Think aloud
“He slept with me and now wants to be friends. He must be kidding!”
You can’t even hear him beyond those spoken words. All you’re picking up is the way his lips are moving, forming words that you don’t want to listen to! He took you home and now he’s pretending as if it’s so easy to just go back to being just friends.
He must be joking. This must be some kind of a prank because he simply can’t be serious about this.
You thought that you had an amazing time together. Things simply seemed to fall into place from your perspective. Your bodies seemed to just know each other and you were so excited to take things to a new level.
He obviously has other plans. So now, you’re wondering if you did something wrong.
Was it bad? Was he disappointed by you? Did he just see it as a one-time thing while you were catching feelings for him?
The truth is that he probably saw the signs you were into him on a much deeper level. But he simply didn’t care. Now that you look back on it, he also made sure to show you that he actually likes you.
He’d flirt with you and constantly make advances. So why is he changing his mind right now?
In this article, we will go through the possible reasons for his behavior, as well as the things you can do to gain back control over the situation. Your heart is already broken, so you might as well try to mend the broken pieces as best as possible.
He slept with me and now wants to be friends: Why is he doing this to me?
So many women have been right where you’re at right now. Too many of us have fallen victim to a man’s charm, just to have our hearts broken in the end.
You don’t want to believe that all men want just one thing. When I was in your situation – when a guy slept with me and then simply told me that now he wants to be friends – I was shattered.
There were so many great qualities I saw in that man and I’d genuinely fallen for him. I know that I should’ve taken my time and not jumped right into it, but sometimes you don’t really have a say in these things. You can’t just convince your heart to not like someone. It’s not that simple.
Before I knew it, I was entangled in his sheets. To tell you that I was thinking clearly at that particular moment would be a complete lie. I just wanted him close.
So when things went back to normal too quickly, I got scared. He did distance himself a little too easily.
I was the one to reach out to him first because I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. He didn’t address the issue until I mentioned it outright. He said that he was afraid that I’d overthink everything because it was obviously nothing special.
This man actually said that just because he slept with me, I shouldn’t get my hopes up, because now he wants to be friends and nothing more.
Naturally, I was devastated. And through countless conversations with many friends, we’ve deduced that there are certain reasons men react this way.
1. He just wanted a quick fix
Women tend to become a little more emotionally attached than men. I know that we’re tired of hearing this, but it’s the actual truth.
Your heart is in the right place because you would never let someone you don’t trust be this close to you. So when you find yourself saying, “He slept with me and now wants to be friends,” it all just sounds bizarre.
You thought you had something special with him! You could feel the chemistry between the two of you – the way he would always lean into you.
The truth is that it could’ve just been a quick fix for him. Either he just recently got out of a relationship or had his heart broken by someone. One of those two things could’ve easily triggered him to flirt with you and take you home with him.
Another possible situation is that he simply wanted to bed you. He didn’t want to wait any longer to find someone attractive or suitable enough.
He saw the opportunity and he took it. This man didn’t think much about it, he just knew that it needed to happen right then and there.
It was merely about the physical pleasure for him. If he had any actual feelings for you, he would probably make an effort to communicate them with you. He wouldn’t just dodge all of your questions.
Even if he didn’t think this through at the beginning, you were just a convenient target for him. However much this may hurt you, it’s probably what happened.
2. It happened too fast
Sometimes, it happens too fast even for men. To me, it sounds like he slept with you and now wants to be friends so that he can get to know you better.
When things happen too fast, a man can’t comprehend everything, especially if you weren’t friends beforehand. He doesn’t know what to expect from you. Heck, he doesn’t even know you that well.
A guy usually doesn’t need as much emotional stimulation as a woman does. And this guy just needed to feel like you’d be interested enough in him to sleep with him.
You thought that this was the first big step to something more serious because you felt a genuine connection.
That wasn’t what happened in his eyes. He jumped straight into it with no expectations, so now all he can offer you is friendship. It’s easier this way than to get emotionally involved when he doesn’t understand what’s happening.
He probably just needs more time to get to know you and to make an actual decision. If you two didn’t know each other too long prior to ending up in bed together, then you still have time to make a good impression on him.
3. He’s dating someone else
What are the chances that he’s seeing someone else right now? Do you really know for sure that you’re the only girl he’s talking to at this point in time? Or do you believe that he would never do this?
