Think aloud
The time has come to go on your fifth date with this man. You’ve already been on four and you’re excited for the next one, but there are many questions that are flooding your mind.
You’ve made it through the awkwardness and intense silence. You were able to learn things about him that genuinely intrigue you and you see that he’s been trying quite hard as well.
Except, you’re stressed out.
You worry that he doesn’t see these things the way you do. But you’re not ready to give up on this either. You want to figure this out.
What can you do? What should you look out for?
It’s not fair to yourself to expect to know if this man is your true soulmate if you’ve just gone out four times. But you can definitely see if there’s potential in him and if you can work on things.
Sometimes, people can create an entire persona for you, but they can’t fake the spark for sure.
If things feel just forced and unnatural, you shouldn’t even bother trying to make it work. You’ll want to ignore that nagging feeling and just keep going to make it better, but it won’t get better just because you wish it to be so.
There’s no way you can learn if this man is the love of your life by the fifth date, but you can always keep an eye out for the signs that things will fall into place.
What’s the ten-date rule?
Before we jump into a conversation about the fifth date and what it actually entails, we need to clarify what the ten-date rule even is.
What you need to remember is the fact that men need a little more time when they’re falling in love with someone.
You can’t just expect him to read your body language, pay attention to the way your eyes sparkle around him, or how many things in common you have. He probably doesn’t even see those things at this point.
Studies show that men are more likely to start a relationship with a woman after being on ten dates with them. The fifth date is right there in the middle, so it’s essentially the “breaking point.”
Imagine the fifth date as a sort of crossroad. You can either go into one direction together or simply split up.
As a woman, do you believe that you need this much time to figure out if you can be with someone or not? Or do you just think that you’re able to see sparks by the first date?
Either way, the ten-date rule is there for you to make sure if a man does or doesn’t want a relationship with you. It’s essential for you not to rush things or create pressure around this topic.
What do you need to know about the fifth date?
You definitely can’t know if you want to marry this man or not by the fifth date, but when you get to this point, you definitely know if you want to continue seeing him.
You may want to wait a while longer to see what’ll happen, or maybe it’s time to call it quits. Or is it?
If you see these signs, then you have every reason to stay by his side. At this point, your relationship with this man is going to be absolutely phenomenal if you’re able to see these.
There simply are things you need to know by this point. You’ll save yourself a lot of wasted time and many tears if you just keep an eye out.
1. Do you feel comfortable?
You probably won’t be able to feel completely relaxed and comfortable on the first few dates. But have you ever met someone that just melts the nervousness away from you?
It doesn’t matter how they do it – by telling one joke after another or simply asking you questions and reassuring you that you don’t have to answer anything you don’t feel comfortable with.
Sometimes, people tend to forget these crucial steps and then you only feel like you’re on edge.
No one should make you feel like that, to be honest with you. You have to be able to feel at ease with someone. If you’re not able to be yourself, it’s like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
Naturally, on your first few dates, you don’t want to show your shortcomings. You don’t want to show him that you’re insecure about certain things or tell him about the weird hobbies you might have.
But by the fifth date, you should feel comfortable sharing these things. You might still be a little apprehensive, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t tell him. Especially if you want to be able to keep this man in your future.
If you can’t let your guard down by the fifth date, that only says that you don’t trust him. Why don’t you trust him? Did he say something that made you uncomfortable? Or are you scared of the way he’ll react?
If you have replied to any of these questions with a yes, then he’s just not worth another date. Those are all red flags that show you just how wrong he is for you. You have to respect yourself enough and leave.
2. Are you having fun with him?
We certainly do forget to have fun on dates. Especially when you get to a certain age when you feel like having fun isn’t something you should look out for. We have dates with people and turn them into whole business meetings.
You ask questions, they answer, and vice versa. Why do we need to do that? No one knows exactly.
It just seems like something we have to do in order to look mature. We pretend as if we have our entire life figured out just to impress this one person we’re hanging out with.
