Think aloud
When you’re dealing with someone who turns things around on you, you never feel truly happy. No matter what you do, your partner will always find something to nag you about.
Even when he’s the one to blame, he’ll still treat you as if you’re the one who made a mistake. You can do your best trying to explain to him that you haven’t done anything wrong but he’ll still consider you the problem.
This behavior is called gaslighting and it’s a dangerous form of manipulation. When someone creates his own version of reality and projects it onto you, the only thing you feel like you can do is listen and follow his lead.
Eventually, you lose your own voice and come to an agreement that you won’t argue with him. You simply do as he tells you. And even if you think you’re doing the right thing, over time, you realize that you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, which is hard to get out of.
How can you know you’re dealing with someone who turns things around on you?
When someone turns things around on you, they use tactics like blaming or subject-changing to avoid taking responsibility. This is known as gaslighting, a form of emotional manipulation that can leave you feeling uncertain about your own perceptions and doubting your sanity
Sometimes, it’s hard to tell that you’re dealing with a manipulator. You simply learn to live like this, unable to fight against him.
At some point, you reach the stage where you don’t even trust yourself. Your gaslighter learns how to successfully manipulate your feelings that it becomes impossible to see what’s right and what’s wrong.
If you feel like you could be going through the same situation right now, then these are the warning signs you should look out for. Once you realize that your partner has been treating you the following way, you can be sure that you’re stuck with a person who doesn’t care about your feelings.
To him, you’re just a pawn and nothing more than that. If you don’t get out of his claws soon, you could suffer some dangerous consequences.
1. He makes you feel like you’re crazy
Someone who turns things around on you will make you feel like you’re crazy. When you try to explain to him what actually happened, he’ll instantly act like you’re wrong.
No matter how hard you try to convince him that your version of reality is true, he’ll do his best to ignore your words. Eventually, you’ll start to think that you’re to blame and you’ll simply give up.
You’ll start to accuse yourself of seeing things differently than your partner does. Sometimes, you may even think of yourself as insane.
This is one of the signs you’re dealing with a manipulator who doesn’t care about your feelings. The truth is that you’re not crazy but you’re simply being gaslighted. The sooner you open your eyes, the easier it’ll be to save yourself.
2. He always blames you
Gaslighters will always put the blame on you. Even though they know you’re not responsible for what happened, he’ll still act like it’s your fault. The more you try to explain what actually happened, the better he’ll act to convince you of the opposite.
This will cause you to walk on eggshells whenever you’re around your partner. You know he’ll always find a way to accuse you of something that happened and that’s why you’ll choose to stay quiet.
Even though you’re convinced that you’re not the one to blame, his words will overpower yours and you’ll eventually give up trying. You’ll just sit there and do as he tells you, no matter how wrong he is.
“I never said any of those things! I can’t believe you’re blaming it on me when it’s you who said them. Are you losing your mind or is it that you seriously can’t remember the words that came out of your mouth?”
A gaslighter will use phrases like these on a daily basis. He’ll do whatever it takes to convince you that you’re the one who’s at fault.
And then somewhere down the line, you won’t have any energy left to fight against him. You’ll simply give up and admit to him that he’s right. Unfortunately, that’s when he’ll gain even more control over you…
3. He pulls away and makes you feel like you can’t live without him
Once you get into an argument with a gaslighter, he’ll pull away from you. He’ll back off, making you feel like you’re the one who pushed him away.
The reason why he does this is that he wants you to feel like you can’t live without him. He gets into your head and makes you feel like you’re useless when he’s not by your side.
Even if you never did anything wrong to push him away, your partner will still leave you from time to time as a way to show you how much it hurts when he’s not around. At those times, he’ll be kind to your friends and family as a way of making you seem like the bad guy.
Even though you know he’s not as good as he pretends to be, you’ll still feel to blame for his departure. You’ll think that you pushed him away with your behavior. When he eventually comes back into your life, you’ll be happy that everything’s as it used to be.
Even when you realize he’s just wearing a mask, you won’t be able to raise your voice. Instead, you’ll blame yourself for thinking such terrible things about your partner. You’ll focus only on the good parts of his personality and ignore everything else.
Once that happens, your gaslighter will have the chance to treat you however he wants. He knows he has you in his claws and he can do whatever he wants with you.
You won’t be able to argue with him since you no longer believe in yourself. Unfortunately, your confidence will be so low that you’ll rely on your partner’s opinion about everything.
