I know that feeling unwanted in a relationship can make you feel bad about yourself.
It makes you feel like you’re not good enough and we all know how terrifying that is. It hurts to even think about that.
If you’re going through a stage in your relationship where you’re feeling unwanted, I want to tell you that you’re not alone.
I also want to tell you that you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.
Many couples get to a stage in their relationship where they feel like they’re stuck.
You feel lonely and rejected by your partner and simply have no idea what to do next.
The future looks gray and gloomy and you don’t know how to fix it!
In general, there are two things that you can do if you’re feeling unwanted in a relationship; you can either try to make things work or you can walk away.
It’s up to you to choose the road you want to take.
Just keep in mind that you should never remain in a relationship that’s making you feel unwanted if you see that things won’t change for good.
Today, I’ll focus on taking the road of change and trying to solve the issues that might be the reasons why you’re feeling unwanted.
But before I start, I’ll try to give you an answer to a frequently asked question.
What is it that happens when our mind instantly goes to, “I’m unwanted here!”?
Why do we get the feeling that we’re not wanted anymore and that our partner is not happy with us?
Why are you feeling unwanted in a relationship?
There can be different reasons why you tend to feel unwanted in a relationship.
I know that sometimes it can be hard to pinpoint the problem, but it’s the first thing you need to do if you want to solve the issue.
That’s why I will help you understand what the main reasons are for you feeling unwanted in a relationship.
1. You are being ignored
If you feel that your partner is ignoring you, naturally, you will have the feeling that you’re unwanted in the relationship.
When your partner shuts down and gives you no explanation, you feel that you’re the reason for the problem.
This especially happens in an argument, when walking away and ignoring your partner becomes one of the main ways of dealing with the issue.
When your partner gives you the silent treatment, your mind starts overthinking and you come to the conclusion that you’re the cause of the problem.
If this happens continually, over time, your feeling of being unwanted grows and it gets harder to cope with it.
However, what you may not know is that silent treatment can sometimes be a sign of caring for our partner.
We would like to solve our issues but we simply don’t know how to communicate our emotions.
You don’t want to hurt your partner so you think that the best way is to be quiet until you find the right words that can express your feelings.
The problem is that when your partner is quiet in this way, he makes you feel like he’s ignoring you, which consequently makes you think that you’re unwanted in a relationship.
Both of you get stuck in a vicious circle, out of which it is hard to escape.
2. Your partner doesn’t put any effort into the relationship
I think that all of us have the feeling that we’re unwanted in a relationship when we notice a change in our partner’s behavior.
The second he puts less effort into the relationship, you feel that something is wrong.
Maybe he always made you a coffee before work, but for the past few weeks, he has been detached and you no longer find your caffeine fix on the kitchen table.
You get the feeling that something is wrong and of course, you blame it on yourself.
You create a scenario in your head that he doesn’t want you anymore and that this is your sign that he has had enough.
Instead of that, you can ask yourself whether there’s something that’s bothering your partner.
Maybe he’s been having issues at work and his stress levels are off the roof.
A lot of the time, this is the main reason why romantic partners stop putting in effort after a certain period of time.
Usually, it has nothing to do with you but it’s related to your busy lifestyles and all of the issues that appear along the road.
It most likely doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you in his life anymore.
It simply means that his mind is full of thoughts and issues that he has to solve and that’s why you’ve been put aside for the time being.
3. Your partner plays the blame game
If your partner keeps blaming you for every issue the two of you come across, you can easily get the feeling that you’re unwanted in a relationship.
And I get why.
Every time something happens, he blames it on you. You’re always the cause of the issue, even when you don’t think that’s true.
When this happens regularly, you start to see yourself in that way and you also think that your partner no longer wants you.
He probably doesn’t even think about how that makes you feel and continues to blame you for different problems.
This could never be seen as a sign of caring for the other person and you need to confront him about it as soon as possible.
How? We’ll talk about that later.
4. You have to chase him to get his attention
We all love attention, especially if it’s the attention of someone who means a lot to us.
We want them to hear us out and listen to our doubts.
And when your partner stops giving you attention, you can’t help but wonder whether he still wants you in his life.
When you tell him that you’ve been feeling low these past few days, you want him to comfort you and be supportive.
But when you don’t get any of that, you start feeling unwanted.
