Is your partner slowly pulling away from you? Does he need some alone time? All these questions make you wonder – Does he need space or is it over?
When he says that he needs space, it doesn’t automatically mean that he’s breaking up with you. Maybe he just needs time off to figure some stuff out on his own and he has no intention of ending things with you.
Maybe he’s having a hard time at work so he’s pulling away from you because he needs some alone time to do his own thing.
Whatever the reason might be, it’ll always be difficult to hear that your boyfriend or best friend is saying they don’t have enough space and asking for some time off from you.
So, there you are, stuck between being in a healthy relationship and thinking about a breakup. It’s as if you’re in limbo and you don’t know how much time you should give him before considering moving forward on your own.
What if he wants to end things? What if he finds someone else? Those are pretty common thoughts to have if your boyfriend is pulling away from you, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship.
Things can get boring from time to time and you’re thinking that maybe he wants a change in his life.
I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s important that you focus on your own life and don’t pay attention to your significant other.
So, your boyfriend has become distant. What does that mean?
Does he need space or is it over?
Well, that’s not an easy question to answer, especially if there have been no red flags pointing out that he’s going to break up with you.
And you shouldn’t make any wrong assumptions if he said that he needs space.
If you have spent a lot of time together and haven’t had a life outside of your relationship, things could get a bit boring because you know everything about each other.
There’s nothing that excites you or him anymore.
That’s why spending more time apart can prove to be beneficial to your relationship. Remember, it’s all about quality and not the quantity of time.
You don’t have to be a relationship expert to see all those relationships ending with heartbreak because they lacked freedom, or because someone needing space implied that they had more serious problems in their relationship and the breakup was inevitable.
So, how do you make a distinction between these two? Does he need space or is it over between the two of you?
Your best solution would be to take a step back and start looking at things from his point of view and the possible reason for him needing space in the first place.
1. You fight a lot
Sometimes arguments and fights can prove to be beneficial to your relationship as they help you relieve stress and say what’s on your mind.
It can definitely strengthen the bond between the two of you as you try to solve problems together.
But that’s only if the number of good moments exceeds the number of fights.
On the other hand, fights and arguments can force a man to leave you.
And just because you have strong feelings for your man, that doesn’t mean you’re going to stay forever together.
The truth is, if he says that he needs space because he doesn’t feel good about you and him fighting all the time, then you should reconsider whether it’s worth staying in such a relationship.
Maybe you two aren’t compatible after all?
Constantly arguing is never a good thing.
Eventually, a man pulls away because he doesn’t feel good in the relationship and doesn’t enjoy spending time with you anymore.
In that case, some time apart will do you good. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t be together anymore, but it can help you figure out the pros and cons of your relationship and what things need to be worked on.
This happens quite a lot in long-distance relationships because the couple doesn’t have the opportunity to physically be together and feel and touch each other.
You have to respect what your man wants. If he asks for some space, give it to him.
If afterward, you can’t find common ground and a way to overcome your differences, no matter how much it hurts, you have to break up with him and move on with your own life.
2. He thinks that your relationship is moving too fast
We all know men and women behave differently and on different levels.
Women feel more – they invest their emotions in a relationship more than men do.
That’s why they’re generally ready to take things to the next level before men.
However, a popular misconception is that men care less about their women because of that.
That’s not true. It’s simply that they need more time to get to the level in the relationship where their women already are.
Don’t jump to conclusions about your man and don’t overthink it, because it might end up costing you your relationship.
Men are pretty straightforward when it comes to how they feel. They tend to be very clear and concise about what they want and what they need.
So, if your man says that he needs space because your relationship is moving too fast, don’t ignore his wishes or be clingy and needy.
And don’t think it’s your fault he needs a little time alone because there’s nothing majorly wrong.
It’s just that things are getting out of his comfort zone and he needs some time alone to slow things down.
You don’t need a relationship coach to tell you that relationships are all about compromises, so meet him halfway and adjust your pace.
3. He’s being bombarded by people telling him that he needs to take your relationship to the next level
Men don’t like when someone tells them what to do and when.
It’s in their nature to trust their own judgment and intuition, and do things when they feel they’re ready for it.
Maybe your man has friends and family who are pressuring him to settle down and take your relationship to the next level.
