Think aloud
Abandonment issues. It’s no joke.
They come from those deep wounds within that remind her of all the people who left her in her life. She remembers every time she opened up to someone just to watch them walk out of her life.
So now she’s scared. She doesn’t want to let people see the real her. They see the outer shell of the human being that she presents to them. They only see the girl she wants to be – the cool girl who knows where her boundaries lie.
But the very moment she opens up to someone, she feels like she’s suffocating. It feels like she’s gasping for air, but she can’t fill her lungs.
Panic.
She’s scared to see you leave, just like everyone else has.
Whenever she looks at you she sees someone who will walk out of her life, never to speak to her again.
Before you even realized you liked her, she assessed the situation. She knew she could never show you her true colors so that you’d never doubt her importance in your life. She’s that chill girlfriend who loves everything you love and makes everything easy for you.
She doesn’t want you to know how she spends hours deciphering your tone. She’s the type of girl who sits there and looks at the phone, waiting for your response.
Chances are she’s probably just waiting for you to tell her you’re leaving her. It’s always in the back of her head, but she’s learned how to keep a straight face to you and the rest of the world.
Then when she’s alone, she’ll cry herself to sleep thinking she’s the problem.
If you do change your tone when talking to her or get angry with her, she won’t be able to forgive herself. She’ll convince herself that she doesn’t deserve love in the first place and that you should go out and find someone better.
This is not to say that you can’t get mad at her. Your emotions are valid, just as much as hers are. You have the right to talk to her about these things and see what she thinks.
She will act tough. She’ll put on a brave face that’ll make you think she’s stable enough to have this conversation.
But the second you go to sleep and she’s left with her thoughts, they’ll overwhelm her. Her past experiences will make her believe that she’s the issue and that you’d be better off with someone else.
Anxiety overwhelms her and exhausts her. Her brain keeps screaming that you’ll leave her any moment.
She’ll take care of you and the moment you say you don’t need her help, she’ll break down.
I can tell you with certainty that a woman who has abandonment issues is someone who needs you to need her. She needs you to show her that your life has meaning when she’s around.
If you tell her that you don’t need her, her mind will replay the past trauma all over again.
It’ll make her believe that she’s nothing more than a burden to you, even though you obviously love her.
You and I both know that it’s not your fault. You can’t control her thoughts and emotions, or can’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
She knows that to a certain extent as well. But it doesn’t help that she’ll still think you’re abandoning her every time you do or say something like that.
Her abandonment issues are telling her that you’ll pack your bags and find someone who’s less of a burden than she is.
It’ll be exhausting.
At times, you won’t know how to move forward. You’ll be stuck in a cycle of constantly reminding her of her importance in your life, while trying to find your own boundaries.
You don’t want to be the person who leaves just because she was too much work for you, but she really is a lot to handle.
Her panic attacks will be exhausting and you’ll ask yourself if it’s worth it. You’ll think of the days where you didn’t have to deal with her mood swings.
She knows that. She hears the way you release a long breath every time she has another one of her spiraling moments.
There isn’t a moment in the day where she doesn’t believe it’d be so much easier for you to find someone who doesn’t cling to you all the time.
Sure, there’ll be some bad days. But after a while, it’ll get better.
Believe it or not, things will get better. Over time, when she starts to trust you, you won’t feel so obligated to make her feel good. She’ll know that you won’t just leave her over a small thing.
I’m not saying she’ll be cured, just that things won’t hurt that acutely anymore.
She’s the type of person who learns from her mistakes and makes sure to give you a reason to stay by her side.
That’s why it’s worth it. And boy is she worth it.
Her fear of abandonment will make her the best girlfriend you’ll ever have. Her pure heart and need for romance will remind you just how beautiful a woman can actually be. She’ll show you what true love and appreciation feel like.
You will never meet a woman this sincere. She’ll be the one you can always count on, the girl who genuinely wants to be there for you and support you.
She’ll never make you feel like you’re replaceable – because to her, you’re perfect and she’d never want anyone else but you.
You don’t have to wonder if she’ll cheat on you. She knows how awful it is to have a partner cheat, so she won’t make you doubt her.
There isn’t a woman in this world who’ll make you feel like she does.
So don’t throw away the best relationship of your life just because you’re afraid of her feelings for you. She’s only scared to lose you because she loves you.
All you have to do is to be willing to make her feel safe and loved. Sometimes, you’ll have to do it a little bit more, but she’s worth it.
That I promise you.
