Think aloud
“Why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back? Is he doing it on purpose because he wants me to reach out to him? Or could it be that he completely forget about them?”
This is a question that puzzles many women after the breakup. You’ve been worried about how to process everything that happened. Now, you also have an extra pile of his stuff waiting readily at your place.
You may see them sticking out from your shelves anytime you open your wardrobe. It’s impossible for them not to get your attention.
It’s almost as if they’re screaming “Where is my owner?!”. In these moments you just want to pick them up and throw them away. That way, they would no longer occupy your place or your mind.
You have no use for them and so there’s no point in keeping them. Even though you don’t want any reminders of him, at the same time, it feels almost like an obligation to take care of them.
Sometimes you just want to reach out to your ex and make him take his things back. However, you’re aware that he should ask for his stuff and it’s not your duty to call him first.
If he really wants his things then he should be the one to reach out to you. There’s no reason why you should beg him to pick up his things.
I can understand that it gets more difficult to think about this issue as time passes by. What’s worse, if he does ask for his stuff back, you will need to see him, and that may be the last thing you want right now.
But why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back?
It’s perfectly normal to look for answers during this confusing stage. You just want to know why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back so you can decide what to do with them.
Do you throw them away, sell them or maybe give them to your next-door neighbor? The possibilities are endless, but you first want to know what’s going on in your ex’s head.
Why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back and does he even consider doing so? Are you allowed to get rid of his things or does he simply need some time to process everything before he meets up with you to pick up his things?
You’ve come to the right place as you’re about to find out all of the possible reasons why you still have a box full of your ex’s belongings stuck in your place.
1. You were best friends
It’s not a secret that many best friends fall in love. If you were best friends and realized that you felt something more for each other, you probably took a chance and became a couple. But, not every relationship that arises from friendship lasts forever.
Even best friends have issues and misunderstandings. They may have different values in life and that’s why they don’t manage to make it as a couple. Now there’s no other choice than to go your own, separate ways.
However, when you lose a best friend who was also your lover, you get double the amount of pain. To be honest, he probably feels worse about losing you as a friend, than losing you as a lover.
It could be that he hasn’t asked for his stuff back simply because he doesn’t want to make things worse. Speaking to you, and seeing you again is something he won’t handle well.
He also doesn’t want to bother you or hurt you again, so he’d rather leave his things at your place than try his luck and meet with you. In the end, he doesn’t mind doing so since the two of you had a great connection.
You used to be his best friend so he won’t feel sorry to leave his stuff at your house. If you were some random girl he met two months ago, things would be completely different.
But since the two of you have a long history together, he’s okay with letting you have his things. The issue is that he doesn’t even realize that you don’t want them and he’s not doing you a favor by this “donation”.
2. He wants to reconcile
Sometimes couples break up over seemingly random things that could be solved with just a little extra effort. A common thread for these couples is a lack of communication.
The chances are that there were too many things that bothered both of you, but you chose to keep that for yourselves. Instead of discussing issues, we sometimes tend to sweep them under the rug.
But the rug is only so big, and these issues will peek out at some point. At that point, every attempt to communicate your feelings fails. After some time, your relationship breaks apart, but the love you’ve shared still remains in your hearts.
This kind of breakup can be devastating. Your relationship had potential, but neither of you worked through your problems on time. In the end, everything fell into pieces.
Your ex probably thought that a breakup was the best possible decision at the time, but now he’s changed his mind. He misses the good and the bad and is thinking about how you could have resolved some problems.
You’ve shared everything and had a wonderful time together. You were always there for him when he needed you, and he knows now what an exceptional thing that was.
These thoughts aren’t leaving him alone and he’s not able to move on. At this point, he’s fully aware that your flat is full of his stuff and he knows he can use that as an excuse to call you.
The reason why he still hasn’t reached out to you is that he needs some time to think about everything that happened between the two of you. He wants to be sure he’s doing the right thing so he doesn’t want to rush anything up.
He’s aware of the mistakes he’s made and is willing to fix them. At the same time, he has no idea what’s your opinion on everything.
