Think aloud
How to get over someone who cheated on you when all you want to do is hide under the blanket and pretend like nothing ever happened?
Finding out that your partner went behind your back and kissed the lips of someone else is officially the worst feeling in the world. Confusion, betrayal, pain – you feel so many emotions all at once.
Your heart starts racing and your legs feel too weak to hold the rest of your body. As you start fighting for air, one thing comes to your mind: “What now?”
How to get over someone who cheated on you?
When you fell in love, you didn’t sign up for this. You didn’t plan on getting your heart broken in the worst possible way ever. You didn’t imagine becoming a passive observer of the worst movie ever.
Yet here you are, fighting your worst nightmare and trying to figure out what to do next. Finding out that you’ve been cheated on and getting over the person who did this to you is never easy. It requires a ton of patience, self-love, and strength to pick yourself up and move on with your life.
But when you find yourself in this situation, you don’t feel like you have the energy to do anything. Different thoughts start running through your head and before you make a wrong decision, stop for a second and take a deep breath.
Let me give you some tips on how to get over someone who cheated on you and ruined your view on love.
1. Don’t blame yourself
Cheating is always the cheater’s fault. The end of the story.
Your (hopefully) ex-boyfriend may go on and give you all kinds of lame excuses and explanations for his behavior but you’re not obliged to listen to them. “We were having some challenges and I wasn’t sure if you still loved me.” Or, “You made me upset and it just happened.”
These are just poor attempts to make you blame yourself for what he did to you. Don’t let him get into your head because, deep down, you know that you have nothing to do with his mistakes.
He knew what he was doing but he didn’t bother to pause and think of the ways it was going to affect you. His selfishness was way bigger than his love for you (if he even loved you in the first place).
So, the moment you realize that he’s trying to manipulate you into believing that you’re the reason why he cheated on you, remove yourself from the situation. Know that your conscience is clear as he’s the one who went behind your back and betrayed your trust.
2. Give yourself enough time to process everything
When someone cheats on you, moving on doesn’t come as easy. If anything, you feel like you’ll never be able to forget about this traumatic event.
What matters the most right now is that you give yourself enough time to process everything you’ve been through.
Disappointment, anger, betrayal – you’ll feel all of these emotions, maybe even all at once. There’s a chance that you’ll develop trust issues and lose your confidence. Insecurity will haunt you as if you’re its biggest enemy.
But the worst thing you could do in this situation is to pretend like everything’s okay. Because nothing is okay and you’ll need some time to heal.
So, sit down with yourself and accept all the emotions you’re facing. It’s normal that you’re confused and scared of what will come next. It’s normal that you don’t think you’ll ever be able to trust anyone again. These feelings are consequences of everything you’ve been through.
That’s why you shouldn’t push yourself to move on faster than you’re ready. Take your time, make baby steps, and allow yourself to fully accept every single one of your emotions. This is your recipe for success.
3. Keep your composure
When you find out that you’ve been cheated on, the first thing that comes to your mind is to revenge yourself. You want this other person to feel the same way as you’re feeling right now. This is your anger speaking and trying to find a quick solution to your pain.
However, if you react in the heat of the moment, you’ll only sabotage your own healing. So, keep in mind that you should never do things that won’t make you proud a year from now.
Yes, you’ve been cheated on and right now, you hate the person who did this to you. You also hate the woman he cheated on you with.
You never assumed that the love of your life could hurt you like this but there you are, crying your eyes out as you’re thinking of ways you could harm those who made you feel this way.
What you may not understand right now is that the best revenge is your composure. Don’t give this man a chance to have control over you. Don’t show him how badly he’s hurt you.
He doesn’t deserve a minute of your time anymore so don’t waste your energy trying to hurt him in any way possible. Trust me, some time down the road he’ll realize that he’d lost a fantastic woman. But at that moment, it’ll be too late and he won’t have a chance to get you back.
4. Cut the communication
One of the best things you can do when you’re trying to get over someone who cheated on you is to stop the communication. Don’t look for closure because nothing’s going to change. This man cheated on you because he didn’t love you. It’s a harsh truth but you have to hear it.
If he truly cared about you, he could never cause you this pain. That’s a fact.
So, don’t give this guy a chance to play with your heart ever again. Cut the communication with him and get him out of your life. He’s not worth your time and energy and you’re definitely not obliged to listen to his lame excuses and false promises.
Kick him out of your life and enjoy the peace that will come afterward.
5. Surround yourself with people you trust
Right now, you need to surround yourself with people who truly care about you. You need to spend your time with those you trust because you’re tired of those who wear masks and pretend to be something they aren’t.
Your self-esteem has suffered a lot as you’re trying to pick yourself up after being cheated on. That’s why you need a great support system. You need your family and friends who are not going to let you stumble on your way toward healing.
Go on a girl’s trip with your best friends. Have a game night with your family. Enjoy the karaoke nights and laugh out loud as you relive all of the greatest memories together.
You deserve to be surrounded by those who care about you the most. So, when they give you a helping hand, don’t reject them thinking that you can do this on your own. Accept the kind words and support of those who care about you and let them help you heal.
6. Remind yourself of a person you are
When we start a relationship with someone, we immediately adjust and shape our own personality. Some people don’t change as much and keep at least a part of themselves. Others give themselves fully to a relationship and become completely different people.
Even though we never want to admit that relationships change us, in certain aspects, it’s normal that this happens. But, this is the exact reason why it feels so difficult to move on with your life after a breakup.
So, if you feel like you don’t know who you are anymore, you need to be aware that this is understandable and expected. Your relationship has changed you and shaped your personality, beliefs, and views on life. It made you different as both you and your partner affected each other in certain ways.
You get used to living a life with this one person so when they cheat on you, everything changes. You become alone once again, but this time, it’s harder to adjust to a solo life since you’re so used to having someone around.
What you need to do right now is get to know yourself all over again. Who were you before this relationship? What did you dream about? What was your favorite food and what’s something you loved doing every Sunday?
Grab a coffee with yourself and try to rediscover who you used to be before your relationship. It may sound silly, but once you do that, it’ll be easier to get over someone who cheated on you as you’ll finally feel more confident.
7. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself
Your ex didn’t cheat on you because you weren’t pretty enough or because you didn’t love him enough. Instead, he cheated on you for his selfish reasons and that’s something you have to remember.
So, in these moments when you’re trying to heal and move on after the breakup, you need to treat yourself with kindness. Talk to yourself the same way you would talk to your best friend. Give yourself the same advice you would give to your sister.
Don’t put yourself down and act as if this is all your fault when you know that’s not true. Your partner caused this pain and even if there were some issues in a relationship that were your responsibility, that still doesn’t justify his behavior.
Getting over someone who cheated on you isn’t easy but if you don’t forget to love yourself in that process, it’ll all be much more straightforward.