Think aloud
“He won’t leave me alone! It’s getting out of hand. What can I do?”
When you break up with a man, it was because you couldn’t stand each other anymore. Of course, people break up for different reasons, but your relationship was just awful and there was no future for the two of you.
So why does he keep texting you? Why doesn’t this man just leave you alone?
Or perhaps he was the one who initiated the breakup in the first place. He said that things weren’t going the way he hoped they would, so he gave up on the entire relationship.
What does he want now?
Your friends have even told you stories of how they’ve had to deal with similar things. Their boyfriend leaves them and just when they’re about to heal properly, the guy just won’t leave them alone.
Why do men do this? Why does it take them so long to realize that they can’t just barge into your life whenever they feel like it?
He’s probably been texting you and calling you constantly. Sometimes you even see him in your favorite cafe – as if he knows that you’re going to be there. Is he stalking you now?
This can be extremely exhausting and even disturbing. You’re wondering what he might do if you don’t pay him the attention he’s seeking.
You’re confused and completely out of ideas, the only question you have is why he’s doing this in the first place.
Why won’t he leave me alone?
There are many reasons why men think that leaving you alone (even though you’re not actually together anymore) isn’t even an option.
The bottom line is that no one deserves a second chance if they’ve made it clear once that you’re not their priority. So all of his efforts are in vain.
Sure, you can decide what you want to do after hearing these possible reasons. But keep in mind that you can’t just take him back and magically forget all that went down.
Before you read any further, just remember that there’s no way he’s doing any of this in your own interest. He’s doing it for himself.
1. He’s just lonely
A very obvious reason why he won’t leave you alone is that he’s lonely. It doesn’t matter which one of you initiated the breakup, the aftermath can still be painful for both of you.
This is especially the case when you’ve shared everything. Even if you didn’t come to the point of living together, you still shared so much with each other – so many secrets, so many magical moments.
There’s so much he experienced with you, that your absence is drowning him now. So when he remembers just how much better the world seemed back then and how much happier he was, he’s going to try and get it back.
But the way he does it is the issue here.
He’ll do it by excessively texting you or stalking you. By not taking a simple “no” for an answer.
This is the moment he’ll realize that he made a mistake of not treating you right. He left without considering the fact that he’s letting go of a good woman.
He doesn’t yet understand that this is nothing more than a phase he needs to go through.
We all regret breaking up with a good partner. But it’s possible to move on and heal without going back to that person.
2. He wants to use you
There are many things we get in a relationship, including physical, mental, and emotional comfort. When someone doesn’t know how to get those things outside of a relationship, it can be extremely hard for them to move on.
He won’t leave you alone because he knows that you’re the best at giving him comfort. He doesn’t have to teach you how to treat him for him to be happy.
That can be a hassle when you’re starting with someone new, but when you’ve been together a while, it comes naturally.
He also knows that you’re an easy bet. Especially if you still show signs that you like him and if you let him get away with his mood swings.
It’s awful to have a man use you like this, but you probably don’t even see it because he makes it seem as if he still cares about you. He says that he’s figuring things out and that he just needs you to be there for him.
No one is addressing the fact that he’s using you for his own physical pleasure or to get the emotional validation he needs.
3. He knows he’s made a mistake
It’s not easy to let someone go when you know that you’ve messed up. You want them back so that you can redo some things and actually make things right.
He won’t leave you alone because he knows that you deserve better. He knows that he probably blew his one chance to become the love of your life.
Where does that leave him now? All he’s doing is watching you from afar as you create a life for yourself that he’s not a part of.
He’s angry at himself, he wants a second chance, and he knows you’re ready to give it to him. A man who isn’t ready to hear you out and respects the fact that you said you don’t want him anymore isn’t someone you should go back to.
However, this guy is really trying hard to show you that he realizes he’s made a mistake. He’s using all the wrong ways to show you that, but he’s definitely trying.
4. He misses you
This is quite a normal response when you break up with a partner. You miss them for everything that they’ve done for you and you miss how they made you feel.
He won’t leave you alone if he misses you. He’ll actually pursue you as long as that feeling doesn’t disappear.