That might include him asking you to move in with him or popping the big question.
However, the more he’s pressured by others and even by you, the more distant and cold he’ll get.
It’s never a good idea to pressure a guy. Your relationship will most definitely suffer if you do that and it will end in heartbreak.
If you use reverse psychology to your advantage – if you relax and go with the flow – he’ll get where you want him to be and that’s right beside you.
But if the pressure is coming from his family and friends, then you must let him know that you’re not the cause of his anxiety.
Talk honestly and openly with him and let him have his space.
Reassure him that you don’t want him to do anything he doesn’t feel comfortable doing. Also, that both of you should let things take their course.
4. He’s afraid of commitment
Men have a hard time accepting and expressing their feelings.
There might be instances when they completely reject their feelings because they’re afraid of commitment.
So what they do is pull away whenever they see that things start to become more serious.
They usually are afraid of being tied down in a relationship because they enjoy their freedom so much.
Little do they know that you don’t have to sacrifice your freedom to have a healthy and successful serious relationship.
But if you’re the first woman he’s considered having something more serious with, then he’ll definitely be scared of fully committing to you.
On the other hand, if your guy is a commitment-phobe, then he’ll run for dear life and you can’t do anything about that.
You can’t force someone to like you the way you like them. So if your guy asks for space, then give it to him.
Don’t force him to be in a situation where he won’t feel comfortable.
He needs to take a step back and see things from a different point of view.
And if he’s the right one for you, being apart will do the two of you good because he’ll figure out that he can’t live without you and start to miss you.
5. He lost his sense of self
This happens quite a lot in relationships, although most men won’t share this with you.
If the girl is being clingy or needy, then the guy will eventually forget who he is without her and feel caged.
But if you give him the space that he needs, your love will only grow stronger.
And the truth is, if he’s the right one for you, there’s no amount of space that could separate you from being with each other.
So, does he need space or is it over when he’s grown distant and cold?
Well, the right thing to do is to give him as much space as he needs and wait for him to contact you.
Maybe he needs some privacy and freedom because he wants to work even harder to pursue his other interests.
If that’s the case, you have nothing to worry about.
This just shows you that maybe you’re being too clingy and you’re suffocating your relationship.
So, it’s time for you to take a step back if you really want to stay with him in the long run.
6. He doesn’t put much effort into your relationship anyway
If you want to have a healthy and successful relationship, both people need to put in an equal amount of effort and time to make it work.
The relationship won’t succeed if a man does all the work and the woman does nothing, and vice versa.
So, to determine whether he needs space or if your relationship is over, it’s time to reexamine things.
Maybe he doesn’t spend nearly enough time with you as you previously thought, but you’ve been unable to see that because you love him.
It could be that you’re the one giving and investing everything in the relationship and he’s doing nothing to fulfill your needs.
He isn’t even there when you need him.
These are all signs he’s already made up his mind about you, he’s just prolonging the inevitable.
And if he’s asking you to give him some space, then he’s already one foot out the door.
He’s just using “space” as a cover-up for leaving you because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or he doesn’t have the guts to tell you the truth.
He clearly knows you don’t have a future together.
If you assess that he’s already mistreated you and hasn’t put any effort into your relationship, then you should see him asking for space as a surefire sign that your relationship isn’t working anymore.
Don’t try to fix something that’s beyond repair. He’s clearly unworthy of you and you should let him go.
7. He has issues that have nothing to do with you
Men have a hard time multitasking. They like to take their time and focus on one particular thing instead of doing multiple things at once.
So, if he’s asking for some space, it could be because he has some issues that he needs to resolve at work or some personal problems outside of your relationship.
If that’s the case, then he’ll back away from you to address those issues.
The best thing you can do is to let him know that you’re there for him, no matter what.
Say that you’ll be his best friend and have his back at all times.
You can also add that getting away from you isn’t a good solution to his problems and what he should do instead is to try to solve them with you.
Be a team who supports each other through difficult times and he won’t need to ask for space.
I know that you’re afraid of losing your partner, especially if he’s distanced himself from you.
Your mind is on hyperdrive and all sorts of thoughts pop into your head.
But understand that he has problems on his own that have nothing to do with you.
