Think aloud
Ever felt like you’re putting in Olympic-level effort while your partner is lounging on the sidelines with a bag of chips? Welcome to the club of trying-too-hard-to-make-it-work!
Relationships are supposed to flow, not feel like a one-person marathon. If you’re constantly second-guessing, overcompensating, or feel like you’re carrying the relationship like Atlas with the world on his shoulders, it might be time to hit the pause button.
Here are 13 telltale signs that you’re trying way too hard to keep the flames alive. Let’s dive in and maybe, just maybe, learn to relax and let love take its course.
1. Ignoring your own needs
While prioritizing others may seem noble, it can be counterproductive and lead to burnout and resentment in relationships.
By consistently ignoring what you need to feel happy, you’re essentially telling yourself that your own well-being isn’t important. This pattern can lead to feeling like a mere shell of your former self over time.
It’s vital to allocate time in your day to prioritize self-care and engage in activities that fulfill you emotionally. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential.
2. Constantly seeking validation
Seeking approval from others can be draining. Relying on external validation means placing your self-worth in their hands instead of nurturing it within yourself.
Even when you receive some external validation, the pursuit for more can trap you in an endless cycle of never feeling good enough.
Rather than continually seeking validation from your partner in a relationship, prioritize building your self-confidence and reminding yourself that your worth isn’t defined by others.
3. Making excuses for him
We’ve all been there—making excuses for someone we care about because we’re reluctant to acknowledge their behavior.
Phrases like “He’s just stressed,” “He didn’t mean it,” or “He’s going through a tough time” are common defenses. While empathy is important, continuously justifying unacceptable behavior can be a serious red flag.
It’s important to hold your partner accountable for their actions and address any issues directly. Ignoring or rationalizing bad behavior only perpetuates it.
4. Constantly making compromises
In a healthy relationship, compromise is crucial for navigating differences and fostering harmony. If you consistently find yourself making sacrifices while the other person doesn’t reciprocate, it indicates an imbalance that warrants attention.
Over-compromising can create an imbalance in the relationship. Remember, a healthy relationship thrives on mutual give-and-take, with open communication serving as the foundation for building a strong connection.
5. Feeling like you’re wasting your energy
Feeling like you’re constantly expending energy without progress is one of the most disheartening signs that you’re trying too hard to make a relationship work.
Relationships should bring joy and happiness, not emotional exhaustion. If you feel drained, it could be a sign that moving on is the right choice.
Step back and evaluate whether your efforts are being appreciated. If not, consider redirecting your energy toward something more fulfilling.
6. Overthinking everything
Overthinking is often a sign that you’re placing excessive pressure on yourself within a relationship. Constantly analyzing every word and action can unnecessarily burden you with stress and anxiety.
This habit often stems from a fear of making mistakes and a sense that the relationship might not succeed without constant micromanagement.
7. Feeling like you’re the one who needs to fix everything
If you feel like the only problem-solver in your relationship, it’s a clear sign that you might be exerting too much effort to salvage a relationship that may not be viable anymore.
While taking initiative and addressing problems directly is commendable, it becomes problematic when you are the only person doing so, especially if your partner begins to expect it as the norm.
8. Neglecting other people in your life
Prioritizing your romantic relationship at the expense of neglecting your family, friends, and other important people in your life is a clear indicator that you’re putting too much effort into sustaining it.
While it’s important to prioritize relationships, isolating yourself from others to solely focus on one person, especially if they aren’t reciprocating, isn’t the best course of action.
The worst part is that if your romantic relationship crumbles, having neglected your support network means you may have no one to rely on for help.
9. Feeling underappreciated
One of the most evident signs that you’re putting too much effort into a relationship is the persistent feeling of being underappreciated by your partner.
When your efforts go unnoticed, it can foster resentment and diminish your self-worth. If you consistently give your best but feel taken for granted, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
10. Losing your sense of identity
In a healthy relationship, both partners have the freedom to thrive individually and pursue their own passions. It’s essential to prioritize personal growth before supporting someone else.
But if you sense you’re losing your identity, altering yourself to better fit his expectations, consider this: if he desires so much change from you, is he even in love with you?
11. Sacrificing your own happiness
Repeat after me: “My happiness matters.” It holds equal importance to your partner’s happiness, and neither should limit the other.
Consider whether the sacrifices you’re making can be sustained and if they are being reciprocated. If not, clearly communicate your concerns to him and ensure they are heard.
12. Lying to yourself
Lying to yourself is a telltale sign that you’re trying too hard to keep a relationship afloat. It typically involves convincing yourself that everything is alright when, in reality, you know it’s not.
Face your feelings, your partner’s actions, and the state of your relationship honestly. Confronting these truths, even if they’re painful, is crucial for initiating positive changes.
13. Being scared of breaking up
The fear of ending a relationship can arise from different sources: fear of loneliness, fear of uncertainty, or fear of failure. This fear can lead you to tolerate behavior you wouldn’t normally accept and remain in situations that don’t bring you happiness.
Breakups, though tough, can be essential for your growth and well-being. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and affirm that you deserve a relationship that brings you joy and fulfillment.
So, if you’re sweating bullets to keep things afloat, it might be time to chill. Real love flows—it doesn’t need a CPR session every other day. Step back, reevaluate, and remember: the best relationships aren’t forced—they’re found. Keep it real, keep it mutual, and let love find its groove.
