Think aloud
Whoever told you that men feel and react the same way women do lives in an illusion and doesn’t know what he/she is saying. The truth is men respond to silence and distance while women respond to communication and sincerity.
The sooner you realize that men are different from women, the easier will be for you to attract a man. And it doesn’t really matter if you recently started a romantic relationship or have been in one for quite some time, you’ll at some point encounter problems balancing communication and distance in your relationship.
In most cases, you tend to resolve most of your issues by confronting your partner, while he refrains from uttering his feelings and rather shuts down once the argument starts.
The more you push him, the higher he builds his emotional walls. He becomes this emotionally constipated man who’ll never learn how to verbalize his feelings and sooner or later, your relationship will break apart.
But have you ever thought of keeping silent and not talking at all? There’s a relationship rule out there that you may have forgotten about that can greatly improve your connection with your partner.
It’s not just meant for those who recently broke up where one partner wants the other back. It can also be used by couples who are struggling to reignite their spark and are trying to make it work despite the odds stacked against them.
This tool is called the no-contact rule.
What is the no-contact rule?
The way you implement this tool greatly depends on the situation you’re in.
Perhaps he broke up with you not so long ago and you’re trying to find a way to get his attention. Going no-contact can certainly improve your chances of getting him back because it will make him wonder why your life is going great even though you’re not with him anymore.
His curiosity will be triggered and as a result of that, he’ll make an attempt to contact you first.
But the one drawback of using the no-contact rule is you need patience. During this period, you can’t send him any text messages, call him up, or even scroll through his social media profiles. And when he finally does contact you, you need to resist the urge to answer him.
On the other hand, if you two haven’t broken up but have some issues that you need to take care of, you might want to apply the easier version where you simply don’t contact him first. Instead, you wait for him to make a genuine effort where you’ll see that he’s ready to sacrifice his ego for you before you start responding to his texts.
How does silence and distance affect a man?
It’s rather interesting to see how a man reacts when his partner gives him the silent treatment. Your first thought should never be to retaliate because if you do that, the situation can only get worse.
So, how do silence and distance affect a man?
1. He starts to miss you
One of the main reasons no contact possesses such enormous power is because your partner gets the time to miss you. This is why men respond to silence and distance.
If you two hang out every second of each day, it’s pretty difficult to give him enough emotional space to miss you.
I know what you’re thinking: You love him, you enjoy your time together, so why not spend available every minute with him? Well, there are instances where being apart from your loved one can actually reignite the passion in the relationship.
Maybe you’ve become a bit too comfortable around each other after spending a long time together, and that’s okay. It’s normal to feel secure and safe when you’ve been a couple for a while now.
But when you distance yourself from him, his old emotions will rise up and he’ll miss you. It may take him some time before he realizes this, but eventually, he’ll come to his senses and see how much happier and satisfied he feels when he’s with you.
2. The less he knows, the more he’s intrigued by you
After a couple of days of the silent treatment and no contact, he’ll be wondering what you’re up to, where you’ve been, and with who. That will have a tremendous impact on his mental state – it’ll drive him insane.
The two of you shared everything with each other, and now he’s left in the dark.
He won’t know whether you’re happy or sad. Or if you went on that one adventure you’ve been wanting to go on for so long.
His mind will be racing and he won’t be able to control his thoughts. He may even start planning ways to “accidentally” run into you just so he doesn’t lose that connection he has with you.
He’ll be interested in finding out as much about you as possible while trying to come up with a plan to get you back.
3. Silence and distance confuse him
Men respond to silence and distance with confusion as they don’t know what’s going on inside your head.
Maybe your partner got used to receiving your messages every morning or hearing you say that you love him all the time. Now that’s gone, he can’t help but wonder why you’ve changed all of a sudden.
He’ll be completely baffled by your behavior and with the new ways things are working.
Don’t be surprised when he starts calling you in the middle of the night or if he smothers you with “I miss you” texts. Remember what your end goal is and stay aloof.
Don’t give in to your emotions even though you still care about him. If you surrender to it, then he’ll know he has you in the palm of his hand.
But if you add silence and distance to your arsenal, then he’ll be intrigued and shaken. He won’t know what to do next because he isn’t used to seeing you act like this.
