Think aloud
Love is the best chance a relationship has to survive. Without it, it will crumble like a piece of paper. You knew this all along, but somehow, you missed the signs he never loved you.
Don’t beat yourself about it and blame it on yourself. We all know love is blind. You can’t see those clues until you two split up because you’re caught up in all of the madness.
You can even be angry at yourself for not having noticed some of the red flags sooner, but don’t worry. Few people have the luck to nip it in the bud, while the rest of us have to deal with the consequences.
You want to make sure that this won’t happen again, but how could you know when you couldn’t even notice the signs he never loved you? For future reference, here are some important indications.
This way you’ll know not to spend your time, patience, and love on a relationship that has no future.
Signs he never loved you
1. He never said it
When you’re in a romantic relationship with someone, it should imply that you love each other, right? This is what you’ve thought all along, but it turns out you were wrong.
You don’t have to say I love you every time as proof of your devotion, but it’s nice hearing it from time to time. If your ex has never uttered a sincere I love you, that was definitely one of the signs he never loved you.
When you’re head over heels for a person, you want the whole world to know it. You don’t have to shout it out at the top of your lungs, but a whisper in your ear is enough to send shivers up your spine.
Love doesn’t mean just saying the exact phrase to someone. If he never told you to look after yourself or text him when you get back home, it’s a clear sign he didn’t care enough.
2. He made plans without you
Being a new couple is always exciting – the butterflies in your stomach are thrilling. What couples love to do is plan their future together. However, you probably weren’t fortunate enough to do that with your ex.
These don’t have to be serious questions about kids or whether you’re going to live in a big house or a nice flat. Planning a vacation together is just fine, but if he never offered that kind of conversation, then it’s a red flag.
One of the signs he never loved you is that he never actually included you in anything future-related. It’s obvious that if he avoided these talks, he didn’t intend on spending the rest of his life with you.
You felt isolated most of the time and probably blamed it on yourself, thinking you were being too pushy. That’s why you never requested him to try to change up his plans or see things from a different perspective.
3. He shut you out when he wanted to
There are ups and downs in every relationship, but you might’ve thought that yours was the worst one. It seemed as if you were constantly nagging at your ex because all he did was distance himself from you.
Whenever he’d feel like it, he would shut you out with no explanation as to why. You always just figured he needed some alone time.
It felt like he was trying to avoid you as much as possible, which made you feel not good enough for him. Not only did this make you sad, but also lonely. It made you wonder whether you were even in a relationship at all.
You spent most of your time on your own wondering about when he was going to text you. Instead, you should’ve been cuddling alongside him on the sofa on a movie night!
4. Your relationship was merely physical
A person who doesn’t love you sincerely will show it, it’s just that you won’t be able to see it right away. You probably didn’t notice it when you leaned in for a kiss or offered him a hug and he denied it.
He made you think you were clingy when in fact, he was the one emotionally unavailable. Your relationship was purely physical without any connections on an emotional level. You craved his affection, but he wanted none of it.
Moreover, he probably always made some excuses about how he had to leave or had something important to do. You never even had those deep night talks with him you thought every couple does.
The lack of emotions in a relationship can’t be justified by any excuses. If he was only physically present, it could be that his mind was elsewhere and perhaps even with someone else.
5. You didn’t meet his friends and family
When you’re madly in love with someone, you’re hoping for your relationship to develop further. It may be in terms of engagement, planning a family, or simply meeting your partner’s friends and family.
This is a normal step when dating someone, but your ex somehow seemed to skip your family’s lunch meetings or a night out with your friends.
When approached about it, he always had an excuse for not being able to make it and you didn’t give it much thought. But as time passed, it started getting suspicious.
You can’t believe you missed this important sign he never loved you, but you were clueless back then. You may even feel guilty now because your friends probably tried to talk you out of it, but you wouldn’t listen.
6. He showed no interest in the real you
Was he usually absent-minded when it came to you? This is a horrible way to treat someone, especially if you poured out all of your emotions to him.
