Think aloud
After many failed relationships and a ton of experiences with men, there’s one thing that’s still bothering you. Why do guys stay in touch with ex-girlfriends?
Most of the guys you dated were in contact with their exes. It doesn’t really matter when they broke up, they still talk to each other and even hang out occasionally.
Now, as a new girlfriend, you probably don’t feel comfortable with this. The chances are that you’re no longer friends with your exes simply because you don’t allow the past to haunt you. You also don’t want to make your new partner feel uncomfortable.
So how come women often find a way to keep their previous relationships in the past while men look for ways to stay in touch with their exes? What are they trying to get? Are they still in love with their former girlfriends?
Why do guys stay in touch with ex-girlfriends?
When you start a relationship with a guy, you agree to accept him as he is, with all his flaws and insecurities. But what you don’t feel comfortable accepting is the fact that he’s still in touch with his ex.
It doesn’t matter if he told you that or if you found out through a mutual friend, this realization always feels uncomfortable.
Is he trying to get back with her? Don’t you make him happy? Is he cheating on you? Those are some of the questions that keep running through your head.
Now, let’s see what are the reasons behind their actions.
1. They’re still in love
One of the most obvious reasons why guys decide to stay in touch with their exes is the fact that they haven’t moved on. They’re still in love with their previous girlfriend, and no matter how hard they try, they can’t ignore those feelings.
Now, this isn’t a huge deal since we all know how much time you need to get over someone. But everything changes when a man decides to start a new relationship.
He willingly chooses to give himself a fresh start while he knows that he’s still in love with his ex. In the end, he’ll end up hurting his new girlfriend and sooner or later, his ex will stop responding to his messages.
Dudes, please, figure out what you want out of life and act accordingly. Starting a new relationship while knowing that you’re still in love with your ex isn’t a good choice, no matter what you think of it.
2. They’re looking for closure
A guy may stay in touch with his ex because he’s looking for closure. Maybe their relationship ended suddenly or she was the one to initiate the breakup. Anyway, he probably still doesn’t know why things fell apart.
The only person who can solve this dilemma is his ex. So, he’s trying to stay in touch with her so she can tell him what happened between them.
Guys act so cold and emotionless, but in reality, they also need closure. They need to be able to end a previous chapter of their life in order to start a new one.
3. They need validation and an ego boost
Girlfriends are a constant source of validation. Every time a guy has a rough day, his girlfriend will come to the rescue. She’ll brighten up his mood and make him feel better about himself. She’ll give him a well-needed ego boost and help him pick himself up.
Once he loses this person, he’ll feel lonely and abandoned. His source of validation is now gone, but he doesn’t want to accept that.
So, he’ll make sure to stay in touch with his ex so he can reach out to her every time he’s feeling bad.
4. They’re used to constant communication
When you’re in a relationship, you get used to communicating with your partner. The two of you are always in touch so you develop a habit of sharing your everyday situations with this person.
After a breakup, it feels hard for a guy to get used to not having anyone to talk to. He still has his friends and family, but honestly, his girlfriend was the one who understood him the best. Now that she’s gone, he feels incomplete so he’s trying to change that.
5. They want to stay friends
Guys may choose to stay in touch with their exes simply because their relationship ended on good terms. Maybe they had a mutual breakup and decided that they wanted to stay friends.
Now, this can work for a while but as soon as one of them starts a new relationship, the chances are that they’re going to stop talking. It’s hard to find a new partner who won’t be jealous of your ex, so most of them stop communicating once they get back on the dating scene.
If you’re currently dating a guy who’s still talking to his ex, then I’m sure you’re feeling jealous. It’s hard to accept that your boyfriend can’t let go of his former girlfriend. Even if you’re fine with it in the beginning, sooner or later there will be a disagreement about it and you’ll realize that it actually bothers you.
In this case, the best thing you can do is to be open with your partner and tell him how it makes you feel when he talks to his ex. If he ignores the fact that his behavior makes you uncomfortable, then I’m sorry to disappoint you, but he’s not the right one for you.
6. They’re keeping their options open
One of the possible explanations why guys choose to talk to their exes is because they’re keeping the doors open. Even though they’re doing fine after the breakup, they know that there will come a day when they’ll crave a familiar person from the past.
This allows them to reach out to their ex whenever they want to. It doesn’t matter if they had a rough day at work or if they’re feeling desperate because they’re still single. They know that they can always call the one person who used to be there for them all the time.
And who knows, maybe they realize that they want to get back together.
7. They’re looking for boyfriend benefits without being in a relationship
Staying in touch with an ex is a great way to get boyfriend benefits without being in an actual relationship, especially if you’re the one who broke up. The chances are that his ex is still in love with him and will do everything she can for the two of them to get back together.
She’ll answer his calls, text him regularly, or even ask to meet so they can talk. By doing any of these things, she’s giving him a green light. This is a dream come true for many guys out there who don’t know how to be alone but are afraid of commitment.
8. They don’t want to see their ex move on
A controlling guy may have issues with letting his former girlfriend go. Even though they’re no longer together, he can’t accept to see her move on. So, he does everything he can to ruin her chances of finding a new boyfriend.
By choosing to stay in touch with her, he makes her emotionally unavailable to other guys. Even if she finds a new boyfriend, chances are that he’ll mind the fact that she’s still talking to her ex.
This is a messed up situation and a guy who decides to stay in touch with his former girlfriend only to sabotage her is just a douche and nothing more than that. He only cares about himself and doesn’t mind seeing her suffer.
9. They’re not happy in their current relationships
A guy who enters a new relationship but decides to stay in touch with his ex is an unhappy man. Even though he’s not single anymore, he’s still talking to his former girlfriend. This usually means that he’s not satisfied with his life.
This situation is sad, and it’s definitely not good for anyone. His new girlfriend will never be enough, no matter how hard she tries to impress him. He, on the other hand, will end up breaking her heart because there will come a point where she’ll either stop tolerating his behavior or he’ll end things before that.
All in all, this scenario isn’t good for anyone and eventually, will make both parties suffer.
If you suspect that your boyfriend talks to his ex because your relationship doesn’t make him happy, the best thing you can do for yourself is to have a chat with him. Ask him to be honest and see what he has to say.
None of us want to waste our time and energy on people who aren’t meant to be a part of our lives. Just because you like him, it doesn’t mean that he deserves to get a chance to break your heart.
You’ve already been through enough pain and it’s time to stand up for yourself. When your gut tells you that something’s wrong, make sure to listen to it.