Sometimes, you just have to write things down to really face the truth. And that’s why I’m going to write a letter to my husband about feeling unwanted… and unloved.
Who’d want to write a letter to a husband about feeling unwanted? Well, a woman who doesn’t feel desirable in her husband’s life anymore…
A woman who needs a letter to explain her feelings to her spouse – to finally admit the truth to herself: My husband doesn’t want me anymore.
This letter is my last chance to show him how alone I really feel… So here goes…
First of all, I’m sorry you have to read this letter about feeling unwanted and unloved, but that is how I feel lately.
I no longer feel your love for me and I miss your tender touch.
Sometimes, when you look at me, it feels like you don’t even see me. You seem to have drifted away and now I can barely see you somewhere in the distance.
We don’t do the things we used to do. We don’t laugh anymore.
Instead, we cry without shedding a single tear. And if we look at us, there’s nothing to see but two strangers who are living under the same roof.
Sometimes, I wonder whether you’ve met someone new, although I still trust you enough to know you wouldn’t hurt me that way… But maybe I’m wrong and you’re not the same man I fell in love with all those years ago.
The truth is, even if we’re not seeing other people, we barely see each other anymore, even when we’re in the same room.
This letter to a husband about feeling unwanted is my scream for your attention – my pain finally put into words. Because I’m tired of all the things we leave unsaid.
I’ve never told you how cold it feels when you look at me like you’re looking at a ghost. You don’t even seem to like being close to me anymore.
Instead of cuddling and watching a movie, we create real-life drama. We yell at each other and pretend that it’s about whatever trivial thing we are yelling about.
Then you go to the other room and I feel like we are roommates with nothing in common but the roof above our heads.
Things weren’t this way before and never should have been…
We’re two people who promised eternity to each other, and we’ve been together for years. That’s not how you count eternity and I need to know that I can count on you – on an eternity with you.
Don’t you remember how we used to smile and how carefree we were about what tomorrow could bring? As long as we had each other, there could be no obstacle too large…
But now we don’t have each other anymore, we just have this awkward silence between us that’s killing me. It feels like I need to scream to stop it, but instead, I’m writing a letter to you, my dear husband, about feeling unwanted.
Because, let’s face it, that’s what we’ve really been yelling for. Instead of talking for hours like we used to, we only talk about what we must discuss.
There’s no one else I would rather turn to, so I’m just writing this letter to share how I feel unwanted, neglected, and taken for granted… While you’re God knows where, I’m here alone, hoping that we could be the couple we used to be.
People even envied our love. So what happened to it? Where did it go and who are these two people we see when we look in the mirror?
Not the Mr. and Mrs. that we used to be, but just two strangers with the same last name. That name should mean that we’re a family, but this isn’t the family I want my children to grow up in…
I need them to be a part of the family we used to be before we even considered having kids. The family we were when we couldn’t stand being apart because something was always drawing us closer.
I want to be with the man I used to kiss whenever he’d walk out the door… Not the man who doesn’t even tell me that he’s heading out.
That man used to smile every time he’d see me, but now he doesn’t smile anymore. He doesn’t even see me anymore.
I don’t want to give up on that man, my love. I want to love him the way he used to love me.
You used to care for me. He’d tell me nothing but the truth and the most romantic things I ever heard. We used to have our own love language that would melt my heart and make me dream of you.
Now, we don’t even fall asleep together and I feel so alone in that bed we bought together.
We even talked about divorce, for Pete’s sake! And that’s not something that should be mentioned more than once.
I know it’s important to know when to give up, but this letter is about me begging you to keep fighting.
Please don’t give up on me, love, because I wouldn’t be the same without you. You’re making me feel like you’re ready to leave and I’m not ready to let you go.
I’m not ready to let go of what we have built together because it means something to me… I can only hope that it means something to you too.
After such a long time of pure love and honesty, don’t start with lies now. And I know that you’ve been lying to me.
I can see that you don’t see the woman you fell in love with when you look at me, and that hurts.
It hurts me to know that I’m just a woman you live with, when I want to be so much more than that. I want to be your partner in crime and the best friend you can tell anything to…
But it seems like you don’t want that anymore – it seems like you don’t want me. And I know that you can take your pick of the girls, but don’t I still deserve a chance too?
There’s so much more ahead of us that we need to face together. Hold my hand like you used to and guide me to the future we planned for us.
