Think aloud
Do you ever feel like you’re in a low-key relationship with your partner?
You don’t know what to think of it, nor do you understand why someone would want this. You have many concerns when it comes to this topic and it doesn’t make you feel confident in your relationship.
At this point, your relationship is still new. You were going out for a while and you really were looking forward to holding his hand for everyone to see.
Your family and friends already know about the massive crush you have on this man. That’s why it’s so hard to let go of the idea of a very public relationship!
You want everyone to know that he’s yours now. There are so many benefits of going public with your love, so you don’t understand his apprehension.
You want to hold him and hug him every step of the way. At least, you’d love to show your close friends and family members that this man actually loves you.
However, he makes it hard on you. Why doesn’t this feel right anymore? Why does this feel like he’s trying to keep you a secret from everyone?
There are many people who choose a private relationship over a public one, but when someone wants to keep a relationship low-key they should probably consult their partner on it. So, on those days when you keep overthinking everything, you can always consult this article.
There’s something to be said about this type of relationship.
The main differences between a public and low-key relationship?
To keep a relationship private isn’t an issue. I can promise you that there are many relationships out there that are stable exactly because they’re so lowkey.
Nonetheless, it’s necessary to explain the main differences between people who go into the public with their relationship and someone who wants to keep things low-key.
For example, in a public relationship, their social media is flooded with pics of them. Couples like that love to show off their relationship and how happy they are.
Everyone knows that they’re together because they talk about each other on a daily basis. Also, they don’t mind PDA at all! If anything, they’re always holding hands and things can go out of control a little too easily.
On the other hand, a private relationship doesn’t have those aspects. Even when you go out with your partner, you still don’t talk about your relationship in front of other people.
Only your best friends know that you’re together and there’s nothing that confirms your relationship on the Internet. This is very frustrating because you want to live a normal life with him, but he makes it so hard.
Sometimes, the couple understands that it’s better to keep things on the low, but it’s always a choice that both parties have to make. It’s not something that can be forced.
I guess when you start a new relationship it’s okay to ask whether or not you want to keep things low-key or public. But the main difference between them is the number of people who know about the two of you. I guess you can either live with it or choose a more suitable option.
Are you in a secret relationship or in a low-key relationship?
Since we’re talking about the different types of relationships here, we should also mention secret relationships. I mean, everyone is entitled to live their personal life whichever way seems fit, but you probably want to know the difference between these two.
For example, a secret relationship is one where absolutely no human soul knows that you’re together. Everything is on the down-low and those people don’t care about the opinions of others.
The problem with a secret relationship is that it often contains a third person that one of the partners doesn’t know about. Yes, I’m talking about a secret affair.
You’re scared that you may be the other woman because he has someone waiting for him at home. That’s why he doesn’t want to tell anyone about the two of you.
When you’re in a secret relationship, your partner won’t wear any of the gifts that you gave him, he won’t post pics of you, nor will he follow you on social media. It’s hard to understand such things when you’re not used to them.
You’d much rather be in a public relationship where you can brag about the man of your dreams. However, there are certain benefits of a low-key relationship that you didn’t even think about.
Either way, you need to be careful about this. If you see the signs that he’s keeping you a secret, I’d advise you to confront him and tell him your wants and needs. If he insists on keeping things a secret then pack your things.
11 reasons why people get into low-key relationships
When you thought about relationship goals, you probably didn’t think about keeping your relationship low-key. You thought of a romantic relationship where you can make your partner feel loved and protected.
However, many people get into low-key relationships thinking that it’s the best decision for them at the moment. So, if you want to understand this concept a little bit better you should know why it’s so appealing to other people.
1. To get to know each other better
It’s not an unusual thing to jump into a relationship without knowing the person too well. The couple wants to keep things on the low because it’s easier to see if they’ll be good for each other.
The chemistry is obviously there, but other things can make or break a good relationship. Low-key dating isn’t a bad thing for these couples because they always find ways to be together and to enjoy their time.
These moments are filled with deeper topics, questions, and conversations. It’s not always about the other people, because it can also be about the two people who are involved in this relationship.
They don’t have to change their relationship status on Facebook to know that they have a good relationship.
