I was madly in love with this man, but he chose her over me. If you can relate to this, you need to hear the whole story.
My ex and I broke up, but it wasn’t the first time we had done that, and we would always get back together eventually.
However, there was a woman I noticed him looking at, even while we were in a relationship.
I remember asking him why he looked at her like he wanted her to be the mother of his children.
So, if he chose her in your situation as well, it’s probably a woman you already knew about. It’s very likely that he chose her even before the two of you broke up.
When he chose her over me, we were broken up, but I knew he had picked her over me even while we were in a relationship.
After the break-up, I wanted to get back together again, but only a week or so after we had broken up, he chose her over me.
It hurt so badly, but I realized he had chosen her over me, and there was nothing I could do about it.
The fact that he picked her over me made me think she was better than me in some way, but the truth is, it wasn’t about me or her at all. It was about him.
I knew that he had chosen her over me, and there was nothing I could do, but there was nothing I should do, either.
Let me tell you something that will help you if he chose her over you.
After I finally got over him, I realized she had actually done me a favor.
If it wasn’t for her, we would have gotten back together like so many times before, and I wouldn’t have ever gotten over him.
Thanks to her, I found a man who chose me and never stops choosing me.
So, I’ll tell you some reasons why he might have chosen her over you, but you should know that you’re amazing and that you’ll find a man who’ll keep choosing you for the rest of his life.
After all, you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t fully sure he wants you and only you.
Let me tell you the end of the story.
I ended up with an amazing man who loves me more than anyone ever did, and the two of them broke up, so my ex is alone again.
Let these reasons help you learn how to improve yourself, but don’t beat yourself up about losing a man who obviously wasn’t right for you.
Here are some reasons why he chose her, but don’t forget that a man who loves you would never stop choosing you, regardless of these reasons:
1. He had a stronger emotional connection with her
A man won’t be willing to be with you if you don’t connect on a deeper level.
Of course, he won’t open up to you as soon as you meet, but after a while, you two should start sharing more and become closer.
That way, you create emotional intimacy, and you bond, which is the only way a relationship could ever be meaningful.
Did you have a wall up and keep this man at a distance while you were dating?
Perhaps she is more willing to have a deeper connection.
She opened up to him, helped him open up, listens to his fears and secrets, and never judges him on anything he shares with her.
As a result, a strong bond was created.
He has a stronger emotional connection with her, and that is why he chose her over you.
2. She is more confident
It isn’t a secret that men love women who are confident.
Perhaps you often complained to him about having to lose a few pounds or about something else regarding your appearance that bothers you and you think you need to change.
You talked openly to him about your insecurities while the girl he chose is completely happy with herself, not afraid to own her flaws and content with the way her body looks.
She is confident, and that could be what made him want to spend more time with her.
Just consider whether you would prefer spending time with a person who’s constantly saying negative things about themselves, or a person who’s always positive.
People don’t like being around those who constantly put themselves down and always need validation.
3. She has a nonchalant attitude
Men actually expect girls to go crazy and lose their mind when things get more serious, and most of us do because we simply can’t help ourself.
After things start getting more serious with a man we really like, we want to be closer to him, talk a little more, and spend a bit more time by his side. Behavior like that is completely normal; however, it’s also clingy, and that scares men off.
He chose a woman who plays it cool instead. She doesn’t put on a front, and she is unconcerned by the way she feels about him.
Of course, she is into him and loves spending time by his side, but she has a lot of other things in her life as well, and they keep her busy.
She never freaks out when he doesn’t call her because she doesn’t even notice when he doesn’t call for two days.
As I said earlier, most of us girls don’t act that way, and that’s why he fell for her… because she was different from the others, and she surprised him because he doesn’t expect that sort of nonchalant attitude from a woman.
4. She doesn’t pressure him
Men are also used to women pressuring them when dating, and most guys run away when women start questioning their intentions regarding being in a serious relationship.
Of course, it’s only natural that you want to know where you stand with him, but if you pressure him too soon about defining the relationship, it will scare him off.
The other girl is satisfied with her life and doesn’t even have the time to start wondering where the relationship is going.
Her days are full of friends, work, hobbies, and family, and she uses the free time she has to do things to make herself happy.