Ask him if you can help him with them, without forcing yourself on him. That’s how you’ll give him the space that he needs so desperately.
How to give him space and keep him by your side?
What if I told you that there are ways that you can give him space and still be with him?
You shouldn’t automatically assume that if a guy asks you for space that your life is over and you’re going to be single forever.
Giving each other enough freedom to experience new things could be the best thing you’ve ever done.
It’s good to focus on yourselves and let each other have some me-time.
Think about ways how to improve your love life and spend some quality time with your friends.
Remember, you can’t control anyone!
When you feel like you’re losing grip on your relationship, the urge to control your partner and enforce your opinion intensifies.
You try to convince him that what you’re thinking is right and he’s wrong, but you won’t achieve anything if you do that.
Once you lose him, you’ll become desperate and try to repair something that’s already broken.
That’s why it’s important to remember that you can’t control anyone – not their actions or their decisions.
The only thing you can control is your own thoughts and actions.
And once you accept the fact that you have zero influence on his decisions, it will be easier to acknowledge that giving him space was the best thing you’ve ever done.
His perception of the relationship is different than yours.
Maybe he’s not satisfied with the way you express your feelings for him, or maybe you don’t pay as much respect to him as he wanted, while in your eyes, everything’s peachy.
And perhaps everything is fine in your relationship and he just needs some alone time. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you anymore.
Everything happens for a reason and there’s no point in trying to force someone to stay by your side against their wishes.
Embrace all your feelings
I know that you panicked the first time you heard him saying he needs space.
And I know that you’ve been hiding those awful panicky feelings, but that’s the worst thing you could do.
If you just sweep them under the rug, you’ll only harm yourself and your mental health because you’ll become overly clingy and aggressive.
Instead of suppressing and ignoring those feelings, let them out and embrace them fully.
It doesn’t matter if they’re positive or negative, as long as you give yourself a chance to feel all of them.
They’re part of you and you shouldn’t block them.
Stop calling, texting, and messaging him
It’s very hard to implement the no-contact rule once you’ve decided to give him some space.
But that’s exactly what you should do if you want to keep him by your side.
The only way that he’ll realize how much he loves you is by giving him the chance to miss you.
And I know you’re waiting for him to post something on his social media so you can comment on it or hit “Like,” but don’t give in to the urge.
It will only cause a countereffect and he’ll see you as being needy and unable to respect his wishes.
Take a passive stance and don’t call him or message him on social media.
It doesn’t mean that you’re going to be out of his life for good, but just for now, stay low and don’t contact him.
Focus on yourself
Instead of focusing on him and the reasons why he needs space, why don’t you improve yourself and your life first?
Don’t go stalking him on social media or checking your screen every five minutes to see if he’s texted you.
I know it’s been a while since you’ve done something for yourself.
This is especially true if you’re in a long-term relationship because you tend to lose your sense of true self.
Why? Because you’ve been solely focused on your partner and on the activities that will improve your relationship.
But now’s the time to change that. Find happiness within yourself and ask yourself what you enjoy doing.
Reconnect with your friends and family, start going to the gym, or binge-watch an entire season without anyone interrupting you.
There are so many things that you can do, you just have to look outside of the box and not think about him.
Evaluate the situation and make decisions for yourself
I know you have his best interest in heart, but when was the last time you made a decision for yourself?
Now is the time to start doing that because it’s the only way to know what you need and want in life.
If you’re constantly relying on your partner to make those decisions for you, you’ll be passive and dependent your whole life.
You want to make decisions for yourself and not let others do that for you.
You know what you deserve and what you want. So, what are you waiting for?
If you let him decide for you all the time, you’re giving him the power to manipulate you. And we both know that’s a big no-no.
Become the creator of your own destiny.
What happens, happens
Whatever happens, you’re come out a winner either way. Remember that.
When you give him some space, there are two possible outcomes: He might come back and your relationship grows stronger and more resilient, or he doesn’t return and you know that it wasn’t meant to be.
Either way, you win. There’s no need to be afraid of giving your boyfriend the space he’s asking for.
It’s the only way you’ll find out whether or not he’s the right one for you.
After all, why would you want him to stay if he doesn’t have any feelings for you?