2. They don’t care about the opinions of others
At the end of the day, the main reason why we get into high-key relationships is that we want the whole world to know that we’re together. We want everyone to know that this isn’t just a made-up thing, but something real.
People who are in a low-key relationship don’t care about anyone’s opinion. They only want to be happy with each other because they know that a public relationship can only give them a headache.
More often than not, they’ll tell their closest friends about their relationship because they don’t want everyone to know about it. It’s much easier to keep everything stable before the world finds out.
3. They want to see if they can make the relationship work
A low-key relationship means that you have a lot more freedom to explore your wants and needs. I know, you can do this even if everyone knows about your relationship.
However, your relationship changes the very moment people find out about it. That’s because so many of us tend to ask for opinions on the relationships and everyone tends to ask questions about the relationship.
Some people get into a relationship not knowing if they want the commitment. Especially if one of them is emotionally unavailable, and they’re trying out this whole dating thing again. When two people do these experiments publicly it’s very hard to explain it to someone.
They understand each other and they should keep it all within the binds of their low-key relationship because if it doesn’t work out it’s much easier to move on.
4. They have trauma from previous relationships
A huge issue we can see is the number of people who get traumatized in their previous relationships. Their love life was so scary and undeniably toxic that it left a permanent mark on them.
For example, there are so many people out there who were in an abusive relationship. Because of that, it’s easier to keep everything a little more private.
That ex could lose his mind and go after her new partner, or he could create some other type of issue. Also, when things get public the families tend to get involved; and if someone has any type of PTSP regarding this, it could be very triggering.
We don’t want that to happen. What we do want is to create a safe space within which the relationship can grow. If the two of you don’t feel comfortable in your relationship then it’ll only crumble to pieces.
So it’s better to stay in a low-key relationship for the time being.
5. Someone could be unhappy about the relationship
One of the unrealistic expectations we have for relationships is that we believe that everyone will be happy for us. We tend to think that everyone will be ecstatic about this news, but more often than not we’re just kidding ourselves.
Even throughout history, you saw just how many people had to keep their relationships a secret or on the low because of other people. Even Romeo and Juliet, which are considered to be the greatest love story of all time, had to keep everything private.
If there’s someone who’ll turn this entire thing into a problem, it’s better to not tell them. If the information gets out it could create a huge issue for the couple.
Maybe your partner is scared about this as well. This doesn’t mean that you should be okay with being the other woman when he’s scared to make his wife unhappy. It just means that he could be keeping your relationship private because of some of his friends or something along those lines.
6. They prefer to spend time alone
A low-key relationship doesn’t always have to be one that’s being kept from the eyes of the public. Sometimes, these people simply love to spend their time alone with their partner without anyone being around.
Let’s be honest, once you get into a relationship every one of your friends invites you to hang out with them. They want to see you together and analyze. It’s their way of making sure that you’re happy, and a way to learn everything they can about your partner.
People are nosy, but you already knew that.
Maybe your partner likes to spend time with you alone more than he likes to spend time with other people. When you’re alone you can kiss without someone interrupting you and you can talk about deeper topics.
Spending time with other people can be very exhausting, especially for people who just got into a relationship. Or even people who are in a long-distance relationship, because they miss each other and they want to use this time the best they can.
7. They don’t mind settling issues privately
How many times have you had an issue with your partner and you went to talk about it with your friends? Be honest! You did it one too many times, didn’t you?
There’s a good chance that you’re in a relationship with someone who wants to handle things within the relationship. Some people don’t like when everyone knows their business, so they choose to be in a low-key relationship.
However, there’s a downside to this. When you’re dating a narcissist he can use this to manipulate you. But let’s not go down that rabbit hole, we may never get out of it.
Just remember that it’s a very valid concern.
On the other side, hearing too many opinions from people who don’t know your relationship or your partner can create a lot more problems than solutions. This is exactly why a private relationship may actually be a good thing.
8. They only want a select few to know
There are many reasons why people keep their relationship on the down-low. Sometimes it’s simply because the attention a new relationship gets is completely inappropriate.
When only a select few know about your relationship, your head hurts less. That’s when you know that only the right people are involved in this and you don’t have to worry about them.
