Think aloud
Is there a way to let go of someone you love when you don’t want to let go?
You really like this person but things have fallen apart and there’s nothing to hold on to anymore.
Your love story has ended and now comes the hard time of pretending that the one who means everything is just a stranger.
When you invest your time, love, and emotions into something, you never expect that one day you’ll wake up and it’ll all be gone.
You never fall for someone knowing that one day things will come to an end.
You don’t consciously walk into a relationship knowing that one day you’ll need to go through a heartbreak.
Instead, you expect that the relationship will last and that there won’t come a time when you’ll need to take the horrifying step of letting go.
But sometimes, life comes in-between ourselves and our happiness. It makes other plans for us – ones we never planned to have.
Things start slipping out of your fingers. You’re standing there and seeing that the future won’t look like what you expected it to.
Things start falling apart and eventually, your relationship falls apart too. Not because you wanted that but because it was meant to be that way.
Maybe God has something better, something bigger, planned for you, but you still don’t know it.
Whatever it is, it’s never easy to let go of someone you love.
You look at this person and you see all of the memories, inside jokes, and plans for the future carved into them.
But things have turned out differently and there’s nothing you can do about that. You know that you need to let go, but it simply seems too hard.
You don’t know where to start, and you don’t know how to be persistent with it.
I get it, you need help and something to guide you throughout the whole process. And I’ve got you covered!
How to let go of someone you love
You’ve come clean with the thought that you need to let go of the person you still love.
It’s all part of the process and it seems that the two of you don’t suit each other anymore.
But the million-dollar question is how to achieve that.
How to successfully let go of someone you love even though you know that your relationship is doomed to fail.
It can seem impossible, but I know that you can do it.
You just need to be determined and always remind yourself that this relationship won’t work out no matter how hard you try.
It won’t work out now and it won’t work out ever!
That’s why I’ll give you some tips on how to let go of someone you love and focus on the positive things this can bring you.
1. COMPLETELY CUT CONTACT!
It’s not by accident that I wrote this one with capital letters. It means that it’s extremely important to follow this rule.
This is step one and you don’t want to fail at it.
If you want to let go of someone you still love, you firstly need to cut off contact. And you need to cut it off COMPLETELY!
No here and there text messages, no random calls, and no contact through social media.
Even if you want to stay friends, you can’t try to achieve that now. It’s too early to work on anything when the two of you just recently split up.
I know that you won’t forget this person by stopping the communication but that’s not the point.
No one is asking you to erase all of the memories, laughter, and feelings they used to evoke in you.
The point of cutting all communication is to prevent you from falling into a trap and calling them the first time things get hard.
And trust me, things will get hard. You’ll wake up one day and you’ll feel terrible pain.
You’ll question your decision and you’ll want to hear their voice.
At this point, you might send a text or you might call, wanting to see how things are going their end.
In order to prevent that, I’m suggesting you stop every means of communication.
Delete their number, mute their posts and stories – simply do everything you can that’ll prevent you from seeing what’s going on in their life.
This step needs strong will but once you get through, it’ll be easier to move on.
2. Understand your feelings
You need to understand that everything that’s going on inside your mind and heart is acceptable and there are reasons for it.
Letting go of someone you love is hard in itself and you don’t need to make it harder by making yourself feel like your emotions aren’t valid.
Trust me, you’ll feel pain, disbelief, and anger. Sometimes, you’ll feel all of those at once.
It’ll be a roller coaster of emotions, and from time to time, you’ll have no idea how to escape it.
But all of that’s a normal process of grieving. Once it’s over, you’ll feel a huge sense of relief and you’ll know that you did the right thing.
So, instead of bottling up your feelings and pretending like nothing’s wrong with you, take a moment and let your feelings free.
Write down everything that you feel, draw a painting to express your emotions, or simply cry.
Turn on the waterworks; not to get sympathy from anyone, but to let your tears wash away all of the bad emotions that were hidden inside of you.
It would be amazing if there was a button we could click after a breakup to make all of the bad feelings go away. But it doesn’t work like that.
Letting go is a process that takes time and it’ll make you feel things you’ve never felt.
You just need to be real with yourself and understand that all of that is a part of the process.
Acknowledge your emotions and let them help you close the wound so it no longer hurts.
