For too long, I’ve been chasing after you. I’ve been trying to get your attention, thinking that you’d realize how much I love you.
I thought that one day, something would click inside your head and you would figure out that you and I could actually work. We could be happy if both of us made an equal amount of effort.
Now, while looking at my reflection in the mirror, I see the eyes that got tired of the chase, the lips that no longer smile the same way, and arms that are too tired of being a shelter for your excuses.
I see a woman who’s had enough and who doesn’t want to stay any longer.
Your time with me is done. You had your shot, multiple ones actually, and you decided to waste all of them.
Instead of loving me, you chose to play with me and now, it’s my turn to take the wheel and do something that will make me happy. In this case, leaving you for my own good and moving on after the pain that you caused me are the only things to do.
Truth be told, I still love you. When I wake up in the morning, you’re the first thing I think about.
You’re the thought that keeps following me everywhere I go but I know that things have to work that way. I know that it’ll take me some time to heal and move on after you.
After all, I spent a lot of time with you and I can’t expect myself to simply walk away and pretend like nothing ever happened between the two of us.
Love doesn’t work that way. But you don’t know that, as you never felt the emotions that I’m currently going through.
Your fear of getting hurt made you build up that wall around you. It made you act like you’re heartless and like there’s no humanity inside you.
You got rid of all of your emotions and put on a mask of a cold-hearted guy, a player. And even though I know that there must be something good inside you, I have no energy to fight to get through to it.
I tried many times before but you always rejected my attempts to get closer to you. You never wanted to show that you’re vulnerable, just like every other human being on the planet.
Instead, you kept your guard up and went on pretending that you were something you’re not. But I guess that we all have a right to choose what we want our life to look like, so you can keep doing whatever you want.
However, be aware that my choice will be different from yours. Instead of choosing to stick with you, I have finally chosen myself.
I will no longer be the one who texts you to see how you’re doing. Been there, done that, and you never appreciated it, so I have to stop it.
Instead of replies, I often got ignored. It looks like I was always the one who wanted you next to me while you didn’t really care much.
Looking my best for you, putting you as my number one, and giving up on everything just to be closer to you – those are some of the things I did to keep you there next to me. I sacrificed my own life, thinking that it would all fall into place once you held me in your arms.
But now I see that I did all of the wrong things. And the worst part is that I also did them for the wrong person.
In your eyes, I must’ve been some crazy girl who wanted you in her life, no matter the price.
And to a point, you’re right. I thought that you were the only one for me.
I thought that we were meant to be and that you just needed some time to figure that out. But I now see that I was wrong.
We weren’t made for each other and everyone could see that, except for me.
I can still sense all of the emotions I felt about you linger through my body and my mind. They keep following me everywhere I go but I know that there’s nothing wrong with that.
It doesn’t mean that I need to go back to you. It doesn’t mean that you’ll change for me.
These temporary feelings are my attempts to get rid of you, to detoxicate from you, as there are many things I need to forget about you.
Your tone of voice when you just wake up, the way you always take an hour to drink your coffee, or the way you always wear black on Mondays. I need to forget the way you smell and how cozy you made me feel whenever you made our own private cinema in your living room.
I was with you for too long, which means that I can’t simply walk away and I can’t ignore the fact that you’ve been the one I’ve shared all of my secrets with, as well as my fears and deepest desires.
You were my choice, the journey I decided to take. That’s why I can’t blame either of us for ending up here.
I can’t point fingers at just you because I was the one who kept giving you chances.
And right now, even though I still love you, I know that I’m done with you. I know that there’s no way for us to ever work out and that I need to back off.
We gave it a shot, it didn’t work, and now is time to say our final goodbyes.
It’ll take me some time to forget about you but it’s okay. I know that this is the best decision I could have made.
Unfortunately, we weren’t made to last.
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