Think aloud
When your boyfriend asks you for a break, you feel like you’re having a mild heart attack. The horror runs through your veins – all you can see is the worst-case scenario where your relationship is coming to an end. But since you love him, you want to give this break thing a go. That’s when you start thinking about that one question: “Okay, so if he wants a break, how long should I give him?”
Hearing your partner tell you that he wants to press pause on your relationship is never easy.
For a second, it feels like you’ve already broken up but you don’t want to let go of someone you love that easily. You want to make sure that you’ve given your best and done everything you possibly could to save the relationship.
You’re unsure how a break will help you get back on track. But then again you feel that, since he’s asking, you need to at least give it a try.
Before you agree to his wish and take a step back so your boyfriend can get some time and space for himself, you first need to know why he wants to take a break. There are a couple of reasons that can help you understand what’s going on through his head.
That way, it will be easier for you to figure out what’s actually going to happen with your relationship.
Top 3 reasons why he wants a break
No guy will ask for a break if there’s no specific reason behind it. There must be something he’s been trying to deal with while in the relationship. Since he was unable to find a solution with you, he’ll try to do it on his own.
I know you’re trying to figure out how long should you give him when he wants to take a break, but you first need to understand why he asked for it in the first place. Once you’re aware of the reasons, you’ll know what you should expect to happen.
So, here are the top reasons your boyfriend may want to pause your relationship and have some time for himself.
1. He’s unsure about his feelings for you and where he wants the relationship to go
A guy will face this dilemma and, at first, he’ll try to solve it quietly. He’ll go back and forth, trying to figure out the solution. Once he sees that he can’t do it on his own, he’ll share his feelings with you.
So, if your boyfriend has been unsure of his feelings for you or the direction your relationship is taking, he’ll probably first try to understand why he’s been feeling that way.
Is there something that happened that changed his mind about you? Does he still love you the same way as he used to? Does your relationship make sense and is there a point in moving forward with it?
These are some of the questions your boyfriend might be facing. And since he doesn’t see the end of the tunnel, he feels the need to take a step back and rethink everything.
He feels the need to have some time and space for himself; to be alone with his thoughts.
That’s why he’ll ask you to take a break. To him, it seems like the best way to figure out what he actually wants his future to look like.
Once he’s away from you, he’ll be able to see what he wants next – whether he enjoys his time without you or misses you more than he imagined. That’s exactly what he’s trying to figure out.
2. He feels the need to take control over his life or relationship
It’s clear by now that many guys are afraid of commitment and serious relationships. They act as if being in a relationship takes away their freedom.
So, by asking for a break, your boyfriend might be trying to regain control over his life. It’s his way of trying to figure out if being in a relationship is what he actually wants. Or maybe he didn’t plan for it and it’s changed the route he thought his life was headed.
In this case, taking a break would feel like finally putting the control back in his hands. It would feel like he’s finally doing something that puts him back in the power seat of his life.
While this feels good for a guy, it’s enough to make you feel physically sick. When he asks for a break only because he feels more like a man when he’s the one in control, then there’s zero chance for your relationship to work out.
Every time he hits a rough patch and feels like he’s losing power, he’ll keep taking break after break. And trust me, that’s not something that should happen in healthy relationships.
A relationship shouldn’t feel like a playground you leave every time you’re not sure what to do next. And if it ends up being exactly that, then you should reconsider your options. Are you’re actually going anywhere or are you constantly standing in one spot?
Remember, anything that doesn’t make you happy is always better left in the past. Even if it’s a relationship.
3. He wants to break up but is too afraid to do it
While you’re asking yourself how long you should give him because he wants a break, he already knows he’s not coming back. Unfortunately, that’s also one of the solutions.
It’s a cowardly move, but I wanted to mention it because there’s a real possibility for it to happen.
Many times, a guy will ask for a break because he’s too afraid to admit that he wants to end things with you. In his world, it’s much easier to leave you without an explanation than to have a talk with you and admit that he’s not coming back.
By taking a break, he skips all of the steps that lead him out of the relationship. He simply stops reaching out to you and ignores your calls and texts.