He wanted her even more because she wasn’t eager to get him to commit.
The word ‘relationship’ didn’t even come out of her mouth, and he finally got to be the one who mentioned it first.
5. She lets him have his freedom
Men are scared of losing their freedom because of their relationship.
The idea of a relationship makes a man think that his girlfriend will tie him up and lock him away from the rest of the world for eternity.
You can try convincing him that you’ll never try to stop him from spending time with his friends when you start having a relationship, but even if you do, if your actions don’t match your words, he won’t ever choose you.
The girl he’ll choose will be the one whose actions match her words when it comes to letting him have his freedom.
He wants to be with a girl who won’t say anything but, “Have a great time!” when he tells her he’ll be spending Friday night playing poker with his friends.
When he says he’s going to a bachelor party in Las Vegas with his best friends, he wants to hear only the above-mentioned response.
This girl would drive him to the airport, give him a kiss and spend those days he’s away having girls’ nights, shopping, going to the spa, and having dinner by herself in a fancy restaurant.
He chose her because she has her own life, so she lets him have his freedom.
Even if this isn’t what happened in your case, you should learn something from this.
Men love girls who have their own life and encourage them to have fun with their friends.
If your social styles were different, it could be the reason why he chose her over you.
Maybe you were dating a man who prefers staying home at the weekend and watching a movie while cuddling with you, but, on the other hand, you prefer to go out over the weekend and party all night long.
That big of a difference in your social styles probably created a big problem.
Men choose women who like the same things they do when it comes to their social style because that eliminates many potential problems in the relationship.
If he thinks that a perfect night is staying at home, he wants a girlfriend who’ll be happy to binge-watch a show on Netflix instead of going out.
Is this the reason why he chose her over you? If so, you shouldn’t feel bad about it.
The two of you simply weren’t compatible as much as you first thought, and that’s okay because you shouldn’t change yourself for anyone, and neither should he.
7. She gets along with his friends
Men don’t like to admit this, but they actually care deeply about the opinions of their friends.
They will always want to hear what their friends think before choosing a girlfriend.
Maybe you met his friends, and you simply weren’t their cup of tea, so they told him what they think about you, and he took their concerns into consideration.
The other woman, however, met his friends and clicked with them pretty much instantly.
One of the reasons he picked her over you could be because she got along great with them.
It’s very likely that a relationship will be successful when his friends and his girlfriend get along well.
This is because his girlfriend will often be invited to hang out with them together, and those friends will often talk about how amazing she is, which will make the guy like her more.
Of course, his friends’ approval isn’t the main reason why he’ll choose a certain girl, but it is important and can help him make his decision.
8. She gives him compliments
All women enjoy being flattered.
When a guy you like comes to pick you up when you’ve arranged to go on a date, you expect him to comment on your appearance and let you know that you look amazing, don’t you?
If he doesn’t say that you look beautiful or doesn’t give you a different compliment, you instantly assume that he isn’t attracted to you.
Well, I have a little surprise for you… Men are exactly the same as us when it comes to compliments.
It’s accepted that men are the ones who give women compliments, but they want to receive some too.
That compliment could be something small such as telling him that his blue shirt really makes you notice how beautifully blue his eyes are.
You can also give a guy compliment regarding how smart he is because that will surely get him to like you more.
It’s not that he expected you to compliment him all the time, but if you almost never gave him any compliments, it could be the reason why he chose someone who does.
9. He is attracted to her more than he is attracted to you
Of course, you’re beautiful, and you know it, and he would never disagree because he thinks you look good too.
However, it’s not just physical beauty that makes a man choose some other girl over you.
Maybe your friends told you that you’re far more beautiful than the girl he chose, and maybe they are right, but there’s obviously something else that attracted him to her.
No one can really explain attraction, and it’s not just the way someone looks that attracts us to them.
You probably know a girl who constantly talked about how handsome her boyfriend is but when you finally got to meet him, you didn’t think he was, and you even wondered what she saw in him.
The thing is, attraction is something that’s very subjective, and every person has their own tastes regarding what they find attractive and what they don’t.
The conclusion is that even if you look a lot better than the girl he chose, she clearly has something that he finds attractive.