“He always cared about how I felt before. What’s wrong now?” It’s completely natural that something like this will pop into your mind.
You’re used to having his attention and now that you’re not receiving it, you feel that there might be an issue.
I understand why you’re feeling the way you are. It’s something you can’t really turn off and you can’t make it stop!
However, you also need to realize that overthinking the issues won’t solve them. You need to make a move, and you need to do it fast.
5. Your partner seeks space
We all need space for ourselves, even if we’re in the happiest relationship. It’s something that makes us re-energize and reevaluate ourselves.
When your partner asks you for space, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you anymore.
It doesn’t mean that he wants you to walk away, out of his life.
It simply means that he wants to have some time for himself, which is always good for our mental health.
But it also means that you might start to think that he doesn’t want you around him anymore.
You’ll get the feeling that your presence is suffocating him and that he wants to run away from you.
If you see this as a reason why you’re feeling unwanted in a relationship, you need to understand that seeking space has nothing to do with your idea that he doesn’t love you anymore.
It’s a normal thing to want to have space for yourself and you shouldn’t get mad at him because of that.
Instead, embrace the moments you’ll spend alone and take care of yourself.
Now you know what the reasons are for why you might be feeling unwanted in a relationship.
When you know the cause, you know what to focus on!
But what can you do about your problem? What steps can you take that will help you feel better and resolve the issues that your relationship is facing?
What to do if you’re feeling unwanted?
If you choose to work on your relationship and want to try to solve the issues, you might be asking yourself what can help you now.
Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!
I’m going to give you a list of things that can improve your relationship and help you get rid of that feeling of being unwanted.
1. Communicate your feelings to your partner
You may be sick of hearing the cliché ‘communication is key’. Still, it truly is the main way to solve any issue that appears in a relationship.
If you want something to change, you firstly need to let your partner understand what the issue is, as without that, there’s no way that you can move toward a resolution.
So, if you’re feeling unwanted in a relationship, tell your partner to take a seat and tell him exactly how you’re feeling.
Don’t sugar-coat it but instead, be honest with him so he can know the truth.
“Your behavior is making me feel like you don’t want me in your life anymore and I needed to tell you that.”
This way, he’ll be able to understand what’s going on in your head and then he can tell you his side of the story.
If you keep bottling up your feelings and hopelessly waiting for him to notice that something’s wrong with you, you won’t get far.
Instead, you need to openly tell your partner what has made you feel unwanted and give him a chance to reply.
After that, listen to what he has to say.
Maybe he’ll tell you that you’ve been making him feel the same way or maybe he’ll try to convince you that he hasn’t done anything wrong.
You need to understand that we always protect ourselves and blame others. So, you should give him some time to understand what’s really going on.
Also, let him know that the only reason you’re telling him this is because you want to improve your relationship.
It’s not an attack and he shouldn’t take it personally.
You just wish to create healthy surroundings, where neither of you will feel unwanted or unloved by the person with whom you share a bed.
If your partner is willing to cooperate, he’ll listen to you and he’ll try to change his behavior.
Also, you may get a clue as to why he’s been acting that way for a certain length of time and you’ll be able to understand him better.
2. Try to understand where your partner is coming from
When you want to have a serious conversation about how your partner is making you feel unwanted, you need to be aware that the two of you are a team and you are both looking for the best resolution.
It’s not your job to convince him that you’re right, nor is it his to prove to you that you’re wrong.
Instead, the two of you are working together to improve your relationship.
This means that you shouldn’t be too pushy about your own opinions of why he’s been behaving this way.
You will rather want him to explain to you what has been going on and you will want to trust him.
So, instead of telling him that his explanation doesn’t make any sense, try putting yourself in his shoes.
If he tells you that he’s sorry but he’s been too busy with work and that may be the reason why he’s neglected you, don’t tell him that it doesn’t make sense.
Don’t tell him that you would always find time for him. We all work in different ways and we react to things differently.
Maybe you work well under stress, while your partner struggles and copes with it differently.
You can’t blame him for being the way he is. You can only help him to become a better version of himself.
If he’s having a bad time, the last thing he needs is his partner’s criticism.
It’s better to provide him with love and support and help him overcome his issues with you by his side.
All of us can get stuck in time where we feel that nothing’s working the way we want it to work.