4. He thinks he may lose you
Being in a long-term relationship gives you a certain sense of security that your partner will never leave you. And perhaps your boyfriend never thought that you’d walk away because he was sure of your commitment to him.
Maybe he took you for granted. You were keen to solve all your issues through communication but it just didn’t work out. That made him feel smothered and as if you were trying way too hard to make it work – way more than he was.
Perhaps he thought that you cared more than he did, but with the silent treatment, you can turn the tables around and regain control of the situation.
Once you give him a taste of his own medicine and show him that the part of you who gave her best to solve issues by talking to him is not something that should annoy him, he’ll start realizing he made a mistake.
The thought of losing you will suddenly hit him. Eventually, when you two figure things out and get back together, he’ll appreciate you more and express himself more freely than before.
5. It shakes up his routine
Tell me this: Does your partner respond in the same way whenever you two have an argument? Perhaps he storms off to the other room to play his video games? Or maybe he goes to his parents’ house, giving you some space to calm down, and when he comes back, acts as if nothing ever happened?
If that’s the case, then you should definitely try to use the no-contact rule.
This time, when he sees that your reaction differs from all the previous times, he won’t know what to do. He’ll feel uneasy because he stepped into an unknown territory where nothing makes sense to him anymore.
He’ll be left speechless and afraid that he may lose you forever. Also, he’ll feel lost, struggling to figure out the proper way to respond to this new regime.
Further, men often respond to silence and distance by shutting down completely because they’re either not interested in continuing their relationship or they don’t even realize there’s something wrong.
Can you relate to this? If so, then take a deep breath and give yourself some time to think. List all the pros and cons of being in a relationship with him. But don’t be afraid to admit to yourself that he’s the wrong man for you.
6. He starts examining your past fights
Not talking with your partner for days can change the way you perceive certain things.
Once he sees that you’ve become distant, he’ll start thinking over what happened in the past. Suddenly, he won’t have a problem with analyzing the times where the two of you didn’t see eye to eye.
It could be that your man realizes for the first time that he is the cause of your problems and that he didn’t even bother to put himself in your shoes.
He’ll start overthinking and burdening himself while trying to figure out what caused you to distance yourself from him and whether it was something he did.
He’ll question his every move and think about things he could’ve done differently.
It’s at this point where he’ll come to his senses and realize that he should’ve appreciated your actions and words more because this situation is unbearable to him. It makes him feel like he’s walking on eggshells because he doesn’t know how you’re feeling or what you’re thinking about him.
7. He gets all emotional and upset
Once he sees that you’re enjoying your life without him, that’s when he’ll try to contact you. He’ll call you to tell you how much he misses you, but at the same time, he’ll be angry at himself.
And why wouldn’t he when his ego is hurt! He’ll be wondering what he can do to sweep you off your feet again and he’ll start chasing you again.
I know this seems a bit odd to you because it’s not an emotion you want to ignite in him, but that’s just how men work.
More often than not, couples in the early stages of their relationship will fight for power. And this time, you’re taking things into your hands as you’re prioritizing yourself over him– and that drives him crazy.
Also, it shows him that you’re not just some soft girl who doesn’t know how to stand up for herself. You’re an independent and strong woman who deserves to be appreciated by her man.
You’re a woman who’ll never settle for less than she deserves and who would never let a man play with her heart.
What if you don’t hear from him while going no-contact?
There’s always the possibility that your man doesn’t call or text you when you distance yourself from him. So, how do you know what he’s going through?
Is he thinking about you? Or has he moved on and is he already searching for another woman?
Don’t sweat too much about it, because there are ways to know your plan is working. You just have to take a closer look at your life and see how much it’s changed over the past few days or weeks.
1. You’ll start focusing on yourself
Now that you’re familiar with how men respond to silence and distance, it’s also important that you know how it’ll affect you.
You’ll have more time to think about yourself and your well-being and you’ll start doing things that make you happy. It’ll be difficult to get him out of your head. That’s why you need to keep yourself busy as much as you can.
Maybe you stopped sketching once you entered your relationship or haven’t renewed your gym membership in a long time. Now’s the perfect time to go back to an old hobby. Start reading again if that’s something that can help you to heal emotionally.
Don’t be afraid to be you in every sense of the word. After all, you shouldn’t care if he judges you when you know he’ll contact you very soon.