He misses the way you smile, the way you’d kiss him and look at him. Your ex obviously can’t let go of the memories he has of your soft voice and gentle touch. He remembers everything and he misses every little aspect of you.
Now how much can you trust his feelings if he was able to break your heart once already? Just because he misses you doesn’t mean that he loves you and is right for you.
He’s not able to move on from the habit he’s created. Because every relationship does become a habit at one point or another. When you leave, you do experience something like withdrawal.
It’s really hard to get rid of the feeling that something is missing in his life – you.
And that’s why he’s texting you in the middle of the night. He misses you and can’t fall asleep without you by his side. It’s hard to fall asleep in an empty bed when it used to be shared for so long.
This man genuinely misses you and he probably doesn’t know how else to express these emotions but to throw himself at you. You may find it annoying, but he’s desperate.
5. He’s bored out of his mind
His excessive phone calls and texts make you wonder if you’ll ever get rid of him. You might even be wondering if you should actually give him another chance, but he’s just bored.
Yes, one of the most common reasons why he won’t leave you alone is because he’s just bored. You, yourself, know that when you get out of a relationship, you don’t know what to do with your time.
Before all of this, you knew that you could spend all of your spare time in the day together. When you don’t have that convenience, boredom washes down on you.
I know that it’s hard to believe this is a valid reason, but think about it. Does he have any other hobbies? Does he have a job or any sort of other entertainment in his life?
If the answer to these is “no” then he really doesn’t have anything better to do with his life.
You’ve had an entire life outside of the relationship. You’re probably the type of person to share your life on social media.
He can’t handle that because he’s too insecure to let you have any fun without him. Only an extremely bored man would think like this and you know him better than anyone else.
You know that this might be the very obvious cause for him not leaving you alone. So don’t let him ruin your life just because he doesn’t have anything better to do.
6. He knows you’ll give him another chance
He won’t leave you alone because he thinks that if he asks enough times, you’ll finally give in and come back to him.
Have you broken up more than once already? Have you broken things off multiple times only to get back together again?
When this happens, it usually means that you don’t have clear boundaries. You’re too nice to him and because you feel bad about this entire situation, you let him back into your life whenever he pleases.
Setting boundaries is something you truly have to work on if he’s able to treat you like this. He knows that he doesn’t have to leave you alone because you’ll eventually give in.
You’re probably confused why he even left in the first place if he’s just going to come back to you. But many men will take these little breaks because they want a little freedom and to have some fun with other women as well.
He knows that it doesn’t matter how many times he leaves, you’ll always take him back. So to avoid this, tell him sternly how you feel about his little games.
If he thinks that he can treat you like this, he might as well exit your life completely.
He won’t leave you alone until the moment you actually put your foot down and show him that you’re not a toy he can play with.
7. He’s extremely jealous
This is probably the most common reason why a guy won’t leave you alone. He’s not doing it because he genuinely cares about you, he just can’t stand seeing you happy without him.
He simply can’t believe that you’re out there, having the time of your life, while he’s sitting at home completely alone and down.
This extreme feeling of jealousy will overwhelm him at times when he sees you post something on social media. You’re showing off your beautiful life without him and he can’t take it. Especially if those pictures show you with another guy.
Even if he just hears from your mutual friend that you’ve started to date again, he’s going to be so angry and jealous about it.
That’s precisely when he’ll show up on your doorstep, or call or text you out of the blue.
He won’t let you lead a happy life if he’s not the reason for your happiness. He might even go crazy with this thought and the more you ignore him, the worse it’ll get.
As stated before, you’re the one who knows him best. You’ll know if he’s just doing this because he’s jealous.
Tell him openly what you think of his childish behavior and let that be it.
8. He’s manipulating you
We’re all quite aware of how absolutely wrong it is to play mind games with someone. Especially with someone who so genuinely cares about you and is probably still in love with you.
If you’re the one who made the decision to break up, that automatically led to his ego being hurt. He doesn’t want you to lead a life without him because that would mean that you don’t need him.
He’s trying to manipulate you by pretending he’s changed. He’s showing you a false side of himself, he’s putting on a mask.
This guy is trying to convince you that he’s changed for the better and that it’s the right time for you both to try again.