4. You’re always the one who’s apologizing
When you’re dealing with someone who turns things around on you, you end up being the one who always apologizes. Even when nothing’s your fault, you get this inner feeling that you must show your partner you’re sorry.
This happens as you get used to being gaslighted. Your partner accustoms you to feel that you must be the first one to approach him. He taught you that you must apologize to him, as you’re the one who makes all the mistakes.
At first, every atom of your body screamed at you. It tried to warn you that you shouldn’t apologize for your partner’s mistakes.
But as time went by, you got to the point where you didn’t even trust yourself anymore. You constantly accused yourself of things that weren’t your fault because you got used to feeling this way.
“I’m sorry,” has become your mantra and you keep repeating it daily. Most of the time, you have nothing to apologize for but you can’t seem to let go of the habit.
5. You start to question your feelings
Your partner constantly dismisses your feelings and as a result, you’ve started doing it yourself. Every time you feel angry, upset, or hurt by his behavior, you find yourself questioning your emotions.
Do you have any right to feel that way? Are you overreacting? Are you being too sensitive?
The reason why you do this is that you’re mirroring your partner’s behavior. You’re so used to hearing him criticize you that you don’t know how to act any differently. You have this idea in your mind that you’re making a big deal out of nothing, since you’ve got used to getting that kind of reaction from him.
Now, you’re always questioning yourself because you don’t think you have a right to feel the way you do. And the worst part is that only your manipulative partner benefits from this.
6. You begin to think there’s something wrong with you
When you’re dealing with someone who turns things around on you, you live with this idea in mind that you’re always the problem. As time goes by, you start to think that there must be something wrong with you.
When your partner repeatedly accuses you of anything and everything, you start to believe that he must be right. He wouldn’t be saying all those things if you weren’t guilty of them, right?
This makes you feel useless and in due course, you lose that last bit of self-confidence that was left in you. You accept all of the blame he puts on you and you keep apologizing until there are no words left inside you.
Every time you’re alone, you keep replaying scenarios in your head, trying to figure out whether you’re actually that bad of a person. Is it possible that you ruin everything you touch and get close to?
Your partner says everything’s your fault and all you can think of is that you’re the one to blame. Unfortunately, that’s what happens to you when you spend your time next to someone who’s a gaslighter and a manipulator.
He shapes you so you fit his needs, not caring about the way you feel. And the louder your scream for help, the better he fights to convince you that you’re the main cause of all of the issues.
7. You accept his opinion instead of listening to your own heart
Another of the signs you’re dealing with someone who turns things around on you and gaslights you until their last breath is that you forget to listen to your own heart. Everything you do must be approved by your manipulative partner.
Your opinions, beliefs, and values have all been affected by someone else. Right now, you don’t even know how it feels to do something that makes you happy. You’ve completely forgotten what it means to follow your heart.
You’ve reached a point where you don’t think you know what’s best for you. Instead, you assume that your partner is the one you should listen to, even though his decisions make you miserable.
But instead of raising your voice and fighting for yourself, you let him take control over your life. He becomes the leader and you simply follow him around, doing whatever he says.
How to deal with someone who turns things around on you
Once you’ve successfully spotted your gaslighter, it’s important to know how to treat that person from now on. You need some tips to help you deal with someone who turns things around on you. You know that it won’t be easy to free yourself from their shackles but you also know that you must do something if you want to help yourself.
Staying in a relationship with a manipulative partner can never be good for you, no matter how much you love him. At the same time, I fully understand that walking away isn’t that easy and it’ll take you some time to understand what your next step should be.
Until you get there, I have some tips for you that will help you deal with a partner who puts all the blame on you.
1. Stop thinking he’ll change
Manipulators don’t change that easily. The only thing that can make them act differently is their own deep desire to evolve and grow and until they experience this, there’s not much you can do.
No matter how many times you repeat to your partner that his behavior is wrong, he won’t care about the words that come out of your mouth. He’ll keep acting the way he’s used to because that’s what he does best.
He doesn’t see an issue in the way he treats you as he only cares about himself. Narcissists and manipulators are built like that. They only care about their own happiness.
So, every time you ignore the pain he causes you by turning everything around on you, you’re actually allowing your partner to treat you the way he wants. You’re showing him that you don’t have any boundaries and that he can do anything he wants.
At some point, his behavior could easily turn into abuse, either emotional or physical or both. That’s why you must do something to save yourself from him.