So, if your boyfriend wants a break, you should be ready for the worst-case scenario. You might not hear from him again because he’s already decided to not return.
Taking a break was only an excuse. The easiest one he could use to avoid all of the breakup explanations and arguments that usually go with it.
This may save him from all of the fuss and breakup drama, but it’s enough to make you lose faith in real love.
But maybe, if you expect it to happen, it won’t hurt as much as it would otherwise.
What to do when your boyfriend wants a break?
Before you get to that stage where you keep asking yourself how much time you should give to your boyfriend because he wants a break, you should first figure out what to do in that case.
And believe it or not, the answer is simple. If he wants a break, you should give it to him. Even if things don’t turn out the way you expected them to, then at least you know it would’ve all eventually gone that route anyway.
Even if you reject his proposal and force him to fix the problems right away, there’s a chance that he’ll think you don’t care about his feelings. In that case, the next time you see his back will be because you’ve broken up and not because you’re taking a break.
If he wants a break, then give him a break. Don’t even think about making it all work because doing that right now will feel like too much pressure.
If your boyfriend wants some space and time for himself, then go ahead and let him get what he wants. Let everything play out how it’s destined to. Stop worrying in advance.
Whatever’s meant to be, will be. That’s the only thing you should keep in mind right now.
Now that you know you should give him a break when he wants it, you should also know what to do in the meantime. There are some rules to follow while your relationship is on pause.
They will ensure your standards stay high and save you from chasing after him. The one who asked for a break should be the one who makes the first move later on.
1. Focus on yourself
Stop wondering how long time you should give him when he wants a break. Instead, make sure to focus on yourself.
This is your opportunity to give all of your time and energy to that one person who means the most to you: yourself.
While in a relationship, you probably took more care of your partner than of yourself. This needs to change now as you finally have all the time to do whatever makes you happy.
This is your time to shine. It’s your time to achieve that glow-up you’ve been desperately trying to get.
Stop worrying about what will happen next and if your boyfriend will decide to return to your arms. Instead, make yourself top priority – put yourself in the number one spot for a change.
Taking a break is your chance to grow as a person. It’s your chance to work on your mental health and shower yourself with all of the happiness you deserve. It’s your chance to become the person you always wanted to be.
Even if your boyfriend decides that he doesn’t want to get back with you, you won’t feel sad about the idea since you’ll have learned so much about yourself. You’ll realize that you can easily live without him, even if the worst-case scenario happens.
And that’s what matters the most.
2. Avoid the need to run after him
When he wants a break, your initial reaction is to prevent him from going down that road. When he decides to seek some space for himself, you’ll probably want to run after him and prove to him that your relationship is doing just fine.
This is the worst thing you could do since it clearly won’t make him come back. Even though you think that you’re doing the right thing, you’re actually pushing him away.
So, when your boyfriend wants a break, stop chasing after him. Stop texting him every two minutes and don’t even think about calling him 20 times a day.
That’s exactly why he asked for some space and why he needs to spend some time on his own.
I know that it feels like he’s taking a step back because of you, but there’s nothing you can do about that right now. Reaching out to him all the time, even though you’re on a break, is the worst thing you can do for yourself.
Eventually, it will end up being the final straw and that’s when he’ll decide he doesn’t need you in his life.
So, the best thing to do is to leave him alone and let him be the first one to reach out to you. If he’s the one who asked for a break then he’s the one who should reinstate contact after it.
3. Stop trying to make him jealous
Taking a break is dangerous territory and it’s easy to slip and make a mistake that can cost you the relationship. And trying to make him jealous by flirting with every guy that walks by you is certainly a big no-no.
If you previously agreed on dating other people while being on a break, then feel free to do that. But hitting on other guys only because you want to make him jealous will only end up making the situation worse for you.
At one point, he’ll see that the only reason you’re going out with others is to make him jealous and, trust me, he won’t like that. He’ll feel like you’re playing games with him and trying to pressure him to get back together.
But if you let things go naturally, you’ll feel so much better about this whole situation.