What if he reaches out to you and you reject his proposal to have a talk? He would be devastated especially as he doesn’t see his future without you.
He needs just a bit more time to figure out what should be his next step. Once he’s ready, he’ll ask you to meet with him so you can return his stuff.
He’ll use that as an opportunity to tell you how he feels. He’ll probably admit to you that he wants you to give him a second chance since he messed up his first one.
3. You had a long-distance relationship
We live in a technologically advanced age, and long-distance relationships are more common than ever before. Social media apps allow people to meet their lovers online. However, these relationships come with a specific set of problems.
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, trusting your partner may arise as a big issue. Since you’re not near, you never know what’s actually going on behind the texts and video calls. As a result, it’s harder to feel attachment and emotional connection.
It’s harder to keep the spark burning when you can’t see each other face-to-face. Video calls are great but when your boyfriend can’t give you that well-needed hug after a long day at work, it all starts to feel a bit too much.
If you were in a long-distance relationship then your ex probably bought you a ton of gifts or even left some of his stuff at your place. These materialistic things served as reminders of him.
Now that your relationship is over, you’re stuck with a ton of stuff you no longer want to look at. His favorite book, a hoodie he gave you, and his jersey from high school.
All those things are hidden deep in your wardrobe and you want to return them back to their original owner. But months have passed and your ex still hasn’t reached out to you.
At this point, you’re constantly wondering why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back? Is he planning to pick them up after all?
The thing is, if he’s too far away from you, it would cost him a lot to get his stuff back. Traveling might as well be more expensive than the things themselves.
Also, if you didn’t manage to create a special connection in this long-distance relationship, his things won’t mean a lot to him. He’ll find it irrelevant whether you’ll keep them or not.
That could explain why he still hasn’t texted and asked for his things. He doesn’t want to bother you since they’re not worthy of a plane ticket or a long drive to your house.
4. They don’t cost much
When you wonder why your ex hasn’t asked for his stuff back, it could be because they’re inexpensive. If he gave you a piece of clothing like his hoodie, he most certainly won’t ask for it back.
If he left more expensive things like his watch or something that’s meaningful to him, he will ask you to return those. Of course, if you had a clean breakup.
It could also be that he didn’t leave you anything valuable because he didn’t trust you enough. He wasn’t sure that your relationship will get serious, so he didn’t want to have this problem in case you break up.
Whatever the reason, it’s obvious that he’s not asking for them since he doesn’t find them meaningful or worthy. He doesn’t worry about what you’ll do with them.
Honestly, he would rather find them on Facebook Marketplace than have to meet up with you. That’s how meaningless they are.
You can keep them as a small reminder of your relationship, or donate them to someone who needs them more than you. Whatever your decision ends up being, he won’t bother you about it.
5. He doesn’t care about his stuff
Your ex will care about his stuff as much as he cared about your relationship. If you didn’t have a serious, long-term relationship, the chances are he doesn’t care about any of the things he left at your place.
Short-term relationships usually last less than six months, and in that period of time, he may not have developed any significant feelings for you. Then why would he feel any attachment towards the stuff he’s left at your house?
He was having fun with you and dated you because he was bored. I know, hearing these words hurts like hell, but it’s an actual possibility.
That’s precisely why you shouldn’t worry about keeping his things. He would’ve asked for them already if he really wanted them back.
Since he doesn’t care about breaking up with you, he doesn’t care about leaving such reminders. When he doesn’t call you or text you for a long time, he considers the stuff he’s left yours.
So, when you ask yourself “Why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back?”, you can be certain that he doesn’t care, and you can do whatever you’d like with them.
Throw them, sell them or burn them. He doesn’t mind any of those as he probably doesn’t even know that he’s left any of his things at your place.
6. He’s waiting for you to return his stuff
It’s not uncommon for exes to wait for you to return their stuff. He wants his stuff back, but doesn’t want to text you first because of his inflated ego, which he doesn’t even realize is his biggest enemy.
He thinks that he will appear weak by asking for his stuff back, and he doesn’t want to lose his sense of entitlement. Why would he want his stuff back when he can buy anything he wants or needs? That’s his way of thinking.
