Think aloud
How many times did this question cross your mind: Why are men running away?
You met a perfect guy a couple of weeks ago and everything seems to be going great. You’re texting a lot and every time you go out together or with friends, it’s a bash.
You have endless conversations about everything and anything, and it seems like you’ll never run out of topics to talk about. You got so close to each other that the only reasonable thing to do is to officially start dating.
But, you’ve started noticing slight changes in his behavior and it seems like he’s pulling back. Umm, what does that mean?!
In this article, I’ll guide you through all the reasons men are running away from love and what to do in those situations. In the end, we’ll mention the types of women they usually leave.
Brace yourself, we’re starting!
Why are men running away from love?
Everything was flawless before it was time to make it official. As most of the girls do, you probably thought about what you did wrong that scared the poor guy away.
Yes, I’m not going to lie, sometimes it’s us. But here are all the reasons men are running away and why you’ll hear that famous “It’s not you, it’s me” sentence we all shudder at the thought of.
1. The relationship is moving fast
Without a doubt, most of us like Fast & Furious but not when it comes to relationships right?
In the beginning, everything felt good and your guy enjoyed every adventure you shared. But, it’s time to come back to reality and this is when it gets scary.
Are you going to fail to park properly? Is something bad about to happen? He feels like he needs to slow down in order to have everything under control.
Not everybody rides in the same gear right from the start and that’s normal. Eventually, you’ll catch up with each other and start driving side-by-side. Just keep in mind that it takes time.
2. He gets everything effortlessly
This is straightforward basic human psychology. Do you want things you can easily get? If you’re being honest now, you’ll answer will be no. Don’t you get suspicious in those moments?
I personally value things more if I have to work for them. I know how much effort I had to put in and how determined I was to earn it.
We both know that men love to chase, but don’t be an uptight girl. With the right amount of mystery and availability, men won’t run away from you.
3. He’s not ready for a serious relationship
Are men running away simply because they’re afraid of commitment?
Even if you don’t want to admit it, men often withdraw because they are not ready for a serious relationship. Maybe you’ll start arguing with me at this point, but if he’s choosing to stay away from you he’s still not ready to commit.
Does he have commitment issues or he is simply looking for a fling? I’m not sure he knows either.
Whatever the reason, it’s obvious that he is not at that stage of his life where he’ll start something serious. I read one quote a long time ago that said something like this – “If you have chemistry with someone, you need one other thing: timing.” But, honestly, timing is not always on your side.
4. He’s not ready to leave his comfort zone
Starting a new relationship means making some space for a new person in your life. Love makes us sacrifice our comfort and it requires giving up some things we are used to.
When men are running away, it’s usually because they are not so keen on the idea of not living the life they are used to. Maybe he’ll have to reduce the amount of time he spends with his friends or restrain playing video games and he’s not ready to compromise.
5. He was hurt before
Are men running away because they had been hurt in the past? Well, it certainly is a possibility!
Not only do girls have bad experiences in romantic relationships, but men also. Maybe his feelings were neglected or he has been hurt over and over again. Of course, it’s not easy for him to let his feelings loose.
Good guys often end up with their chests ripped apart and their hearts broken into million pieces. So, you need to understand why these men are running away from love. They trusted someone, opened up and all they got in return was pain.
Wouldn’t you hold back your feelings afterward and hesitate to fall in love?
6. He simply doesn’t know what to do
The whole concept of people being in romantic relationships is odd to him. How should he behave? Does he have to hold a conversation? How often should he take you out on dates? Should he accept if you offer to split the bill?
Huh, slow down woman.
If you know that the guy you want to start dating doesn’t have any previous experience (or has a minimum of it), take it easy. You being pushy will just scare him away and he’ll run as fast as he can.
7. He just got out of a long relationship
Different from what we spoke about in the previous part, but also a valid reason. If a guy has just gotten out of a long relationship he may not be enthusiastic about starting a new one.
We all need some time to go through a break-up and we deal with it in different ways. Some cry their heart out, and others socialize and try to move on.
If you know he’s at this stage of his life right now, give him some space. You don’t want to deal with unresolved emotions he might have for his ex, nor do you want him to run away from you if he feels like you’re forcing him to open up.
8. He’s a player
We are all familiar with this type of man. There was at least one guy in your life who was so clearly running away from a commitment.
At one point, he’s going to treat you like you’re the only girl in his life, just so he could give you the cold shoulder another time. He knows right from the start, and so do you, that he doesn’t want anything serious, yet there you are thinking you’re special to him.
Oops, he did it again.
9. He’s a mess
Sometimes when a guy says he’s a mess and he needs some time to clear things up, he really means it.
It may sound like a cliche when he says that he’s emotionally unavailable, but if we’re being honest we all have emotional baggage. It’s just the way how we choose to deal with it that is different.
You’ve entered his life at the wrong moment, but he genuinely cares about you even though he may not show it right away. If you pressure him to make up his mind asap, rest assured that he’ll be running away before you even realize it.