3. Think about why it seems so hard to let go
Sometimes, it’ll feel impossible to let go. You’ll struggle with trying and it can get to a point where you won’t even feel that it’s worth it.
If you find yourself in a situation like that, I want you to take a deep breath and think about the following for a second.
Why are you holding on so hard to your broken relationship? What makes it so hard to let go?
There must be something hidden deep in your subconscious that makes it feel almost impossible to move on.
Maybe this was your first relationship where you felt truly loved and appreciated and the idea of letting go simply doesn’t seem to work.
Or maybe you went through emotional abuse and after years of feeling like a failure, this relationship finally gave you what you always wanted.
Even though we don’t realize it, our relationship usually makes up for the things we lacked in our past.
For example, if you never had emotional security growing up and you find yourself in a relationship that finally gives you that feeling, it’ll be hard to let go even if it turns into toxic behavior.
So, think about the reason why you’re struggling to let go and realize that it’s not the end of the world.
Yes, you’re losing something, but you never know what you’ll get after that.
P.S. It’ll probably be something bigger and better for you, because God always rewards us for the fights we win.
4. How to let go of someone you love? Accept the past
One of the important steps of letting go of someone you love is accepting the past and letting it remain in the past.
Moving on means that a lot of the time, you’ll find yourself thinking about everything that happened in your previous relationship.
By that point, you’ll have arrived at many conclusions that might start to interfere with your perception of reality.
You might feel guilty for not being there for your partner all the time, you might feel that things shouldn’t have turned out the way they did, or you might start thinking about giving them a second chance.
When this happens, I want you to remind yourself that everything happens for a reason.
Every time you go through a certain experience, it’s because it’s preparing you for what will come in the future.
That’s why your past should always remain in the past because it’s the only place it belongs.
If you’re pretending that you’re letting go while you know that your past is holding you back, you’ll never get to a happier place.
You’ll always be stuck in one place, wishing for times that have passed and not being able to enjoy the present or thoughts of the future.
And let’s be honest, no one wants that. So accept your past, don’t let it define you, and don’t ever let it prevent you from getting what you deserve!
5. Stop creating a love story in your head
I’ll tell you honestly that I’m guilty of this, and I know how it feels.
You break up, start to heal, and then somewhere down the road, you just ask yourself, “What if he can change?
What would our relationship look like then?”
After that, you play pictures in your head, one by one, and instead of moving on, you feel trapped in your own mind.
The image of how everything could look if you got back together doesn’t seem to leave your head and it becomes a struggle to have anything else on your mind.
That’s why you need to know that constantly thinking about your ex by creating beautiful love stories in your mind is harmful to your mental health and to your process of letting go.
Every time you think about how things could be different, you’re taking a step back and prolonging the final result.
And do you want to know what the final result is?
It’s you – finally happy and content with yourself.
So, the next time you start romanticizing your love story and making it sound better than it was, think about this:
Do you want to let go and move on with your life or do you want to be in the same spot for years?
Once you realize what your real intention is, that’s when you’ll be able to let go.
6. Make new plans for the future
Your previous plans didn’t work, so it’s time to make new ones. You can’t live your life grieving over everything that didn’t happen.
Instead, you need to move on and the first step toward that is in finding some new plans for yourself.
You need to look out for something fresh. Something that’ll keep you motivated and on the right path.
These new plans will be your guiding star and every time you remember them, the flame of passion and will to make something out of your life will appear.
New plans will help you become the person you’ve always wanted to be but somewhere along the way, you became too occupied by other things.
So, think about everything you wanted to do but never had the courage to try.
Maybe you always wanted to graduate but you put that wish aside for the sake of others.
Or perhaps you wanted to have your own business but you felt that you were too young for it so you buried that idea.
Now is the right time to do everything you ever wanted to do.
These new plans will make you feel good about yourself. They’ll show you that there is so much more in you than suffering from the breakup.
They’ll make you realize that you can do anything you want if you’re willing to put your time and energy into it.
Also, they’ll be a great distraction, so you’ll stop thinking about the pain after the breakup.
You’ll be too busy to bother with the ‘what if‘ thoughts.
The past will remain there and you’ll be running toward the future with a huge smile on your face.
7. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family
When you’re trying to let go of someone you still love, you need a constant reminder that things will be all right.
And what better way to get that than to surround yourself with people who’ll always have your back and who’ll always push you forward.