Even though his stuff might be expensive and valuable, he will stop himself from asking for them. It wouldn’t be a surprise that he desperately needs them and wants to get them back, yet, his ego will prevail.
He expects you to reach out to him. Actually, he probably thinks it’s your responsibility to pack up his things and leave them at his place.
Even though you may think this doesn’t sound like something your ex would do, it’s still a possible reason why he hasn’t asked for his stuff back. He’s too proud to do so and he expects you to make the first move.
If this is actually true then you shouldn’t worry about it. At the end of the day, it’s his stuff, and he should be the one worrying.
If his stuff occupies a lot of the space or disturbs you in any way, then you have the right to throw it all away. Of course, if it’s not something expensive.
But even when it is pricey and he’s not asking back for it, you shouldn’t wait for a long time. Because the bottom line is: he wants you to feel sorry because he’s no longer a part of your life.
But little does he know that you’re completely over him. The only reason why you’re bothered by his stuff occupying your place is that you keep stumbling over them all the time.
7. He wants to cut contact
Many couples end their relationships on bad terms and block each other. If you had problems and issues you didn’t manage to resolve peacefully, your ex probably won’t want to communicate with you anymore.
More often than not, he wants to get over you and he applied the no-contact rule. Asking for his stuff back would require him to reach out to you again which is the last thing he needs right now.
The reason could be that you had a rough breakup and you both said some things in the heat of the moment. It could also be that he was toxic and manipulative but you successfully saw through his moves.
In that case, he doesn’t want to get in touch with you since he’s afraid of revenge. He’s aware that he did some terrible things to you and now, he doesn’t want to risk a chance of tasting his own medicine.
In any of these cases, your ex won’t want to confront you again over something so trivial as his stuff. That’s why you still haven’t heard from him even though there’s a box of his belongings occupying your hallway.
He weighed his options and realized that it would be a disaster to contact you. There’s really no point in reaching out to you, no matter how valuable his things are.
He knows that if you hear from him again, it could enrage you. You could show the world what his true colors are.
And what if he found a new victim to play with? He doesn’t want you to interfere with his new relationship and drive his new girlfriend away. He could lose her in a matter of seconds.
Even though you’re wondering why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back, it’s probably better for you not to hear from him. You probably went through a lot with this guy and the last thing you want right now is to talk to him.
It’s important that you keep your emotional well-being and don’t allow him to disturb your inner peace. No matter how strong you think you are, meeting him face-to-face would probably rock your boat.
And only you know how much you’ve struggled to get yourself this far. You deserve to get over this breakup and move on after everything you’ve been through.
Final thoughts
I hope that this article helped you understand all of the possible reasons why your ex hasn’t asked for his stuff back. Once you realize what’s hiding behind his lack of will to pick up a box of his belongings from your place, it’ll be easier for you to move on.
This realization will also help you figure out what you should do with all of his things that have been your roommates for a while. It will help you make a step that can only lead you to a better future.
If you truly feel like you can’t move on unless you get rid of all of the things that remind you of your ex, then do what you think is best for you.
You can always drop his things at his friend’s house and leave them there. That way, he can pick them up whenever he feels like it.
Or you can simply throw them away or maybe even donate them to a charity. If many months have passed and he still hasn’t asked about them then it’s obvious that he doesn’t need them.
It could be that he doesn’t even remember what he left at your place which is actual proof that he can live without those things.
You’ve spent too much time wondering if he’s ever going to call and if you should ask him to pick up his things. In the end, those are his belongings and he should take care of them.
The only thing you’re responsible for is your own healing. Provide yourself with a clean slate and move on with your life.
You deserve to get over your ex, and even though that sounds like something you don’t think will ever happen, you’ll be surprised once you realize that’s more than possible. The moment you understand that you should focus on your future instead of your past is the moment you’ll start healing.
And with every new day that comes, you’ll realize that you don’t think about your ex as much as you used to the day before. At one point, you’ll be laughing at yourself for thinking about him and his stuff.
Once that happens, you can be sure that you’ve successfully healed after him and given yourself a new chance to enjoy your life. Honestly, that will be the best day of your life.