10. She is more fun than you are
We all need some excitement in our life, so, when we decide to settle down with a person, we choose one who wants to have fun and knows how.
Perhaps he finds you to be a little too serious for his taste, or maybe you weren’t up for enjoying some fun date activities such as mini-golf and bowling.
The girl he chose is probably someone who always laughs, who plans dates that include activities that are thrill-seeking, and he knows that they will have a blast whenever they spend time together.
If this is the reason he picked her over you, there wasn’t anything you could have done about it.
The point of all this is in compatibility, and she has something you don’t.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should beat yourself up about it. This guy clearly wasn’t the right man for you, and you’ll find the one who is.
11. The two of you have different plans for the future
Sometimes, timing, as well as the direction that your lives are taking, have everything to do with being in a relationship.
Maybe the reason he didn’t choose you is that you don’t fit with his plans, or he doesn’t fit with yours, and when that happens, it’s better to give up on the relationship.
You probably wanted to give your relationship a chance anyway, but he thought your plans were too different and that you should find someone who better fits them.
Maybe he wants to move to another country and open a restaurant, while you couldn’t ever imagine yourself leaving your home, friends, and family behind. Perhaps he was ready for marriage and children, but you’ve only just started your career and want to dedicate yourself to it.
Timing is sometimes everything, and relationships often depend on whether it’s on their side or against them.
12. She has the same affection style as him
You probably dated someone whose favorite thing was PDA, while you always wanted to get away when he tried to kiss you in public.
However, you might have been with someone who wasn’t really affectionate, which can cause problems with bonding and intimacy in the relationship.
Isn’t there something in the middle? Well, at least there are people who share the same affection styles.
Maybe your shared affection styles are exactly the reason why he picked her over you.
Her displays of physical affection include the type and frequency of touches that he feels comfortable with.
If you were too affectionate or lacked affection, there’s really nothing you could have done.
It’s a question of compatibility once again, and you will surely find someone who’s affectionate as much as you are.
13. She speaks her mind without having to nag
A lot of women constantly nag, and it’s something men really hate. Women complain about the smallest things, such as a canceled date and an unanswered phone call.
Of course, I’m not telling you to just keep your mouth shut when he does something you don’t like, but there’s a big difference between nagging and speaking your mind.
He chose a girl who acts like an adult when something’s bothering her and gets the point across without nagging.
Do you always complain to the man you’re dating? Then you should definitely work on that because a change in your behavior will surely benefit you.
When your man does something that you’re not happy with, speak to him, but in a way that’s not confrontational, aggressive or demanding.
Your next relationship will be much better in the future if you find a way of speaking your mind without nagging.
The need to nag can be eliminated, you just need to work on yourself a little, and your future boyfriend will be grateful for that.
14. They want the same things
If this man was ready to settle down with someone, he knew that someone would have to be a girl he shares the same family values with.
Perhaps he was ready to start a family, while you still don’t know what you want to do with your life.
When a man is looking for something serious, he needs a woman who wants the same things as he does, so he picked a girl who’s more compatible with him.
They probably want the same lifestyle and are ready to move forward in order to achieve it.
You shouldn’t be sad because he didn’t pick you, because you also need someone who wants the same things you do.
When it comes to my ex, I think this was the main reason he chose her over me.
They were the same age, at the same point in their lives and he was ready to have a child, and so was she, while I was nowhere near ready for such a big step.
15. He didn’t think that you were girlfriend material
Maybe you’re an amazing person, but something made this man believe that you’re not girlfriend material.
There’s something about you that made him think that, whether it’s spending a lot of time in bars, or flirting with other guys.
It could be anything really, but he noticed it, and it made him pick her over you.
While the two of you were dating, you were figuring out if he was the right person for you, but you probably forgot that he was doing the exact same thing.
He didn’t consider you as a potential girlfriend and decided that a serious relationship with you just wasn’t an option for him.
The good thing is that he didn’t lead you; he simply chose the other woman, who, in his opinion, is girlfriend material.
Don’t let this bother you, because it doesn’t mean you’re really not girlfriend material.
Trust me, one day, you’ll look back on all that you had with him, and you’ll see that things worked out for the best, just like I did.