When too many people know about your relationship, they can start rumors that have nothing to do with you and your partner.
Or maybe, just maybe, they are uncomfortable with too many people knowing.
That’s a completely valid excuse because a huge crowd can be very anxiety-inducing to a vast majority of people. Don’t just gaslight someone into thinking that your needs are above theirs, rather find someone else who will be on the same page with you.
Otherwise, you’ll never be happy in a low-key relationship.
9. PDA isn’t their thing
PDA makes many people very uncomfortable. There are so many shy guys out there in this world; it’s scary that we’re not even aware of that.
So, if you’re the type of girl who thrives on public displays of affection, then you may want to find another man to be with. This guy simply doesn’t want to get himself into these situations.
All he wants is a girl that he can have around without having to make a big deal about it. Intimacy probably isn’t a big issue for him, but it’s rather the thought that other people are watching him.
It makes him uncomfortable just as much as everyone else in the room. So tune it down.
10. There’s someone else
Okay, this one is very scary. You’re sure that this man would never do this, but there’s always that small voice in your head asking you, “what if?” You don’t know how to reply; you just know that it’s a terrifying thought.
But the fact that so many men take advantage of low-key relationships doesn’t give us a reason to avoid talking about this possibility. He could simply have a wife or girlfriend at home while he’s at your place right now.
You can see signs that you’re the other woman or that he’s cheating on you in a lot of his actions. He won’t be able to hide them from you.
Just don’t let him manipulate you into believing that your brain is playing tricks on you. Ask him for his reasons, and then decide if you’re ready to trust him completely.
11. One of them just got out of a relationship
If you’re looking for my opinion on this topic, then I must say that this is quite a plausible reason to be in a low-key relationship for a while. It can be hard to explain things when it comes to this, but the main point is that relationships with exes can be very difficult.
Some people have straight-up horrendous exes who scare the life out of them. Sometimes, if the ex isn’t ready to hear the news, they can (and will) go after both of you. Now that you’ve fallen in love, do you want to deal with an insane person?
Well, if you’re not ready for that, you may consider staying in a low-key relationship for the time being. When the time is right, go public with your relationship and let everyone know how much you love each other.
But never underestimate the ex of a man that you just started dating. If he tells you that she’ll make a massive deal about everything, then maybe try to understand his reasons.
Is a low-key relationship a good thing?
A good question to ask is whether or not a low-key relationship is a good thing. Many people see a lot of benefits to it, but others see it as a dangerous thing for developing a connection.
I guess that the difference between these people is whether or not it’s consensual. So many people get into these relationships with someone who makes them keep their mouths shut.
Can you imagine that? You’re with someone who threatens to leave you if you tell anyone about the relationship or if you reach for their hand when other people are watching. You don’t have to deal with that under any circumstances.
It’s a fantastic thing if both parties agree to it. If one of you is adamant about going public with your relationship while the other doesn’t even want to talk about it, then you have nothing to look for in this person anymore.
I know that this sounds harsh, but these things are important, and if you’re in a disagreement about them, it’ll inevitably put a restraint on your relationship.
Does my partner still love me if he insists on a low-key relationship?
I believe so. No one can say for certain if your man is actually doing this to cheat on you on the side or to make sure that your relationship doesn’t fall apart before it even started.
But his love has nothing to do with the fact that he wants to have a private relationship with you. Even though your relationship is low-key, it can still be filled with amazing moments where he can show his unconditional love for you.
Don’t question his love just because he’s not comfortable with PDA or putting your relationship out there for everyone to see.
When is it time to go public with your relationship?
Whenever you feel comfortable with it.
If your partner keeps postponing this moment over and over again, then I don’t understand what the goal of your relationship is. Are you going to keep everything so extremely private until the end of your lives?
A relationship doesn’t work like that, and you shouldn’t have to deal with it just because you love him. So go public with it at the very moment when you both feel comfortable with it!
And if that moment never comes for him, then you may want to re-evaluate your entire relationship. There’s something wrong, and he’s not ready to admit it to himself. The relationship needs to be public at one point, so you can actually enjoy all the blessings this world has for you.
If you keep hiding in the dark, you’ll never actually know what it would look like in the light of day. It’s time to DTR!
