Think aloud
A girl who has been through emotional abuse is someone who is strong just for giving love another chance.
Even if you might think that emotional abuse doesn’t have the same consequences as physical abuse, you would be greatly mistaken.
Physical abuse leaves wounds visible to the eye and even when you try to hide them, people still know that they are there; right under that high collar of your shirt or there under your make-up.
However, when we talk about emotional abuse, people tend to forget that it’s there. When you smile at them, they think you’re all right.
Emotional abuse is a silent killer, when someone you trust and love so dearly uses emotions as their weapon of choice to control you.
It’s not the same as physical abuse, no. Emotional abuse always leaves wounds that are not visible to the naked eye.
Those wounds are deeper than skin and much more severe.
Because of that, you need to know a few things before you date a girl who has been through this kind of abuse.
You can’t love her and just forget about her past, because it haunts her day in and day out.
1. She’s extremely fragile and vulnerable
It won’t take you long to find out just how vulnerable and fragile she actually is.
You will see it in the way her eyes start to tear up at the sight of something even remotely sad.
You will watch her flinch at a simple sentence where you raise your voice. She will retreat into herself whenever you get mad.
Her sensitivity and her empathy have been thought of as flaws and she doesn’t want anyone to experience the things she had to.
If she could, she would make everyone happy, even if it meant that she would always be the sad and broken one.
You will see how sensitive, fragile, and vulnerable she actually is. Don’t ever think of it as bad. You will just have to guard her.
2. She will always blame herself
Going through an emotionally abusive relationship means that you are convinced that everything is your fault.
The abuser makes his victim believe that he can never do anything wrong, but that the victim is always the one to blame.
She will apologize for things that aren’t even her fault. You will see the way she will panic when you’re mad and she won’t hesitate to say she’s sorry.
Please be careful. Please don’t let her believe that it’s always her fault. When it’s you to blame, admit your faults and apologize properly.
She shouldn’t be the one to always feel or take the blame.
Let her know that it’s OK and that you are sorry.
3. She will try to handle things on her own
When you are dating a girl who’s been through emotional abuse, you have to know that she will try to handle things on her own.
She will push you away when you try to help her because she’ll think that she has to do it all by herself.
Her abuser never wanted to help her, he told her that she would just be a huge burden if she asked for any, so she refrained from that completely.
You will feel like you’re pushing her too hard when you offer her help, but be sure to show her that you are always there for her.
Reassure her that she is never a burden and never will be.
4. She will do too much
You will know she does too much when she puts more into the relationship than you do.
She will organize all your dates and you will never come home without a cooked meal ready for you.
She will never show you that she’s tired or sleepy. You will always see her buying you things and doing things for you.
Her abuser made her believe that she doesn’t deserve love unless she does so much to accommodate her partner.
Even when you do something special for her, she will feel unworthy of your affection.
You need to make sure that she knows she is worthy. You need to teach her how to receive love because relationships are meant to give you exactly that.
Give her all your love and affection. Make her see that she deserves it.
5. She doesn’t know how to ask for the things she wants
Instead of telling you about the things that she wants or needs from the relationship, she will just stay silent.
Even when you ask her, her reply will be: “I don’t know, whatever you think is best.”
Expressing her desires will be extremely hard for her because her abuser taught her that she always has to please her partner.
Out of the fear that you will be mad at her, she would much rather stay silent.
You need to know the right questions to ask. Be persistent and when you see that she doesn’t like something, don’t push it.
Give her the space to express her opinions, desires, and needs.
6. She will always be on edge
Whenever her abuser wanted to control her, he would neglect her or threaten to leave. Now, whenever you’re mad at her, she thinks you want to leave.
Abandonment issues are a common thing abuse victims face and you can’t take advantage of that.
If you think that the silent treatment or walking away from her when she’s the most vulnerable is the best idea, then you are an abuser yourself.
You need to stand right there next to this woman when she thinks that you’ll leave and you need to make sure she knows that you’re not going anywhere.
7. You will have to remind her that she’s enough
Even if she doesn’t say it out loud, know that you will have to make sure she knows she’s enough.
You need to reassure her that you love her, you need her, and you will be there for her.
Don’t just think that she knows this, because her inner demons are stronger than that. Those voices will try to tear her down.
Tell her that she is enough and that you love her just the way she is. Know that there is nothing wrong with her needing this reassurance.
8. She’s the strongest woman you will ever meet
You will never meet a stronger woman than one who has gone through emotional abuse and still gave love a second chance.
She has gone through so many things that you aren’t even able to see because she doesn’t talk about them.
There are things that she will never be able to tell you.
However, she chose to love you and care for you. She chose to put her heart on the line one more time.
This is the strongest woman you will ever meet and you need to treat her like that.
Give her the world and she will do the same for you.
