Think aloud
Being in a romantic relationship with someone whom you love with all your heart is the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. So then why is love so complicated?
Truthfully, we all seek that one true love. We meet, date, and get our heart broken by many partners just to finally encounter the one who’ll prove why our exes were wrong for us.
You dream about your ideal partner, you imagine having a future with him and then you fall in love with your best friend, a younger or older guy, or even a married man.
And the thing is that we can’t control what our heart wants. We’re unable to manipulate our emotions in any way.
Let’s face it, many of us will make the mistake of falling in love with the wrong person and there’s nothing wrong with that. Only through failing can you learn how strong you actually are.
But sometimes we can’t distinguish between infatuation and real love. That’s why we often stay with someone who isn’t meant for us only to be hurt by them later on.
At some point, when you’re with someone and you’re in a complex relationship, that awful feeling comes when you need to change your status to ‘it’s complicated’.
I mean, it’s not that you’re not seeking genuine love; everyone is. But you think that you may be unworthy of receiving it so you end up building walls around you so that no one can hurt you.
However, one day a person will come into your life who will knock those walls down. One day you’ll meet a man who’ll show you what it means to genuinely care for someone.
Why is love so complicated?
Throughout history, countless people have written and sung about true love in an attempt to understand what it actually is. We use this knowledge to search for new love, the one that will turn out to be true love. But still, we can’t choose who we fall in love with.
So, why is love so complicated? Well, we make the mistake of thinking that being in love means that we have to be happy with that person. That isn’t really true and here’s why.
Love is not the same as happiness. You can be cheerful and feel fulfilled even if you don’t have a partner by your side. Love is much more than the kind of love we imagine we would have with a perfect partner.
We’ve all had our share of hookups and bad relationships even though we’re trying to find our perfect match. So, what does that tell us about ourselves? Do we even know ourselves enough to realize what we want and what we don’t want?
In order to meet a partner who’ll be able to give us love, we have to embrace our feelings and know ourselves fully. We can’t let our previous relationships influence our future ones.
Remember that you’re the sole creator of your love story. But you have to make sacrifices and compromises and put in a lot of hard work if you ever wish to succeed with your partner. You can’t just sit back and let them pull all the strings.
True love is when both partners invest the same amount of effort and energy without even knowing whether or not they’ll stay together.
If you’re wondering why is love so complicated, then let me give you a few examples as to why you may think that way.
1. You slept with him last night and now he isn’t answering your calls
Be honest with yourself and admit how many times you’ve had a one-night stand. I understand if you feel guilty for doing so but you shouldn’t feel bad about it.
I mean it’s completely okay if you couldn’t resist and you wanted to sleep with him but you’re still an amazing person who’s worthy of experiencing true love.
This is a classic example of complicated love – when you slept with him and you didn’t hear from him ever again. At first, you may think that it’s all your fault and that you did something to chase him away.
You fill your mind with negative thoughts and you try your hardest not to think about him but it’s almost impossible. So you shut down emotionally and decide you’ll never let a man be close to you ever again. However, you’re wrong to think this way.
You may have noticed that he isn’t busy and it seems he’s avoiding calling you on purpose but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out and search for your happiness.
Pull yourself together and work on the most important relationship that you have right now – the one with yourself. Only then will you see that you don’t need a man to feel at peace and you’ll quickly forget about that one guy.
The worst mistake you can make is building an emotional barrier around yourself just because some immature guy decided to ghost you. Believe me, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. You just have to be patient and wait for the right one to come your way.
2. There’s someone else involved in your relationship
The truth is that relationships are tough. Even if you give your best to maintain a healthy relationship, there are instances when some external factors determine whether or not you’ll succeed with your partner.
It doesn’t really matter whether it’s due to his ex-girlfriend, your ex-boyfriend, or one of your parents, or even a mutual acquaintance who wants to have some fun getting in between you.
We usually think that a relationship consists of two people but that’s not always the case. The harmony you’ve built with your other half will definitely suffer when a third person gets involved in your relationship.
It could be that your partner hasn’t moved on from his past relationship and now he doesn’t know how to bring it up to you. Whatever the case may be, there’s no place for a third person in a romantic relationship between two people.
So, why is love so complicated? Well, as soon as someone else interferes in your relationship, things are going to take a turn for the worse.
Your partner may start to not trust you because of something his parents said about you or perhaps someone filled his head with all sorts of ideas of how you’re not good enough for him.
In that case, you have to remind him and yourself why you decided to be together in the first place. Take a step back, recognize the problem, and talk to him about it. Tell him that you have to fight against it as a couple if you want to stay together.