I don’t feel like you want that future anymore. Instead, I don’t even feel loved by you.
You’re still here, but it’s like you’re not or don’t want to be.
Your mind is elsewhere but my heart is still in your hands. All I’m asking for is that you keep it safe there for a little longer before deciding to throw it away.
Don’t give up on our marriage. Let me know how I can help you want me in your life again.
You were ready to do anything for me, and now I’m here asking you to let me do the same for you. Let me be a priority to you again and let me show you it’s worth it.
After all, you’re all that I have, and all that truly matters to me. Even if you don’t want me anymore, I want you to want me.
I want to work on our relationship but I can’t do it alone. We used to be a team, not have our own separate lives.
If we carry on like this, we won’t accomplish anything. We’ll just keep drifting away from each other…
And I need you to be close to me. I need to feel safe in your embrace like I used to.
You were the best husband anyone could wish for, so why did it have to stop? What’s tearing us apart, making us seem so far away from each other even on those rare occasions when we hug?
I didn’t sign up for this. I couldn’t have ever imagined that being married was like being in a long-distance relationship.
We both know we’re not the same people we were when we first met, but does it have to mean that we’re not a married couple?
Hold me in your arms like you used to and whisper in my ear that you’ll love me forever… And mean it like you used to mean everything you said to me.
Don’t just tell me that I’m overreacting and that everything’s fine. It’s not and you know it.
I wouldn’t be writing this letter if you’d still show me the affection you used to.
Show me that you love me and don’t ever make me doubt your love again. I simply can’t handle it because the thought of losing you is killing me.
My life wouldn’t be the same without you in it and I don’t even want to imagine it. I want to imagine us holding hands and going apple picking like we did when we were dating.
I know that marriages sometimes simply can’t work, but doesn’t ours at least deserve a chance? After all we’ve been through, I think it does and I’ve started feeling like it’s not an option you’d consider anymore.
Separation is not an option, if you ask me, but feeling alone in a marriage shouldn’t be an option either.
I shouldn’t feel unwanted by the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with. But you don’t seem to get me anymore.
The distance between us started to widen and our love language changed… We barely even talk and I feel neglected and hopeless.
Shouldn’t we keep trying to make each other happy? Or were our vows just a joke to you? Well, I’m not laughing and I haven’t for a very long time.
That beautiful smile you used to give me has disappeared too… And I feel like I’m the one to blame.
Did I do something to you that caused things to be this way? If so, please forgive me and know that I want to make it up to you.
Maybe there’s already someone else in your life, but you need to know that you’re irreplaceable in mine.
A man like you is hard to find and I don’t even think there’s someone like you out there. I hope that you could still feel that way about me too.
If you don’t want me anymore, so be it, but know that I’ll love you forever – just like I promised on our wedding day.
I can’t just go on with my life without you, but I can’t keep feeling so unloved either.
It hurts me to feel like I’m the only one in this relationship who’s trying to save it, but it also hurts to feel invisible and I’m afraid of losing you.
If you truly don’t want me and don’t love me anymore, don’t let me stop you. Go out there and find your soulmate if I’m not that person to you.
But if you still want me and love me, I want you to know how I’d feel if I lost you.
It would feel like having everything I could ever wish for and losing it all in a second. My entire world would collapse.
There would be an empty place in my heart nothing and no one could fill. I’d lock the memory of you in there for all eternity and let no one come as close to me as you did.
Maybe it’s my fault that you don’t show affection anymore, but let me try to fix it. Help me make things better again.
Because we’re not love-struck teens anymore. We’re adults, a family. We’re meant to be best friends and lovers.
It doesn’t feel that way anymore, though, and it’s killing me.
I know that things change with time, but I never thought that our love would change. It shouldn’t have got to this stage…
I’m willing to try to make it work again, but are you?
If you’re not, that’s okay too. It will hurt like hell to watch you leave, but I don’t ever want to force you to give me the love I deserve.
We’re not girlfriend and boyfriend anymore, we are husband and a wife. That means something, and always will…
But if you don’t want that anymore, I can’t stop you. I don’t want you to feel miserable because of me. You deserve to be happy just as much as I do.
I’m feeling like my husband hates me and if that’s so, I don’t want to stop you from walking away.
