Think aloud
After a really bad and toxic relationship, people usually end up too broken for love. Maybe they have some emotional problems or they just enjoy loneliness.
But there is always a hope. If you are too broken, you actually can help yourself, you can fix yourself, you just have to believe that you will succeed.
If you find yourself or someone you know showing these signs, it means that there is a lot of work to do. But the truth is that even too broken people can be fixed.
1. You get upset when you hear a love song or see a happy couple.
This is a horrible place to be. You don’t want to get upset or angry every time you hear a love song or see a happy couple. But you are carrying too much anger, negative energy, and hurt in you.
2. Your standards are too high.
Your standards are too high, but they are nowhere near what you have to offer. You can’t look for something that is so much more than that what you are can give.
3. You are trying to force someone to like you.
Attraction cannot be negotiated, and you can’t force someone to like you. It is not working that way. Actually, this often looks like abuse. If you are acting this way, maybe you should look into therapy.
4. You are worried about pleasing others.
Actually, you don’t believe in yourself, and you don’t choose people with whom you would be happy. You would rather date people based on who others would want to see you with.
Actually, you are worried about pleasing others. But you need to know that you are not living for others, you are living for yourself and you don’t need anyone’s approval.
5. You are an abuser.
This one is the number one sign that you are too broken. Maybe you are abusing others because you were a victim of abuse. But this is not a way to help yourself. You can’t abuse people who care about you.
6. It looks like you don’t see your partner as a person.
You don’t really see that your partner is just a human being. They also have feelings, needs, and everything else you have too. They are like you, they live, they breathe, they have visions and dreams.
7. Others told you that your behavior is unacceptable.
If you hear that your behavior is unacceptable or that you need to get help, maybe you actually have to. If a lot of people told you this, just admit that you need help.
8. Your parents make all the rules.
There is nothing wrong with being close with your family. But if your parents rule your life, that can be a problem. You can do whatever you want, you’re a grown-up, there is no need for your parents rules. Live your own life.
9. People are avoiding you.
People wouldn’t avoid you without a reason. Maybe it is really a problem in you. You should try to fix your social skills. This is not a big problem, you can easily fix this.
10. You hurt people because you’re hurt.
This is really wrong, you probably know that you are going to feel way worse because of this. If you find yourself in this situation, you should talk to a professional.
11. You know that you have commitment issues.
And you have to work on yourself, and work on your issues, before dating another person.
12. You can’t admit your faults, and you are blaming your partner for everything.
You refuse to hold yourself accountable for your own problems. And you can’t have a relationship that works if you are acting like this. You can’t blame your partner for all bad things. If you want a healthy relationship, first you have to work on yourself to make things better.
“Who fixes broken people? Is it only other broken people, ones who’ve already been ruined? And do we need to be fixed? It was the messiness and hurt in our pasts that drove us, and that same hurt connected us at a subdermal level, the kind of scars written so deeply in your cells that you can’t even see them anymore, only recognize them in someone else.”
-Leah Raeder, Unteachable