Because there’s a real possibility that he just cheated on the girl he’s dating with you.
If he slept with you and now wants to just be friends with you, he’s a punk. And you can spot this pretty easily.
You may have entangled yourself into a story much more complicated than you were prepared for. The drama is just about to come crashing in through the door.
If he’s said anything along the lines of “Please don’t let anyone find out about this,” or “Can I trust you that you won’t spread this around?” chances are that he used you as a side-piece. He just used you to have a little bit of fun because he can’t get that in his actual relationship.
Sometimes, men get bored when they’re in long-term relationships. I’m not telling you this to excuse his awful behavior, but a one-night stand is often the solution for them.
They can’t let go of their current girlfriend even though they’re not in a happy relationship. The guilt doesn’t hit them hard enough to stop his passion and human needs.
He’ll tell you that you should stay friends so that you won’t spread any rumors around and also to keep an eye on you so that nothing gets to his girlfriend.
It’s scary to think that a man would actually do this to you – that he wouldn’t bat an eye about breaking your heart and losing his girlfriend at the same time. But are we really that surprised?
4. It wasn’t good
When you sleep with someone, there’s always the chance that you won’t really be able to please each other. It doesn’t matter what that may entail for someone.
Sometimes it’s in the act itself, sometimes it’s in the performance, and other times it’s just the vibe that wasn’t right.
When you have a bad experience with someone, it’s understandable that you won’t want to go through that again.
Of course, there’s an obvious difference between a casual one-night stand and a relationship. When you’re in a relationship, you’re ready to work on issues like this.
Outside of a relationship, though, people usually expect a mind-blowing experience. He may have had big expectations and now he’s just disappointed that he couldn’t get what he wanted out of the experience.
That’s enough for a man to decide that you’re better off as friends. He doesn’t consider that you’d think: “He slept with me and now wants to be friends, like a complete douchebag!” He merely assumes that it was as awful for you as it was for him.
I know that this can be a huge blow to your ego, but sometimes, we simply aren’t compatible with someone in the bedroom.
This is a completely normal occurrence and you can’t really expect everyone to like your performance in bed. So don’t take this too personally.
You’ll know that this is the case if he didn’t seem too pleased at the end of the act. He probably made some dismissive or half-hearted comments that you just brushed aside.
5. He’s scared of his feelings
There’s quite a big chance that he’s just scared of his emotions. He wasn’t ready for something this serious and this good, so he just shuts the option down completely.
He doesn’t even want to discuss the possibility of being together because he feels like he’s opening up Pandora’s box.
The experience could’ve come up because of what he feels and thinks of you. Did he have a crush on you beforehand? Did you pick up on any signs that he may have actual feelings for you?
He’s never struck you as someone to be this rude to you and break your heart. You knew that your heart would always be safe with him. So why does he keep locking his heart up?
This can be due to past trauma. He’s scared to open up and be vulnerable with you, so he feels it’s safer to stay friends than to have his heart broken like it has so many times before.
6. He knows you’re too good for him
Let’s give the guy the benefit of the doubt. For just a moment, let’s assume that he’s actually an amazing human being who’s simply too insecure to pursue you in a romantic way.
How long have you known each other? Were you friends before you landed up in bed together? If the answer is yes, then you probably know his thought process as well as his own issues.
He doesn’t believe that he deserves you or that you’re able to love him. He would probably love to spend time with you and treat you right, but thinks it would be a mistake.
His insecurity is telling him that you’ll realize one day he’s not enough for you and you’ll move on. You probably know about women who feel like this all of the time, but men have these same issues too.
7. He thinks you’re too easy
You should be able to do whatever you want with your body without any type of judgment in this world.
You don’t have to explain your actions to anyone! No one has the right to tell you how long you have to wait before you decide to sleep with someone!
But men usually aren’t that forward-thinking. They don’t have that same mentality and would probably jump to the conclusion that you’re too easy.
He would much rather chase you for months and then celebrate if you gave him a chance to take you home. When consent is given quickly, men find it to be too convenient.
It’s like they don’t want to sleep with a woman unless they have to fight for it. The fact that you went willingly home with him makes him think that you do this with every guy.