But you have to ask yourself if you’re having fun with him. You’ll have to spend a lot of time with this man if things go well. It’s not a matter of being bored for a couple of minutes or hours, but boredom for years – and that’s an issue.
By the fifth date, you need to consider this. Don’t ignore the fact that you want to yawn every time you start a conversation with this man.
Maybe try doing something else on the fifth date? Go for a picnic, go hiking, attend a pottery class, or whatever else that’s out of the norm.
Make things more exciting for the both of you. If anything, you’ll find out if he’s as adventurous or creative as you are.
The initial spark won’t last forever. As much as I’d love to tell you that you’ll feel the passion from the moment you set foot into each other’s lives, that’s simply not the case. You will have to work on keeping the spark alive.
3. Is he coming off a bit too strong?
I know you want to know everything about this man. You want him to trust you and understand that you’re someone he can open up to. But when a guy comes off too strong, it feels like it’s a bit too much.
Getting to know someone includes some basic info about that person. Especially by the fifth date, he shouldn’t feel that comfortable talking about his deepest and darkest secrets.
This is a red flag because he’s already using you as a dumping site for his emotional baggage. He already has everything figured out and now there he is dumping it all on you.
You want to believe that he’s doing it because he trusts you, but somewhere deep within you, you just know that something isn’t right.
If you ever do get into a serious and committed relationship with this person, then it’s fine for him to open up to you.
That’s when you’ll turn all of your attention to him and make sure to listen to every word he says. For now, you shouldn’t really try to create a bond that makes you look more like his therapist than anything else.
He’s obviously using you for his own pleasure in one way or another. You know best when a guy is coming off a tad too strong – he makes you feel uncomfortable and you feel like things are moving faster than you’d like it to.
He shouldn’t be asking you to marry him on the fifth date, even a conversation about it would be weird. So watch out!
4. Do you share the same values?
We often make the mistake of thinking we can change the values of someone else simply because we believe that they’re going to fall in love with us. We think that those values can be bent to our own will somewhere down the road.
You can’t truly expect that to happen. By the fifth date, you should know which values you do and don’t share. For example, do you both want to get married and have kids one day? Is that truly one of his goals in life?
If the answer is no while you do want all those things yourself, then you’re only going to have an issue later on. You’re going to end up devastated when you’re fighting in a few years because he doesn’t want to propose to you.
Another thing you should truly see is if your religious values are the same.
If not, then you’re going to raise your kids in different ways and there’ll always be this rift in your relationship. Sharing these values is important because you can’t really believe that one day, things will magically change.
There are so many people in this world who want the same things in life as you do, so believing that someone will change for you is a dangerous trap to fall into.
Don’t expect anyone to change! You wouldn’t change your core values for someone else either, would you?
Could you really move past the fact that you want to be exclusive but he wants an open relationship? By the fifth date, you should know that this isn’t something for you.
5. Does the conversation flow?
When you first start going out with someone, conversations may seem a little forced from time to time.
You’re hyper-aware of it because you constantly have to think about your body language, the questions you’re asking, as well as the answers you’re giving.
This isn’t that big of an issue, because you’re still trying to get more comfortable around the person. You might be laughing a bit louder than usual and probably using prettier words than you normally would, but that’s totally fine.
But if that doesn’t change by the fifth date, then Houston, we have a problem.
You’ve had more than enough time to get to know each other. You’ve not just gone on dates, I hope, but also texted this entire time. By the fifth date, the conversation should flow easily.
Sure, there still might be some topics that you’d rather not talk about. Everyone has their own pace. But at one point or another, the tension should cease to exist.
If you have to wonder what you’re going to say next each time you’re done speaking, then you have an issue on your hands.
Especially if it doesn’t allow you to listen to a word he says because you’re so consumed by what words you need to say.
This can become a genuine issue later down the road. You shouldn’t have to overthink your words. By the fifth date, conversation should come easily.
6. Are there any mutual interests?
Of course, having mutual values in life will help you more than having mutual interests. But you can’t go further than the fifth date if you don’t have these also.
Mutual interests include things like the music you listen to, your love for sports, art, or the TV shows that you watch.