Who knows, maybe you’ll actually meet someone who’ll make your head spin and you’ll realize that it’s you who doesn’t want to go back to your boyfriend. Or you’ll realize that he’s the only one you want.
Whatever you do, just don’t force things to move faster than they’re destined to. Besides, you really don’t want to be doing things only to make him jealous.
In the end, it will all work out the way it’s meant to, so you shouldn’t be playing sneaky to get what you want. Your motives will always eventually come to the surface. So, you need to keep your nose clean at all times.
He wants a break, so how long should I give him?
There’s no recipe timeframe that you should follow as no relationship is the same. Some couples may take a three-day break and figure out that they need each other back in their lives. Some opt for a longer time apart only to figure out they’re not made to last.
So, I can’t really tell you how long you should give him if he says that he wants a break. The best thing you can do in this case is to listen to your heart and do as it says.
If your gut feeling is telling you that he’s not coming back and that you shouldn’t wait for him, then that’s exactly what you need to do.
It may take you a few weeks or months before you figure out you’re done waiting. It can also take him a day or many more before he realizes that he wants to get back since he can’t imagine his life without you.
The point is that there’s no right answer to how long you should wait for him since everyone is different. You may start to feel that you’re not willing to waste your time on him anymore, even if it’s only been five days since you’ve been on a break.
In that case, you’re entitled to listen to your heart and do what makes you the happiest, even if everyone around you keeps telling you it’s too early to let go.
The point is that there’s no specific timeframe in which you should wait for him to reach out to you. Instead, you’ll sense when the timing is right and that’s when you’ll know what you’re supposed to do.
Don’t pressure anything and let the things play out how they’re meant to. That’s the only advice I can give you when it comes to figuring out the amount of time you should give to your boyfriend when he wants a break.
Will he come back after a break?
Besides wanting to know how long you should give him when he asks for a break, you probably want to know if he’ll ever come back to you.
Again, this is also one of the questions that don’t have an exact answer. No one can tell you if your boyfriend will decide to come back after you give him some space and time.
But the fact is that breaks work, no matter the outcome. While spending some time apart, both of you will learn a lot about yourselves and the relationship you want to have.
During that time, your boyfriend may figure out that you’re the only person he wants to grow old with. The separation may show him just how much he needs you in his life.
All those moments he’s been missing you will make him fight for you harder than before and you’ll get your happily ever after, as you planned it to be.
But on the other side, things can go down a whole other road.
Instead of getting back to you, he may decide that you’re not made to last. Maybe he’ll figure out that your relationship isn’t making him happy.
Or it could be you who figures out that you don’t need him as badly as you thought you did. In this case, the break will turn into a breakup.
But I guarantee you it will be the beginning of something new. Something great.
Who knows, maybe he’ll reach out to you too early and you’ll realize that you’ve never felt truly happy in your relationship. Or he’ll stay away from you for way too long which will show you that you can easily live without him.
There are numerous doors you can take when entering the break zone. But in the end, all of them will lead you to something new. Something that’s meant to be.
Even if you reach a completely unexpected outcome, it’s still the only right thing that’s destined to happen from the start.
That’s why no one can tell you if he’s going to get back to you after the break. But everyone can guarantee that whatever is meant to happen will happen after the break. No matter the final result.
In the end, it’s obvious that breaks are slippery ground. They carry a lot of questions yet don’t provide a lot of answers.
And even though they’re not easy to deal with, it’s clear they eventually take you to the place you’re meant to reach. At first, it seems like the last thing you’d want to experience, but then it ends up being the thing that helps you grow the most.
Even if your boyfriend doesn’t get back to you after the break, you’ll still learn a lot about yourself. You’ll figure out what you actually want from relationships. And you’ll work hard to get all of the things you realize you need.
So, don’t worry about the future and let things happen freely. Listen to your gut and do whatever makes you happy. And don’t be surprised if you figure out your relationship never truly made you happy. You simply needed someone so you’re not alone.
That’s also one of the possible revelations you can end up feeling when taking a break.
