Think aloud
We go through a bad breakup and we’re on the verge of blaming the entire thing on our appearance, we’re taking time off to mourn the end of the relationship, and we’re not ready to look at another man for months. Meanwhile, our ex goes out on a date the following day. Why do men move on so quickly?
We’ve all been there, right? We’ve all gone through breakups that made us rethink everything we ever thought we knew about men. Men get over breakups faster. Men don’t have other men telling them that they’re promiscuous for going out, getting drunk, and getting over someone by kissing the first girl they see.
Women wonder whether they’re the ones to blame for the breakup. Women gather around other women to discuss whether they’re supposed to reach out, do something to mend the situation or pretend that everything’s fine for the time being. Women wonder whether they’re ever going to move on.
What’s different about women might be that they’re surrounded by the entire society telling them that they’re the ones that need to do something because they’re the ones to blame. Women aren’t supposed to go out after a breakup. Women aren’t supposed to rebound or go on Tinder after a breakup.
Women are supposed to mourn the death of the relationship and men are supposed to celebrate the beginning of the single life. What men report and what actually goes on behind a man’s closed doors, however, might not be the same thing. Men suffer, too, but why do men move on so quickly?
Why do men move on so quickly?
1. Men suppress their emotions more
Men are taught to not cry when they’re sad and to not show emotions when they’re falling apart. They’re told to “man up” and to handle whatever they’re going through without anyone’s help. They’re told that they’re not “man enough” when they’re sensitive, open, and honest, and they’re taught to lie.
When you consider the circumstances under which most men grow up, you might be able to understand why men move on so quickly. Men have feelings, too, and we’re pretty sure that men suffer after a breakup as much as women – but they’re told to bottle it up and throw it away.
2. Men deal with their emotions independently
Whether that’s because of the way men were brought up or because of the differences between men and women, men don’t turn to other men when they’re going through a tough time. More often than not, men deal with their emotions independently and refuse to mention a single thing to their pals.
Men are known to go out and get drunk after a breakup, and that’s when they’re more inclined to say something along the lines of “I’m going to call her!” or “I made a mistake!” But because they’re drunk, they’re not taken seriously and they’re left to deal with their emotions on their own.
3. Men deny their emotions at first and deal with them later
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, there’s no question about that. When women go through a bad breakup, they’re known to spend some time reflecting on the relationship, recovering, and figuring out what went wrong.
Men, on the other hand, are known to pretend that everything’s okay even when they’re falling apart. When men go through a bad breakup, they’re much more likely to deny their mistakes, minimize their faults, and blame their partner for everything.
Men get annoyed with their partner, angry, or even aggressive, and spend the following few weeks doing everything they can to deny their emotions. When they’re done with that, though, men do get an epiphany of what really went wrong.
4. Men are always trying to be the alpha male of the group
Why do men move on so quickly? They don’t, they’re simply always trying to be the alpha male of the group and that’s why they’re more likely to lie about what they’re really going through.
They’re taught that alpha males never cry or suffer because of a woman, that alpha males need to be in control of the situation at all times, and that alpha males never show weakness.
We’d argue that the entire concept of an alpha male was born out of insecurity and incompetence, but most men who are obsessed with becoming the alpha of the group look up to toxic male models, too.
5. Men expect their ex to change their mind
Whether that’s because they’re alpha males or because they’re surrounded by men who keep telling them they’re “the catch” and they’re the ones who have “the upper hand,” men expect their ex to change their mind.
Men expect women to approach them on the street and tell them they’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them. Men expect women to text them every day begging for them to come back or to spend hours and hours scrolling through their Instagram stories and commenting on every one of them.
What’s the reason for that, you wonder? We’d argue that men don’t take breakups as seriously as women do and that’s why they’re waiting for women to come back to them.
6. Men look up to toxic male models
Andrew Tate, anyone? With men, you never know whether you’re getting one who was brought up by a strong woman who knew what to do or a bunch of Andrew Tate wannabes who made the poor fellow feel like he had to grow to be an alpha male.
Men move on quickly because they’re told to look up to toxic male models who drink, party, and sleep with women the moment they’re free from the shackles of a relationship – because that’s what men do.
Men might think that’s the appropriate thing to do and although they’re beaten down and sad, they’re forced to go out and do what men do. What a sad reality, don’t you think?
7. Men are more prone to rebound relationships
Women go for rebound relationships when they’re struggling to get over a bad breakup, too. But statistics show that men are more prone to rebound relationships than women and that’s why men move on more quickly than women.
Before you swear off men, know that men go for rebounds because of everything we mentioned before – they’re told that they’re not allowed to cry and that they’re supposed to move on right away. Rebound relationships are a great way for men to appear more masculine when they’re falling apart.
By the time they’re done with the rebound relationship, they’re more likely to reflect on everything that happened. Because these are unhealthy patterns of behavior, we’re praying for men to finally figure out how to move on the right way.
8. Men are more prone to compartmentalizing
Men might move on more quickly than women, but at what cost? Men are more prone to compartmentalizing their emotions to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable. Men sweep their emotions under the carpet and move on. Why’s that?
Whether that’s because of the way society views men or the way men view themselves, they’re much more likely to shift their focus to something that makes them happy than to deal with the baggage of a bad breakup. When bad emotions emerge, men suppress them and move on.
9. Men view moving on as a competition
Men crave competition, no matter what the circumstances are. When women go through a breakup, there’s a part of them that screams “I want him to regret his decision to break up with me!” or “I want to make him jealous!” Women sometimes act on these emotions, but more often than not, they ignore them.
Women tend to focus on getting over the relationship, recovering, and working on themselves, but men view moving on as a competition. Men can’t stand the thought of a woman moving on before them and that’s why they’re quick to rebound and pretend that they’re the happiest they’ve ever been.
10. Men are great at keeping their true emotions hidden
Men are great at making everyone think they’re fine after a bad breakup.
Whether they’re going out every night, spending more time with the bros, or going on dates right away, men are great at keeping their true emotions hidden. Men are sensitive, too. Men go through a tough time when they’re broken up with, betrayed, or cheated on.
Why do men move on so quickly, then? The truth might surprise you, but men don’t move on quickly – quite the contrary. Women take the time to move on right after the relationship ends. Men pretend they moved on, but don’t start the process of moving on for a long, long time.
What to remember when you’re trying to move on?
We’ve arrived at the end of the article. Whether you’re a man or a woman, we want to underline a few things that might make you understand the process of moving on from a relationship better.
First things first, take your time to understand what went wrong and what you want to do moving forward. Furthermore, remember that you and your ex do not need to compete with each other – when you’re ready to move on and get back out there, do that. When you’re not, take your time.
Finally, remember that everyone’s different and that everyone deals with their pain in a different way.