A man who’s prepared to manipulate you into believing any of this isn’t a man you want to be with for sure. But he doesn’t seem to stop his little games.
Just remember back in the day whenever you would get angry at him and how he changed for a few days just to flip the switch the moment you forgave him. Those are his little mind games that he’s very good at.
Don’t fall for them all over again because you know it won’t be long before he drops this little act.
9. He’s a narcissist
You’d think that a man who loves himself more than he loves anyone in this world, would also be the man to simply walk out of your life because he doesn’t need you. Well, narcissists are not a breed that can be that easily figured out.
You might have seen signs that he’s a narcissist beforehand, but now your every suspicion has been confirmed. You don’t even need to question your assumption anymore.
He needs you to love him. He needs everyone to love him because that’s the only way he can feel good about himself. A narcissist needs you to need him, he needs you to show him that he’s the only person who can make you happy.
What if you don’t want him? Then he’ll try even harder to get your attention.
In his head, you’re the issue because you don’t want him. He doesn’t think about changing himself, he just wants to prove to you that you need him, even though you clearly don’t.
A narcissist will never stop unless he’s found another victim. He needs that affirmation and he won’t leave you alone until that need is covered.
10. He doesn’t know what he wants
It would be so much easier if we all knew what we wanted from life right away. But unfortunately, some things take a little bit longer to figure out.
Not everyone knows what they want from their relationships, their career, or even themselves. We all struggle to make these little decisions on a daily basis.
The worst thing is that most women know that the majority of men simply don’t want something serious. They don’t want to be attached to one person for the rest of their lives.
However, that changes when they meet the right girl. You might have been the one who changed his mind and now he’s completely confused about whether or not he can stay true to his own beliefs and needs.
This man simply doesn’t get why he all of a sudden thinks of committed relationships as something good. He spent his life avoiding them.
So until the moment he figures things out, he’s going to play this cat-and-mouse game. He might not even be aware that by doing that, he’s hurting you.
He just knows that at one moment he wants you and in the next, he can’t run away fast enough.
One thing is for sure: You don’t have to wait for him to figure this out. You’re not obligated to take him back whenever he feels like he’s ready to commit again.
What can I do when he won’t leave me alone?
To be completely honest with you, there’s not much you can do. If you’ve broken up already and you haven’t taken him back yet, you’ve already made the first major step towards getting rid of him.
1. Talk things through
This sounds like quite an obvious one, but you’d be surprised by how many people aren’t able to communicate their feelings properly. You two might be a fine example of that.
How do you feel when he doesn’t leave you alone? Do you even want to be with him anymore? Have you made the conscious decision to never see him again?
If you’ve already thought these questions through, let him know your answers. Tell him that you’re not going to forgive him and take him back. Ask him to leave you alone.
If he doesn’t want to leave you alone and things get out of hand, you can always contact the authorities and get a restraining order.
2. Block him
It’s easy for a man to come back to you when you haven’t blocked him yet. Why haven’t you blocked him yet?
Is there an actual reason for that? Because I can assure you that it won’t be easy for him to barge back into your DMs whenever he feels like it.
For some reason, this isn’t common sense. People don’t block their exes believing that blocking them is “for the weak” so they give them permission to call or text whenever it’s convenient.
You might also not want to block your ex simply because you have an overview of his timeline this way. You want to be able to see what he’s up to.
This is extremely toxic behavior and you won’t be able to move on unless you block him. At least, he won’t leave you alone until the moment you make this decision.
3. Remember that you’re responsible for your own happiness
He won’t leave you alone because he knows that you’ll always choose him over yourself. He knows that you’re not able to say no to him or to watch him cry his eyes out because of you.
What you must never forget is that you’re responsible for your own happiness and no one else’s.
Just because he’s had a troubled past or now has issues with his mental health, doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to help him through it. Especially not if it’s taking a toll on your health.
Know where to draw the line. You can be there for him from time to time, but you’re no one’s rehab center. He can’t just come back whenever he feels like he needs someone to use for his own benefit.
If you don’t own your happiness and completely kick him out of your life, then the vicious cycle will only repeat itself. And you don’t need that, believe me.
He won’t leave you alone until the very moment you show him that you’re not available anymore.