3. The age gap is too big
Love can be complicated if there’s a big difference in age between a couple. If you’re dating an older or younger guy, then you know what I mean.
Truth be told, the age gap will always be there at the back of your mind and there’s not much you can do about it. You can’t ignore it though because sooner or later, problems will arise.
The truth is that age is more than just a number. If a person is significantly older or younger than you, you’ll never be able to think on the same level as them. Your opinions and interests may well differ which can certainly create problems in the relationship.
You two won’t have much in common since different generations are raised according to different standards. For instance, perhaps you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on how you should handle your finances.
So, if you’ve always been dating people who are older or younger than you and you haven’t yet met your soulmate, then try finding someone your own age. You’ll finally realize why age matters and why couples who have to deal with a significant age gap tend to break up fairly easily.
4. Your families don’t get along
This is Romeo and Juliet all over again. Your families don’t like each other and that’s why it’s hard for you to enjoy love.
The first time this happens to you may be in high school, when you don’t even know what real love actually means. You may think that this will change as you grow older but it’s actually a real problem that many couples have to deal with.
As I previously said, there may be some external factors that can definitely shake up your relationship a bit and force you to question whether or not your partner is the right one for you.
When your family is against your boyfriend, it often makes it impossible for you to have a happy relationship with him. They’ll tell you how bad of an influence he is on you and that you deserve better than him.
However, in the end, it’s your life and they shouldn’t have that much influence on it. After all, it’s you who has experienced all those heartbreaks and not them. You know exactly what you deserve.
5. Your partner isn’t ready to fully commit to you
All girls have faced this problem at some point in their life. You meet an intelligent, charming, and good-looking guy, and you hope that he won’t break your heart like your exes did but the same scenario is repeating again. He won’t commit to you.
So you ask yourself, “Why is love so complicated?” Is there something about yourself that you need to change to prevent that from happening again?
However, you need to keep in mind that many guys are players and they’re more focused on quantity rather than quality when it comes to love. Some are complete fools whose only goal is to make love to you and then abandon you as if nothing ever happened.
But most men are dealing with commitment issues because they’re afraid of losing their freedom. They think that if they start a romantic relationship, they won’t be able to hang out with their friends anymore and that their girl will become clingy or needy.
The unknown scares them and that’s why they’re terrified to commit to one person. That terrible feeling keeps them from allowing a woman to get close to them.
If you find yourself in a situation like this again, your best option is to take a step back and think about whether or not this man is worth your energy and time. Remember that you can’t force anyone to love you, so if you don’t see a future with him, then just let him go.
6. The one you love doesn’t love you back
The most common reason why love gets complicated is when you fall in love with a guy who doesn’t love you back. You’re overwhelmed by all these beautiful emotions but he doesn’t feel the same way as you do.
You can wish for it all you want and create an imaginary world inside your head where you two live a happily-ever-after life but nothing you do or say will get him to love you the way you want. At best, he’ll give you his sympathy, which is way worse than directly rejecting you.
Ask yourself why you’re always chasing after something you can’t have. Do you have a difficult time spotting the signs a man isn’t interested in you? Or do you fall in love easily?
I understand that you’re searching for a man who’ll say, “I love you,” and really mean it. It’s been scientifically proven that those three words can boost our dopamine levels. That’s why we’re so addicted to hearing them.
However, not every guy will be able to say them or prove it to you with his actions, especially if he doesn’t feel the same way. In this case, you need to leave him immediately before he shatters your heart into a million pieces.
7. You fell in love with a narcissist
Being in love with a narcissist can cause you to have emotional scars that prevent you from seeing things as they really are.
Narcissists are people who entirely care about their own needs. Their only goal is to find a victim who’ll be there for them whenever they need an ego boost.
Unfortunately, as soon as they get that, they’ll abandon you. They are excellent manipulators who’ll use any trick to lure you into their trap and won’t stop at anything until they get what they want.
Once they see that they have you in the palm of their hand, they won’t let go of you that easily. Yes, they’ll keep their distance but whenever they feel down, they’ll go and get that fix from you.
And the only thing you’ll have in common with a man like that is that you’ll both love him very much. He’ll never love you as much as he loves himself.
On top of that, you’ll always be the guilty one for anything bad that happens in your relationship. He may even fake certain scenarios to make it seem as if he’s a victim and that everything’s your fault.