10. Blame the oxytocin
I did not make a mistake, yes THE oxytocin – love hormone. When this hormone is released in women’s brains, it makes us feel comfortable, relaxed, and happy. But men, that’s a whole another story.
When oxytocin is released in a significant amount in men’s brains, it activates the “fight or flight” response, because it causes his testosterone levels to drop. Men need both of these hormones to be happy and relaxed.
So sometimes, men are running away because their male hormone, testosterone, reached a critical level and they need to fly away.
11. He’s afraid of his feelings
Maybe you’re right and he actually feels something special for you but he’s afraid to show it.
I know this has happened to you as well at one point. He’s being all mushy-gushy, yet he’s holding back from having the talk.
He knows that being in a relationship requires being vulnerable and he’ll have to openly talk about his feelings with you. So, if he’s giving you hot and cold treatment it may mean that he’s struggling with expressing his emotions.
12. He’s keeping his options open
Similarly like a player, this guy is running away from you because he never wanted anything serious.
We live in a world where it’s common to use dating apps and it’s extremely easy for him to keep his options open. If he knows that another “option” is just a swipe away, and thinks that dating is something temporary, he’ll withdraw.
13. He doesn’t think it’s love
Even if you don’t want to hear this one, it is undeniably one of the reasons why men run away.
More often than not, most of us felt the pain of one-sided love, so you know what I’m talking about here. He just doesn’t feel the same way and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Instead, stop wasting your time on the wrong person and get ready for someone who will appreciate all that you have to offer.
14. He’s afraid of losing his freedom
How many times did you hear the story about people finding a boyfriend/girlfriend and just disappearing from their social circle?
Are men running away because they are afraid they’ll lose their freedom? Undoubtedly!
If he’s texting you less or he may not be in the mood to spend much time with you, chances are he feels like you’re “invading” his space and taking away his freedom. Step back a bit and give him space to breathe.
15. It’s you, it’s not him
Are you overly possessive or jealous? Are you available every time he calls you? Did you give him permission to play games with you? Are you blaming yourself for his problems? Do you try to control everything?
If the answer is even maybe to one of these questions, I have no other way than to put it like this: It’s you, it’s not him.
You are the reason men are running away from you. Nobody likes to be told what to do, how to behave, or when is the right time to open up. We all go through life at a unique pace and there is no reason for someone to judge that.
So instead of blaming him for running away, make sure you’re not the problem.
What to do if a guy is running away?
We concluded that it’s not usually a girl’s problem when a guy is running away and it’s not necessarily always a bad sign.
So, have you noticed your man running away? Do you want to keep him by your side, but you don’t want to be annoying? Is that the reason why you’re reading this article?
If you want to know what to do if he’s withdrawing, here are some tips.
1. Try to identify the reason why he’s getting away
Did you guys have an argument that caused him to pull back? Does he have some problems at work that he’s trying to figure out on his own, or maybe it’s something personal?
If you really care about him, you’ll try to identify the cause and openly talk about the problem with him. He’s the only one that can provide you with the right answers. The only way a relationship will last is if you build it together and nurture healthy communication.
2. Show him you care
We both know that you like it when he shows you he cares about you, so why do you think it’s any different for him? Every guy will appreciate it if you say how you feel and make him aware of how much you care for him.
That way, if he’s thinking of running away, you’ll put his mind to rest. Spend some valuable time with him, compliment him, and make him laugh. Is that really so hard to do?
If you notice that he’s scared or not sure how to put his feelings into words, just show him you care about him too.
3. Trigger his hero instinct
Do men really want to act like heroes? Indeed, but they’ll save tights and capes for Halloween.
When I talk about men acting like heroes on a daily basis, what I mean is that they have to feel useful. They have to be able to help you somehow.
They are not going to protect you from a dragon or fly you to safety if you’re falling down from a skyscraper. Men are our everyday heroes and should be treated that way. You don’t have to point out all the things he does for you, but rather show him love and appreciation.
When men feel validated in a relationship, they won’t be running away from you. On the contrary, a man will stay and feel more connected to his relationship once this hero instinct is activated.
So, think one more time before opening the jar of pickles on your own just because you’re a strong and independent woman. Ask your man for help and show him he’s your hero.
4. Respect yourself enough to leave
Know your worth. If you notice that the man is not interested, just walk away before he even starts running away from you. Why would you want to stay in a relationship where you’re not valued or taken care of?
Don’t try to fix him or save him from some unresolved past trauma. It’s really hard to help someone who doesn’t want help or is not aware that needs help.
As a matter of fact, the best decision is not to waste your time on people who already decided that you’ll leave. Respect yourself and your boundaries enough to know when is the right time to give up on what you once thought could be a good love story.
5. Accept his decision and move on
No matter how bad it may hurt, accept that he doesn’t feel the same way and that he doesn’t want to commit. You cannot force someone to feel a certain way, nor can you change their thinking.