The first step toward freeing yourself from his grasp is to understand that he’s not going to change. No matter how hard you try to make him see the reality that’s in front of him, he has his own version of it that you don’t understand.
So, stop wasting your time expecting him to realize the mistakes he’s making since that’s never going to happen. Even after you leave him, he’ll treat someone else the same way he’s been treating you. He’s a gaslighter and a manipulator and that’s all you’re ever going to get from him.
2. Listen to your intuition
When your gut feeling tells you that you’re dealing with a person who’s destroying you day after day, you should listen to it. Pay attention to your instincts and don’t try to ignore them.
No matter how much you care about your partner, when you notice that he only cares about his happiness then it’s your time to leave.
Someone who turns things around on you could never treat you the way you deserve to be treated. The only thing that’s on his mind is to take control of you. He wants to feel more powerful, like he’s the dominant one and you’re only there to satisfy his wishes.
The moment you realize that’s actually what’s going on, you should start planning to leave. If you instead choose to stay with a person like this, the chances are that you’ll end up broken into pieces.
A person like this can never make you feel happy. The only thing they’re capable of doing is ruining you forever and tearing you apart like you don’t mean anything to them.
3. Show the gaslighter that you no longer believe in his words
While dealing with someone who turns things around on you, you’ve got used to believing their words. All this time, you’ve let your partner treat you as he wants and you’ve believed everything he said.
That’s why you’ve ended up in a situation where you’ve lost your inner self and you’re no longer able to recognize the person in the reflection of your mirror. You live in the same body but have no idea who you actually are.
To change that, you must show your manipulative partner that you no longer believe his words. You don’t want to trust him any longer when he tells you that everything’s your fault.
He needs to see that he can’t manipulate you anymore as you know that his opinion is unreliable. From now, you’re only going to trust yourself and you’re going to ignore everything he tells you.
The moment he starts to blame you for something, you need to put him back in his place. Detach yourself completely from everything he tells you and ignore him as if your life depends on it.
Let him talk but don’t take his words seriously as it’s more than obvious that everything he’s been doing is only his way of trying to take control over you. And the time has come for that to stop.
4. Remind yourself that you’re not the one to blame
As mentioned, when you’re dealing with someone who turns things around on you, you often get this feeling that everything must be your fault. You’re so used to hearing your partner blame you for anything and everything that you’ve started to treat yourself the same way.
However, this must stop now. If you want to successfully gain control of your life, you must keep in mind that you’ve simply been gaslighted.
Your partner is a manipulative douche who doesn’t care about the way he makes you feel. That’s why he’s never cared about the words that come out of his mouth. He simply wanted to make you think you have no control over your life so he could have it instead.
So, the only truth is that none of the issues you’ve gone through has been your fault. He was the one who caused all of them but he couldn’t admit that as he would have instantly lost his power. That’s why he manipulated you to think that you’re the one to blame and it obviously worked amazingly.
Until now!
5. Make a decision to leave and stick to it
Once you decide to leave your manipulative partner, you must stick to it. At times, it’ll feel hard and you’ll start dwelling on all those amazing memories you’ve shared together but you must be stronger than that.
You need to keep in mind that you’ve been gaslighted into thinking this relationship was based on love. In reality, it was actually based on control.
Leaving a person who turns everything around on you is your best shot, no matter what. Once you make the decision, you must do your best to keep to it.
Also, bear in mind that your partner will probably try to prevent you from leaving. All of a sudden, he’ll change and act like he’s the best man in the whole world but you must know that’s only his attempt to keep you around for a bit longer.
He can’t admit to himself that he hasn’t succeeded in taking full control over your life and that’s what will pain him the most. He’ll be acting all nice but the moment he sees you reconsidering your decision, he’ll take the power back and everything will go back to normal.
Don’t let that happen!
6. Surround yourself with people who support you
After you make the decision to leave a gaslighter, the best thing to do would be to surround yourself with people who love you and care about you. They’re going to be your support in this process.
Ending a relationship with a narcissist is never an easy thing to do and no matter how much willpower you have, you still need to feel like you’re not alone during this time.
You must be aware that your partner will do his best to prevent you from leaving. He’ll love bomb you after you break up with him, he’ll visit your friends and family, trying to figure out whether you’re staying with them, and he’ll also call you time after time until you finally pick up the phone.
That’s why you must stay strong and surround yourself with people who want to see you happy. They’ll be the wind beneath your wings and won’t let you give up.