I want you to choose to stay and fight for what we have, but if it’s too late, go. Take some time to think things through and have some space to really feel my absence.
If you feel better without me, my heart would be shattered, but I’d be happy for you. Don’t you know how much your happiness means to me?
My happiness is important too, though, and I feel like my husband is not the affectionate, romantic man I fell in love with.
What changed and why did it have to change?
I don’t have all the answers and you probably don’t have them either. But as long as we’re both willing to work on our relationship, it can work.
You used to show me so much affection, but now I think my own husband is not attracted to me anymore.
I don’t see that spark in your eye when you look at me. All I see is a man tired of trying to handle me.
You don’t have to tell me you love me every day or try to convince me that I’m beautiful to you. I know that we’re not in the honeymoon phase anymore and that’s really okay.
But I can’t keep feeling this lonely in a relationship. I need you to hold my hand and lead me to the future we planned for us.
Most importantly, I need you to be by my side. I need to feel your presence.
We used to be so close, and I miss that. I miss us and the way we used to look at each other with love.
I miss getting flowers and chocolate just because you wanted to surprise me. Most of all, I miss you.
You used to leave me little notes and kiss my forehead while I’m asleep.
I used to wake up with a smile because your face was the first thing I saw. We even used to have a rule about not going to bed angry.
Now, we can’t even bother to get angry at each other. We don’t even want to sleep in the same bed.
It feels like we had a huge fight that we never finished and it’s like an obstacle between us, severing our connection.
I miss the bond we used to have, and I hope that you miss it enough to try to create it again.
You know it as well as I do: We just can’t go on like this. Something has to change.
I need you to want me and I need to feel your love – I haven’t felt it in ages and find myself yearning for a simple hug of reassurance.
I need to be confident that you’re never going to give up on us. But if you don’t want me anymore and don’t want to fix things, take a break.
I won’t stop you, but know that I won’t give up on us as long as there’s hope.
You can choose to save our marriage or to save yourself if it’s making you miserable. I never want to be the source of your unhappiness.
You know me – you know that I’m a woman who can survive anything. But purely surviving and actually living are not the same, and I don’t want to merely survive without you.
To be honest, I’d fall apart. But, truth be told, I’m falling apart already and I can’t take it anymore. I need your love and for you to show me the affection you used to.
Without it, I’m not even a wife – I’m just a person who makes sure all the housework is done.
Our home has turned into a simple house and I want us to have a home again. Build that home with me by rebuilding our bond.
Be there for me like you used to be, or don’t be with me at all. Feeling alone while you’re with someone is worse than feeling alone while no one’s there.
A terrible silence creeps in and makes me want to cry or scream just to make a sound. Your voice used to be music to my ears and now I rarely even get to hear it.
Our love will always be my favorite melody, but it takes two to tango. I can’t save our marriage if you’re not going to fight for it too.
We’re in this together, remember?
Don’t ever stop making me feel wanted because there’s a long road ahead of us. Every marriage encounters some bumps on the road, but the strong ones survive everything.
I still want to see us grow old together… Do you?
If so, please start paying more attention to my wants and needs. Let me feel like a wife again, not just like a roommate.
I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you, but it needs to go both ways.
You need to show me love and affection if you want our marriage to last as long as we hoped for. Don’t ever stop being the man I love and let me remind you of the woman you once adored.
We haven’t changed that much and we can change for the better, as long as we stick together.
I didn’t forget about our vows and neither should you. Let’s give our marriage another chance and turn it into the loving relationship it once was.
All my love,
I felt like I was reading my own words. It hurts so much because I am so in love with my husband. Since having our son (18 months) things changed, I knew they would but I never expected the jealousy my husband has now, the constant questioning my love for him, the secret conversations with other women, accusing me of doing the very things he is doing. I am not an affectionate person and he knew that from day 1 but I’ve made a conscious effort to be better and I make it priority because I don’t want him feeling the pain I do caused by him. The only time he is happy and loves me, compliments me, etc is when I’ve had sex with him. If we go longer than 4 days he starts in with the questions, accusations, threatening divorce….It makes me so sad and breaks my heart. We have 2 teenagers freshman and 8th grade and now our youngest. Life has thrown us some major obstacles but we always get thru them and come out Better people. I just wish we could be better partners too.
I’m just lost and could go on for hours.
Thank you so much for this! I’m going to sit down and write mine today.