You may have wanted to reveal some of your deepest secrets and share your wildest dreams with him, but he just didn’t seem touched by it. All he saw was the way you dressed, if you offered to pay for something, or if you bragged about having the best partner in the world!
He always made you feel as if it was not the time for you to talk about your personal interests and likings. You went along with it, not contemplating it much because that would just make him mad or disinterested.
He could go on and on about his future plans and everything life holds out for him, but your dreams were always hiding somewhere at the back of your throat.
7. He didn’t bother to keep in touch
Being separated from your partner for even a short time can make you miss him like crazy. You’d never stop thinking about his whereabouts and if he missed you too.
However, you weren’t quite sure if his heart ached the same way for you. For holidays, you would go for days without hearing from him and wonder if that’s how a relationship was meant to work.
The shocking part is seeing him post things on his social media or upload pictures from family and friend gatherings. The sad part about all of that is he didn’t have the time to even text you. Or didn’t he want to?
At times, it felt as if he really cared, but those were only the times you were out with your friends. You’d get home and see a bunch of missed calls and texts. You’d get all tingly because he cares for you, but then you’d find out those were his manipulative ways to make you feel bad for going out without him.
Let’s be honest. Everyone can make time to type a few words and send a text nowadays. This was, unfortunately, just one of the signs he never loved you.
8. He was never willing to compromise
Couples can fight over the smallest of things, but in the end, everything turns out good. It usually ends up with bickering back and forth because you missed each other so much.
However, you were constantly tired of all the arguments because he was never willing to compromise. You having to go out of your way to fulfill all of his wishes is one of the signs he never loved you.
He did this for even the smallest things such as picking out a restaurant for dinner. If he didn’t feel like it, then he simply wouldn’t be there.
You were in constant fear of having to go through another meaningless fight with him so you always gave in to his desires. That way, he learned that he could get away with it and never thought of changing it.
These were just some of his many ways and tricks to manipulate you into doing what he wanted. Back then, it seemed harmless and maybe even cute struggling to agree about going somewhere to eat.
But as it got more and more frequent, you realized it’s more than just constant arguments.
9. You were in an on-and-off-relationship
Did it ever feel like it wasn’t a real relationship to you? You were constantly breaking up and then getting back together but only because you were eager to try and mend things?
If you experienced this, it can take its toll on you. Not knowing where you two stand is tiring and can wear a person out. You probably wondered where you went wrong and how you could be good enough for him.
One of the signs he never loved you is him telling you to “leave if you want to.” That was his immediate response to any possible problems you tried to confront him about.
It was easier than trying to fix things he couldn’t be bothered about. If he cared for you, he would do anything in his power to keep you.
However, you always broke up because it was his decision and never yours. Yet you would always be the one to ease the situation to get back together.
10. He was rude and disrespectful to you
He often caught you mid-sentence and talked all over you. This was him being rude and disrespecting you, not deeming your words important enough to finish your thought.
You didn’t question it much back then because you thought he had something more important to say or that what you were saying was irrelevant.
Don’t feel bad about yourself now – you didn’t know better. After all, he’s not your ex without a reason.
He may have disrespected you in many ways, such as yelling at you, putting you in uncomfortable situations, even laughing at you. All of these situations could be signs that you were involved in an emotionally abusive relationship.
He would also insult you and say bad things about your appearance or your opinion. These unenviable situations could’ve been prevented, but you didn’t know that back then.
11. You were never a priority
Being involved in a romantic relationship means you care for your partner and want what’s best for them. However, you seemed as if he wasn’t giving you attention when he needed to.
You’re not the clingy type, but you at least want him to ask you about how your day was. If he didn’t, you’d start talking about it yourself hoping he just forgot to ask you about it.
But it turned out he didn’t care. He would nod along, pretending to listen to what you have to say.
