Think aloud
People deal with breakups in a myriad of ways. When someone’s trying to save face, they’re more than likely to pretend they’re completely fine when they’re falling apart and struggling to get by. What does that mean in terms of your relationship? What are some serious signs your ex is pretending to be over you?
We’d argue that there’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for what’s right and what’s wrong when you’re trying to move on from a bad breakup, but there’s something to be discussed about certain patterns of behavior. When your ex acts weird months after the breakup, for example, that’s suss.
Now, you’re under no obligation to keep tabs on your ex after the breakup, but your friends and family might bring up the fact that your ex blames you for the demise of your relationship. Or the fact that your ex keeps asking about your love life. Or the fact that your ex keeps looking for excuses to see you.
We agree that everyone’s different, but these patterns of behavior point toward the possibility that your ex might not be over you and might be struggling to move on. We want to add that it’s never OK to assume your ex hasn’t moved on based on “vibes,” but you might be onto something here.
What are the serious signs your ex is pretending to be over you?
1. He’s giving you mixed signals
Maybe he’s going on and on about how he’s happy or how he met someone he wants to be with. Maybe he’s going out every night, getting drunk, and acting like he doesn’t have a care in the world. He’s doing everything in his power to show you that he moved on, but his behavior says otherwise.
He texts you when he’s drunk and he keeps up with your love life. He asks your family about you and he calls you when he knows you’re alone. He’s sending you mixed signals and that’s why you might want to check whether’s he pretending to be over you.
2. He seems “too fine”
Seeing your ex move on right away might be one of the most serious signs your ex is pretending to be over you. If the two of you were together for a really, really long time before you decided to call it quits, it’s normal to expect your ex to take some time to recover and figure out what went wrong.
It’s natural to struggle to get over a relationship that was a huge part of your plans for the future. If your ex appears unbothered, unaffected by the breakup whatsoever, and ready to take on the dating world one rebound relationship after another, you might be looking at someone who’s struggling to move on.
3. He’s openly angry with you
After a breakup, it’s normal to foster negative emotions toward your ex, especially if it wasn’t an amicable split. If you’re angry with your ex, you feel betrayed by your ex, or you think you deserved better behavior from your ex, you’re probably right.
If, however, you keep on picking petty fights and bothering your ex months after the breakup, it’s possible you haven’t moved on. And that might be the reason why your ex keeps on belittling you, ridiculing your love life, or being overly critical of your choices. It’s all fair in love and war.
4. He blames you for the breakup
More often than not, both partners are to blame for the breakup. Whether the two of you grew apart over time, figured out you had different plans for the future, or stopped caring for each other as much as you did before, breakups aren’t only one person’s fault.
We do, however, need to mention that people tend to believe one person is to blame more than the other because that’s easier to come to terms with.
However, when your ex blames you for the breakup even though you did nothing wrong that’s probably one of the strongest signs your ex is pretending to be over you. You didn’t cheat on him, you didn’t betray him, you didn’t hurt him, yet he still blames you for everything.
5. He’s obsessed with your love life
Whenever you catch up with your friends and family, you’re met with a myriad of comments about how your ex keeps tabs on your love life. He keeps asking them whether you’re dating someone or whether you’re on any of the dating apps.
He keeps asking them who you’re with and where you’re going when you’re out and about with your friends. When your ex starts getting a little too interested in your love life, know that he’s probably struggling to get over your breakup.
6. He keeps talking about you, whether or not you’re in the room
Maybe the two of you have mutual friends and you keep running into each other. Maybe you parted on good terms and decided to stay friends and that’s why you keep seeing each other even after the breakup.
Whatever your current situation might be, you might notice that your ex keeps talking about you. Whether he’s recalling your relationship, commenting on what the two of you are doing post-breakup, or even explaining the breakup over and over again, he’s still trying to sort everything out in his own mind.
7. He’s keeping in touch with you
Checking up on you, keeping in touch with you, and making sure you’re okay might sound nice coming from a friend, but not from an ex-partner.
When your ex keeps talking to you and about you even after you’ve had the conversation about post-breakup boundaries, that’s another sign that he’s not ready to cope with the demise of your relationship. He’s having a hard time understanding that you’re not a part of his life anymore.
He’s having a hard time getting over you. He might even start posting cryptic messages about you on Instagram, in which case it’s probably time to set the record straight and have a different conversation about boundaries.
8. He’s flirting with you
We’re pretty sure we don’t even need to discuss why that’s one of the strongest signs your ex is pretending to be over you. When you talk to him about how he’s been doing after the breakup, he tells you he’s fine.
He’s happier than ever. He’s focusing on himself and his career. He’s having the time of his life.
Why does he keep complimenting you, flirting with you, and teasing you, then? Why does he show up out of the blue when you’re out with your friends demanding to dance with you? Why does he make you feel like you made the wrong choice for breaking up with him?
He’s 100% having a hard time getting over you.
9. He’s trying too hard to be friends
We know that exes decided to be friends after the breakup all the time. When you’ve been together through some tough times and you’ve been there for each other no matter what, breakups don’t mean a thing – you care for each other no matter what.
But, there’s always a but when we’re talking about complicated relationships.
When your ex wants to be friends with you even though you talked about that and agreed that might not be the best solution for the two of you, know that there’s something going on that you’re not aware of. Don’t keep the door open because that makes moving on much, much harder.
10. He keeps looking for excuses to see you
Now, your ex might actually be attached to the sweatshirt you borrowed and kept after a cold night out, but when you notice he keeps asking for things he doesn’t really need, he might be looking for excuses to see you.
He doesn’t need the teddy bear he gifted you for your birthday, the letters he wrote you when he was away, or the photos you took when you went on a camping trip. He doesn’t need to go back for them every week.
If your ex was over you, he wouldn’t reach out to you to grab the things he no longer has an attachment to. It’s clear he’s reaching out because he’s not over you.
11. He isn’t moving on
We mentioned beforehand that there’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for what’s right and what’s wrong when you’re trying to move on from a bad breakup.
However, considering that the two of you split months and months ago, there’s nothing wrong with expecting your ex to move on. Barely going out, holding onto the whole “finding himself” agenda, and acting like a wounded wolf every time you’re around might be a surefire sign your ex didn’t move on.
Whether he’s struggling to get over you or unable to go out on a date with someone who’s not you, your ex might need more time to recover and move on.
12. He’s moving on “a little too much”
We can’t forget about the other side of the story, though. When your ex seems to move on every single night with a different woman, that might be a sign that he’s pretending to be over you, too.
Rather than taking time off, dealing with the aftermath of your relationship, and moving on with someone worth his while, he’s choosing the rebound relationship route. We’d say to each their own, right?