Think aloud
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you want them to love you as much as you love them – if not more. However, some people might choose to be in a relationship with you for companionship and security rather than out of love. So, what are the signs he’s not in love with you?
When you suspect that your partner might be using you to pass the time, impress his friends, or make himself feel better, it might be the right time to reevaluate your relationship. While you might hope for him to change his mind, it’s important that you take these signs seriously and act accordingly.
After all, your partner might be sticking around until someone better comes along, and that’s not something you want to stick around for. While you might be heartbroken right now, you’re better off seeing that he’s not worth your effort than going out of your way for someone who – well, sucks.
With that out of the way, you’re probably wondering how you can know for sure whether he’s with you because he loves you or because you’re convenient to him. Unless he’s outwardly told you that he’s not “in love” just yet, it can be hard to know where you stand with him.
We’ve rounded up a few of our favorite signs he’s not in love with you down below!
11 signs he’s not in love with you
1. You’re never a priority
One major indication that your partner isn’t in love with you is if he finds time for everyone else – but never seems to find time for you.
What do we mean by that? When your partner spends all his time hanging out with his friends, working, visiting his family, and engaging in solo pursuits instead of prioritizing time with you, it’s clear that he’s not in love with you.
When you, for example, invite him to your friend’s wedding or your mother’s birthday party, he finds excuses not to attend. Rather than making an effort to spend time with you, he blames you.
2. You still find yourself questioning his feelings for you
You’ve been together for a while, but you still get that itching feeling that you’re not in a “real” relationship with him. You spend a lot of time together, take fun trips, and do everything together, but you feel like you’re the only one pushing for these things.
When the two of you are together, you feel like you’re talking to someone who’s emotionally unavailable. You don’t feel like your partner puts you first, accepts you as you are, or admires your quirks. You feel like you’re always censoring yourself and pretending to be someone else to appeal to your partner.
3. All his friends are in relationships
If all his friends are in committed relationships, your partner might feel pressured to fit in by being in one, too. It’s convenient for him to have someone to attend hangouts with, avoid being the third wheel, and always have something to talk about.
It might be the right time to confront him about it and see whether he’s using you to avoid being single or whether he’s truly committed to you.
4. You go out of your way to shower him with affection and attention
If that’s the case, you need to stop right now. Whether you’re arranging romantic dates and weekend getaways, sending good morning and good night texts, or showering him with gifts, you’re doing too much for someone you’re unsure of.
While there’s a chance your partner’s intentions might be genuine, there’s also a reason why you’re questioning whether he’s in love with you or using you for his convenience. If you catch yourself constantly playing sugar mama to your partner, that’s the answer you’re looking for.
It’s clear that he’s pretending to be in love with you because he’s happy with the way you’re treating him.
5. You feel like you’re the only one reaching out, arranging dates, and making an effort
Your partner claims he’s in love with you, but you don’t remember the last time he did anything to show his affection and appreciation toward you. You seem to be the only one reaching out, arranging dates, and making an effort to make your relationship work – and he does nothing.
While that might be a tough pill to swallow, your partner doesn’t deserve you, and you need to break things off with him ASAP. You deserve better than to be with someone who can’t spare five minutes of his time to reach out to you, send you a good morning text, or surprise you with flowers.
6. He almost never goes out of his way for you
When you think about it, you don’t remember the last time your partner went out of his way to see you, surprise you, or do pretty much anything for you. You hang out when it’s convenient for him. You show each other affection when you’re surrounded by other people. You do everything on his terms.
Rather than being single, your partner probably saw the benefits of having regular physical intimacy, affection and attention, and a consistent Saturday night date in the form of you. You allow him to treat you that way because you make excuses for his behavior – and that needs to change ASAP.
7. He reaches out to you only when he needs something from you
In a loving relationship, your partner should be willing to spend time with you when you miss him, support you, and offer you a shoulder to cry on when you’re going through a tough time. If your partner doesn’t do that, it’s because he’s not in love with you.
If he reaches out to you only when he wants to invite you to a party at his friend’s apartment, ask you to attend his friend’s wedding with him, or initiate physical intimacy, it’s because he sees everything else as a burden to him – he only wants to see you when it’s convenient for him.
8. You haven’t met his friends and family yet
Meeting each other’s friends and family might not be the biggest milestone in a relationship, but it’s a surefire sign that the two of you are serious about each other.
If your partner refuses to bring you to a family get-together or skips on inviting you to hang out with his friends, it’s because he doesn’t want them to know about you. It’s a deal breaker, isn’t it?
Whether that’s because he’s passing time with you or because he’s keeping his options open in case someone better comes along, it’s about time you give him a taste of his own medicine and stop taking him seriously. If this isn’t one of the biggest signs he’s not in love with you, we don’t know what is.
9. He makes no effort with your friends and family
When the two of you start bonding, spending more time together, and talking about taking things to the next level, it’s natural for you to want to introduce your partner to your friends and family.
If you notice that your partner couldn’t care less about getting along with your friends and family (or even meeting them!), know that he’s probably thinking of dipping on you the first chance he gets.
It’s clear that he’s not serious about your relationship – he’s simply keeping busy while waiting for someone better to come along.
10. You feel like you make things really easy for him
If you’re allowing him to get away with giving you the bare minimum, you might be the root of the problem.
Your partner isn’t willing to go above and beyond to make you happy because you’re happy no matter what he does – whether he forgets about your date, skips on meeting your friends and family, or forgets to text you good night every single night, you’re still head over heels for him, and he knows it.
You might want to reevaluate the fact that you’re making things really easy for him and he’s still treating you like an option, rather than a priority.
11. He makes no effort to fix any issues in the relationship
When you’re with someone who’s in love with you, you’ll see all the effort that goes into making a relationship work first-hand. If your partner is serious about you, he will do everything to make you happy and see you smile.
If there’s a problem in your relationship that needs fixing, he won’t dismiss you and accuse you of overreacting – he will go out of his way to address the problem and make sure the two of you are on the same page.
Relationships require a lot of work, and your partner needs to do his share of the effort to right his wrongs in order for your relationship to work. If he doesn’t, he’s letting you in on one of the biggest signs he’s not in love with you.