Think aloud
Sometimes, when we’re desperate to feel like we’re valued and appreciated, we don’t even see that we’re going overboard and begging for affection. We think we deserve the crumbs we get and we believe that we’re not good enough for anything more. What are the surefire signs you are begging for love?
Whether you’re nagging your partner to spend every moment of every waking hour with you or you’re annoying your friends with your constant need for approval, chances are that you’re suffering from low self-esteem and self-worth. When we value ourselves, we never sell ourselves short – and that’s the tea.
When you think about it, love isn’t supposed to be hard. Relationships require respect, hard work, and dedication to work, but that doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to be unhappy and unfulfilled when you’re in a relationship. Love is supposed to be reciprocal, respectful, and free of desperation.
Regardless of the type of relationship, love isn’t supposed to be forced or pleaded for. Love isn’t supposed to leave you feeling hurt, rejected, frustrated, and angry. Love, in its purest form, is supposed to come naturally, in its own time, and with the right person.
With that out of the way, though, there are signs that can help you figure out whether you’re receiving real, raw love or you’re begging for it. When you take a closer peep at them, you might be able to self-reflect and identify any patterns of behavior that might indicate an unhealthy dependence on love.
10 signs you are begging for love
1. You are always available
When you’re with someone you truly love, you want to be there for them no matter what. Whether they’re going through something or planning on spending the entire weekend with you, you want to do everything you can to be available when they need you.
Being there for your partner is important, but being always available for them isn’t. If you catch yourself dropping everything every time your partner calls you or constantly rearranging your schedule to fit theirs, you’re doing something wrong. If you make yourself available at all times, you’re begging for love.
2. You constantly seek approval and validation
Whether you’re talking about your appearance, your career, or even what you bring to the table, you feel the need to seek your partner’s approval for everything you do. When you feel like your partner doesn’t approve of something you do, you no longer want to do that thing – you’re dependent on validation.
Constantly seeking affirmation from your partner shows a lack of self-esteem and self-love. Contrary to popular belief, approval and validation aren’t an integral part of a healthy relationship.
Mutual admiration comes with the territory, there’s no question about that. Moreover, you and your partner are supposed to build each other up and hype each other. But when you start feeling a constant need for approval and validation, know that you’re heading toward an unhealthy dependency.
3. You put your partner’s needs above yours
Putting your partner’s needs above yours might be one of the most telling signs you are begging for love. When you do that, you send a message to the rest of the world that you value your partner more than you value yourself. You believe that your partner deserves to be a priority. You believe that you don’t.
What’s wrong with that? Relationships are meant to be equal – you and your partner are meant to “serve” each other equally. When you start catering to your partner’s wants and putting your partner’s needs above yours, you’re hoping that your sacrifices will make them love you more.
But that’s not going to happen. Compromising your needs will only lead to resentment and unhappiness in the long run.
4. You turn a blind eye to red flags
When you’re desperate for love, you’re focused on all the ways in which you can make your partner love you more. You’re not paying attention to what your partner is doing in the meantime. You’re turning a blind eye to red flags because you’re too busy begging your partner for attention and affection.
Whether you’re at the beginning of a relationship or the two of you have been together for a while, you need to keep your eyes peeled for red flags. Red flags are there to tell you what’s going on when your rose-colored glasses prevent you from seeing the truth.
Unfortunately, ignoring the red flags won’t make them disappear. Address them head-on and prevent them from escalating and creating an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.
5. You’re clingy
Begging for love can lead to clingy behavior, too. When you’re afraid that your partner might not share the same (intense) feelings or might not want to be with you anymore, you might be tempted to hold onto them tightly to prevent them from slipping away. However, that’s how you’re pushing them away.
Whether you’re demanding that your partner spends every free moment with you, that they text you or call you every hour, or that they report to you whenever they come home from work, you’re creating an unhealthy environment for your relationship to grow. What you’re ultimately doing is begging for love.
6. You feel like you’re not good enough for your partner
When you’re with your partner, you notice the little things that set you apart. You think that your partner deserves to be with someone better than you and you can’t shake off that feeling. You feel like you always need to go a step further to ensure that your partner doesn’t leave you.
Whether that’s because you suffer from low self-esteem or because your rose-colored glasses are making you feel like your partner is perfect, we don’t know that. What we do know, however, is that you need to snap out of it and start treating yourself with respect.
If your partner didn’t want to be with you, he would’ve broken up with you by now. It’s about time you stop begging for love and start focusing on having a healthy relationship with someone who loves you for who you are.
7. You stay silent to avoid arguments
Nobody wants a relationship with someone who argues all the time, right? When you argue with your partner about something, you prefer to stay silent to avoid making the entire situation much worse or (God forbid) causing a breakup.
You might think you’re doing something for the benefit of both of you, but you’re not. You’re putting your partner’s needs above yours again. You’re repressing your feelings and allowing resentment to build because you’re scared of getting your partner annoyed.
Good communication happens to be the very foundation of a healthy relationship, and that means that you need to communicate even about the things that make you uncomfortable.
8. You always make the first move
Maybe you made the first move when the two of you met. Maybe you continued being the first one to text, call, arrange a date, or plan a getaway weekend. Whatever the case might be, you have a tendency to make the first move because you’re scared of what would happen if you didn’t.
When you’re in a healthy relationship, both partners are equally excited to text each other, spend time together, and plan trips together. Both partners show a mutual interest in maintaining the relationship and both partners work toward making the relationship better.
When you find yourself continuously making the first move, it could indicate that you’re begging for love and that you’re desperate.
9. You change yourself for your partner
What better way to tell the world that you’re desperate than to change everything about yourself to make yourself more likable to your partner? Whenever your partner makes a casual comment about your appearance, behavior, or even accomplishments, you make a mental note of what you need to change.
Now, there are times when you do want to change something negative or something that hurts your partner for the sake of your relationship. When you’re together, you’re supposed to grow and change together, too.
However, that doesn’t mean that you need to stop wearing the clothes that you love, reading the books that make you happy, or hanging out with friends you’ve known longer than your partner.
When you catch yourself changing everything that makes you, well, you – know that’s one of the most common signs you are begging for love.
10. Your happiness depends on your relationship
We’ve all been there, but that doesn’t mean that we were right. When you base your happiness on your relationship, you’re guaranteed to end up very, very unhappy. Relationships are there to enrich your life, bring something exciting to your everyday existence, and make you happy to a certain point.
However, that doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to be unhappy when you’re single. Your relationship shouldn’t be your sole source of happiness. You’re putting too much pressure on your partner from the get-go. You expect your partner to carry the burden of making you happy every single day.
When you figure out how to cultivate happiness and contentment within yourself, you’re going to be a much happier, healthier person. Good luck!