People will act the way they want and if you feel that he has no intention of going down the road with you, accept it. Be honest with yourself and know when is the right time to walk the tracks and leave.
I’m sure you don’t want to lose your valuable time on someone who is clearly not worthy of your attention.
6. Mirror his behavior
The thing is, when men are running away, the worst thing a woman can do is overreact, or not react at all. So what should you do? How should you behave in order to meet his expectations and actually make him stay?
Don’t get angry at him, don’t stalk him, and don’t push him to talk. Also, don’t try to earn him back, don’t beg him to stay nor pretend like everything’s fine.
The one thing you can do is mirror his behavior. Yup, just behave the way he is behaving.
If he’s pulling away, you do it too. Soon he’ll realize that he has to try harder to maintain the relationship, or you’ll get out of the toxic environment.
7. Work on yourself
Hit the gym, meditate, or do fitness. Not only you’ll get in shape, but your mental health will get better too. You’ll also meet a lot of new people and your happiness will depend solely on you.
More guys will be attracted to you when they know you won’t be emotionally dependent on them. Another bonus point is that you’ll be able to easily identify people who are worth your time and you’ll invest it in healthy relationships.
So, put yourself first. Know what you want, and learn to communicate it openly. Learn what makes you happy and how would you like your partner to treat you. There’s a reason behind the saying that you first have to love yourself so someone else can love you too.
Types of women men run from
I know it would be amazing to be the best we can be around the people we feel attracted to, even better if we are exactly the person they need their partner to be like. But unfortunately, that is not always possible.
The saying goes something like: if a person cannot accept you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best either; and I agree completely. So, if a guy doesn’t like you and is running away, it just means he’s not the one.
Still, here are some types of women men usually run from.
1. The delicate flower
Isn’t it annoying when someone complains all the time and is overreacting? You’ve probably met at least one person in your life who’s constantly whining. Did you like them?
Moveis taught us that even extremely attractive girls have to man up if they want to keep the good guy, right?
2. The baby-sitter
It’s really nice when you take care of your boyfriend and no man will run away because of that. But if you’re constantly checking if he had a meal, had enough sleep, or if you’re preparing his clothes for the next day – even Bolt will be running behind him.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t spoil your guy, just don’t overdo it. This kind of behavior is suffocating him and he’ll have no other choice but to run for salvation.
3. The manipulator
If you’re trying to control him to do whatever you want him to do, once he realizes it, he’ll be running away.
Even if it sounds like childish behavior, it definitely isn’t. This kind of girl will be too nice or pushy in order to get what she wants, and her way of treating a guy can even lead to emotional abuse. Definitely not someone you’d like to spend the rest of your days with, right?
4. The drama queen
Do you know a girl that’s constantly worried about something and keeps panicking for no reason? That is also a type of women men are running away from.
We all have our own worries and sometimes it gets hard to deal with them. But nobody wants someone who’s constantly blaming everybody else for the problems they face and never wants to be held accountable.
5. The Gold-digger
This kind of woman only cares about her needs and probably loves her partner’s money more than him. She won’t hesitate to leave him for another, richer guy if such a person shows up in her life.
It’s completely fine if a guy is pampering his girl with gifts and expensive dates, but if she’s staying there just for those, the guy will eventually run away.
6. The coquette
A.k.a. the female version of a player. Not only will she flirt with her guy and tease him constantly to keep the relationship interesting, but she’ll do it with other guys as well.
If she’s being coquettish, it’s not only her personality trait. Most of the time she’ll do this to see if you care enough about her, and of course, to feed her ego. This type of girl is not a good choice for the long-run, so men may slow down a bit when they come across her, but will ultimately run away.
7. The jelly one
It’s definitely an ego booster when a girl gets a bit jealous, but when she’s seeing threats where there aren’t any, that becomes the problem.
She’ll always question your feelings and ask for constant reassurance. She’ll be possessive at times and may complain about you spending time with anyone but her. Men are definitely running away as soon as they get to know this girl’s true face.
8. The princess
She’s been spoon-fed as a kid and requires to be treated the same way in a relationship. She may behave like a spoiled brat if things don’t turn out the way she wanted and may even make a problem out of nothing.
The man who finds himself in this situation will be patient in the beginning and find even her behavior entertaining, but he’ll probably run away if things are about to get serious.
9. The veracious
Don’t confuse this one with voracious. I’m not talking about a person that will eagerly engage in something, but about someone who’s being brutally honest whenever they speak.
Being honest is a trait worth mentioning, but when that honesty turns into insult and not knowing when to stop – that’s the problem.
Men won’t run away from the truth, but if you keep hurting them with your words and you’re not even listening to what he has to say, they won’t hesitate to turn around and go in their own direction.
There are different reasons why men are running away and that will keep happening until they eventually find the one. It’s not up to you to change your behavior according to their needs just because some random article said you may be the problem.
Every relationship is unique and what’s one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. So, be aware of who you are, shine your light, and the right guy will one day recognize his safe harbor.