Don’t bother thinking about what’s going on inside his head or how he feels. Focus only on what to do next to satisfy your wants and needs.
Don’t think that you need a man to be happy. Your way to success is to focus on yourself.
2. You’ll learn to let go of the negativity
How many times did you not sleep at night overanalyzing your every fight and thinking that you’re the one to blame? How many times have you ignored your beliefs and told yourself that you can’t take it anymore?
Now, after so much overthinking and trying in vain to solve your relationship issues, you finally learn to let go of the negativity. You’ll be carefree.
All those fights and arguments have put a heavy burden on your shoulders. When you choose the no-contact rule as your way to make him realize certain things, you’ll suddenly feel relieved. Positive thoughts and emotions will come flooding back to you.
Your self-respect will increase, as will your strength and capacity to love someone. You’ll even feel smarter and more courageous than ever. Your goals and dreams won’t seem out of reach and you won’t be afraid to move on in life alone.
Everything that was driving you crazy for months or even years will seem a distant memory. The only thing on your agenda will be to take care of your sanity and emotional as well as mental well-being.
3. It’ll be easier for you to forgive and forget
As I mentioned earlier, men respond to silence and distance in a rather peculiar way. Usually, they don’t think they’re the ones to blame for anything bad that’s happening and many of them won’t even bother to admit they made a mistake.
But women aren’t like that. They’re much more emotional and tend to think more about the arguments they had with their partners. They develop guilty consciousness and as a consequence, contact their partner first.
On the other hand, if you distance yourself from a stressful situation, you give yourself an opportunity to see things from a different perspective.
Rather than thinking you’re the cause of all your relationship troubles, you realize that everything makes sense right now.
That sensation makes it easier for you to forgive not only yourself but your ex-partner as well. It may be difficult to forget the words that hurt you, but after a while, that’ll happen too.
4. You’ll be more in control of your own life
It’s easy to lose yourself when you’re in a relationship, especially if it’s a longstanding one.
But if you stay focused on your goal and don’t surrender to your desires, then you’ll have all this newfound strength and energy for yourself. You’ll realize how much you’ve neglected yourself over the past few months or even years.
But now that you pay less attention to him, having time won’t be a problem as you can do whatever it is that pleases you. You’ll rediscover who you were in the first place and that’ll make you more content and less bitter.
3 mistakes to avoid during no-contact
I understand that it’s tough to walk away from a man who means a lot to you. After all, you don’t know how men respond to silence and distance and you’re afraid that he might leave you for good if you ignore him.
While keeping your distance from him, you need to avoid making certain mistakes. They can only decrease your chances of success and undo all the progress you’ve made up to this point.
1. Think about him constantly
If you obsess over where he’s been and with who, there’s no chance that you’ll ever get through the no-contact period. You can’t just cut out the communication part and hope that everything somehow resolves by itself.
You need to find a way to stop thinking about him altogether. If you don’t, you’ll continue to torture yourself emotionally.
Focus on your mental health and on your own needs. Fill your time with exciting activities that bring you joy. Surround yourself with people who love you and let go of toxic thoughts.
2. Expect to see results immediately
Now that you know that men respond to silence and distance, keep in mind that it’s impossible to see results the very same day you start the silent treatment.
And no one can promise you that he’ll come running back to you even when the 30-day challenge ends.
It’ll take him some time to go through all the different stages with what you’re doing before he finally realizes how poorly he treated you and that he took you for granted.
One of the worst mistakes that you can make is getting too excited about seeing the results too soon. If you do that, you’ll end up making the same mistake twice.
3. Try to make him jealous
I know that he hurt you and I understand that you want him to feel the same way. But making him jealous won’t work. That’s reserved for those immature kids who don’t know a thing about love.
He’ll likely just see right through your act and catch you in a lie. He’ll think how pathetic it is that you’re trying to make him jealous, which will turn him off.
Remember, your entire plan can backfire, so be careful and let time do its thing. Don’t forget that you can do whatever you want now. He shouldn’t take center stage in your life.
Keep him at a distance and delete him on your social media profiles. By doing so, you create an environment without him in it, where you can express yourself freely.
Don’t replay those bad scenarios in your head. The negative emotions and thoughts will force you to do things you never thought you were capable of doing, especially making him jealous and getting your revenge on him.