It’s scary to realize this, but it’s true. He wanted to see how long it would take him to get you into his bed and for some reason, this was too soon and too easy for him.
How long have you been going out? If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know if it was too early and you were too eager.
Although, you have to understand that you’re both adults who have the right to consent to these acts whenever you find fit. His reaction is completely up to him and it’s not your fault he’s so closed-minded.
8. He doesn’t want to ruin your friendship
This is quite a lame excuse, but a valid one nonetheless.
Sometimes, people feel more comfortable being in a platonic relationship than in a romantic one. They feel like you’d make much better friends than lovers, and that’s a valid point.
Although, if he didn’t want to ruin your friendship, he shouldn’t have let it get this far. He obviously wanted this to happen just as much as you did. Now that he’s slept with you, he realizes he wants to be friends because he believes that it’s the right way.
He obviously doesn’t get what you’re feeling, nor does he see that this is breaking your heart. Because a friend would never hurt you like this.
He slept with me and now wants to be friends: What can I do?
Now that we understand all the possible reasons behind why he slept with you and now wants to be friends, it’s time to give a few solutions to this problem.
You can’t get rid of the possible heartbreak, but you might actually find something helpful in this tough time.
1. Ask yourself these questions
Sometimes, you really have to take a few steps back and ask yourself a few questions.
When you’re constantly consumed by your own thoughts, you have to take a step back to objectively see what’s going on. You have to rationalize the situation.
The first question you need to ask yourself is: Did we ever talk about being exclusive?
If you never mentioned an exclusive relationship, then he doesn’t owe you anything. You don’t owe him anything either.
The second is: Are you able to stay friends with him after this?
When you’re constantly consumed by the fact that he slept with you and now wants to be friends, you start to get intrusive thoughts about how you can’t just be friends with him.
You’ve already been completely vulnerable with each other, so you may as well completely give yourself to him.
If you’re really able to separate your physical desires and emotional needs from your platonic relationship, then you can be friends. If not, then you should definitely reconsider things.
The third question: Is he really the type of man you’re looking for in your life?
Sometimes, things like physical intimacy can blind us to the truth. You’ve got yourself convinced that he’s the guy for you, so you want to pursue him romantically.
But sometimes, you really are best suited to stay friends. Of course, only you can know the truth behind this.
It’s important that you think about this thoroughly so that you can make the right decision for yourself.
2. Give yourself time
You don’t have to make this decision overnight. Take your time to figure out what you need at this point in your life.
A friend wouldn’t demand an immediate response from you, because they love you enough to give you all the time you need.
You should be able to take enough time to calm your deceiving heart and stop overthinking. You have to be there for yourself right now because you’ve been hurt.
He can’t expect you to handle this situation and make a decision as if it was the easiest thing in the world.
3. Create space between you two
You can’t expect yourself to heal in the same environment that broke you into pieces. At least not right at this point in time. You need to create space between you two and you can do that simply by not replying to his text messages.
He’ll try to contact you, but you’ll be out of reach. You can’t think things through rationally if he’s constantly in your face. You have the right to make a decision for yourself and to remove yourself from an emotionally bad environment.
Every time you’re around him, you can feel your heart crack a little bit more. So the next time he texts you or calls you, don’t respond, don’t pick up your phone.
This will not only give you the freedom to think, but it’ll also make him realize that you’re not joking around.
4. Communicate
When you say “He slept with me and now wants to be friends,” you’re effectively saying what his needs were. He obviously doesn’t care about yours, he just put down his own boundaries and expected you to roll with them.
But have you ever tried to tell him how you feel about all of this? Were you honest with him about what all of this means to you? Does he know that you’re not okay with staying friends with him after all of this?
If not, then it’s finally time to get it all off of your chest. You have the right to demand a conversation if he’s really your friend, as he claims.
5. Don’t compromise your needs
Many women make the mistake of compromising their needs when they sleep with a guy who just wants to be friends. They ignore their own need for a committed and loving relationship for the convenience of having him around.
You shouldn’t do that for anyone. Your needs have to be met in any type of relationship for you to be happy. If he’s not giving you what you need from him, someone else will.
Just because your heart aches for him right now, doesn’t mean that you should continue to sleep with him until he magically changes his mind. You’re better than that and you don’t deserve to have your needs overlooked.