These might sound trivial to you right now, but they become really important when you get to a certain point in your relationship.
You can’t just roll your eyes whenever he talks about sports, nor can you fill his ears about things that you enjoy without considering the fact that he doesn’t care about this in the slightest.
Sometimes, the only topics you will be able to talk about are things like politics, your friends, or simple gossip about the people you both know.
Can you truly work on the relationship if your partner couldn’t care less about what you’re interested in? He doesn’t even want to watch movies with you!
For now, it might seem fine, but trust me when I tell you that somewhere down the road you’re going to want to go to the movies and see something that he’s not interested in.
That’s when you’ll end up going by yourself and you’ll realize that it’s not really fun to have nothing in common with him.
By the fifth date, you’ll know if this is the case. If you truly see some mutual interests, you should stay, but if you don’t, it’s best to make this date the last. Do yourself that favor.
7. Are you talking about your future?
At one point or another, you’re going to have a conversation with this man regarding your future together.
That future may be either a year down the road of casually dating or only up until the fifth date. You should truly have it as soon as possible.
I’m not telling you to plan out your wedding at this point. No. You just need to figure out if you can talk about the future with him.
Nowadays, for some reason, men have such commitment issues that they’re not able to start a serious relationship. Because of that, they won’t even talk about anything future-related.
What you can look out for is the way he phrases his sentences and the things he says about your future together. Does he just brush it off when you mention it or does he get genuinely excited?
One thing that’s a clear teller is when he says something like “My parents will love you! I can’t wait for you to meet them one day.”
When he says something like that, it shows that he’s thinking of a future for you two, but he also says that the time is not right now.
Another telltale sign is if he promises you that he’ll take you to places that he wants you to see. Places like his hometown or even a music concert three months from now.
8. Can you see him as a potential partner?
If you can’t see him as a potential partner by the fifth date, then your opinion of him probably won’t change any time soon. You had enough time to gauge how he thinks about things and handles different situations in life.
Most of all, you were able to see the way he treats you. When he treats you how you deserve to be treated, then you’re golden!
You have your own standards and if he doesn’t fulfill them or doesn’t even try, then you can’t see yourself with this man in the long run. He might be funny and charming, but there’s more to a relationship than that.
When there’s something missing in the connection you have with this man, then imagining yourself with him just doesn’t feel right. You feel like you should try harder or he should do something differently.
That said, be realistic – you shouldn’t just expect him to fit all of your standards or yourself to fit his.
Sometimes, even by the first date, it’ll be obvious if you’re meant to be together or not. If not, then you will have to break things off by the fifth date.
The sixth date will only feel like a drag and you don’t need that type of energy in your life.
There’s someone out there who’ll be able to fulfill all your wants and needs. You won’t have to change yourself or them.
If you’d like to change many things about this current man you’re seeing, then there’s no potential for the two of you to be together.
9. Is he humble?
No one wants to be with a narcissistic know-it-all who doesn’t let you have an opinion on anything if it differs from his in any way, shape, or form. Being humble doesn’t mean that he’s insecure, just that he’s not stuck up.
When you meet someone and they’re automatically putting you down for the simple fact that they think they’re better than you, it can’t go well.
By the fifth date, you’ll just know if he’s humble or not. He may be successful, financially well off, and an absolute dream on the eyes, but all of that goes down the drain if he’s narcissistic.
You can’t be with someone who spends more time in front of the mirror than you do.
If you truly want to be with this man, you’ll have to listen to him bragging about every tiny thing. He’ll put you down about anything and everything to the point where you’ll lose all of your self-esteem.
You need someone who’s grounded. You need a guy who knows he’s not perfect and that there’s always space for improvement.
When he’s not able to admit when he’s wrong, it’s just going to cause unnecessary issues for you in the long run. You’ll wake up each morning knowing that you’re going to fight with him over something.
You might not even be sure if this person is truly grounded. We all know that narcissists are master manipulators and they’re able to hide their true selves. But you’ll get a pretty good sense by the fifth date.
