Think aloud
Unrealistic expectations in a relationship are the main reasons why couples start arguing and fighting. They’re probably the main cause of breakups, too. But why is that so?
The moment you start to expect your partner to act in a certain way before communicating that with him, you fall deep into a pit of assumption. You somehow assume that he’s going to read your mind and do things as you want him to, even though you never openly told him that.
Another issue with expectations is that we usually expect way too much. Most of the time, we all have this need for a perfect partner, like the one we see on the screen all the time. So, we expect our partner to act exactly that way without even considering if that’s possible.
As you sit down for a coffee with friends, you listen to their stories about their boyfriends. Each one of them will praise their partner for doing something in particular.
Maybe one of them cooks all the time while the other one always surprises her with flowers. As you gather those pieces of information, you then start to expect your boyfriend to do all those things for you.
Do you ever think that you’re asking for too much? Are you crossing the line or are you being realistic? Let’s find out!
7 unrealistic expectations in a relationship
None of us are perfect, but you still expect your partner to be. It’s one thing to have standards and to be aware of the deal breakers. I’m all up for that!
You know what are some dos and don’ts and what things you’re never going to tolerate in a relationship. This means that you have healthy boundaries you don’t want anyone to cross.
However, when we expect our partners to act in a certain way, we often ignore the logic and keep piling up different traits we want them to have. If you get into this vicious circle, the chances are that you’re going to sabotage your relationship.
To prevent that from happening, know what are some unrealistic expectations that can only ruin everything you two have already built.
1. Expecting your partner to change
Would you be willing to change your values and personality traits if your boyfriend asked you to? Or would you let him know that you are who you are and that he can either choose to accept that or leave? I think that the answer here is fairly obvious.
When you start a relationship with someone, you may notice they have some flaws. At first, you decide to tolerate them for a while thinking that you’ll be able to change your partner once the right time comes.
I don’t even have to say how wrong this is. Your boyfriend is a person, and like everyone else, he’s not perfect. The point isn’t in finding someone who’ll tick all the boxes and be the best man this world has ever seen. The point is to find someone you love enough to accept that he has some flaws.
Expecting your partner to change is unrealistic on so many levels, and it’s going to get you nowhere. If you know that you can’t accept him the way he is then it’s always better to leave before it’s too late.
2. Thinking that he should spend all his free time with you
Even though you’re in a relationship, you still have separate lives. Each one has their own habits, friends, and hobbies that you don’t want to sacrifice just because you’re no longer single.
Issues occur when you start expecting your partner to spend all his free time with you. You get upset when he hangs out with his friends or goes to visit his family members. You assume that he should spend every second of his day with you. Talk about unrealistic expectations in a relationship.
I can understand when this keeps happening at the very beginning of your relationship. You just met and the chances are that the both of you will spend the majority of time together. But as you get to know each other better, you’ll naturally go back to your usual routines.
So, don’t expect your boyfriend to be around 24/7. First of all, that’s impossible and second of all, it won’t benefit your relationship. How can you realize that you miss him when he’s right next to you every time you turn around?
3. Assuming that your partner should be the main source of your happiness
Don’t get me wrong, your partner should make you happy. If you realize that his presence in your life makes you miserable then there’s something wrong and he’s probably not the one for you.
However, you shouldn’t expect him to be the main source of your happiness. In reality, you’re responsible for your own life. You’re meant to grow as a person on your own and become the best version of yourself. In the meantime, he’ll be your biggest support.
But in no way, shape, or form should he be the only person who makes you happy. What if you break up? How would you move on with your life?
Never put your happiness in the hands of someone else. That’s one rule you should never break.
4. Expecting that he should always plan date nights
At the very beginning of your relationship, you can let him plan the date nights. This way, you’ll be able to tell how interested and committed he actually is.
Unrealistic expectations in a relationship start when you expect him to be the only person who puts in the effort. Just because he’s a man it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t prove to him that you’re committed as well.
Your relationship should be based on equality and compromise. Some days, he may put in more effort, while other days, it’s going to be you. But the thing is that both of you have to work on it.
You can’t expect him to always plan date nights just because you’re a woman and he should treat you nicely. He also deserves to be treated like that, and if you can’t do it then he’s naturally going to assume that you don’t care about him.
5. Thinking that he should be the first one to apologize
Each relationship comes with arguments. They’re a normal part of communication and they allow the two of you to grow as a couple. But the issue arises when you start to expect your partner to be the first one to apologize, no matter what.
Do you truly believe that you were never wrong about anything? Do you truly believe that he’s the main reason why you start arguing?
The best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is to be aware of your mistakes. Accept your part of the blame and apologize accordingly. Just because you’re a woman, it doesn’t mean that he should be the only one to apologize.
If you care about your relationship, you’re going to admit when you’re wrong and you’re going to learn from it.
6. Assuming that he should know what’s going on inside your head
As a woman, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this issue. On multiple occasions, I’ve expected my boyfriend to read my mind and know what I’m thinking about.
If I had a rough day at work, I would expect him to know that just by looking at me. If I had a fight with my friend, I would expect him to support me even though he had no idea what happened. And oh boy, I don’t even have to tell you how many fights we had because of this.
I’ve learned my lessons and now, I finally communicate my feelings. This has been a huge relief for both of us because he finally knows what’s wrong and I finally enjoy the way he treats me when he knows I’m not feeling best.
So, learn from my mistakes, and don’t expect your partner to read your mind. You have to tell him what’s wrong for him to know what he’s going to do about it. You can’t just assume that he’s aware of the issue when you never even mentioned it in the first place.
Do yourself a favor and save yourself from unnecessary drama. Both you and your partner deserve that.
7. Expecting him to always agree with you
Just because he’s your boyfriend, it doesn’t mean that your opinions are always going to match. He has his own beliefs and values the same way you have them. Naturally, the two of you won’t always agree on something.
Expecting him to act any other way is completely wrong and can ruin your relationship. It’s going to make him feel pressured, and at some point, he’ll feel as if he lost his autonomy.
Trust me, you don’t want to “create” a guy who’ll always nod to everything you say. He will likely get bored of it and he’ll suddenly break up with you.
A difference in opinion is completely normal and as long as you feel that the two of you have the same core values, you’ll be good to go.