That’s when we need all of the support from people who mean a lot to us.
So, put yourself in your partner’s shoes, be there for him and I guarantee you that he’ll know how to return the favor.
3. Go on cute dates
Sometimes, the spark between you and your partner burns out and it makes you feel unwanted in a relationship.
If you want to change things for the better, you need to work on reigniting the spark, which can easily be done if you find a way to spend more quality time together.
So, free up some time in your schedule and reserve it for a date night that’ll make you fall in love with your partner again.
When life gets too busy, we dedicate our time to all of our different duties and we forget about our partner, which can easily make you feel unwanted in a relationship.
So, to solve the issue, you simply need to find time for each other.
It could be half an hour chatting in your bedroom – easy and convenient but still makes you feel closer to each other.
Or if you could free up one night in the week to go on a date, that’d be even better. Leave your phones out of sight and don’t let anything distract you.
This should be a time just for you and your partner and you don’t want anyone to ruin it.
Date nights and time spent together reignites the spark and makes you realize why you fell in love with this guy in front of you.
Repeat this on a regular basis and the feeling of being unwanted in a relationship will be gone sooner than expected.
4. Give it some time
Every change takes some time and you can’t expect it to happen overnight.
If you’ve expressed your concerns to your partner, the only thing you can do now is wait.
He might take more time than you anticipate, but as long as you see that he’s willing to change and work on the issues, you’re golden.
Even small steps are a sign of a wish to improve the relationship.
So, provide your partner with support and give him some time to achieve his final goal.
If he’s willing to change, he deserves to have you by his side!
5. Give yourself a pep talk and realize that you shouldn’t blame yourself
While you’re waiting for your partner to make some changes in his behavior, you may start overthinking the issue.
This may result in self-blame.
If you’re currently in this phase, I want you to immediately stop.
You need to realize that it’s not your fault that things have developed the way they have.
A relationship is a place where two people are working together and making decisions together.
If something goes wrong, one can’t be blamed more than the other.
So, instead of making yourself feel bad, you need to realize that both of you have contributed to the current situation.
You can’t put all the blame on yourself the same way you can’t put it completely on your partner.
It’s not the time for ruining your mood with negative thoughts.
Rather focus on yourself and make some changes in your life that’ll make you a happier person.
6. Counseling is your last resort
If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to help, then your problem might be hidden deeper beneath the surface.
The only thing you can try now is to go to counseling and seek professional help.
You could remain in a place where you don’t feel happy or you could look for someone who knows what you’re going through and knows how to help you.
Couple’s counseling is a great way to help you solve all of the issues in your relationship.
It can help you fully understand the main cause of your problems.
As a result, you get to understand what’s going on in the mind of your partner and the other way around.
But before booking an appointment, make sure that your partner is willing to go. You can’t force him if he doesn’t feel ready to do it.
To wrap things up…
You could say that feeling unwanted in a relationship is one of the worst feelings you can experience. It makes you feel lonely and hopeless.
It’s especially bad if the feeling lasts for a long period of time.
If it happens to you, you need to realize what it is that’s making you feel unwanted.
Once you get to the root of the problem, you’ll be able to express your feelings to your partner.
If he’s willing to change and make improvements, you should give him time and let him show you that his intentions are serious.
But if you see that nothing is changing then I suggest you walk away.
When you give your best, you can only wait for your partner to notice your efforts.
If that’s not happening then you don’t have to pressure yourself to stay in a relationship where you feel unhappy or unwanted.
No matter how hard life gets, your partner should always make some time for you to show you that you still mean so much to him.
No one should go through long periods of sadness just because their partner doesn’t treat them the way they’re supposed to.
So, if you’re going through the same thing and you notice that your partner isn’t willing to change, leave.
You deserve more than being in a relationship where someone is taking you for granted.
Instead, you deserve the one who’ll be excited to love you and who’ll do anything he can to always make you feel like you’re enough.
The world is full of people who can treat you badly. You’ll find them all around yourself.
But you’ll know that you’ve succeeded when you find the one who treats you like you mean the world to him.
This one will be willing to fight for you, no matter how hard things get.
Whenever you find yourself in a situation that’s not making you happy, give your best to make things work.
If the other person isn’t willing to cooperate, walk away because you deserve much more than that.