Think aloud
Welcome to The Ugly Truth, but by me this time, not Mike Chadway. (If you haven’t watched the movie, you may want to do yourself a favor.)
I know this is a difficult topic to tackle and I’m also well aware that some of you won’t approve of a single word I’m about to say. Regardless of that, I will. I’m not going to apologize, because my intention is not to hurt someone with this article. I’m simply writing down some of my own observations.
I’ve always been that one person everyone complains to and comes to for relationship advice. Some of those relationships are still going strong, others ended over time. But, that’s not the point here.
Do you want to know why you’re not girlfriend material? I’ll be brutally honest.
I had long conversations with some of my friends who are still single and I’ve noticed some patterns. Of course, I’ll explain everything shortly.
They each keep complaining about how there are no good guys, how dating apps are such a waste of time, and how they’ll never find the one. Then, there’s me, maintaining a strong and healthy relationship for a couple of years now.
And all they want to know is how? How did I “find” a boyfriend and how am I “surviving” in a relationship? That’s the moment my blood pressure rises. They think about love and relationships like some neatly programmed app that you just have to install, and that’s it.
Relationships are so much more than “finding” someone and “surviving” them. There is a bucketload of compromise, commitment, love, honesty, and respect. If you cannot give these, you can’t expect to get them in return.
So, what is it that girls and women nowadays do that makes them girlfriend material? Or better yet, why aren’t you girlfriend material? Let’s talk about that.
1. You’re trying too hard
Whether you’re trying too hard about your appearance, or you’re pretending to be someone you’re not – guys don’t like it. Well, the right guys. The ones who are looking for a long-term relationship won’t be kept with your looks only.
You will attract him, that’s inevitable. But if there’s nothing behind that pretty face of yours, I’m sorry to break it to you… He’ll leave.
2. You’re content with a superficial connection
If you’re not trying to engage in deeper conversations and you’re content just with knowing his name and social standing – it won’t help at all! One of the reasons men won’t take you seriously is because you give them nothing to be serious about.
Show them that you’re worth more than just a fancy dinner in some remarkably expensive restaurant. Ask him personal questions and engage in the conversation. Show some interest in him and he may stick around.
3. You’re a drama queen
Did he send you the last message four hours ago? How could he do that?!
Just chill, girl. Honestly speaking, nobody likes drama queens, or if they do, they’re just pretending. They talk about them behind their backs. Oops, I did it again… I was the bearer of bad news one more time.
Stop making a mountain out of a molehill and let him breathe. He doesn’t have to text you 24 hours a day. The poor guy needs to work and sleep!
4. You’re oversharing
Are you the one talking all the time when you go out? Do you constantly complain about your girlfriends, or how much weight you’ve gained? Just stop it.
Men like to discover some things on their own, so wear a veil of mystery and take it easy. He doesn’t have to know everything about you on the first date. Leave something to the imagination and make him crave more.
5. You’re criticizing him all the time
He has his mom, so why would he need another woman telling him what to do and how to behave? Stop trying to change him. If you can’t let it go, just leave. Save yourself the trouble of raising a kid who isn’t yours.
There’s another woman who will embrace all of his flaws and help him flourish. Unfortunately, that won’t be you if you continue to criticize his every move.
6. You always choose the wrong guy
Clearly, you have a type. Maybe there’s something attractive in those emotionally unavailable guys and narcissists. It’s not a myth, some of them do change for the right woman.
However, don’t try to be their savior if they don’t want to be saved. As soon as you notice the first red flag, run. Don’t waste your time on someone who’s not worth it.
7. You’re not content with yourself
And the last thing I have to tell you has got to do with you. The problem may be somewhere deep inside and you still haven’t faced it.
It’s time to be completely vulnerable and to accept yourself, flaws and all. If you don’t know how to love yourself and cherish what you have to offer, no man will.
You have to be confident and self-sufficient, and only then will you be able to attract the right kind of guy. Believing in yourself is highly valued and no relationship can help you with that.
Actually, I’m lying. The most important relationship and the one that can solve all of your problems is the one with yourself. So, go ahead. Accept who you are, improve yourself and finally take responsibility for your own happiness.
Maybe your Prince Charming is just around the corner, or you’ve friend-zoned him without realizing. Put a smile on your face, embrace yourself fully, and be ready for love to find you.