Perhaps you had an awful day at work because you spilled hot coffee all over yourself. If he didn’t even ask you if you burned yourself, then that’s a red flag right there. If he didn’t seem genuinely interested in your well-being, I’m afraid you’ve missed some of the most obvious signs he never loved you.
Did he ever order food only for himself? Did he ever buy tickets to a concert he knew you’d like to go to but didn’t invite you? Think about how many times he left you hanging because you simply weren’t his priority.
12. He manipulated and lied to you
Whenever he’d feel you were being too pushy and invading his privacy, he’d tell you off. If you’d ask him about something that he wasn’t planning to answer, he would simply lie to you.
These could be little white lies he kept telling you to stop you from questioning him further. He could’ve also lied about his coworkers, what he does for a living, or whether or not he got over his ex.
The trouble starts when these white lies pile up and lying becomes a habit. You’d never know where he was at the moment or with whom.
But if he needed something and he needed it now, he always found his way. It seemed as if he was never available for you when you longed for some comfort, but you were right at his service whenever he asked for it.
When confronted about these problems, he couldn’t see what was wrong and played dumb until you just dropped it. He may even have played the victim because, as he said, you were overthinking.
Your ex probably took everything personally because that’s what manipulators do. They will try to make you feel bad for even bringing up something they’ve done wrong.
If he ever bought you gifts, it was after confronting him about something. Now you understand all of the manipulation tactics he used to get what he wanted.
13. You were the only one to put in the effort
It’s not enough to pick out a partner and say “Hey, now we’re in a relationship.” When you share this bond with someone, you have to constantly build on it.
If you don’t try hard, then it’s likely your relationship won’t be successful. Did it ever feel like you were trying your best and sometimes a bit too hard?
You only have two hands, so the task became difficult and tiring. This can be seen especially if you were breaking up constantly and he didn’t seem to try to work things out.
He didn’t want to plan your dates, he didn’t care about your social life, and he wasn’t interested in making you feel better. You felt like you were the only one who put in the effort to try and save the relationship but to no avail.
14. He’d always flirt with other women
One of the most common signs he never loved you is his flirting with other women. Of course, he denied it every time it happened!
Whether it was a coworker sending him texts way past working hours or a random girl in a coffee shop sitting across from you.
If you ever faced him about this, he probably said it was nothing and made up an excuse. His coworker needed help with something and that girl from the coffee shop was just being nice.
This made you feel invisible and maybe even worthless. His shameless ways worried you, but you just didn’t know how to confront him about it.
He would always say that you’re making a big deal over nothing or that infamous “don’t worry about it.”
Now it seems silly to even think about believing him, as ex-boyfriends are known for their manipulative and persuasive ways.
15. He never talked about your future together
Did you feel as if you were stuck in the same place when you were dating your partner? It seemed as if you weren’t moving forward and you couldn’t see any progress in the relationship.
One day you decided to have a talk with him and ask him about his future plans. You were all hopeful and ready to hear all about this fairytale-like story involving the two of you.
While you were figuring out the names of your kids or your dog, he couldn’t go further than plan a day ahead. He probably used some lame excuses for that such as the YOLO motto, when in fact, he didn’t plan anything because he simply didn’t see you in his future.
You didn’t organize your holidays together or even go on vacation when it seemed that all of your friends did. Your friends were all talking about their rings and the ways their partners proposed to them, and you didn’t have your own story to tell.
16. He never trusted you
Your ex seemed to have some trust issues because he could never make peace with you going out with your friends. If this was the case, you know how awful it feels to have someone who deems you untrustworthy.
You simply couldn’t ever have a great time because he would just blow up your phone. The signs he never loved you were always there, you just couldn’t see them.
He asked you to text him and send him pictures all the time and was suspicious of any of your colleagues and male friends. Your ex didn’t trust you because he was insecure and wanted you to pay attention to him all the time.
He always had these snarky remarks whenever you were about to go to work, head out for coffee, or step out to walk your dog!
Also, he always took things to the extreme when picking a fight about it. At first, it seemed he was jealous and it was cute, but soon you found out that it was way beyond the limits of the normal.