You’ll never find peace with a man like that, so it’s going to be a real emotional roller coaster for you. He’ll use harsh words to keep you under his control and to lower your self-confidence and his manipulative tactics will be unmatched.
It takes a lot of mental strength to get away from a man like that but it’s not impossible. You have to surround yourself with people who can help you to get back on your feet again and you need to be able to withstand his cruel mind games.
8. You’re friends with benefits
This is a very complicated type of relationship that many people have in college and think that it may develop into something more serious. However, they’re often wrong and get hurt instead.
Sleeping with each other with no strings attached is a very difficult thing to do for a long period of time. Your love life will be in total chaos. And that’s especially if you have a hard time balancing your real emotions with your basic physical needs.
It’s a curse for both parties that may seem cool and casual at the beginning but as time passes, it gets more and more complex. It’s very tough being just friends with someone you’ve been intimate with.
So why is love so complicated, you may ask? Inevitably, feelings will get in the way and you won’t be able to resist the urge to suggest to your FWB to take your ‘relationship’ to the next level.
I’m not saying that it can’t happen that both people feel the same way but it doesn’t usually end up like that. Knowing that someone is only using you to satisfy their needs can leave you wounded and you may even lose faith in love.
That’s why I don’t recommend anyone try this type of relationship unless they’re absolutely sure they can end it at any given moment.
9. You haven’t defined your relationship
One of the consequences of not knowing where you stand with your loved one is that you’ll definitely question your every move.
You’ll tell yourself that you have to be better in order to attract him when in fact he’s not good enough for you.
Perhaps you two are sleeping together but don’t call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. In that case, it’ll be even harder for you to break up with him and move on.
The truth is you’ll be stuck somewhere in-between and this almost relationship will have a real impact on your sanity. If you can’t define your relationship in some way, then you can’t have a future together.
10. You have a secret relationship
There’s a possibility that you two work together or maybe one of you is involved with someone else. Whatever it may be, you have to keep your relationship under the radar so that no one knows about you.
It sounds exciting to have a secret relationship at first but it definitely comes at a price. The downside is that you’ll never develop a deep and meaningful connection with that person.
Furthermore, you won’t be able to go on normal dates since no one can see you two together. And lastly, this type of relationship will make you feel bad about yourself.
You’re probably keeping it a secret because you know that once the truth is out, someone will get hurt. That guilt will keep you awake at night and eventually, you won’t be able to handle it.
Let me tell you one thing. You’re worthy of being with someone who’ll be proud to call you his girlfriend. You should be able to share with everyone in the world that you’re in a relationship.
11. You’re together because of your children
When you’re with someone because of any reason except love, it can’t really be called love.
Maybe you have a husband whom you don’t love anymore but you stay together for the kids. Even if you two stay together for some other reason, the truth is people should only be together if they love each other.
After all, it’s much better being single than in a loveless relationship. It won’t bring you any joy knowing that you’re going to lie down in a bed with a man who doesn’t care about you at all, even if you have children together.
Perhaps it’s convenient for you to stay in a dead-end relationship but that won’t solve anything. You’ll always argue and fight with each other and you’ll feel miserable about yourself.
12. You officially broke up but still hook up occasionally
There was certainly a time when I had trouble moving on from my ex. Unfortunately, I kept going back to him even though we were no longer in a relationship together.
I knew we had no future together but it was difficult for me to get out of my comfort zone and start something new. I was afraid of being hurt again.
But the thing about that is that it just prolongs the suffering. Finally, I realized that I’d never find peace if I didn’t let go of him.
You’ll have to find a way to get over your ex. You won’t be able to meet the love of your life if you keep hanging on to your past.
13. You’re not in a relationship yet
Love can get complicated even before you end up in a relationship with that person. If you secretly hope to be with him and are afraid that he may reject you, things aren’t simple.
But when you really think about it, nothing about falling in love is simple. You need to gather enough courage to confess your feelings to someone you barely know anything about.
You don’t know whether or not he feels the same way as you do, which can make your head spin. As a result, you can’t really function the way you normally do.
The only thing that’s on your mind is that one person who’s suddenly become your entire world.
14. He’s a bad boy
This is another reason why romantic love is so complicated.
There’s something about those bad boys that makes them incredibly attractive. Maybe it’s the leather jacket or the playful behavior but every woman has had her fair share of them.
They aren’t meant to be tamed. They roam freely and enjoy the ride while they can. Their freedom draws you in to join them but eventually, you grow out of it as you realize that kind of guy will never be husband material.
So, you pull yourself together and change your standards. You start searching for a man who can provide you with a normal and peaceful life.