There’s no giving up when you have an army of friends and family who don’t want to see you falling deeper into the pain and sadness.
They want you to thrive as they know how capable you are.
Plus going through pain from the breakup and learning how to let go can be terrifying if you have to go through it all alone.
That’s why you shouldn’t feel ashamed to ask any of your close friends or family members for support.
They love you and they’ll be more than happy to help you on your journey.
Express your emotions, tell them what you’re going through, and let them be your shoulders to cry on and the wind beneath your wings.
Things will be easier this way, trust me!
8. How to let go of someone you love? Learn more about yourself
We all know how easy it can be to lose yourself in a relationship.
We compromise and do things that make our partner happy and when the relationship ends, we don’t really know who we are anymore.
That’s why this is the perfect time to get to know yourself better.
Think about everything you used to be before the relationship. Think of all the things you loved to do, but you stopped doing because of your partner.
Remember your fears and dreams, your wishes and beliefs.
Get your life back on track and go back to all of the things that made you happy. Experiment, try new hobbies, and go on new adventures.
It’s time to make yourself feel alive and it’s time to do it all by yourself.
Once you realize that you’re capable of leading your own life and that no one can influence your happiness, you’ll be ready to engage in a journey of self-discovery.
Once you understand everything that’s hiding inside of you, your self-confidence will rise and you’ll feel better than ever.
9. Understand that you deserve better
Letting go of one relationship means that you need to strengthen another one – the one with yourself!
When you’re letting go of someone you love, you need to love yourself more than ever.
You need to focus on everything you are and everything you deserve in life.
When you go through a breakup, your confidence becomes shaky.
You start to think that you don’t deserve anything good and that this is God’s way of punishing you.
But if you want to find ultimate happiness, you need to instantly replace this mindset with something more positive.
Instead of blaming yourself and decreasing your worth, you need to realize that you deserve so much more than what you already had.
You deserve better and that’s why destiny challenged you.
You deserve to experience some of the most beautiful things, but that will never happen until you learn to love yourself and until you recognize your value.
Once you know your worth, you won’t ever settle for less.
This way, you’ll close all of the doors that don’t suit you and you’ll find yourself in front of those that can offer you amazing things.
Pull yourself together and never forget the value that you’re carrying within yourself. It’s like a hidden pearl – you just need to let it free.
10. Take some time to process everything clearly
Letting go of someone you love isn’t a process that can be finished in a week. It’ll take you some time to get where you want but it’ll be worth it.
Instead of pushing yourself harder than you can, be patient, and let time do its part.
Moving through the process too fast can only make you think that you’re over your ex while your soul is still suffering.
That’s why you should never hurry things and you should let them take their natural flow. Who cares how long it will take you?
The most important thing is that you’ll feel happy at the end and that you’ll find the value within yourself that you’ve been hiding this whole time.
By taking things slowly, you’re letting yourself go through all of the phases of letting go, and in the end, you’ll feel free and satisfied with everything you achieve.
It’s not always about the amount of time in which some things can be done.
Sometimes it’s about the energy you invest into something which makes your final result better in quality.
11. How to let go of someone you love? Move on!
Once you feel that your confidence is high, you’ve let go of the person you loved, and that you’re proud of everything you’ve gone through, it’s time to move on with your life.
Step by step, continue doing the things you want to do and set yourself free from those who are keeping you in the same spot.
One chapter of your life ended, which means that it’s time to start something new.
No more self-pity, blaming yourself, or negative thoughts about how you don’t deserve happiness. You’re over that.
It’s time for a clean slate, a new start, where you know what you want from life.
You don’t need to be in a romantic relationship to find your purpose. That makes no sense!
You’re your own purpose.
You’re the reason why you get out of bed every morning, so spend your own time and energy on making things better for yourself.
You don’t need anything more than that.
Somewhere down the road, you’ll find the one who’ll be right for you and he’ll make you feel even more yourself when you’re with him.
That’s the only thing you should seek in future relationships – to be what you are, without any restrictions.
Until that moment, keep rowing through life like it’s an unexplored ocean. There are so many things to see, so you better get started!
I know that letting go of someone you love can seem terrifying at first but once you get through it, you’ll feel power you never felt before.
You’ll regain your self-confidence and you’ll feel better than ever. Like pieces of a puzzle, everything will finally make sense.
