at all, as your boyfriend already has it in his head that you’ve done something wrong.
If you keep ignoring it, the chances are that both you and your relationship will suffer as there’s no way to act like nothing’s going on when you always expect an attack coming from his side.
However, there are a couple of things you can do that could help you save your relationship and your mental health before it all falls apart.
No one can guarantee that either of these tips will work but if you don’t feel ready to break up and you want to give your partner another chance, then you should try them as you have nothing to lose.
Have a conversation with your partner!
It’s not for no reason that people say communication is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship. When partners are unable to communicate with each other, none of the other parts of their relationship will move in the right direction.
So, if your boyfriend accuses you of everything, sit him down and have a talk with him. Try to find out the underlying reason behind his actions.
If he cares about you, he’ll be willing to have an open conversation but if he doesn’t want your relationship to succeed, he’ll ignore you and keep doing things his way.
After that, you’ll be able to figure out whether he truly loves you or if he’s immature to even talk to you about your issues.
Look for help elsewhere!
If you see that the two of you can’t find the right solution for your problems, then the best thing to do is look for help somewhere else.
You can always ask your friends for advice, especially if you know someone who’s gone through the same thing, or you can look for professional help.
Relationship counselors deal with these issues on a daily basis and they’ll most likely be able to find the best solution.
Remember, even if things don’t work out the way you expected them to, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t doing what’s best for you.
Sometimes, we hold on too long to things that only hurt us but if we had the courage to let go, our life would improve for the better right away.
Good luck with solving the issue! Hopefully, you’ll never again hear yourself saying, “My boyfriend accuses me of everything,” as you’ll find the right solution for your problem.