17. You were just a friend to him
This might seem like one of the most obvious signs he never loved you. Whenever you’d go out and come across his acquaintances, friends, or even family members, you’d feel left out.
He would engage in a conversation with them, not even introducing you to them, which left you feeling invisible and insignificant. When you would muster up the courage to introduce yourself, he would say you’re just a friend.
If you tried to confront him about it, he would have some reasons, such as “Why do they have to know? It’s about me and you!” or something along the lines of “It’s no big deal.”
You knew these were lame excuses, but you also knew from previous experience that you wouldn’t get anything out of starting a fight with him. You couldn’t do anything to change his mind.
You were obviously hurt and confused, but he didn’t offer you any comfort or any other explanation.
18. He made you feel jealous and unloved
Ex-boyfriends are not exes without a reason. Another all-too-common telltale sign he never loved you is jealousy.
He knew he didn’t have anything to give you to keep you. That’s why he turned to drastic measures.
Perhaps he always made you feel jealous by smiling at other ladies on the street. This wouldn’t be a problem if those weren’t some random girls going on about their day. Also, he would be a bit too close to his colleagues and to those who were, as he called them, “just friends.”
This would make you feel extremely jealous, as would anyone. But he would use this to his advantage to make you look like you’ve gone bonkers.
It would give a different picture of you and that’s probably what hurt most. Being fooled by someone you love is never easy and leaves behind some consequences.
If he used to make you feel that way, that dragged behind some feelings of doubt. You didn’t feel loved at all because he didn’t even care about your reactions.
Lack of love isn’t what anyone wishes upon themselves, so you felt miserable, to say the least. He didn’t try to notice the small things about you, let alone remember them.
Your ex didn’t even know your favorite color, what foods you like to eat, whether you prefer the cold or hot summer days. All of these things are little quirks about you he couldn’t bother to memorize, yet you knew every single thing about him.
19. He made big promises, but that’s it
When people are in love, they’re known to make all kinds of promises. They keep our hopes up that one day we’ll achieve something.
Everyone makes them, but you know what they say – don’t make promises that you can’t keep. This is true and while it may not sound so serious to some, it’s very important to you.
It was crucial in your relationship because it came out of his mouth. You were starting to get your hopes up that he might’ve just changed and was a different person. You finally thought that he was including you in his future plans.
But soon enough, you realized that wasn’t the case. The reason he promised so many things is just so you could leave him be. He couldn’t take your constant nagging as he said, so he decided to just make a promise to you without any intention of fulfilling it.
Your ex gave you his word for a lot of stuff. He’d take you out on a nice date, he’d bring you flowers, you’d go grocery shopping together. He may have even proposed.
But nothing ever came of it because he never fulfilled any of those – there were always poor excuses for them. In the end, you were always left with that void in your chest, but you never brought it up because he didn’t care.
The worst part is that you never asked for any of it. Sure, you’d be more than happy if this was true, but all you wanted was for him to understand how serious you were about your relationship.
You didn’t want these empty promises, you wanted the real him.
20. He took the breakup pretty well
After ending the relationship, you were devastated because he meant the world to you. You couldn’t put yourself together for many days, spending alone time locked in your room and eating junk food.
This is a normal stage to go through after a breakup, especially if you were still surrounded by his stuff. Everything reminded you of him and you couldn’t seem to get him out of your head and heart.
Meanwhile, he was already going out with his friends and meeting new people as if nothing happened. A few days passed and someone told you that he got himself a new girlfriend.
This is a heart-wrenching feeling because you never thought this one person you loved the most could be capable of doing that. However, he didn’t seem to mind and lived his life to the fullest.
He may have even done some stuff after the breakup that he didn’t want to do with you. All of this is hurtful and makes you feel betrayed.
That one girl who was just a friend is now locked onto his arm in a picture of his family gathering he posted online. Words can’t describe how you felt at the moment, but it was just one of the many signs he never loved you.
